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Apr 2022 · 64
Untitled #54
Marissa Calderon Apr 2022
It would be so easy to fall in love with you again.
Dec 2020 · 68
Untitled #53
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
He was my person.

The one who made me feel vulnerable
and indestructible at the same time.
The one I would die for,
and die without.
Dec 2020 · 59
Untitled #52
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
Maybe I loved you in another life
and promised I'd find you on the other side.
Dec 2020 · 45
Untitled #51
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
There was a silence between us.
Frustrated, angry gazes burning one another
like water never seemed to exist.
Like air stopped,
and the temperature only ever raised.
Dec 2020 · 42
Untitled #50
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
fall in love with strangers on the subway
and watch as they leave without even a whisper of goodbye.
don't cry dear.
this is not the first time you'll learn to let love go.
Dec 2020 · 35
Untitled #49
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
We were stagnant in our bodies
while the world around us changed,
and we stayed the same.
Dec 2020 · 54
Silence
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
Everything is always broken by silence.
Punctuated by silence. Ended by silence.
Dec 2020 · 31
Untitled #48
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
I realized we were always meant to crash and burn
when I wanted to wrap myself around you like a tree.
Dec 2020 · 32
Damaged Goods
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
He was a damaged
amongst the damaged,
and that made him feel less damaged.
Dec 2020 · 34
Weather
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
So, what now?


Are you going to critique the weather?

Harass the clouds?

Make fun of thunder for being off key?


Are you going to dissect lightning
for not beating the ground
the way you would?


You never appreciated the beauty of storms
and I guess it's because the hurricane in you won't allow it.
Dec 2020 · 30
Untitled #47
Marissa Calderon Dec 2020
There will come a day
when you realize...
that you have more yesterdays..
than tomorrow's.

And that
is completely
terrifying.
Jul 2020 · 52
Color
Marissa Calderon Jul 2020
Someone stole my color today.
My vibrance is missing, it's gone away.
I don't know what else to say
because someone stole my color today.

My red is gone, orange and yellow too.
I'm already missing their warm hue.
I can't find green, I can't find blue
Somebody help! I don't know what to do!

Please tell me they're hiding!
Please say that I'm lying!
I don't want to keep on writing
about my lost colors-
Am I crying?

What if purple's gone astray?
Or maybe indigo just lost its way?
I feel as if I'm starting to decay.
Wait, when did everything turn to gray?

...

I'm finding it hard to keep myself at bay.
This is so much more than I can take.
I didn't choose to be black, white and gray

but someone stole my color today.
Jul 2020 · 28
Untitled #46
Marissa Calderon Jul 2020
I have a secret to share with you.



The pain will go away when it's done teaching,
Jul 2020 · 38
Untitled #45
Marissa Calderon Jul 2020
I'd rather listen to your story than attend your funeral.
Jul 2020 · 32
Untitled #44
Marissa Calderon Jul 2020
Life is not breathing. It's the moments that take your breath away,
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
I want to be hopelessly in love with someone.
And I know, I'm probably not destined to be anything more than a friend to anyone, but I can't stop making up scenarios in my head in which someone, someday would love me back.
I get it if I'm not supposed to have that.
God knows I'm messed up in all the wrong places,
but I know this haphazard heart of mine could love someone.
I could love someone so purely and raw.
I could if given the chance!

...will someone give me the chance?
Jun 2020 · 49
Pay attention.
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO DESERVE.
Jun 2020 · 18
Untitled #43
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
A lot of times we lose our minds so we can find ourselves.
Jun 2020 · 24
Untitled #42
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
All it takes is one second... and it's a lifetime.
Jun 2020 · 24
Untitled #41
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
You're hoping if you spin the chamber enough times,
you'll catch the bullet.

I'll bite the bullet and cough up the shell.

We are not the same.
Jun 2020 · 25
Who am I..?
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
I'm a combination of all the people I've met
and all that I've experienced.

Inside, I hold the laughter of my friends,
the arguments of my parents,
the wondering of small children,
and the warmth of kind strangers.

I am embellished with stitches from broken hearts,
bitter thoughts of the lost and broken,
and the playlists you cry to at 3 am.

My bones are cut from words and steel.
My veins flow with the dreams of visionaries.
I am made from all those people and all those moments.

That is who I am.
Jun 2020 · 21
Untitled #40
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
Forgive me.

I am still learning to love the parts of myself no one claps for.
Jun 2020 · 27
I love too..
Marissa Calderon Jun 2020
You see, the thing is..
I think I love too much.

People.

Places.

Possessions.

I love so hard that letting go seems nearly impossible.

A year could go by and my love would still be as fierce and powerful as it's first ignition of flames.. and that flame would grow into a raging fire swallowing everything in it's path.

How could something so beautiful be so destructive?

I don't know, but I understand that
this is just the way I love.

A gift or a curse, I cannot say.

I love with a love that is more than love.


Does that make me a good lover?
Apr 2020 · 37
Untitled #39
Marissa Calderon Apr 2020
I am grieving you.
Someone I once knew.
A person.
But my person, no more.

We were rare, a thing of beauty.
Our love was striking.
And when we loved each other,
we loved most ardently.

But like all good things, we too must come to an end.

It does not erase what we had.
Our devotion to one another still exists.
It is buried in the past,
along with every caress of the skin.
and your hands interlocked in mine,
making promises we never could keep.

The flavor of our long forgotten love still linger on my lips,
begging to be spoken, to be tasted.
But, alas, it will have to suffer a bittersweet death.
I will introduce it to a permanent sleep.
It's new bed a grave.

Thank you.
And goodbye.
Feb 2020 · 38
Untitled #38
Marissa Calderon Feb 2020
she wants
                                                                               depression.



she is gambling with death.                                                                 she
                                                        believes                the
            empty pill bottle is
                                                                                            her wish.


                                                                 the girl may
lose the gamble.


                 suicide                                  is not
                           the
                                            way.
                                                                                         suicide
         may manipulate
                                                               others
                                                  thinking

                                                                            one can be master.


                                         suicide.
Feb 2020 · 40
Untitled #37
Marissa Calderon Feb 2020
a cry for help.
                                                           ­                                                people
who were
                                                            ­                          touched
                         because of the actions of
                                             people.
              tragic.                                    ­                           unnecessary.



a young
                         girl.



                                                    she is ten years old.
                                    she is moody.
she is sad.
       she is angry.                                                           ­  because he
                                                        takes.­



                                                             ­                       why?

                                    ­                                                                 ­      suicide
   is the result
Aug 2019 · 84
Untitled #36
Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
She was the kind of girl the that poets would spend centuries writing about.

He was the kind of boy that people have been singing songs about for generations.

And the combination of the two created nothing less than a masterpiece.
Aug 2019 · 87
Untitled #35
Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
Their words were engraved in my brain like a tattoo.

Permanent and, on occasions, regretful.
Aug 2019 · 99
Untitled #34
Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
The people in her life have perfected this song and dance.
They paint pictures of the lives they want,
perfect with no imperfections or blemishes,
and put it on display for all to see.

But not she.

No.

She didn't pretend to be happy.
She didn't pretend that she wasn't in pain.
She just hurt out loud and hoped somebody was listening.
Aug 2019 · 499
Implode
Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
A relationship with me is much like stepping on a grenade.


Thrilling, terrifying. and bound to implode.


So, if I find another great love,
I will not ask them to grow old with me.


I will ask them to

implode

with me.
-
Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
Our love story is much like a fairy tale.

You became the wind in the sea
that made our ship sail.
You brought light to me
when all darkness fell.
And it's still you who makes my heart swell.

Everything about us has always been cliche.

From the way we initially met
to our very first date.
All the love notes I kept
that are still stored away.
I'll always think of you and that day in the hallway.

I fell for you fast.

It was easy since you were a flirt,
but it still took you by surprise
when not much time had passed
and I told you..

"I love you, so much that it hurts."



But our story never foretold of the years to come.

We had no idea that we would be here today.
Our love so dead, long since numb.
I still pour water on our grave
and pray to God that it might sprout, some.
But, of growth, there has been none.

So, I sit here in your shirt

and I continue to type on.
Converting my thoughts into words,
telling of our love gone.
And as I whisper into the darkness, my eyes blurred.

"I said it hurts."
Aug 2019 · 71
Untitled #33
Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
For whoever reads this,

The first person I ever loved was not myself, but him, and maybe that was my biggest mistake.

I learned to love the dimple on his cheek, and the lines under his eyes when he smiled.
I learned to love the way his eyes turned angry when we yelled at each other, to love the way his hands tightened around my arms.
I loved the way his lips lingered on my skin after begging me to peel off my layers of my clothes.
I dug up every little piece of who he was, and planted it inside my heart.
I kept love for him everywhere I went, and even when he left me, my heart was still full.
I had put so much effort into loving him, that I forgot to love myself.
I saw no beauty unless the beauty I saw was his eyes, I saw no greater happiness, than when I saw his smile.

So, whenever I looked in the mirror, I felt numb, I felt hate.

I could not love the way my hair got wavy when it was damp, even though I always twirled pieces of his hair in my fingers.
I could not feel sweet melancholy when tears ran down my face, but I could when I wiped away his.
I could not get undressed and look at my skin, because it was only worth looking at when he looked.

I could not love myself, because I thought it was supposed to be fulfilled by someone else.

I had become nothing but a daisy, waiting for my petals to be picked, he loves me, he loves me not.

I only ever felt love, when it was given to me by someone else.
I could not feel love if it was given to me by myself.

I could only love me when he loved me, but now he doesn't.

He loves her.
Apr 2019 · 750
Perfect by Maia Mayor
Marissa Calderon Apr 2019
"Is there something wrong with you?
A loose ***** or two that ruined your ability to function?
Why are you always so tired?
Your life is uninspired and small;
all you do is sprawl on the couch with outstretched limbs like a sloth in slow-motion.
Where is your devotion to succeed, Maia?
Did it drift out your window with the smoke from your ****?
Do I have to force feed you discipline ‘til you finally concede?
I cook and I clean and I don't stop ‘til the soles of my feet bleed.
But I'm fine.
I'm perfect.
Be perfect, Maia.
Be perfect like me.

Stop wearing those god awful ripped pants
and that lipstick like a ***** with double-d implants.
You only get one chance.
Stop acting like a cat with nine lives left.
Stop committing yourself to songs and stories and spoken slam ******* in a world where degrees and PhD's impede the need for poetry.
And stop chewing on your nails.
No wonder you've never attracted any males.
Why do you do that?
Do you like the taste?
Are they sweet?
You can't eat sweets, Maia.
You're ruining your teeth like you're ruining your life.
My teeth are perfect.
Clean and pristine.
They gleam like the golden halo above my perfectly conditioned head.
I don't need sugar, Maia.
I am above sugar.

Why are you down here, Maia?
Why are you down here when you need to be up here?
Up here with the ones who have a promising career
Who listen when information goes in one ear
and doesn't come out the other.
You'll never be up here, Maia.
You act as if the act of listening is a crime
or you would have heard me the six hundred and sixty-sixth time
I told you to STOP CHEWING ON YOUR NAILS.
Stop chewing on your nails like a ******* piece of trash.
You can't be trash, Maia.
You have to be perfect.
Be perfect like me.

I get up at 5 in the morning, every day.
I start my day the same way, worried that I'll collapse
as my bones start to decay from cleaning up your scraps.
Why is your room such a mess?
The clothes go in the hamper, Maia.
Not displayed on your bed like your lack of morals.
Not littered on the floor collecting more dust than my withered expectations.
You disregard my rules with stubborn contempt
in a substandard attempt at teenage rebellion.
But you can't be a rebel, Maia.
You're not interesting enough.
You need to obey, and say 'yes' and 'okay'
You need to do it with a smile on your less than average face.
You need to try harder, Maia.
Make it wider, Maia.
Why don't you know how to smile?

You disappoint me, Maia.
You never appreciate what I do for you.
You never try to be a winner.
And you never eat your dinner.
You never eat the dinner I consistently provide for you
as I constantly remind you of the life I set aside for you.
That meal doesn't pay for itself.
I don't care if it's ideal, stop telling me how you feel.
You need to eat it.
Eat it all.
Eat it at a reasonable time with a glass of milk.
You need milk, Maia.
You need calcium like you need a catalyst for growth.
You'll never grow to be tall.
Be tall like me.
I drink my milk, Maia.
Drink your ******* milk.
Be tall.
Be perfect.
Be perfect like me.

You need to pay more attention, Maia.
Stop daydreaming, Maia.
Stop staring at the ceiling as if your one redeeming quality lies hidden in the plaster.
You need to organize your life.
Your life is a disaster.
Just like your room.
Just like your teeth.
Just like your future,
Which will soon come to an end if you don't put down that pen.
You need to stop writing, Maia.
Your life is not a book.
Don't give me that look, Maia.
I'm just trying to help you.
I'm just trying to love you.
I'm just trying to love you.
You have to let me love you
so that you can be perfect.
Be perfect like me."
I just want to put out a disclaimer that this is NOT my poem, and I give all rights to the true author and narrator, Maia Mayor.
Jan 2019 · 209
Paradox
Marissa Calderon Jan 2019
I should warn you about me...
I am a oddity of sorts.
I am deathly quiet,
except upon occasions that I am loud.
I am dumb,
unless I choose to be witty,
and I am the most single romantic.
I wrap my anger in peace,
and store it alongside envy and hope.
I hate myself,
but no one can ever love me more.
I am hideously beautiful,
and I hate to love,
but love to hate.
I am a conflicted contradiction,
and we will fall in love
until I realize that I am afraid of heights,
and so I will walk away as I crawl back to you.
Forgive me, my love, for being this way.
Just as I accept things for the way they are,
I can't seem to stay the same.
So I change.

I am a paradox.
Nov 2018 · 108
Untitled #32
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
I waited

I tried

Love faded

It died
Nov 2018 · 118
Sometimes
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
Sometimes I want there to be so much noise
I can't hear my own thoughts.
I want it to be so loud
it finally covers the sounds of my own screams.

Sometimes I want the noise to disappear
into a void of nothingness.
I want to drown the silence slowly
and let it consume me
until nothing remains.

Sometimes I want to hear nothing
and everything
at once.
I want it to overwhelm me,
to take over everything and have full control.
Let me hear my own thoughts
just enough to know they're there,
but not enough to understand them.

Sometimes I want things that can never happen.

Sometimes.
Nov 2018 · 81
Untitled #31
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
I might never forgive the Universe for hurting you so badly.
For putting you through that pain.
But I promise you didn't go through all that for nothing.
You won't die in vain.

You have survived your life everyday up to this point,
recognize it as a blessing.
God is using you in ways we may never understand,
you may very well be someone's life lesson.

Love who you want and be who you choose.
Do everything you'd ever wanted to.
Don't hold back from fear, no,
use is as determination and push through.

I know that my time with you is limited,
your end is drawing near.
But I try not to think about it,
because then all the emotions come out.
Love, sadness, anger, fear.

I love you Nana,
until your very last breath.
Please keep looking after us
even after death.

I'll look to the sky when I talk to you,
and think of you when I see butterfly's.
Because just like them, you'll have a pair of wings.
But like the angels, you'll fly.

I promise to always hold you close to me,
to keep you near.
I love you Nana,
I'll remember you for all my years.
Nov 2018 · 123
Morgan Harper Nicholas
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
"In overwhelming anxiety
she found overwhelming grace."

I read these words in hope that maybe,
just maybe,
I can find peace
within the chaos
Nov 2018 · 231
Insomniac
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
Maybe people aren't 'sick' because they can't sleep
maybe they're just sad
because in order to sleep, you must have some type of peace
and we no longer have that anymore
If I offended you in any way, I am so terribly sorry and I can take it down. Sleep well beautiful people.
Nov 2018 · 82
Untitled #30
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
What a ******* tragedy to be broken by you, once again

What a ******* blessing to have been loved by you
Nov 2018 · 82
Untitled #29
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
My veins fill,
not with blood,
but with greed
and desire
to love
and be loved
in return
Nov 2018 · 130
Dear mother,
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
at first, I just wanted you to care

but then I got greedy

and I wanted you to love me
Nov 2018 · 68
Again and again
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
I give myself to you
again and again

You break me
again and again

I love you
again and again

I miss you
again and again

I cherish you
again and again

I protect you
again and again

You say you love me
again and again

And I am made whole
again and again
Oct 2018 · 77
Untitled #28
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
He is my greatest sin
and I will gladly be ****** for him.
Oct 2018 · 244
Untitled #27
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
I'm sitting at this computer again,
thinking about you... again.
Reminiscing on our past
and everything we would've
could've
should've been,
but are not.
I miss you.

Do you miss me?
Oct 2018 · 79
Untitled #26
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
and that was how you left

the lights were still on and the
bed left unmade while the tv
played reruns of some old show
in the background your clothes
scattered the ground like leaves
in autumn and now I realize that's
how you wanted to leave like you
never left

but you did

and you haven't been back since
Oct 2018 · 105
Untitled #25
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
Even though he's gone, he's not.
He's everything.
He is the city lights talking in morse code,
flickering on and off at different intervals.
He is the song playing on the radio that you love
so much, but it will always hurt to hear.
He is the tap-tap-tapping of your pen when you're bored in
class and your pen knocks on the table like a palpitating heartbeat.
He is the slight breeze when you're stuck in a summer haze,
and the chilly bite of cold raindrops on your face.
He will never be gone, in any sense of the word.
But he is gone, now.
Oct 2018 · 75
Untitled #24
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
I'm struggling to love you
and let you go
at the same time.
Oct 2018 · 52
Untitled #23
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
He was her deranged fantasy-
and she was his beautiful sin
Oct 2018 · 89
Untitled #22
Marissa Calderon Oct 2018
He can make hell feel like home.
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