We're caught somewhere between
falling in love with ourselves
and wishing we were someone else

i was waiting for an opportunity to take my dad's credit card
because i wanted something
and tonight
just when i really wanted something
something silly
very badly
he was on the phone
his wallet on the table...
within two minutes
i was walking upstairs
his grody card
in my hand
punching in the numbers

before i clicked confirm order
i thought of remedying the situation
"oh...dad...i was just trying to order you your birthday present
without you knowing
wanted it to be a surprise
haha, never guessed, did you"
i thought he wouldn't notice
the $30 missing

after i finally got what i wanted
i felt so full
i finally had it

and then i felt scared
and
embarrassed
and
ashamed
and i wondered
if this is what i am reduced to
materialistic ****
stealing from my father
who gives me all he can
is this just because i am a girl
or because i am human
or because i am sad
when will i stop stealing things
am i some sick *******
who gets a thrill out of petty crimes
what will i do next?

I would rather struggle with you than be fine when you're not.
You'll never be alone in this, I'll be right here, keeping you alive.

I love you, sister dearest. You are precious.

My heart is broken without your half.
We'll get through this. Siblings unite.

My sister, my reason for trying,
Trying to keep myself coping.

We grew up together,
And we can get better...

Together.

Sisters have a bond life cannot break.
Nothing can break what we have.

We shared happy moments together.
So if we need to, we'll also suffer.

Your pain is mine.
My pain is yours.
Sisters keep each other sane.
Our personal demons,
They will not break,
Our sisterly bond.

it's hard to believe
that anyone could fall in love with me
that i could be the reason for someone's smile
how could i make someones heart pound?
or do i keep them up at night
or am i always on their mind?
maybe there's poetry about me somewhere
or a love song played on repeat
maybe i'm the person of someone else's dreams
if all of that is true,
could that somebody be you?

Behind these eyes
is a long story.
These eyes are getting
weary.
So slowly.
When I look in the mirror I say
"I want the old me".
When I look in my eyes
I can tell that I'm in constant
pain.
I try and try to smile
but when I do I just look in the mirror
and see that
my eyes aren't the way they used to be.

You hate yourself? What do you mean?

I mean I hate every part of me. I hate the way my hair looks. I hate my thighs, I hate my stomach, I hate my face, I hate my mind, I hate every last bit of me. Its like being trapped with one person you hate with all your heart, the one you find just repulsive, absolutely disgusting and horribly ugly, forever. You know how sometimes you'll look in the mirror and even though you don't like yourself most days, you'll have a day where you can look in the mirror and say, "wow I look good" and be confident? I NEVER HAVE THOSE DAYS. EVER. When I look in the mirror I see the ugliest thing ever. I see my worst enemy. I see my every flaw, because flaws are all I'm made up of.