The pencil scraping along the paper, forming a masterpiece taken straight from the mind and the nerves along my spine was a lullaby.
And so I drew a gorgeous, full moon and shaded its craters,
I drew furious ocean waves because my Science teacher told me there was a relationship between the moon and the ocean.
It was so intriguing to know the closer the moon, the more revolting and furious the waves.
But my Art teacher also told me that art is a form expression.
I was expressing my feelings, explaining our situation, and my brain and hand agreed to compare us to the moon and the ocean because that's what we were.
You were always so beautiful yet distant; watched and loved by everyone, but explored by few.
I was always so revolting and mysterious, no one willing or able to reach the depths and hollows of me; better maps of the surface of Mars than my vast ocean floor.
We were so distant and different yet I needed you to be.
You were always waking up every emotion I thought I had been drained of; turned my lowest tides to crashing, fierce waves; always dependent of your full or new state.
You are my moon and I am your ocean; so different yet it feels so right.
The ocean wasn't so realistic until I felt salty tears of it run down my cheeks,
there was no more silence.
I was at low tide, and I needed my moon.

When I was younger
I liked to spin and spin
I would get dizzy and fall
and I would laugh
because things were good
and life was kind

When I was a little older
I liked to follow my brother around
I would get tired and fall
because no matter how hard I tried
I couldn't keep up
but things were good
and life was kind

The day I became a teenager
I began to internalize
and I would get dizzy and fall
because I was different
things were not good
but life was still kind

When I was a little older
I made peace with my struggles
I got light headed and cried
God made me different
but things were good
and life was kind

When I became an adult
I met my first love
We would kiss and I would fall
because I knew he would catch me
things were very good
and life was kind

When  I was a little older
I made too many mistakes
I was so sorry but I didn't fall
because I had ruined his life
and mine
and there's nothing to be done
things got really bad
and life was not kind

Now the days go by
but things are different now
and when I think about it all
I get dizzy and I do fall
because not a day goes by
that I don't think of you
and how sorry I am
for the idiot I was

but life goes on
there's not too much I can do
the little that could
was done
and we've moved on

The day I'm a little older
I'm sure I will see you that day
and I will probably get dizzy and fall
but I hope enough time has passed
where we are able to smile
because things are good
and life is once again kind

Sinking into the abysm of the dark corridors of my mind
Here, In darkness where every thought becomes so clear
Each breath mirrored by silence
And this solitude forever drills tiny holes into bits of me
I shudder when I catch my own reflection in the mirror
My tormentor looks just like me.

I  feel  passion transgressing all limits when she kisses,
know what does she expect, and when I return,
I owe much more to her, to be in the same  league as her,
every transaction leads to further complicated
entries in the account book; can one be just natural
like waves and shore, or be neutral, tranquil, expect
nothing, to make matters, sweet and simple?
But life becomes an exhibition match of warring teams
even lovers become opponents who play devious games
of make believe, falling slowly in to the trap of follies self created

Sometimes I feel I'm a little fish,
In the big pond that is the world
And I see bigger fish,
Eat little fish like me
I mean, it's only survival of the fittest,
But what if we could change that?
What if a little fish could change the world?
with an idea bigger than all the biggest fish combined
This is all metaphorical, you know
But I feel like it's the best way to explain my ideas,
And that is that no matter who you are,
Or where you come from, the path you've walked
And all the hardships you have had to endure,
You matter.
you may be a little fish in a big big pond,
But little fish can change the world

i think maybe i only love you because
you're older, because you have large hands
that have held more than mine ever will

(or maybe it is because instead of choosing to
hold the world, you chose to hold me)

Dec. 20th, a whole month is nearly gone in the blink of an eye and I didn’t even realize it, a ******* year has flown past without me even knowing. I loved the glow of your eyes in the dark car, I was just melting in your hands and you hadn’t even touched me, hearing you talk so animated, and so vibrant and alive, you aren’t even a ******* color but if you were you would be a brilliant mixture of reds and oranges in the setting sky, setting everything alight with nervous energy in your path. You were such a unique person, you totally caught me off guard, I wasn’t the cocky party girl I usually was, you were so full of life and I was a mere observer of the beauty you held inside of you. I was so star struck by your personality, but that was my mistake, romanticizing you, mistaking that short glimpse of you, for the whole entire you. I would have followed you anywhere, taken any chance to be with you, held you when you felt like ****, made you tea and tried my best to get a laugh out of you. I wanted to be your best lover, and when we kissed your lips felt like home, what actually rips out my heart is, you said I was something special, you gave me so much happiness, I’d never felt better. You made me feel like I truly meant something to someone for once in my life, and when I gave you the last remaining piece of me, you just took and took and took, you never gave me the slightest piece of you. I wanted you to say something to make me stay. You just let me walk away, like after all you had said to me, I was still nothing but another dumb girl, reduced to a mere speck of dust.

but it's always been my worst of nights that I write my best
the nights that I want to cut myself and lick my blood off of your chest
the nights that my eyes suffer and sting because they don't get rest
nights I miss the sunset because I was looking east when I know it's west.