Its like an early funeral for the part of you which is real.
Its like a Casket floating down the river.
Its like a child dead and cold in their room.
Its a beautiful pasture with rotting flesh strung over the land scape.
Its an early wake. its and early death. An untimely deep sleep.
Your true self fades to the back all but leaving you behind and these entities of thought, these, demon like aspects of yourself take control because you are far to weak to do it.
Its like a crazy person who used to be so sane.

A ugly person who was once so beautiful.

A fat person who was once so fit.

A catatonic patient who was a Olympic athlete

It is like some one took your potential. Took your zeal, took your beating heart and said, now try.

"Honey, you're a boy.
You can't play with your sisters."
My mom said
As she makes me play alone
Because making sure a boy doesn't play with a Barbie is better than making sure he actually plays at all.


"Come on. Take it like a man."
My 6th grade classmate said
As he shoves me on my desk
Because I ****** at our basketball match that I didn't even want to take part of.
When my friend asked the teacher to stop my bully
She looked up from her book and said
"Boys will be boys. They'll be laughing it out later on"
But I didn't laugh. I haven't for a while


"You're a young man now. And young men don't cry"
My dad said
As he puts an ice over my bruised up eye
Maybe I should tell him that I'm not crying because it hurts
I'm crying because I have to go to school with the ones who did it
But I didn't. He'll just tell me to be tough again.


"Come on, you're a guy. Shouldn't you be out on a Friday night?"
My dad asked
As he grabbed the book that I'm reading and force me to go out with my "friends" that he didn't know I don't have.


"Seriously? Oh my god you are such a guy."
My sister said as I turned down her offer to shop at the mall
I really just didn't want to do anything
But hey, at least now I'm a boy.


"It's like being in a relationship with a robot. And quite frankly. I'm done"
My girlfriend,
I mean ex girlfriend,
say as she slams the door on her way out of my room
What if I told her I was just so used to it
Not letting my emotion out
Be tough
But she wouldn't understand
I'm not really sure if I even do understand.


"Come on. You're a guy right? You like this."
The random girl I met at this party said
As she pushed me down on the bed and starts unbuttoning my shirt
I don't want to
I wanna say
But I didn't
Because she was right
I'm a guy
I like this
I should like this

But I don't


"Why don't you try to get along with your sisters? They're your sisters for crying out loud!"
My mom said as she washes the dishes
Maybe because I never had the chance to be close to them
To actually get to know them
I want to say
No
I wanted to yell

But I never did

Because guys don't rant to their moms.

Guys should love *** and they can never get enough.


Guys shouldn't talk about their feelings.


Boys will be boys
right?

Would you still hold my hand if you knew about the pills that I have to take so I can control my anger to not break it?

Would you still eat with me at lunch if you knew I had to wash an apple ten times for me to get through eating it?

Would you till laugh at my jokes if you knew that years ago I thought my life was a punch line waiting to end?

Would you still be my friend if you knew that I don't hide from my demons,
I just hide them from everyone else.

I've always felt like rain or snow

People seem to admire the way I fall