im trying so hard to
remember what
it
feels like
to still be in love

im trying so hard to
remember the
times
when you
smiled and laughed

and im trying much too hard
to forget the times you
cried and i did not
comfort you
or care to comfort you
or the times when you said
"i love you"
and i replied with an
indifferent
"i know"

but most of all
im trying oh so hard to
fall back in love with you

i dont believe in love at first sight
well, atleast im trying not to
but right now
i think i've discovered something new
i think this is like at first sight

i want to know way too much about you
i want to hear you talk
see your art
taste the air you breathe

i think i've fallen hopelessly in like.

this isnt about love i swear it isnt
i swear im not thinking of red hearts
and pink kisses
because this is not about me,
or you,
or us.
this is about the girl i saw yesterday
she was quite pretty
you wouldve liked her
but then again you liked every girl but me
she was wearing your favorite color
dark green
and she had blonde hair
and those pretty blue eyes
you can't stop rambling about
and she had a smile that no one
deserved to see
and a laugh
that no one deserved to hear
she was miss perfect
the girl no one deserved but you
you deserve her
you deserve more
you deserve a miss perfect
a girl with pretty eyes you can write about
and pretty smiles you can take pictures of
you deserve her
and i deserve to be left alone
for quite a period of time
while i dye my hair
get colored contacts
whiten my teeth
and practice fake smiling all over again.

i
im sorry you're reading this
i really am

ii
so this is where the story begins
right?
on new year's eve
with the girl you thought no one wanted
[five...]
exchanging nervous glances
[four...]
stumbling across the room
[three...]
slurred introductions
[two...]
hopeful smiles
[one!]
a drunken kiss she'll never remember
[happy new years!]

iii
so this is where the pity kicks in
right?
on Valentine's day
alone, drinking before 5
[roses are red...]
drunken epiphanies
[violets are blue...]
2 stages of realizing you're alone
[you never wrote me back...]
hole in the wall, hurt hand
[i still love you...]
soaked pillow, dreams that make it hurt when you wake up.

one day you will loose me
to things you can't and won't
be able to understand

you'll lose me to the ocean
the moon
the constellations
to the boy next door.

and you'll tell your self
to never forget me
but in case you ever noticed
i'm a rather forgettable person

she used to have a lot of them
a bag packed and ready
money stored
and the lock broken on her window
but that was then
all she has is a little china box now
that can barely fit anything bigger than crumbs
and you didnt notice it at first
you saw it the second time you came over though
you called it pretty
and she laughed because you didnt know
and then you found out
you opened it
and you left
because you didnt need an explanation
and you didnt need a wreck like her
so now
she has them
the 7 tiny pills
in the little china box
you didnt let her explain
not that she needs to
but she wants to
she wants to let you know that she's better now
better because she met someone
better because she loves someone
and better because she has her escape route.

and I'm trying so hard
here at too-early am
to remember your lips
and the curve of each defined cheek bone
I'm trying to remember
why i ever lost those green eyes
and that smirk
and I'm trying to be logical
ad I'm trying to stay together
but frankly
I'm also trying so hard to forget you as well.
just know that id be more than glad
to become dust and bones with you