It will never make sense why my heart belongs to a man who will never love me back. The words he says are old replayed records that were once melodies, that belonged to her. He can hold me and love me all night long but when the morning sun arises and he wakes up by my side, he wishes it were her eyes that he could get drunk on. She is beautiful, with hair golden and long, and my hair is black to match my soul. I like drugs I pop a pill every now and then, and she gets high from the life she is blessed to be able to live. I will never compare to her, but no, I don't want to be her,


But he does, and it will **** me forever, especially when he leaves.

He never asked me to write about him,
That's why I do.
He never expected much from me,
But he did hate
When I didn't say goodnight
Before I went to sleep.
& I hated how I couldn't find
A **** thing
to hate about him.

I do  hate
that I don't
hate him.
I do hate
That he
Didn't say goodbye that night,
Before he decided to leave,

& I don't even think I said goodnight to him
that night
Before I went to sleep

When I hear his name
I try to hide the excrutiating pain
Deep within me
That's bound to spill out in a way
creating an eruption of
unexplainable and uncontrollable emotions
I try to cover up the way I feel inside
Just like the way I cover up the way I look
On the outside
All I know is nothing really works
Whether it be xanex
Or a tube of concealor
Nothing stays hidden forever

Girls like me, yeah, they'll warn you
I'll smoke my cigarettes flick my ashes on the floor
Drink every night without any concern

Don't think about tomorrow
Or the days that passed by
But I'll smoke some of my brother's ****
I'm just trying to get high

I don't care about me
But I could care about you

I would never hurt you baby
I promise it's true

I told him to call me when he cares

So

I'm still sitting here, with my phone volume

Turned all the way up

But I'm left in silence

Break me down
I don't give a ****
Shattered my bones
Mess with my heart

Maybe I am just a little insane
But just as long as your here to fix me
& pick up the pieces of what of me remains
Over & over again

I love him so much
I wonder if he
Could ever love me as much as I love him
And when I say love I mean my whole body aches for him
I couldn't imagine another soul feeling like that towards me

My heart aches in the best way
Everytime I say your name

The problem is
I can't exactly put into words
The way you make me feel

And people have said it all
Cliche lines used all the time
To express their so called love

In a way you set me at ease
Diminished all my sorrows
And through the dreary days of my life
You were my only source of light

And I thought I knew what love was
But I didn't, because I wasn't with you

I was living in an emptiness
Trying to find myself
And let go of my old ways
I knew who I wanted to be
And where I wanted to go
But I couldn't get there on my own

And I thank you for saving me
And for being by my side
throughout all the troubles
You never left me alone
I've never been appreciated
I've never been cared for
But now, I am simply being loved

You can say something so much for as long as you want
But your actions will always speak louder than your voice

Once I realized this,
I understood you really weren't as important to me as I thought

You said all the right things
We planned out our future
But it all seemed to vanish
With time and distance

You could have meant it all
But time changed our paths
And I moved on despite the pain of heartbreak

And through my journey
I found him

He put my dreams into action
He didn't even need the words

Now my dreams have come true
I'm doing all the things I've wanted to
He has become my life

You were just words
Over a screen
And letters on a paper

We dreamed of eternity together
But the hourglass ran out of sand

And sometimes,
That's what needs to happen
To make you understand what's right

I've imagined my life with you
And how lovely it would be

But you're too far away
And you're not who I need to be with

Maybe time will change things
Time reveals

But as of now,
I hear him louder and more clear than I ever heard you
He whispers through his touch
You screamed through a screen

"But you're not like her, that's why I love you"

Sometimes I find myself
Wondering why
You never really gave me a chance.
There were always other places
Other faces that you needed to
See.
I just thought maybe
Instead of you leaving,
You could have stayed long enough
To tuck me into bed
But then again I guess I'm too
Greedy
I'd rather you have stayed
the night
I could plug in my christmas lights
light a million candles
And open my window
So the moon beams shine in
And we could lay and embrace
And with my head on your chest
I could listen to  my favorite song.
We could be silent
We could talk until morning
We could star gaze
We could dream
Just as long as our hands are
Intwined
And my hair is falling across your
Chest.

But the sad thing always is ,
either way,
I'll be waking up in the morning
And the candles
all blown out
The lights unplugged
The window and curtain closed
My hair falling across the pillow
And spaces that were meant to
Be occupied by the warmth of
Your body are left unfilled

So I guess what I'm saying
Is that I've felt emptiness
Take ahold of me
The same time you
dissapeared from me.

You could have stayed

You should have stayed

I wish you stayed

Long enough to tuck me into bed

4am
My bones are shaking
My heart is slowed down
The tears in my eyes
Are falling to the ground

My fingers lay softly on the piano keys
This is my very last plea

I can never find the words to say
So the music helps me drift away
Please baby please
Just tell me you'll stay

My heart is hollow
My chest is full of air
For I'd let all the blood in my body run dry for you
without even having a care

I'm wondering what you are doing and how you feel
But nothing really phases you
You're so strong
You're made out of steel

Unlike me
I'm as soft as clay
Mold me into something
That would make you wanna stay
And You can always have your way

There's shivers up my spine
The stars are never aligned
Because you and I
Are not side by side


So as I play the last notes
I feel as if instead of swimming
I'm just barley staying afloat

Maybe in my dreams you'll come visit me
And we can go drifting
Amongst the seas

He came off having a tough exterior
As most men do,
And when I traced my finger tips
Along his back,
I could feel him shaking.
He is numb.
& I'm here to make him feel.
Maybe he will like the way affection feels.
Maybe he will like the way I say his name.

I say, "tell me something"
He seemed uneasy.
So I touched his hand softly  
And he glanced into my eyes
& he spoke of his demons that haunt him,
And the secrets burried deep inside
His frozen heart.
I just sit & listen.

He spoke of the past;
All the betrayale of trust
And broken promises.

These are all familar things to me
I know dissapointment & lost trust
Like the back of my hand,
But I say not a word,
My ears do the talking.

"You deserve better"
I tell him,
He knows that.
But you can tell he doesn't exactly
Believe it.

But I could feel him becoming less cold.
The emptiness he had
Is now being filled,
So I continue to touch him,
Until he's completely filled up,
Emptiness is a waste of space.

Oh, how he craves love.

So we give ourselves to eachother
Skin on skin
The most expressive, in depth
Way to say
1000 words lined with 1000 emotions
Without even opening your mouth.


We lie together,
And drift off into the dream land,
And I rest my head on his chest
And feel the beating of his heart.

I hope he wasn't expecting
To awaken next to me in the morning,

Because I won't be there.

I'm off,
Onto the next,

Still searching for the man
Who will fill me up
Who will melt the ice of my heart
Who will make me feel
Who will give me love
Who will listen

& Who will be by my side

Even when the sun rises.

I'm over you
You mean **** to me
So why do I constantly
See you in my dreams?
I'm moved on,
I'm head over heels in love with someone better
You're long gone & out of my life forever
So why did dream I was looking into your eyes?
Why within my dreams,
I finally didn't want to die?
Why is it that when I saw your face
My broken heart began to race
But that's not fair my heart does not belong to you
For every chance I gave you,
you blew
But then again
I always blame myself
Maybe its my fault you wanted someone else
But if I'm still mad at you,
Why do I see you in my dreams?
This is much more difficult than it even seems.
It felt so real it felt like the old times
It breaks my heart thinking
We had to leave it  all behind
Things could be different
If we both weren't so selfish
To fix the past would be my deep down wish
But I don't care
Atleast that's what I tell myself
But I do,
That's why my heart is in a jar
On the very top shelf
I tried more than once to fix things
But in doing so
Misery is all that it brings
I don't think I mind seeing you in my dreams
But once I wake up
I come apart at the scene

His hands aren't as big as yours
And his eyes are a different shade of brown
But I usually see him only at night time
So I can't really tell

His lips just aren't as sweet as yours
And his kisses don't get me high
I look at him and I'm still on the ground
But when I look at you
I'm flying, I can touch the sky.

His voice doesn't give me chills
His words don't give me closure
I'm laying right next to him skin on skin
But its you that I wish I was close to

There's no emotion
There's no connection
Into your heart
Is where I need directions

I can't seem to get to you
I can't seem to make you smile
I seem to hang around too long
Even though its not worth my while

He doesn't get to me like you do
He can not heal the pain you caused
Now you're gone forever
Onto better things
The best thing in life
I have lost

He made me hate myself even more than I already did
If he knew how much power he had I bet he could **** me
And right when I thought I could breathe again I was plunged back into the water where I was left to sink but expected to swim
Its easy to think its all an overreaction
Maybe even an obsession
But I can't help but think of you everytime the sun shines
But also when its raining
Days were always so gloomy
But that's how you liked it
There's never been a purer soul to walk this earth
Yet also the most evil demonic human who put my heart on full blast
And then shut it down
Singing was always too cliche
Poems were all the same
But you loved when I'd play the piano
And hated when I'd cry
Most the time you were the reason behind it
You were the cause of my greatest dowfall
And weren't there to pick me up
You'd always sit with a cigarette in your mouth
And a distant look in your eyes
I remember when nights were cold and you'd steal the covers
And when I was almost drunk and you drank the rest of the jack
I was always left high and dry
You were always wanting to be left alone
Love was always blooming
You decided to step on the flowers
And when the stars were out and I'd look out the window you'd close the blinds and turn off the lights
And The time comes when you realize what's good and what's bad
You finally understand why happiness has not reached you yet
And when its time to say goodbye
Its also time to say hello
Time will pass by
your time will come