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Marissa Calderon Apr 2019
"Is there something wrong with you?
A loose ***** or two that ruined your ability to function?
Why are you always so tired?
Your life is uninspired and small;
all you do is sprawl on the couch with outstretched limbs like a sloth in slow-motion.
Where is your devotion to succeed, Maia?
Did it drift out your window with the smoke from your ****?
Do I have to force feed you discipline ‘til you finally concede?
I cook and I clean and I don't stop ‘til the soles of my feet bleed.
But I'm fine.
I'm perfect.
Be perfect, Maia.
Be perfect like me.

Stop wearing those god awful ripped pants
and that lipstick like a ***** with double-d implants.
You only get one chance.
Stop acting like a cat with nine lives left.
Stop committing yourself to songs and stories and spoken slam ******* in a world where degrees and PhD's impede the need for poetry.
And stop chewing on your nails.
No wonder you've never attracted any males.
Why do you do that?
Do you like the taste?
Are they sweet?
You can't eat sweets, Maia.
You're ruining your teeth like you're ruining your life.
My teeth are perfect.
Clean and pristine.
They gleam like the golden halo above my perfectly conditioned head.
I don't need sugar, Maia.
I am above sugar.

Why are you down here, Maia?
Why are you down here when you need to be up here?
Up here with the ones who have a promising career
Who listen when information goes in one ear
and doesn't come out the other.
You'll never be up here, Maia.
You act as if the act of listening is a crime
or you would have heard me the six hundred and sixty-sixth time
I told you to STOP CHEWING ON YOUR NAILS.
Stop chewing on your nails like a ******* piece of trash.
You can't be trash, Maia.
You have to be perfect.
Be perfect like me.

I get up at 5 in the morning, every day.
I start my day the same way, worried that I'll collapse
as my bones start to decay from cleaning up your scraps.
Why is your room such a mess?
The clothes go in the hamper, Maia.
Not displayed on your bed like your lack of morals.
Not littered on the floor collecting more dust than my withered expectations.
You disregard my rules with stubborn contempt
in a substandard attempt at teenage rebellion.
But you can't be a rebel, Maia.
You're not interesting enough.
You need to obey, and say 'yes' and 'okay'
You need to do it with a smile on your less than average face.
You need to try harder, Maia.
Make it wider, Maia.
Why don't you know how to smile?

You disappoint me, Maia.
You never appreciate what I do for you.
You never try to be a winner.
And you never eat your dinner.
You never eat the dinner I consistently provide for you
as I constantly remind you of the life I set aside for you.
That meal doesn't pay for itself.
I don't care if it's ideal, stop telling me how you feel.
You need to eat it.
Eat it all.
Eat it at a reasonable time with a glass of milk.
You need milk, Maia.
You need calcium like you need a catalyst for growth.
You'll never grow to be tall.
Be tall like me.
I drink my milk, Maia.
Drink your ******* milk.
Be tall.
Be perfect.
Be perfect like me.

You need to pay more attention, Maia.
Stop daydreaming, Maia.
Stop staring at the ceiling as if your one redeeming quality lies hidden in the plaster.
You need to organize your life.
Your life is a disaster.
Just like your room.
Just like your teeth.
Just like your future,
Which will soon come to an end if you don't put down that pen.
You need to stop writing, Maia.
Your life is not a book.
Don't give me that look, Maia.
I'm just trying to help you.
I'm just trying to love you.
I'm just trying to love you.
You have to let me love you
so that you can be perfect.
Be perfect like me."
I just want to put out a disclaimer that this is NOT my poem, and I give all rights to the true author and narrator, Maia Mayor.
Marissa Calderon Jan 2019
I should warn you about me...
I am a oddity of sorts.
I am deathly quiet,
except upon occasions that I am loud.
I am dumb,
unless I choose to be witty,
and I am the most single romantic.
I wrap my anger in peace,
and store it alongside envy and hope.
I hate myself,
but no one can ever love me more.
I am hideously beautiful,
and I hate to love,
but love to hate.
I am a conflicted contradiction,
and we will fall in love
until I realize that I am afraid of heights,
and so I will walk away as I crawl back to you.
Forgive me, my love, for being this way.
Just as I accept things for the way they are,
I can't seem to stay the same.
So I change.

I am a paradox.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
I waited

I tried

Love faded

It died
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
Sometimes I want there to be so much noise
I can't hear my own thoughts.
I want it to be so loud
it finally covers the sounds of my own screams.

Sometimes I want the noise to disappear
into a void of nothingness.
I want to drown the silence slowly
and let it consume me
until nothing remains.

Sometimes I want to hear nothing
and everything
at once.
I want it to overwhelm me,
to take over everything and have full control.
Let me hear my own thoughts
just enough to know they're there,
but not enough to understand them.

Sometimes I want things that can never happen.

Sometimes.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
I might never forgive the Universe for hurting you so badly.
For putting you through that pain.
But I promise you didn't go through all that for nothing.
You won't die in vain.

You have survived your life everyday up to this point,
recognize it as a blessing.
God is using you in ways we may never understand,
you may very well be someone's life lesson.

Love who you want and be who you choose.
Do everything you'd ever wanted to.
Don't hold back from fear, no,
use is as determination and push through.

I know that my time with you is limited,
your end is drawing near.
But I try not to think about it,
because then all the emotions come out.
Love, sadness, anger, fear.

I love you Nana,
until your very last breath.
Please keep looking after us
even after death.

I'll look to the sky when I talk to you,
and think of you when I see butterfly's.
Because just like them, you'll have a pair of wings.
But like the angels, you'll fly.

I promise to always hold you close to me,
to keep you near.
I love you Nana,
I'll remember you for all my years.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
"In overwhelming anxiety
she found overwhelming grace."

I read these words in hope that maybe,
just maybe,
I can find peace
within the chaos
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
Maybe people aren't 'sick' because they can't sleep
maybe they're just sad
because in order to sleep, you must have some type of peace
and we no longer have that anymore
If I offended you in any way, I am so terribly sorry and I can take it down. Sleep well beautiful people.
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