you let me hold your hand,
and play with your fingers,
then you left to **** another girl,

and maybe you thought
i'd be fine with that

one big tear in
the fabric of society,
the shut ins,
the outsiders,
the comic book geeks,
the gamers,
the carefree lovers,
the jokers,
they all want to fit in,
but why would you
want to be on the inside?
the biohazard *******,
and ken dolls aren't cool,
they're cruel.

it hurt to hurt,
and watch them hurt,
but we had to hurt,
because if we didn't,
then the hurt wouldn't go away,
and if the hurt didn't go away,
then we'd never stop being hurt,
and it would be a never-ending cycle
of watching them hurt,
while i hurt too.

as the smoke traveled between our mouths in a sensual dance,
i knew he was the one i wanted to spend late nights,
and early mornings with,
huddled together under his cheap,
wool comforter,
his favorite flannel hung carelessly on my figure,
and my favorite perfume left forever attached to his pillows.

if i had known that
that was the only time
i'd ever get to hold your hand,
i would have held on longer

i want to live in a world with truffula trees,
and caroling who's,
cats that balance objects on their head,
and raining green goo.

i want star-bellied sneetches,
dancing on beaches,
and colors,
on everything.

i want green eggs and ham,
offered by sam-i-am,
and a lorax to use sarcasm on me.

i want to escape reality,
and where better than childhood memories.

one day i'm scared
i'll dig too deep
and get buried underground

i love you.

you love her.

she doesn't love anyone.

yes i said i was done loving you,
but i would be lying if i said
that my heart doesn't jump
at the thought of you.

its that moment you walked in with
scuffed shoes,
perfectly messy hair,
and that ******* old band t-shirt,
that i knew,
i was in deep

January 21, 2014.

One day this will just be another date.
And 2014 will just be another year on a long timeline.

And the music we thought was cool; will be old.
And the music before today's generation; will be ancient.
And the generations before that; will be unheard of.

All the movies we thought were amazing, will be nothing but *"classics" to them.
All the books that Hemingway and Jane Austen wrote will cause them to have to think about where they've heard those names before.

Time is not manipulative.
You can not pause it.
You can not rewind it, nor fast forward it.

Yet, you can live in it.

So, live for now, not then.

c.r.k.

you my
dear are
injured in
the worst
way

life's
struggles
broke both
legs, and
now alcohol
is your crutch

i'm drowning
in everyone
else's happiness

i often find myself dreaming of a place
with colorful skies
and stars on the ground,
with thousands of flowers
littered all around.

i hope to see caterpillars dancing among the leaves,
and butterflies flying out of the trees,
as well as fairies frolicking throughout the forest,
and a group of fish in a big city chorus.

i wish to only eat sweets,
and have gumdrop seats,
along with long licorice vines,
and silly string borderlines.

maybe even a boy so beautiful
the angels cry.

he can take me swimming in the lakes,
and on pop rock mining dates.

where we'll laugh,
and we'll cry,
but not worry at all.

and inexplicably, fall in love with one another.

too bad i wake up eventually

i'm paralyzed between the fears
of being a nobody,
or letting the pressures of being
a somebody get to my head

It tastes good on my tongue,
and heavenly down my throat,
it fogs up my brain with one big swarm of smoke.

Strange visions, and rash decisions control my fate,
fruity flavored liquids, and staying up late.

I did this for you,
don't you see?

You and your bubblegum lips ruined me.  

crk

you look at them once,
and automatically you
know everything there
is to know.

but what gives
you the right?

the right to label
someone based on
their sexuality,
their mentality or
their physical appearance.

who said you were
important enough to
judge others?

you are not the
high or mighty.

so stop acting
like something
your not.

Her body was tattered and scorned,
tainted by the words of hatred,
and bruised by the ones who said they loved her.

Nobody saw past the warped exterior,
nobody peeled back her layers of armor,
hardened by the tormenters,
nobody wanted to love the girl that was damaged.

If they did peel back those layers,
if they did become rightful to her inner beauty,
they'd see an angel, an angel who has fallen.

They would see a butterfly, with vibrant wings that demanded attention,
they would see a gorgeous rose, who's petals have been frayed,
they would see her for who she really is.

They would see her as a women.
A women of many hardships.
A women strong enough to move oceans,
and fight wars.
They would see a women so strong,
not even the mightiest of blades could slice through her armor,
she was a women of gold.

c.r.k

there are two
clocks on the wall
and neither work.

there are one
million thoughts
in my head
and none are worth it.

sometimes i wonder
is it worth it?

to count the minutes, the
seconds, until time is up.

why measure
life in increments
when i can measure it in
memories?

the squeals that
left my lips as
dad chased me
around the house
as a dragon,
the sweet sent
of lavender and
candy flavored kisses.

what about the hum
in my lungs as i tentatively
kissed the boy
i loved and gave him
everything i shouldn't have?

the proud look in
my mother's eyes as
i left home with
my bags packed?

the boys i talked to,
the friends i laughed with,
the nights i wasted
and the ones i didn't…

could these really
have an expiration date?

i want to be able to
dance stupidly with my friends,

i want to be able to
say hi to strangers
and sing in public places,

i want to be able to
order food on the phone
and pay for clothes at the mall,

actually, just being able to go to
the mall at all would be nice,

i want to be able to
put myself out there
and say i love you at
the wrong moment
but let it feel right,

i want to be able to
join sports and clubs
without worrying,

i want to be able to
get ready in the morning
without changing my
mind a thousand times,

i want to be able to
walk past people
without being
anxious that they're
talking about me,

i want to be able to
be the star of the show

and whatever you do,
don't write me off as being
******* 'really shy'
because i'm not shy,
i have social anxiety
and **** all of you

you can only love so many times,
before you can't love anything at all.

we struggle to fit
in with society,
and ourselves.

I used to imagine myself standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower,
or exploring whats undiscovered under the sea.

Teaching children with words of wisdom,
or singing to a crowd who adores me.

Taking a road trip across country,
or soaring through space alongside the stars.

Instead I have no dreams, but the ones that are yet to come true.

how can i walk
a mile in your shoes
when they haven't
even left the
shoe-box?

this silence
is truly violent
and i can't
hear over
your
deaf lips
speaking
false words

she
simply
wanted
to
be
a
raindrop,
and he
simply
needed
an
umbrella.

i wanna drink tea in great britain,
and make love in the parks of paris,
lay on the beach in miami,
dance in the streets of tahiti,
can't you see it baby,
the map i'm painting in your head,
with places all across the globe,
visiting the spartans in rome,
staying in italy,
and seeing our ancestors home,
don't hide you face,
i'm showing you the place,
where we can live out
the rest of our days,
catching lobsters in maine,
as well as feeding the geese,
or admiring the ancient temples
in greece,
we don't have to live in the united states,
there can be better places than the usa,
maybe we'll live in russia,
or even africa,
theres playing football in spain,
i am pretty good,
or is that too vain,
come baby let's take a trip
around the world,
because everywhere,
and anywhere,
is better with you.

i could have
a million
compliments
thrown at me,
but the one boy
who's affections
i crave the most,
doesn't want me
back.

the only synonym
for love i know of
is heartbreak

he was the kind of guy that liked
big busted blondes,
and that chronic ****.

and i was neither of those things.

every time he didn't answer, i died a little inside.

Maybe he's busy,

saving a life,

dancing in the rain,

falling in love with a stranger,

kissing in cars,

climbing a tree,

writing a novel,

driving to Disney,

but all he was doing was forgetting me.

c.r.k.

stop coloring inside the lines,
and paint the whole **** page.

i act like
i could
care less
around you,
when in
fact i
care
the most

my mind is racing,
i try to pretend i'm dead,
that my thoughts are meaningless,
and my being is no longer relevant,

but my ideas, hopes, aspirations, memories,
my greatest moments, and my worst ones,
they're all whizzing around,

they won't stop,
please stop,
it hurts to think,
when no ones's there to hear your thoughts

i'm stuck in my delusions
that you want me,
but you're eyes are on hers,
not mine

you act like i've chosen to be the way i am.
i can't control anything.

when i was little
i wanted to be a ballerina,
now i just want to be able
to get up in the morning

i loved him in pure, unadulterated innocence,
whilst knowing he was anything but innocent,
and that's quite alright

one day you'll ask me why
i hate the smell of beer,
and i'll have to tell you
it filled the air when he hit her,
then you'll notice
how i avoid red wine,
and i'll look away to say that
she reeked of it when she screamed at me,
you'll pick up on
how much ***** makes me gag,
and i'll be ashamed to tell you
i washed it out of my hair at 3 am while sobbing,
i'll push away jack
and you'll be sure to ask why,
and i'll cry and tell you
i can't remember why i hate it,
that i can't remember much at all

and then you'll know who i was
when i wasn't me

they called you prince charming,
but i believe a real prince is noble,
and honest.

not a liar or a cheater.

i am delicate,
all creamy thighs
and luscious curls.
you are sturdy,
dense muscles
and harsh lines.
we come together
as ying and yang,
a mess of soft skin
and calloused hands
fusing as one
contradiction.