I wanted to be right. An accusation I didn't want to own. Denying I could be wrong as the cigarette was burning slow. You asked and I refute. An unknowing dance with misguided steps. A tango of denial, with the thorn from a rose buried within my sides. I never lied... more of twist of an evasion. An omission of truth, disappearing with the grey ribbons of smoke. You asked the question; did I not answer to the best of my knowledge? Of course, I speak more in a statement than with a query... I never lied, only gave you partial false-truths. An innuendo laced with a common courtesy. Was it such a crime? A honest seduction with the intent of never telling the whole story.

I wanted to be right, with an accusation I would never own. "that I would love you" but how could that be true?

I can see now my excuses are fading faster then your red tipped ember. So I'll just go now, goodbye my half told story. Fair thee well...The time we spent is in the past, and I am now, left with that hole in my head.

I wanted to be right but fibbers never get to be the winners.

unrequited.
a word I must get used to.
you say actions speak  louder than words but your actions are lying.
every word previously spoken just leaves me upset or crying.
my body stings around the places you once held it.
anything I felt for you I now regret it.
I didn't know that you never felt the same.
you led me on never showing an ounce of shame.
you didn't care and now I'm left with the pain.
the pain of knowing you is the worst yet.
none of my feelings for you will I forget.
especially the ones engraved in me now.
after all this time I meant that little to you.
and yet you didn't care because I was "giving it up to you"
that's what you do with the person you love
you stole that from me there is no life judge
I cant go to court, like you'd plead guilty anyway
how many girls hearts do you have locked away?
well here's one added to the shelf
along with that you took my self wealth.
just give it all back,
but then again maybe I don't want it.
I trusted you but all your words weren't honest.
so here's one for the books
a girls message back to you.
and I hope one day you find what those girls gave to you.
a heart.
now I know for you that may not be so easy to find.
I hope you have to search until the end of time
to the depths of hell where you originated
I can honestly say you're the only person I've ever truly hated.
so take these words,
ones others may be scared to say
and look at yourself,
because that's all you have at the end of the day.

It wasn't long before the emptiness consumed her life
The silence knocked on her door calling
And she opened up with grieving relief
Every word she ever uttered was ignored kicked away like a pebble
Wishing wales never seemed to help
Sadly staring at the moon and the silence feels infinite
Crying out for the moon to help
Thinking it would swoop down and rid her of this lonely non existing life that has no meaning to her
Longing to be held by someone who would notice the pain behind her words
Someone who would notice when she stopped speaking
Seeking solace in her books cause its the only love she'll ever get
Crippling sadness took over her life like a dark cloud
Nothing bounded her to this life so she'll just take her own

Nothing I do is good enough for you

I hate myself

Wipe the table clean with tears and tissue

All I am is deficit to you

My worthlessness

Another mouth to feed



We are each over-expectant

Hoping for the incredible

Imagining more than what we’re served

Denying reality

Each destroyers

Of our own dreams



The moral compass

Keeps teetering towards disaster

Not-so-distant past lingers

I want to go back to my own people

But my own people don’t exist anymore

Except in cartoon version



Everything is collapsing fast

Nothing is gradual

When did the present

Overstay its welcome?

I am desolate dictator

Of empty room



What do you do with your scabs?

Not the little flakey ones

I mean the big chunky crusty ones?

I throw them in pan and sauté them

With olive oil, onion salt, a little pablano pepper

Serve them to myself and ghost dog

Perhaps I do not help myself
by writing of you
and how you tore at the tendons
of my heart

But sometimes
it makes things seem a bit more real
even if it does hurt
and people tell me to forget him

But it is very difficult to forget someone
when they speak to you
in your dreams

This boy,
who had so much light in his eyes
whenever he talked about the things he loves.
This boy,
who was my best friend
the person I can share the deep thoughts of my mind with.
This boy,
who never failed to be right by my side
when I just needed holding.
This boy,
who was there to listen
to my pointless ramblings and complaints and curses.
This boy,
who put up with all of my ****
even if it humiliated him and most of the time, pained him.
This boy,
who invested his time
talking to a boring girl like me.
This boy who dedicated so much and cared so much and loved so much.
This boy,
who did not push me to love him
but instead tried his best to show reasons for me to love myself.
This boy,
who had so many ideas
kept all to himself.
This boy,
who put so much effort into helping me
that he forgets to help himself.
This boy,
who doesn't know how brilliant he is
but is focused on his flaws.
This boy,
who wrote beautiful poems
always unnoticed.
This boy,
who was so in love with a girl
that he was willing to die for her.
This boy,
whose good heart
was so tired and fed up.
This boy,
who wanted to give up
and give in to the voices inside his head.
This boy,
who carried so much pain in his heart
and hatred in his skin.
This boy,
who dragged cigarettes
in the evening hoping to release the pain.
This boy,
who simply wanted to escape
from the pains of feeling worthless and unrequited love.
This boy,
who was willing to free himself
and fly from the roof.
This boy,
who wanted to die.
This boy,
who was losing the light
in
his
eyes.