letters are nothing more than symbols
just lucky strokes upon a white background that project
memories, feelings, images, experiences

words, spoken words, are nothing more than just sounds
just skin touching more skin vibrating the air around it to produce
grunts, noises, sighs, screeches, music

colors that we see are nothing more than waves of electromagnetic radiation
just light bouncing off of matter to show
beauty, danger, lightness, darkness

everything in this world
You
Me
are just coincidences
just random bits of probability
infinity to one
the chances anything would happen is basically zero
everything at any point could have went wrong

yet
after half the life of eternity
i met you
i read your symbols
i heard your sounds
i saw your light

the right symbols: infinity to one
the right sounds: omega to one
the right light: aleph-null to one

but everything about you was right

and here we are
clearly an impossibility
with our chances infinitely close to zero
every second approaching zero
reaching its limit

and now here
with our chances lining up
virtually never to be
i saw you
and i fell into you

and in one reality every infinity
you fell for me too

if only i was in one of those

This boy,
who had so much light in his eyes
whenever he talked about the things he loves.
This boy,
who was my best friend
the person I can share the deep thoughts of my mind with.
This boy,
who never failed to be right by my side
when I just needed holding.
This boy,
who was there to listen
to my pointless ramblings and complaints and curses.
This boy,
who put up with all of my ****
even if it humiliated him and most of the time, pained him.
This boy,
who invested his time
talking to a boring girl like me.
This boy who dedicated so much and cared so much and loved so much.
This boy,
who did not push me to love him
but instead tried his best to show reasons for me to love myself.
This boy,
who had so many ideas
kept all to himself.
This boy,
who put so much effort into helping me
that he forgets to help himself.
This boy,
who doesn't know how brilliant he is
but is focused on his flaws.
This boy,
who wrote beautiful poems
always unnoticed.
This boy,
who was so in love with a girl
that he was willing to die for her.
This boy,
whose good heart
was so tired and fed up.
This boy,
who wanted to give up
and give in to the voices inside his head.
This boy,
who carried so much pain in his heart
and hatred in his skin.
This boy,
who dragged cigarettes
in the evening hoping to release the pain.
This boy,
who simply wanted to escape
from the pains of feeling worthless and unrequited love.
This boy,
who was willing to free himself
and fly from the roof.
This boy,
who wanted to die.
This boy,
who was losing the light
in
his
eyes.

Life woke up.

All was nothingness.
Then light sets in.
The absence of darkness
Makes it weep.

Life started to grow.

Controlled by strangers.
Sharing the love they had.
Then they leave.
The absence of them.
Makes it weep.

Life grew longer.

Books, notes, lectures.
Leeching time away.
Then failure comes.
The absence of success.
Makes it weep.

Life adapted.

Friends pushing forward.
Supporting, never leaving.
Then life repeated itself.
The absence of company.
Makes it weep.

Life moved on.

Strangers come and go.
Proud, happy, loving.
Then the truth is revealed.
The absence of trust.
Makes it weep.

Life learned.

The day came to an end.
Loneliness prevailed.
Then life slept again.
The absence of light.
Makes it smile.

I no longer wish to survive in this world, my love*

So that's it then,
That's your punishment

You. Live.

All those messages
All those words
All that love
Wasn't real
It never was real
In fact,

They were never about you anyway

When you get to that point
When you know that you've hit the bottom
And you can't get back up by yourself
You turn to the one you trust the most
The one you love the most
The only one who could help you
And you tell her
And she pushed you away
And she didnt believe you
And she said she was tired of putting up with all of your ****
Abd she said she knows she will be the ******* enemy in the end
And she was sick of it.
No more, she said
So she left you
Left you alone
More alone than ever
And then you think
Then you realize you really have hit the lowest possible point
The lowest point in your whole life
Then you realize your graph doesnt change
Your line never got above the worst
It was always at the bottom
It was only now you realize that you were there the whole time
So you do the only thing to fix it

Why be alive anyway if death was just the same, but the pain will go away.
Forever.