no, I wasn't always like this
I used to cry about the ozone layer
now excess calories upset me
more than excess carbon emissions
these days I spend half my life
inside parentheses
the other half with a therapist
she says I see too many things to be happy
but it's hard to shut your eyes
when clothes pins made of neurosis
keep them open until four in the morning
so I've learned to sleep with an eye mask
and a blanket of NyQuil
because there isn't a pill
for severe self awareness

i
im sorry you're reading this
i really am

ii
so this is where the story begins
right?
on new year's eve
with the girl you thought no one wanted
[five...]
exchanging nervous glances
[four...]
stumbling across the room
[three...]
slurred introductions
[two...]
hopeful smiles
[one!]
a drunken kiss she'll never remember
[happy new years!]

iii
so this is where the pity kicks in
right?
on Valentine's day
alone, drinking before 5
[roses are red...]
drunken epiphanies
[violets are blue...]
2 stages of realizing you're alone
[you never wrote me back...]
hole in the wall, hurt hand
[i still love you...]
soaked pillow, dreams that make it hurt when you wake up.

my first-ever valentine
walks on pebbles soaked in limes
****** out rinds and empty shot glasses
street lights sparkle as our taxi passes knoxville’s twisting highways of black
your voice, wailing, raking, sent shivers down my back
a million voices are singing your songs,
but one less than a million are singing them wrong
a million aching empty eyes glaring,
five hundred thousand pairs are staring off into space, all stuck in the past
I’m sitting here wondering how the **** my glass got empty again,
so toss me a lime, and pass me the bottle before I notice the time

I heard a cry in the night,
A thousand miles it came,
Sharp as a flash of light,
My name, my name!

It was your voice I heard,
You waked and loved me so—
I send you back this word,
I know, I know!

If you were to die
I'd whisper
"Bury me away
with you."
If you were to take the train
And ride,
far away
I'd whisper
"Carry me away
with you."
And if you were
sitting in a jail cell
with nothing but the clothes
on your back
I would sit with you
and whisper
"I've never felt richer
than when I have you by my side."
Carry me away,
bury me away
Leave me in toil and trouble
In a rotting, swollen mess
of pain and misery
and if I am with you
I will smile still