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Brielle O'Brien Feb 2014
The amount of time and love I spent on you
Has surley been wasted
And it angers me so
I could have used that love more wisely
Maybe on myself
Brielle O'Brien Nov 2014
One day
All the glory will be mine

It's just a matter of time
Until I get to say "I told you so"

The concept of forever doesn't register
It never will

Temporary is all it is
And so am I

So when you leave

I told you so
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
Emptiness

Or full of pain

I'm not sure which one is worse
Brielle O'Brien Nov 2014
Now I'm scared to be alone
Once again I can only live with him by my side

Without him I'm just as I was before he was here
A broken mess
Pieces scattered

But I can't hold him back
I can't depend on him

So should I detach?
Or cling longer
Until he let's go
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
You can say something so much for as long as you want
But your actions will always speak louder than your voice

Once I realized this,
I understood you really weren't as important to me as I thought

You said all the right things
We planned out our future
But it all seemed to vanish
With time and distance

You could have meant it all
But time changed our paths
And I moved on despite the pain of heartbreak

And through my journey
I found him

He put my dreams into action
He didn't even need the words

Now my dreams have come true
I'm doing all the things I've wanted to
He has become my life

You were just words
Over a screen
And letters on a paper

We dreamed of eternity together
But the hourglass ran out of sand

And sometimes,
That's what needs to happen
To make you understand what's right

I've imagined my life with you
And how lovely it would be

But you're too far away
And you're not who I need to be with

Maybe time will change things
Time reveals

But as of now,
I hear him louder and more clear than I ever heard you
He whispers through his touch
You screamed through a screen
Brielle O'Brien May 2015
It won't ever make sense
Why broken people
Try to fix broken people
But end up breaking them even more
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
I'll never forget the nights of unfamilar feelings of heartbreak,
I was so young & hurt
3am I'd call you
You came & sat on my porch with me while it poured down rain
I cried
But you made me smile
I should have known then,
You were always there

There were days when I'd come home
And just as I've always known,
My mother would be breaking her teeth on ***** bottles
Lying on the floor
I'd call you
We'd go for a ride
Suddenly, everything was alright
I should have known then,
You were always there

That was just the beginning
You were my best friend,
And now I'm in love with you
I should have known then,
You were always there,
You were always the one
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2014
I don't think she will ever over come
The hatred she has aimed solemnly towards
One person and one person only

She believes hate is too heavy to carry
Yet she drags it along
And throws it over her shoulder
And it gets heavier each time she
Looks into the mirror

She sees the beauty in
Everyone and everything
Except in her own soul

She knows beauty is within
But her heart is black
Just like the makeup on her eyes

What's on the outside
Doesn't please her
She can't stand to see the skin on her face
Without makeup layered on

Even then
She still is a disgrace
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
He's an arrogant *******
Who likes the way it feels
When pills trickle down his throat
In a river of lemon iced tea
And the way the smoke from
***** and american spirit cigarettes
Fill his chest
He thinks he knows it all
He tells me stories of when he was a kid
Always breaking the rules
And doing what he wanted
As we sit outside by the fire
And he puts a glass bottle of beer to
His mouth
And I sit back with a smile on my face
Wishing times like these
could last forever
He tells me that what we behold
Is sacred;
That not many people get the chance
To bestow it and cherish it.
He told me that no matter what
He's here for me.
I came up with every "what if?" Scenerio
Never actually imagining that one day
He really wouldn't be here for me
But he reasurred me that there was
Absolutely not a thing I could do
To make him love me any less.
Now that was a long time ago
That was before our lives fell apart
And the words he said
Quickly faded
Just like the remains of the
fire that july night
I remember him also telling me
That sometimes things happen
And sometimes people change
Well,
I didn't ever think
That my own father
Could change his mind
And to think he said
He'd always be here,
Is like saying july nights last forever
And that fires never burn down to embers

And fade away
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
Things will never be the same now
As they were
When we were young
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2014
Your fingertips tickle my spine
Your hands caress my thighs
Youre kissing on my lips and my neck
Your eyes look deep into mine
But the truth is
you
will
never
Be in
love
with
me
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2015
i've come to believe
love is giving someone everything you have left inside of you,
pouring it out for them,
even if it leaves you empty.
it's giving someone the power
to destroy you
& letting them do it
over & over again
& being able to forgive them
every single time
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
I'd use the last breath in my chest
To speak your name
One
last
time.
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2015
I guess I'm nothing but selfish
Wanting all of you
But only being able to give you

What is left of me
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
He's the reason I'm crying myself to sleep tonight
But he's also the reason the sun will shine tomorrow

He breaks me down,
But he's always there to pick up all of me again & again
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
I love him so much
I wonder if he
Could ever love me as much as I love him
And when I say love I mean my whole body aches for him
I couldn't imagine another soul feeling like that towards me
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2015
9 months of worrying when he'd leave
After all the time he said he wouldn't
It happend
He's gone
But he came back
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
Even on my bad days,

I'm still better than you'll ever be


*****.
;)
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
I don't mind waiting,
Counting down the continuous hours
As if they're an infinite amount of stars
Up in space
I don't belong here
This isn't my place
But I'll stick it out until the end
Until I finally see your gleaming face
Brielle O'Brien Sep 2014
My mind is diminishing
My body is collapsing
Over nothing but a mere thought

Each night I dream he leaves me
And runs back to her
I awaken in tears and sweat

He's right there by my side
When I awake from these horrid nightmares
Surprised;
I always am.

I'm waiting for the day he packs up and leaves
His "I love you" 's must be a lie

Every song that he plays
Sings of heartbreak
Surely they remind him of
Her

So I'll look out my window
And play the blues
Its just a matter of time
Before I'm gone too
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
I think the hardest part
Was being awakened in the early morning hours
By dreams of you walking away

And with tears in my eyes
Reaching to the right of my bed

And your body being absent
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
Still depressed
Still a mess
Still a girl with broken pieces

But you're working on me
You're trying to love me

And that's all I could ever need
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
Break me down
I don't give a ****
Shattered my bones
Mess with my heart

Maybe I am just a little insane
But just as long as your here to fix me
& pick up the pieces of what of me remains
Over & over again
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
My heart aches in the best way
Everytime I say your name

The problem is
I can't exactly put into words
The way you make me feel

And people have said it all
Cliche lines used all the time
To express their so called love

In a way you set me at ease
Diminished all my sorrows
And through the dreary days of my life
You were my only source of light

And I thought I knew what love was
But I didn't, because I wasn't with you

I was living in an emptiness
Trying to find myself
And let go of my old ways
I knew who I wanted to be
And where I wanted to go
But I couldn't get there on my own

And I thank you for saving me
And for being by my side
throughout all the troubles
You never left me alone
I've never been appreciated
I've never been cared for
But now, I am simply being loved
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2014
When I hear his name
I try to hide the excrutiating pain
Deep within me
That's bound to spill out in a way
creating an eruption of
unexplainable and uncontrollable emotions
I try to cover up the way I feel inside
Just like the way I cover up the way I look
On the outside
All I know is nothing really works
Whether it be xanex
Or a tube of concealor
Nothing stays hidden forever
Brielle O'Brien May 2015
If you don't like my cold heart
& distant soul

Maybe you shouldn't have ******* left me then came back
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2015
one of the very few conversations I've had with my father was on a night where I felt lost, I was recently heartbroken & kept to myself for a while. if you know me, i haven't had a relationship with my father for a very long time, if anything, I claimed to hate him. but for some reason that night I was feeling so low & walked in his room & sat on the floor with my eyes filled with tears. I think he saw the pain in my eyes & recognized it as his own, he said
"your mother was 15 years old when we met, I loved her instantly. when I first went to her house, there was a wooden chest at the foot of her bed filled to the top with empty liquor bottles. I knew at that moment I was dealing with a broken person. 20 years later, and she's still broken. you can't fix someone who is broken, no matter how much love you give to them"

& ever since then, it's all made sense to me.
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
Today I smoked my last cigarette
Poured my last shot of jack
The reoccuring days of rain and thunder are no more
In the sunshine is now where I'm at

Time has been ticking on
Reminding me its been to long
I've been holding on to a past so dreary
Its time to sing a new song

Though memories are inked onto my soul
They're no longer on my mind
Brighter days, no longer in a haze
Is what I needed to find
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
Everything that was mine
That I held so dear to my heart
Is now yours as well

So what will I do when you leave

And I have nothing left to call my own?
Brielle O'Brien Sep 2014
"I love you;


    But I love her too"
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
I told him to call me when he cares

So

I'm still sitting here, with my phone volume

Turned all the way up

But I'm left in silence
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
This is the kind of love that hurts
It hurts when I look at you
This ache in my chest
The thought in my head swimming around reminding me that nothing this good can last forever

& the amount of time spent with you
The memories the unexplainable moments
There will never be enough words
Or the right words to even come close to describing the way I feel about you
God, even the bad days are good
Because of you

& I have pictured a life without you
& a baby without your eyes
I can't imagine waking up next to anyone other than you

& I think you saved my life by being here,

So please don't ever leave
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2014
Waking up one day
And knowing its over
The blue sky
Is now grey
The waves in the ocean
Are floating away

And so are you
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
I was born with a broken heart
I've been shattered for so long now
The pieces are all here
They just don't fit together

I've been mended
Not fixed
I'm fragile
I'm a mess

& if you leave just know
I've been broken before
I know pain like its my friend
I don't mind dealing with hearbreak
All over again
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2015
You say you're so unhappy, being brought down and you don't want to bring me down too

But bring me down baby too

Just as long as I'm with you
Brielle O'Brien Jun 2015
"You're too young to think he's the only one who can make you happy"

But he's not the only one who makes me happy

He's the only one who makes me want to be happy

And without that, I'm miserable
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
The first person I fell in love with
I don't love him anymore
But our love was real
And it burned through
But I don't love him anymore
I love you
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
I find the selfish people to be very interesting
Living to please only themselves

Maybe,
that sounds nice

Because here I am
Living to make everyone else happy
And I'm nothing but a miserable mess
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
"But you're not like her, that's why I love you"
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
I'm so in love with him

That is, until he breaks my heart

And even after that,

I know I'll never be able to let him go

I take this love too serious

Something I've never done before

And the biggest mistake we all make

Is locking up, enclosing, attempting to keep ahold of what we love, trying to keep it forever

We're selfish, we want it to ourselves, no one else can touch, no one else can have, no one else can love them as much as we do,

But in the words of stephen king

Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright

And the same concept goes for people too

The ones who gleam, and shine with light

You cant hold that back, you cannot possess them

Even though your heart won't ever let them go if they decide to

Sometimes that's just the way it is

I guess no one can be yours forever

I'd like him to be my forever

But we all know forever doesn't last

And he shines to bright to be kept within the darkness of my heart
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
I have always wondered
If I died,
if you would have attended my funeral
But I never imagined I'd be going to yours
Dead at 19
Brielle O'Brien May 2015
Sometimes I think I'm crazy imagining your hands that are on my body
Once on her's too

Maybe I'll just never get over the past
& maybe you won't ever love me like you loved her
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
I thought I needed you
Like how i need my morning cigarette

But the thing is,
I'm not really addicted
But I'm lying because I smoke a pack a day, just trying to be metaphorical
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2015
Are you really in love

If you still cry yourself to sleep?
Brielle O'Brien Jun 2015
I'm so glad it's you

All along it was you

I hope it's always you
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
Girls like me, yeah, they'll warn you
I'll smoke my cigarettes flick my ashes on the floor
Drink every night without any concern

Don't think about tomorrow
Or the days that passed by
But I'll smoke some of my brother's ****
I'm just trying to get high

I don't care about me
But I could care about you

I would never hurt you baby
I promise it's true
Brielle O'Brien May 2014
Songs that he played
That you use to hate
Now are your favorites
Because he is gone
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2014
The days of my youth are being wasted

Spent with a man who will someday become
just
a

memory
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2014
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering why
You never really gave me a chance.
There were always other places
Other faces that you needed to
See.
I just thought maybe
Instead of you leaving,
You could have stayed long enough
To tuck me into bed
But then again I guess I'm too
Greedy
I'd rather you have stayed
the night
I could plug in my christmas lights
light a million candles
And open my window
So the moon beams shine in
And we could lay and embrace
And with my head on your chest
I could listen to  my favorite song.
We could be silent
We could talk until morning
We could star gaze
We could dream
Just as long as our hands are
Intwined
And my hair is falling across your
Chest.

But the sad thing always is ,
either way,
I'll be waking up in the morning
And the candles
all blown out
The lights unplugged
The window and curtain closed
My hair falling across the pillow
And spaces that were meant to
Be occupied by the warmth of
Your body are left unfilled

So I guess what I'm saying
Is that I've felt emptiness
Take ahold of me
The same time you
dissapeared from me.

You could have stayed

You should have stayed

I wish you stayed

Long enough to tuck me into bed
Brielle O'Brien Jun 2014
While I'm sitting in the sun shine
I can't help but think about the times it would rain
Because you were by my side then
And I wasn't in so much pain
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