Virianna Gallardo: Favorites

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

I'm afraid to stay in
I'm afraid to go out
I'm afraid of the words that leak out of my mouth
I'm afraid of my hands
I'm afraid of my heart
I'm afraid to share my music and the efforts of my art
I'm afraid of the judgement and the lack of support
I'm afraid they will laugh about my pain like it's a sport
I'm afraid of the things that I've left written down
I'm afraid of the sorrows in which I watch myself drown
I'm afraid that somebody is seeing the real me
I am vulnerable here and alone as can be
I'm afraid that my God isn't listening anymore
But I'm much more afraid that I've made his ears sore

I'm afraid to hold on
I'm afraid to let go
I'm afraid to tell the people
I fear what they already know
I'm afraid that I want too many things I can't have
I'm afraid to make myself into an *** and a half
I'm afraid that I'll hurt you
I'm afraid you'll hurt me back
I'm afraid I'll get caught doing what I don't know is bad
I'm afraid of my own journey, will I ever make it back?

(intentional music break)

I'm afraid to write down all of my silly fears
I'm afraid that I'll be in this same place in five years

I'm afraid of the world and the people that are in it
I'm afraid to start off and not be able to finish ****
I'm afraid to play it safe
I'm afraid to sin
I'm afraid of defeat
And I'm terrified to win

I'm afraid of my Mom's sickness taking her life
I'm afraid to be devoured by the same form of strife
I'm afraid if I get famous, it won't be enough
I'm afraid of all the money in the world calling my bluff
I'm afraid that no matter how much happiness I reach for
It won't be enough to repair the pain in my core
I'm afraid that I'm causing my family too much pain
I'm afraid that when I'm gone the world might move the same

I'm afraid that I'm crazy
Even more scared that I'm sane
I'm afraid to be afraid
I'm afraid to be brave

I'm afraid for the kids in this world that feel the same
I'm afraid to write these words down in front of my own face
I'm afraid that, out of fear, what I've written will be erased
For concern of others like me, that would be in poor taste...
So I'll let this one out and pray that I touch base
I'm afraid to be feared for the fact that I'm afraid.
*© KD

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Captivating Freedom

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

Captivating Freedom

I'm gonna close my eyes and shut my mouth,
Let this high take me down south.
Now who cares, I'm everywhere.
They tug my arms, I rip my hair.
"No"
"Don't Do That!"
"Do this."
"Go Here."
(uh huh)
Whatever you need, that's what I'll be.

My face is itchy, my mouth is dry;
All I wanna do is stare up at the sky.
-Don't ask why-
Just let me fly.
Who needs the boys and who needs the girls
when you can take one hit and say goodbye to the world
and become
Comfortably numb.

I'm gonna shut my mouth, close my eyes
Take a big breathe
enjoy my high
and push on
so long, so long.

Find me in the gravel, kicking some rocks
I've got no shoes on, I got holes in my socks
Who cares, I'm everywhere.
Giving myself that big bear hug
from the inside I'm warm
This is how I feel love
(uh huh)
I'll do whatever I want.

My skin may itch, my heart may wear,
but whatever comes next is not my affair
I'll be gone.
Push on, push on.

Song In Progress

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

A Must Read

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

A Must Read

She's a beautiful being
much like a flower,
from which I could learn,
examining for hours.
I admire her smell
and how she speaks of me,
the knowledge she carries
makes one feel less lonely.

From her crown to her toes
she is lovely and free,
a companion that was placed here
for irrational me.

She speaks like the wind
knowing I am delicate,
drops petal-like compliments
that I consider reverant.
She seems like a sea
in which I could drown,
a pure contribution
on this heavenless mound.

I know her as I know myself;
or any book from any shelf.
Open it up and read just a sliver,
ask your questions-
she'll surely deliver.

She knows when to play and when to relax,
she understands my being-
reads through the cracks.
She understands the importance
of an honest, open heart.
She shares my love of music
and creates striking art.

At times she makes me feel
as though I am the advisor,
but I have read a few pages
from her and feel wiser.

I've never quite finished
any book that I've read,
so I'll put the books down and
read into her instead.
~*kd

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

He fell from above (but where was he going?)

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

He fell from above (but where was he going?)

He kneeled down only to whisper in her ear,
"I can feel you shaking and taste your fear.
Don't let them see you,
don't let them know...
Once they see that you're vulnerable,
they won't let you go.
Who am I?
That, my dear, you know.
I'm trying not to scare you,
take each bit in slow.
Now you understand me;
you can hear it in my tone,
I am the one who sits wise- on the throne."

She suddenly felt comforted and soon, somewhat warm.
She asked no more questions, no longer forlorn.
She followed him solely, latched onto his tail.
She felt if she followed him she could not fail.
She was on fire and everyone saw,
but no one could touch her- they stood there in 'awe'.
She thought that she knew him and joined him in flight.
Away he swept her, straight into the night.
Nobody had words for the deed was done,
the girl was mistaken, the devil had won.

~ short story by me.
© KD

*Know someone's, or something's intentions before following them blindly because you never know what path they are ready to take you down. Some just don't want to be alone on their journey to hell.*

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

wonder

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

wonder

wonder if he knows that I cry over him. Does he realize that my skin is craving his skin? Nothing tastes better or feels worse than sin. I couldn't let go, I kept diving in. I continue to have an emotional affair to a man, that in my eyes, nothing compares. All of this bad timing is truly unfair; I sit here and wonder how I can repair this crippling situation that swallows me whole, like a succubus taunting and mocking my soul taking everything out of me, losing control. Love is confusing and takes quite a toll.
A past to revisit, though unjustly forbidden. I can't fight the thoughts, you can tell that I'm smitten. The ruse is sure to be up at some point so sit back, watch me crash, might as well roll a joint. They tell me to let go, they me to stop, I act as though I don't like what I've already got... I am often detached from thinking a lot, but allow me to elaborate and thicken the plot. While I'm being touched I am thinking of him, would it ever happen? The chances are slim. Too many people who's hearts are involved could be put at risk and that I can't solve... I invested my feelings in somebody else because I couldn't wait and I lack mental health. Now I'm alone although in a relationship; I didn't choose roads, I just sunk in the pavement. Wishing I could get back into his heart, I sit and break my own letting my home fall apart. I feel guilty and disgusted and jaded and fooled into something that others said would be "cool". A little love affair, some drama, some fragment... But the feelings I have now, they leave me quite stagnant. I have to avoid him at any and all costs, but that never happens. I am at a loss. I'm fighting for him, against all of the odds.. My brain and heart pushing and trying to back off. I toss and turn at night and often I scoff. As I sleep the thought swirls around see, I can't help myself, his presence is astounding. I try to let go, but I want him around me. I want him to sit around and play with my hair, and to run around singing in my underwear listening to music tastes that we both share, smoking and relaxing, traveling everywhere. I could sit here and write down all of my dreams about this magic man that satisfies me, but that wouldn't effect a bit of this predicament... I'm thinking in circles and I am so sick of it. I don't want to hurt anyone but myself so I'll write these thoughts down to put them up on a shelf where no one will read them and no one can see the darkest and evil, aching parts of me. I can wonder all of the time and wish as I may but at the end of the day, my misery will stay.

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Another depressing love story

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

Another depressing love story

This is a story of a very loving girl who let her love take her all over the world. A man once convinced her that she was unworthy, and when he threw her out, she left in a hurry. She never looked back and scurried through the states until she found home at her families gates.
Once that man hurt her, she wanted to help others. She gave nothing but love and she nurtured as a mother. Some people accepted the love that she gave and they seemed to love her back so she decided to stay.
The girl fell in love with being loved and got carried away. She ran around experiencing love - every second, each day. Eventually she got herself into a pickle; her heart was strong but her mind, very fickle. She could never belong to only one because she felt she should be there for everyone.
After all of the people that came and went, she never once forgot the time that was spent. The stories, those moments, the love that was shared; she gave out so much love that her heart became bare. She endured great amounts of emotional ware, with some physical injuries that gave doctors a scare. She became very careless with everyone soon and discarded them after they'd been in her bedroom.
Please don't be mislead, the ending is bad, it's another love story with an ending quite sad. After all of the loving and hurting was done, she took a step back to see what she'd become. Much to her dismay she was seemingly ****, for the lovers she loved once, had all come undone.
An ugly society, to which she'd finally succumb, molded her into the person from which all this begun. Who knows if you're reading or listening now, but she wants you to know what you've done. Take a bow.
*kd

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Relapse

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

Relapse

"I'm better, I'm better." She lies to herself
as it hides tucked away, taped under her shelf.
"I am loved, I am loved." She convincingly yelped
as her vice hides away until she calls for help.
"I am strong! I am strong!" The poor girl carries on.
He's unhidden and waiting to come sliding along.
Drip, drip, drip. The girl's hand must have slipped
for her razor is laying, right there, where she sits.
*kd

#relapse

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Mess of me

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

Mess of me

I always give in. I can express one thing to him and then act on another just because I don't want him to hurt or feel unwanted. I don't know what to do, I am constantly at war with myself. He is too sweet, I can be quite sour. Public displays of affection make me feel uncomfortable. I am just so weird and he is way too normal, he wants to call me baby. The moments become soiled and I start to recoil. He treats me like his girlfriend and I just want to be his friend. He wants to settle down, I want to ***** around. He wants to hold my hand and I want him to hold my throat. I try to tell him that we are not right, but I look at his face and see his pain and loneliness- my heart breaks for him every time. He tries to hold me tight and I am often out of fight. What ever am I going to do? I've let love make a mess of me.

#freeverse

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

That girl

Aug 2016 Virianna Gallardo

Sad Girl

That girl

"Love me," she whispers.
"Love me," louder as she grabs at them.
"Love me," she cries.
Again and again, night after night.
Hit after hit, high after high.
Tear after tear and guy after guy.
Never once satisfied.
Sitting home alone, she cries.

Easy to judge her.
"No one will love her."
Bitter words from hateful mouths.
Oh so needy, "please just love me"
All she cries as you lay her down.

No love for that girl.
Give her a quick whirl,
Then we pass her to the next.
She hates everyone, mad at the world.
Wanders around with her head so vex.

Hard to understand her,
Easy to demand her,
"Do this! Do that!"
As she will.

Everyone watches and waits for the time bomb, everyone wants to see her fail. She's something to look at and something to speak of, without her, where is the thrill?

But what people don't notice, what they don't realize, is that she's hurting behind the pills.

Those cries aren't pleasure, they are pain. She's looking for something that drives her insane.

Searching for love in such a wrong place and can't even see it when it's in her face. It's never a search, really more of a chase. You can tell she's the girl when she's in that place.

The cries aren't from passion.
They are from confusion, but she'll make you ignore it, call it illusion.

She is that girl that no man understands, the girl who is fragile and always in wrong hands. The needy girl always searching for love, hoping that someone is hearing above.

She's sick and twisted and at other times sane, she bottles her pain as she hears them say her name. Never good news, but it's part of the fame. We all know this girl will always hang her head in shame.

Everyone has baggage, but this girl's is quite a lot.
People open her bags up and run once they see what she's got.

But I know this girl when I give it some thought,
we treat her so nasty and do it a lot. We aren't helping her, because it's nobody's problem. Someone has something we want, then we rob them. You have got to latch on to what you want in this life, whether it is wrong, or if it is right.

Remember that girl, by the end of the night. She won't make a fuss, she won't try to fight. She'll just keep moaning "love me" But really, who cares? You can see when you touch her she's not really there.

This story is troubling and very much true, but this girl is me.
What if she was you?

*kd