I was chasing a butterfly
In a field abundant with flowers.
I tried to catch it,
But it flew away.
And even at that young age
I was already too familiar
With things
not intending to
stay

I'm tired of waiting around
Each day passes and I'm growing closer to my grave
And the sad thing is

I haven't even began to live yet

I don't want to get high
I don't want to feel low
I don't want to feel pain
I don't want to feel nothing at all

I don't want to love jesus
I don't want to hate the devil
I don't want nothing at all
I don't want to know forever

I don't want to be a coward
I don't want to be brave
I don't want to fit in
I don't want to be strange

I don't want to die young
I don't want to live forever
I don't want to be normal
I don't want to be severed

I don't want the sunshine
I don't want to feel the rain
I don't want happiness
I don't want pain

I don't want to be with you
I don't want to be without you
I don't want to laugh
I don't want to sing the blues

I don't want you to cry
I don't want you to smile
I don't want you to forget about me
I don't want you to ask "why"

"Doubt everything. Find your own light."
So I shut out the whole world
Believed not a single word a soul told me
And I found you to be my
Source of sunlight

he reminds me
of my father
of a ship sailing on the sea
of the sun
of the moon
of the leaves on the trees
he reminds me

of all the things that will leave

There's one place
Where the rain washes away all pain
But also soaks and drowns you
Where the breeze flows softly
through your hair
But also makes you lose your breath
Unable to catch it again
Where the sun shines on your face
But also burns your skin
Where the light never dims
Which keeps you from sleeping at night
Where you're holding
the world in your hands
And you realize it is only
but a grain of sand
Where everything that makes you high
Also makes you feel so low
Where what makes you happy
Is also the cause of your downfall
Where the flowers bloom
But also die before they can be admired
Where time heals the pain
But also where time just faded love
This place is where I'm at
I'm stuck here
Yet I belong here

The songs that reminded me of you now remind me of him
And instead of crying,
I now can sing

We all say things we know we don't mean
Maybe I should just speak for myself
But I've come to the conclusion that even though we have different blood, we're still put together with the same pieces, just in different arrangements
I realized this when he talked about her to me
The way I talked about him to them
We spoke with words created by pain
Simply wishing that if we spoke them out loud instead of keeping them inside
Maybe they wouldn't feel so cold
But the words were almost as cold as the nights in december
When I'd sit around waiting for your letters
Wishing for a call because his voice would always heal me
This was no way to live,
But it didn't matter,
I was satisfied just seeing him in my dreams
He had no clue that when I looked at him my body went numb
And all I could imagine when I closed my eyes
Were his hands in my hair
And his lips on my neck

Its a hot summer
But my heart is still cold
I always wanted a lover
Or maybe just someone to hold

I could live in the sunshine
And still be freezing
I've heard every line
None of the words have meaning

But on my darkest nights
You were always right here
You'd spark a fire for light
And open up a beer

We'd talk all night
We'd get drunk on eachother
I was no longer in fright
I was no longer troubled

Its like the calm after the rain
Or the smell of the sea
You got rid of my pain
And set me at ease

Maybe you'll be gone tomorrow
But you're here today
You lessend all my sorrows
So I hope that maybe you'll stay

He never asked me to write about him,
That's why I do.
He never expected much from me,
But he did hate
When I didn't say goodnight
Before I went to sleep.
& I hated how I couldn't find
A **** thing
to hate about him.

I do  hate
that I don't
hate him.
I do hate
That he
Didn't say goodbye that night,
Before he decided to leave,

& I don't even think I said goodnight to him
that night
Before I went to sleep

He is here
To ease my pain

But closing a window
Doesn't stop the rain

4am
My bones are shaking
My heart is slowed down
The tears in my eyes
Are falling to the ground

My fingers lay softly on the piano keys
This is my very last plea

I can never find the words to say
So the music helps me drift away
Please baby please
Just tell me you'll stay

My heart is hollow
My chest is full of air
For I'd let all the blood in my body run dry for you
without even having a care

I'm wondering what you are doing and how you feel
But nothing really phases you
You're so strong
You're made out of steel

Unlike me
I'm as soft as clay
Mold me into something
That would make you wanna stay
And You can always have your way

There's shivers up my spine
The stars are never aligned
Because you and I
Are not side by side


So as I play the last notes
I feel as if instead of swimming
I'm just barley staying afloat

Maybe in my dreams you'll come visit me
And we can go drifting
Amongst the seas

He came off having a tough exterior
As most men do,
And when I traced my finger tips
Along his back,
I could feel him shaking.
He is numb.
& I'm here to make him feel.
Maybe he will like the way affection feels.
Maybe he will like the way I say his name.

I say, "tell me something"
He seemed uneasy.
So I touched his hand softly  
And he glanced into my eyes
& he spoke of his demons that haunt him,
And the secrets burried deep inside
His frozen heart.
I just sit & listen.

He spoke of the past;
All the betrayale of trust
And broken promises.

These are all familar things to me
I know dissapointment & lost trust
Like the back of my hand,
But I say not a word,
My ears do the talking.

"You deserve better"
I tell him,
He knows that.
But you can tell he doesn't exactly
Believe it.

But I could feel him becoming less cold.
The emptiness he had
Is now being filled,
So I continue to touch him,
Until he's completely filled up,
Emptiness is a waste of space.

Oh, how he craves love.

So we give ourselves to eachother
Skin on skin
The most expressive, in depth
Way to say
1000 words lined with 1000 emotions
Without even opening your mouth.


We lie together,
And drift off into the dream land,
And I rest my head on his chest
And feel the beating of his heart.

I hope he wasn't expecting
To awaken next to me in the morning,

Because I won't be there.

I'm off,
Onto the next,

Still searching for the man
Who will fill me up
Who will melt the ice of my heart
Who will make me feel
Who will give me love
Who will listen

& Who will be by my side

Even when the sun rises.

I'm over you
You mean **** to me
So why do I constantly
See you in my dreams?
I'm moved on,
I'm head over heels in love with someone better
You're long gone & out of my life forever
So why did dream I was looking into your eyes?
Why within my dreams,
I finally didn't want to die?
Why is it that when I saw your face
My broken heart began to race
But that's not fair my heart does not belong to you
For every chance I gave you,
you blew
But then again
I always blame myself
Maybe its my fault you wanted someone else
But if I'm still mad at you,
Why do I see you in my dreams?
This is much more difficult than it even seems.
It felt so real it felt like the old times
It breaks my heart thinking
We had to leave it  all behind
Things could be different
If we both weren't so selfish
To fix the past would be my deep down wish
But I don't care
Atleast that's what I tell myself
But I do,
That's why my heart is in a jar
On the very top shelf
I tried more than once to fix things
But in doing so
Misery is all that it brings
I don't think I mind seeing you in my dreams
But once I wake up
I come apart at the scene

His hands aren't as big as yours
And his eyes are a different shade of brown
But I usually see him only at night time
So I can't really tell

His lips just aren't as sweet as yours
And his kisses don't get me high
I look at him and I'm still on the ground
But when I look at you
I'm flying, I can touch the sky.

His voice doesn't give me chills
His words don't give me closure
I'm laying right next to him skin on skin
But its you that I wish I was close to

There's no emotion
There's no connection
Into your heart
Is where I need directions

I can't seem to get to you
I can't seem to make you smile
I seem to hang around too long
Even though its not worth my while

He doesn't get to me like you do
He can not heal the pain you caused
Now you're gone forever
Onto better things
The best thing in life
I have lost

He made me hate myself even more than I already did
If he knew how much power he had I bet he could **** me
And right when I thought I could breathe again I was plunged back into the water where I was left to sink but expected to swim
Its easy to think its all an overreaction
Maybe even an obsession
But I can't help but think of you everytime the sun shines
But also when its raining
Days were always so gloomy
But that's how you liked it
There's never been a purer soul to walk this earth
Yet also the most evil demonic human who put my heart on full blast
And then shut it down
Singing was always too cliche
Poems were all the same
But you loved when I'd play the piano
And hated when I'd cry
Most the time you were the reason behind it
You were the cause of my greatest dowfall
And weren't there to pick me up
You'd always sit with a cigarette in your mouth
And a distant look in your eyes
I remember when nights were cold and you'd steal the covers
And when I was almost drunk and you drank the rest of the jack
I was always left high and dry
You were always wanting to be left alone
Love was always blooming
You decided to step on the flowers
And when the stars were out and I'd look out the window you'd close the blinds and turn off the lights
And The time comes when you realize what's good and what's bad
You finally understand why happiness has not reached you yet
And when its time to say goodbye
Its also time to say hello
Time will pass by
your time will come