imagine the feeling
that crying in your
younger brother's
arms gives you,
and then try to
forget it like i'm
doing right now

he hit her again today,
and i was hoping that
i could find all the
courage in my heart,
to hit him back.

i'm stuck in my delusions
that you want me,
but you're eyes are on hers,
not mine

i was twirling,
stumbling over my little toes
and giggling in glee,
i was going places; far places,
i was dreaming; big dreams,
i was a child,
with pure white thoughts
and intentions,
but i twirled too much,
and fell over the edge,
and my twirls were broken
and instead of places;
i was going down,
and my thoughts so pure white;
were blackened,
and my intentions;
were shredded
and then i stopped twirling,
and i stood still.

it hurt to look at him
because sometimes
he was too beautiful,
and other times
he was too flawed.

get up,
get ready,
go to classes,
go to work,
go home,
go to bed,
repeat.

terribly mundane;
it hurts to know i live
such an unextraordinary life

you were my sunshine,
but then you were
blocked by the clouds
of feelings and self doubt,
and now you're my rain.