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Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
"Think happy thoughts"
I say to myself as I close my eyes
Trying to drift off into a peaceful sleep

Anxiety is crippling my body
I'm shaking uncontrolably
I try to breathe,
But I haven't been able to properly
Ever since you've been gone

"Happy thoughts"
So my mind wanders off
Every scenery,
Every landscape,
Every place,

I see your face.
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
I find the selfish people to be very interesting
Living to please only themselves

Maybe,
that sounds nice

Because here I am
Living to make everyone else happy
And I'm nothing but a miserable mess
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2015
I can imagine waking up next to an empty spot in my bed where the pillow is stained with your scent
Where the sheets are coming off  
And the blanket alone just doesn't seem to keep me warm anymore

A carpet that is pink where clumps of mud from your work boots have been crushed into it
And where your wardrobe used to be scattered

The boxes with your things
Now empty
The stand with your tv and games
Gone
Empty packs of cigarettes and jack bottles where the last stain of your lips remain will be the only thing left of you

The pictures
no more than memories

Memories fade

Just like I imagine we will
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
Everything that was mine
That I held so dear to my heart
Is now yours as well

So what will I do when you leave

And I have nothing left to call my own?
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
I'll never forget the nights of unfamilar feelings of heartbreak,
I was so young & hurt
3am I'd call you
You came & sat on my porch with me while it poured down rain
I cried
But you made me smile
I should have known then,
You were always there

There were days when I'd come home
And just as I've always known,
My mother would be breaking her teeth on ***** bottles
Lying on the floor
I'd call you
We'd go for a ride
Suddenly, everything was alright
I should have known then,
You were always there

That was just the beginning
You were my best friend,
And now I'm in love with you
I should have known then,
You were always there,
You were always the one
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2015
i've come to believe
love is giving someone everything you have left inside of you,
pouring it out for them,
even if it leaves you empty.
it's giving someone the power
to destroy you
& letting them do it
over & over again
& being able to forgive them
every single time
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2014
Your fingertips tickle my spine
Your hands caress my thighs
Youre kissing on my lips and my neck
Your eyes look deep into mine
But the truth is
you
will
never
Be in
love
with
me
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
I think the hardest part
Was being awakened in the early morning hours
By dreams of you walking away

And with tears in my eyes
Reaching to the right of my bed

And your body being absent
Brielle O'Brien Sep 2014
My mind is diminishing
My body is collapsing
Over nothing but a mere thought

Each night I dream he leaves me
And runs back to her
I awaken in tears and sweat

He's right there by my side
When I awake from these horrid nightmares
Surprised;
I always am.

I'm waiting for the day he packs up and leaves
His "I love you" 's must be a lie

Every song that he plays
Sings of heartbreak
Surely they remind him of
Her

So I'll look out my window
And play the blues
Its just a matter of time
Before I'm gone too
Brielle O'Brien May 2015
Sometimes I think I'm crazy imagining your hands that are on my body
Once on her's too

Maybe I'll just never get over the past
& maybe you won't ever love me like you loved her
Brielle O'Brien May 2015
It won't ever make sense
Why broken people
Try to fix broken people
But end up breaking them even more
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2014
The amount of time and love I spent on you
Has surley been wasted
And it angers me so
I could have used that love more wisely
Maybe on myself
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
Still depressed
Still a mess
Still a girl with broken pieces

But you're working on me
You're trying to love me

And that's all I could ever need
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
"But you're not like her, that's why I love you"
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
I love him so much
I wonder if he
Could ever love me as much as I love him
And when I say love I mean my whole body aches for him
I couldn't imagine another soul feeling like that towards me
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
Don't bother talking
Or writing
Someone's already said it all

Words are useless
And so are you

It all vanishes
Before your blood shot eyes
Brielle O'Brien Jun 2015
"You're too young to think he's the only one who can make you happy"

But he's not the only one who makes me happy

He's the only one who makes me want to be happy

And without that, I'm miserable
Brielle O'Brien Apr 2015
I thought I needed you
Like how i need my morning cigarette

But the thing is,
I'm not really addicted
But I'm lying because I smoke a pack a day, just trying to be metaphorical
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2015
I guess I'm nothing but selfish
Wanting all of you
But only being able to give you

What is left of me
Brielle O'Brien Dec 2014
There's no such thing as heaven
When we die, that is not where we're going

But with the idea of it in my head
Heaven seems to be right here
Right now

With you by my side
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2014
Waking up one day
And knowing its over
The blue sky
Is now grey
The waves in the ocean
Are floating away

And so are you
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
Things will never be the same now
As they were
When we were young
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2014
Sometimes I find myself
Wondering why
You never really gave me a chance.
There were always other places
Other faces that you needed to
See.
I just thought maybe
Instead of you leaving,
You could have stayed long enough
To tuck me into bed
But then again I guess I'm too
Greedy
I'd rather you have stayed
the night
I could plug in my christmas lights
light a million candles
And open my window
So the moon beams shine in
And we could lay and embrace
And with my head on your chest
I could listen to  my favorite song.
We could be silent
We could talk until morning
We could star gaze
We could dream
Just as long as our hands are
Intwined
And my hair is falling across your
Chest.

But the sad thing always is ,
either way,
I'll be waking up in the morning
And the candles
all blown out
The lights unplugged
The window and curtain closed
My hair falling across the pillow
And spaces that were meant to
Be occupied by the warmth of
Your body are left unfilled

So I guess what I'm saying
Is that I've felt emptiness
Take ahold of me
The same time you
dissapeared from me.

You could have stayed

You should have stayed

I wish you stayed

Long enough to tuck me into bed
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
Today I smoked my last cigarette
Poured my last shot of jack
The reoccuring days of rain and thunder are no more
In the sunshine is now where I'm at

Time has been ticking on
Reminding me its been to long
I've been holding on to a past so dreary
Its time to sing a new song

Though memories are inked onto my soul
They're no longer on my mind
Brighter days, no longer in a haze
Is what I needed to find
Brielle O'Brien Nov 2014
The man I used to love with my whole being contacts me and says he still loves me and he'll wait eternity for me
I never thought this day would come
Without a care without any tears I delete it, I have finally moved on
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
Even when you're asleep next to me in bed

I still miss you

Because I know one day you'll be

gone
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
This is the kind of love that hurts
It hurts when I look at you
This ache in my chest
The thought in my head swimming around reminding me that nothing this good can last forever

& the amount of time spent with you
The memories the unexplainable moments
There will never be enough words
Or the right words to even come close to describing the way I feel about you
God, even the bad days are good
Because of you

& I have pictured a life without you
& a baby without your eyes
I can't imagine waking up next to anyone other than you

& I think you saved my life by being here,

So please don't ever leave
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2014
He is here
To ease my pain

But closing a window
Doesn't stop the rain
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2015
9 months of worrying when he'd leave
After all the time he said he wouldn't
It happend
He's gone
But he came back
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
I was born with a broken heart
I've been shattered for so long now
The pieces are all here
They just don't fit together

I've been mended
Not fixed
I'm fragile
I'm a mess

& if you leave just know
I've been broken before
I know pain like its my friend
I don't mind dealing with hearbreak
All over again
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2014
He never asked me to write about him,
That's why I do.
He never expected much from me,
But he did hate
When I didn't say goodnight
Before I went to sleep.
& I hated how I couldn't find
A **** thing
to hate about him.

I do  hate
that I don't
hate him.
I do hate
That he
Didn't say goodbye that night,
Before he decided to leave,

& I don't even think I said goodnight to him
that night
Before I went to sleep
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
My heart aches in the best way
Everytime I say your name

The problem is
I can't exactly put into words
The way you make me feel

And people have said it all
Cliche lines used all the time
To express their so called love

In a way you set me at ease
Diminished all my sorrows
And through the dreary days of my life
You were my only source of light

And I thought I knew what love was
But I didn't, because I wasn't with you

I was living in an emptiness
Trying to find myself
And let go of my old ways
I knew who I wanted to be
And where I wanted to go
But I couldn't get there on my own

And I thank you for saving me
And for being by my side
throughout all the troubles
You never left me alone
I've never been appreciated
I've never been cared for
But now, I am simply being loved
Brielle O'Brien Jun 2014
While I'm sitting in the sun shine
I can't help but think about the times it would rain
Because you were by my side then
And I wasn't in so much pain
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2014
There's one place
Where the rain washes away all pain
But also soaks and drowns you
Where the breeze flows softly
through your hair
But also makes you lose your breath
Unable to catch it again
Where the sun shines on your face
But also burns your skin
Where the light never dims
Which keeps you from sleeping at night
Where you're holding
the world in your hands
And you realize it is only
but a grain of sand
Where everything that makes you high
Also makes you feel so low
Where what makes you happy
Is also the cause of your downfall
Where the flowers bloom
But also die before they can be admired
Where time heals the pain
But also where time just faded love
This place is where I'm at
I'm stuck here
Yet I belong here
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
I'd use the last breath in my chest
To speak your name
One
last
time.
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2014
I was chasing a butterfly
In a field abundant with flowers.
I tried to catch it,
But it flew away.
And even at that young age
I was already too familiar
With things
not intending to
stay
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2014
he reminds me
of my father
of a ship sailing on the sea
of the sun
of the moon
of the leaves on the trees
he reminds me

of all the things that will leave
Brielle O'Brien Jul 2014
We all say things we know we don't mean
Maybe I should just speak for myself
But I've come to the conclusion that even though we have different blood, we're still put together with the same pieces, just in different arrangements
I realized this when he talked about her to me
The way I talked about him to them
We spoke with words created by pain
Simply wishing that if we spoke them out loud instead of keeping them inside
Maybe they wouldn't feel so cold
But the words were almost as cold as the nights in december
When I'd sit around waiting for your letters
Wishing for a call because his voice would always heal me
This was no way to live,
But it didn't matter,
I was satisfied just seeing him in my dreams
He had no clue that when I looked at him my body went numb
And all I could imagine when I closed my eyes
Were his hands in my hair
And his lips on my neck
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
There's a reason that the sun arises
Each morning
It is a possible new beginning
for everyone to take advantage of
There's a reason
The waves of the ocean always
Come crashing back onto the shore
It is a way to never lose touch
Of home
There's a reason for the stars beyond us
Burning and Shining
There's a reason for the seasons
That seem to quickly pass by
Except in times of coldness
There's a reason the world spins
There's a reason the moon beams
At night
It guides unfourtunate souls
Who wander and may be lost
Providing light
But along with all these wonders in life,
I'm not sure of the reason
If there's a reason
I stumbled across you
And that's where it began
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
You'll always be my favorite heartbreak
Brielle O'Brien May 2014
Songs that he played
That you use to hate
Now are your favorites
Because he is gone
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
I woke up this morning

And realized I'm in love

And I cried and cried


There's no turning back now.
Brielle O'Brien Aug 2014
I was drunk
And I knew I needed to tell you
So I choked on the words I promised I'd never say again
"I'm in love with you"

You questioned it
And blamed it on the whiskey
And you asked me
"Do you still think about him?"

You didn't need to say his name
I knew exactly who you were talking about
But in all entirety
I never thought of him once

You smiled
And I did too
You were happy I was in love with you
And I was happy I no longer loved him
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
Break me down
I don't give a ****
Shattered my bones
Mess with my heart

Maybe I am just a little insane
But just as long as your here to fix me
& pick up the pieces of what of me remains
Over & over again
Brielle O'Brien Feb 2015
You say you're so unhappy, being brought down and you don't want to bring me down too

But bring me down baby too

Just as long as I'm with you
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
I'm so in love with him

That is, until he breaks my heart

And even after that,

I know I'll never be able to let him go

I take this love too serious

Something I've never done before

And the biggest mistake we all make

Is locking up, enclosing, attempting to keep ahold of what we love, trying to keep it forever

We're selfish, we want it to ourselves, no one else can touch, no one else can have, no one else can love them as much as we do,

But in the words of stephen king

Some birds aren't meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright

And the same concept goes for people too

The ones who gleam, and shine with light

You cant hold that back, you cannot possess them

Even though your heart won't ever let them go if they decide to

Sometimes that's just the way it is

I guess no one can be yours forever

I'd like him to be my forever

But we all know forever doesn't last

And he shines to bright to be kept within the darkness of my heart
Brielle O'Brien Nov 2014
Now I'm scared to be alone
Once again I can only live with him by my side

Without him I'm just as I was before he was here
A broken mess
Pieces scattered

But I can't hold him back
I can't depend on him

So should I detach?
Or cling longer
Until he let's go
Brielle O'Brien Mar 2015
Girls like me, yeah, they'll warn you
I'll smoke my cigarettes flick my ashes on the floor
Drink every night without any concern

Don't think about tomorrow
Or the days that passed by
But I'll smoke some of my brother's ****
I'm just trying to get high

I don't care about me
But I could care about you

I would never hurt you baby
I promise it's true
Brielle O'Brien Jan 2014
Oh how I dream
Of our skin colliding
And our souls connecting


Make me feel love
Brielle O'Brien Oct 2014
When someone asks you if you're in love
You can smile and say "yes"
But if that someone asks
And is in your own head


You're not
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