Everything that was mine
That I held so dear to my heart
Is now yours as well

So what will I do when you leave

And I have nothing left to call my own?

While I'm sitting in the sun shine
I can't help but think about the times it would rain
Because you were by my side then
And I wasn't in so much pain

He is here
To ease my pain

But closing a window
Doesn't stop the rain

I don't mind waiting,
Counting down the continuous hours
As if they're an infinite amount of stars
Up in space
I don't belong here
This isn't my place
But I'll stick it out until the end
Until I finally see your gleaming face

The amount of time and love I spent on you
Has surley been wasted
And it angers me so
I could have used that love more wisely
Maybe on myself

I don't think she will ever over come
The hatred she has aimed solemnly towards
One person and one person only

She believes hate is too heavy to carry
Yet she drags it along
And throws it over her shoulder
And it gets heavier each time she
Looks into the mirror

She sees the beauty in
Everyone and everything
Except in her own soul

She knows beauty is within
But her heart is black
Just like the makeup on her eyes

What's on the outside
Doesn't please her
She can't stand to see the skin on her face
Without makeup layered on

Even then
She still is a disgrace

I'll never forget the nights of unfamilar feelings of heartbreak,
I was so young & hurt
3am I'd call you
You came & sat on my porch with me while it poured down rain
I cried
But you made me smile
I should have known then,
You were always there

There were days when I'd come home
And just as I've always known,
My mother would be breaking her teeth on ***** bottles
Lying on the floor
I'd call you
We'd go for a ride
Suddenly, everything was alright
I should have known then,
You were always there

That was just the beginning
You were my best friend,
And now I'm in love with you
I should have known then,
You were always there,
You were always the one

Today I smoked my last cigarette
Poured my last shot of jack
The reoccuring days of rain and thunder are no more
In the sunshine is now where I'm at

Time has been ticking on
Reminding me its been to long
I've been holding on to a past so dreary
Its time to sing a new song

Though memories are inked onto my soul
They're no longer on my mind
Brighter days, no longer in a haze
Is what I needed to find

Are you really in love

If you still cry yourself to sleep?

The songs that reminded me of you now remind me of him
And instead of crying,
I now can sing

Girls like me, yeah, they'll warn you
I'll smoke my cigarettes flick my ashes on the floor
Drink every night without any concern

Don't think about tomorrow
Or the days that passed by
But I'll smoke some of my brother's ****
I'm just trying to get high

I don't care about me
But I could care about you

I would never hurt you baby
I promise it's true

I can imagine waking up next to an empty spot in my bed where the pillow is stained with your scent
Where the sheets are coming off  
And the blanket alone just doesn't seem to keep me warm anymore

A carpet that is pink where clumps of mud from your work boots have been crushed into it
And where your wardrobe used to be scattered

The boxes with your things
Now empty
The stand with your tv and games
Gone
Empty packs of cigarettes and jack bottles where the last stain of your lips remain will be the only thing left of you

The pictures
no more than memories

Memories fade

Just like I imagine we will

Its a hot summer
But my heart is still cold
I always wanted a lover
Or maybe just someone to hold

I could live in the sunshine
And still be freezing
I've heard every line
None of the words have meaning

But on my darkest nights
You were always right here
You'd spark a fire for light
And open up a beer

We'd talk all night
We'd get drunk on eachother
I was no longer in fright
I was no longer troubled

Its like the calm after the rain
Or the smell of the sea
You got rid of my pain
And set me at ease

Maybe you'll be gone tomorrow
But you're here today
You lessend all my sorrows
So I hope that maybe you'll stay

I'm tired of waiting around
Each day passes and I'm growing closer to my grave
And the sad thing is

I haven't even began to live yet

He's the reason I'm crying myself to sleep tonight
But he's also the reason the sun will shine tomorrow

He breaks me down,
But he's always there to pick up all of me again & again

"Doubt everything. Find your own light."
So I shut out the whole world
Believed not a single word a soul told me
And I found you to be my
Source of sunlight

Sometimes I find myself
Wondering why
You never really gave me a chance.
There were always other places
Other faces that you needed to
See.
I just thought maybe
Instead of you leaving,
You could have stayed long enough
To tuck me into bed
But then again I guess I'm too
Greedy
I'd rather you have stayed
the night
I could plug in my christmas lights
light a million candles
And open my window
So the moon beams shine in
And we could lay and embrace
And with my head on your chest
I could listen to  my favorite song.
We could be silent
We could talk until morning
We could star gaze
We could dream
Just as long as our hands are
Intwined
And my hair is falling across your
Chest.

But the sad thing always is ,
either way,
I'll be waking up in the morning
And the candles
all blown out
The lights unplugged
The window and curtain closed
My hair falling across the pillow
And spaces that were meant to
Be occupied by the warmth of
Your body are left unfilled

So I guess what I'm saying
Is that I've felt emptiness
Take ahold of me
The same time you
dissapeared from me.

You could have stayed

You should have stayed

I wish you stayed

Long enough to tuck me into bed

I'd use the last breath in my chest
To speak your name
One
last
time.

My mind is diminishing
My body is collapsing
Over nothing but a mere thought

Each night I dream he leaves me
And runs back to her
I awaken in tears and sweat

He's right there by my side
When I awake from these horrid nightmares
Surprised;
I always am.

I'm waiting for the day he packs up and leaves
His "I love you" 's must be a lie

Every song that he plays
Sings of heartbreak
Surely they remind him of
Her

So I'll look out my window
And play the blues
Its just a matter of time
Before I'm gone too

I woke up this morning

And realized I'm in love

And I cried and cried


There's no turning back now.

Things will never be the same now
As they were
When we were young

I was chasing a butterfly
In a field abundant with flowers.
I tried to catch it,
But it flew away.
And even at that young age
I was already too familiar
With things
not intending to
stay

he reminds me
of my father
of a ship sailing on the sea
of the sun
of the moon
of the leaves on the trees
he reminds me

of all the things that will leave

There's one place
Where the rain washes away all pain
But also soaks and drowns you
Where the breeze flows softly
through your hair
But also makes you lose your breath
Unable to catch it again
Where the sun shines on your face
But also burns your skin
Where the light never dims
Which keeps you from sleeping at night
Where you're holding
the world in your hands
And you realize it is only
but a grain of sand
Where everything that makes you high
Also makes you feel so low
Where what makes you happy
Is also the cause of your downfall
Where the flowers bloom
But also die before they can be admired
Where time heals the pain
But also where time just faded love
This place is where I'm at
I'm stuck here
Yet I belong here

Waking up one day
And knowing its over
The blue sky
Is now grey
The waves in the ocean
Are floating away

And so are you

We all say things we know we don't mean
Maybe I should just speak for myself
But I've come to the conclusion that even though we have different blood, we're still put together with the same pieces, just in different arrangements
I realized this when he talked about her to me
The way I talked about him to them
We spoke with words created by pain
Simply wishing that if we spoke them out loud instead of keeping them inside
Maybe they wouldn't feel so cold
But the words were almost as cold as the nights in december
When I'd sit around waiting for your letters
Wishing for a call because his voice would always heal me
This was no way to live,
But it didn't matter,
I was satisfied just seeing him in my dreams
He had no clue that when I looked at him my body went numb
And all I could imagine when I closed my eyes
Were his hands in my hair
And his lips on my neck

I don't want to get high
I don't want to feel low
I don't want to feel pain
I don't want to feel nothing at all

I don't want to love jesus
I don't want to hate the devil
I don't want nothing at all
I don't want to know forever

I don't want to be a coward
I don't want to be brave
I don't want to fit in
I don't want to be strange

I don't want to die young
I don't want to live forever
I don't want to be normal
I don't want to be severed

I don't want the sunshine
I don't want to feel the rain
I don't want happiness
I don't want pain

I don't want to be with you
I don't want to be without you
I don't want to laugh
I don't want to sing the blues

I don't want you to cry
I don't want you to smile
I don't want you to forget about me
I don't want you to ask "why"

Sometimes I think I'm crazy imagining your hands that are on my body
Once on her's too

Maybe I'll just never get over the past
& maybe you won't ever love me like you loved her

Oh how I dream
Of our skin colliding
And our souls connecting


Make me feel love

Emptiness

Or full of pain

I'm not sure which one is worse

There's a reason that the sun arises
Each morning
It is a possible new beginning
for everyone to take advantage of
There's a reason
The waves of the ocean always
Come crashing back onto the shore
It is a way to never lose touch
Of home
There's a reason for the stars beyond us
Burning and Shining
There's a reason for the seasons
That seem to quickly pass by
Except in times of coldness
There's a reason the world spins
There's a reason the moon beams
At night
It guides unfourtunate souls
Who wander and may be lost
Providing light
But along with all these wonders in life,
I'm not sure of the reason
If there's a reason
I stumbled across you
And that's where it began

Your fingertips tickle my spine
Your hands caress my thighs
Youre kissing on my lips and my neck
Your eyes look deep into mine
But the truth is
you
will
never
Be in
love
with
me

Songs that he played
That you use to hate
Now are your favorites
Because he is gone

"You're too young to think he's the only one who can make you happy"

But he's not the only one who makes me happy

He's the only one who makes me want to be happy

And without that, I'm miserable

If you don't like my cold heart
& distant soul

Maybe you shouldn't have ******* left me then came back

One day
All the glory will be mine

It's just a matter of time
Until I get to say "I told you so"

The concept of forever doesn't register
It never will

Temporary is all it is
And so am I

So when you leave

I told you so

Break me down
I don't give a ****
Shattered my bones
Mess with my heart

Maybe I am just a little insane
But just as long as your here to fix me
& pick up the pieces of what of me remains
Over & over again

I was born with a broken heart
I've been shattered for so long now
The pieces are all here
They just don't fit together

I've been mended
Not fixed
I'm fragile
I'm a mess

& if you leave just know
I've been broken before
I know pain like its my friend
I don't mind dealing with hearbreak
All over again

There's no such thing as heaven
When we die, that is not where we're going

But with the idea of it in my head
Heaven seems to be right here
Right now

With you by my side

Still depressed
Still a mess
Still a girl with broken pieces

But you're working on me
You're trying to love me

And that's all I could ever need

The first person I fell in love with
I don't love him anymore
But our love was real
And it burned through
But I don't love him anymore
I love you

I find the selfish people to be very interesting
Living to please only themselves

Maybe,
that sounds nice

Because here I am
Living to make everyone else happy
And I'm nothing but a miserable mess

Now I'm scared to be alone
Once again I can only live with him by my side

Without him I'm just as I was before he was here
A broken mess
Pieces scattered

But I can't hold him back
I can't depend on him

So should I detach?
Or cling longer
Until he let's go

He never asked me to write about him,
That's why I do.
He never expected much from me,
But he did hate
When I didn't say goodnight
Before I went to sleep.
& I hated how I couldn't find
A **** thing
to hate about him.

I do  hate
that I don't
hate him.
I do hate
That he
Didn't say goodbye that night,
Before he decided to leave,

& I don't even think I said goodnight to him
that night
Before I went to sleep

When I hear his name
I try to hide the excrutiating pain
Deep within me
That's bound to spill out in a way
creating an eruption of
unexplainable and uncontrollable emotions
I try to cover up the way I feel inside
Just like the way I cover up the way I look
On the outside
All I know is nothing really works
Whether it be xanex
Or a tube of concealor
Nothing stays hidden forever

When someone asks you if you're in love
You can smile and say "yes"
But if that someone asks
And is in your own head


You're not

I told him to call me when he cares

So

I'm still sitting here, with my phone volume

Turned all the way up

But I'm left in silence

I love him so much
I wonder if he
Could ever love me as much as I love him
And when I say love I mean my whole body aches for him
I couldn't imagine another soul feeling like that towards me

My heart aches in the best way
Everytime I say your name

The problem is
I can't exactly put into words
The way you make me feel

And people have said it all
Cliche lines used all the time
To express their so called love

In a way you set me at ease
Diminished all my sorrows
And through the dreary days of my life
You were my only source of light

And I thought I knew what love was
But I didn't, because I wasn't with you

I was living in an emptiness
Trying to find myself
And let go of my old ways
I knew who I wanted to be
And where I wanted to go
But I couldn't get there on my own

And I thank you for saving me
And for being by my side
throughout all the troubles
You never left me alone
I've never been appreciated
I've never been cared for
But now, I am simply being loved

You can say something so much for as long as you want
But your actions will always speak louder than your voice

Once I realized this,
I understood you really weren't as important to me as I thought

You said all the right things
We planned out our future
But it all seemed to vanish
With time and distance

You could have meant it all
But time changed our paths
And I moved on despite the pain of heartbreak

And through my journey
I found him

He put my dreams into action
He didn't even need the words

Now my dreams have come true
I'm doing all the things I've wanted to
He has become my life

You were just words
Over a screen
And letters on a paper

We dreamed of eternity together
But the hourglass ran out of sand

And sometimes,
That's what needs to happen
To make you understand what's right

I've imagined my life with you
And how lovely it would be

But you're too far away
And you're not who I need to be with

Maybe time will change things
Time reveals

But as of now,
I hear him louder and more clear than I ever heard you
He whispers through his touch
You screamed through a screen