i wish you knew the real me.
the one that didnt get shakey hands whenever you were near,
the one that was able to stand up for myself.
i wish you knew the me i was before you made me feel so small.

before i felt like nobody cared,
and that i was here for nothing.
like i was nothing.
i wish you knew the real me,
maybe you do.

maybe you brought out the insecurities ive hid away under my bed over the past years,
maybe this is me.
i miss the old me.
who am i anymore?

today i put down my phone,
told myself not to think of you.
told myself i was better off,
not answering youre texts.

now i find myself talking to you
"hows your day?"
"i miss you"
once again i find myself
putting my heart infront of my head.

i had one question for you.
"am i wasting my time?"

you'd shrug it off
and act like you wanted me,
but it was a silly question
because i knew i was.

you smell good.
it may seem weird,
but whenever i walk past you,
i cant help but want
to bury myself in your chest.

have you ever given thought to how
a small device,
a cell phone
a tablet
anything these days,
can have so much say
in how we live our lives
every single day?

I fell in love with you inside of a yellow room.
One that many memories had been made in during the past.
One that memories shall be made inside in the future.
Was not just a yellow room. It was the yellow room.
A comfort place to you, if you will.
A place you made me home to, one I felt at home with.

The first time I had stepped foot inside this room,
I was drunk.
I'm not going to say being in love with you a mistake,
Because people tend to blame mistakes on being drunk.
Falling in love with you was a choice.
I chose you.
And you chose me too.

We built a new room for ourselves, different from the yellow room.
I fell in love with you in the yellow room, I was in love with you in our room.
A room we decided to close the door to when we felt everyone else was wrong.
When we felt like it was us against them all.
And we never left this room.
Not then,
But now we have.

One of us decided to step out of the room,
The other had the lock in hand.
I begged you to open that door, but I guess it was bolted shut.
You shut me out of our room.
Does that make it your room now?

You.
You were a breath of fresh air during a humid hot day.
One where if you ran too long it would take a few painful minutes to catch that oxygen into your lungs again, a day where sweat seemed to build up in places you had yet to discover.
Yes, you were that breeze that made my hair lift off of my shoulders and bounce all the way to my ears.
You made me feel light and peachy.
You.

But then I realized that you were the one adding all of the extra weight.
You balanced off the scale every once in a while to make it seem like you weren't holding me down by the shoulders.
You tricked me into thinking I was smaller than I really was so I felt vulnerable and trapped.
Made me think the world was too big for me to explore.
You made me think I would get lost.
Made me think I was lost.
You.

Me.
Maybe I am lost,
That could be on me.
I want to find you.
I want you and I to be happy.
And it may seem silly that I do feel this way.
But I miss being able to breathe, and I miss seeing you every day.
I do.

I rather have that weight on my shoulders, even though it felt like a ton.
It kept me down on my feet, made sure I didn’t run.
You made me think I would get lost.
Now look where I am.
I feel so small, and I know it may be my fault.
But I want you to know I don’t resent you at all.
You can always talk to me if you need some fresh air.
You can forever come to me, I’ll always be there.