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months ago at this exact time
i found myself
pouring another cup of coffee
to continue a daydream of you
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
clinging to my phone
awaiting just a few words from you
with heavy eyes
and hopeful heart
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
discovering the dustiest corners
of your souls
one night at a time
months ago at this exact time
i found myself
daring to ask you how long
forever would be
with lit eyes
and hungry heart
months ago at this time
i never would have imagined
that months later at this exact time
you would be falling asleep
and i would be falling apart
because
our forever
wasnt what I wished for
months ago at this exact time
Today
You asked me if I ever
Regretted
Any of the lame,
Crazy stuff that we did

I looked at me
I looked at you
Peering behind
Your concrete walls
And told you

That I
Am not one for regrets,
Don't dwell
On the shattered remains of

What could have been
What should have been
What would have been

That I
Meant every word I said
Meant every word silence uttered
Loved you before my words
Ever ignited a spark in
Your ice cold heart

That you,
Were worth it,
Worth it all

That we,
Were draped with gasoline
We burned like veldfires
Turning everything we
Touched to ash
That they had to call
The fire department

That
The kiss that haunts me
Day and night
The urge to embrace you
Every minute of the hour
The crave for your fiery skin
That burns my fingertips
Each time I caress you
That the hole you left
The scars that are written
On my heart
And each tear I shed
Doesn't compound to regret

You were worth it,
Worth it all
And I lied
I never should have said 'Hello'
Never should have
Let my eyes turn back
Never should have
Let you come back
I should have rejected you
Should have never loved you
I hate you
You pitted me against myself
Watched me destroy myself
You turned me into
Everything I didn't want
To be
An insecure little girl
A whiny female
An emotional wreck
I was fine with being
All of that on my own
 Feb 2014 Trader Tim
PrttyBrd
Have you ever just wanted to hold someone so desperately, and hope against hope for the days that hugs used be magical and heal all that ails? It is now that a tear falls, because 1000 miles is too far, and my arms aren't long enough, and I can't change that.

We are all depraved
                   You just embrace the darkness
                                          Most choose to ignore


All I want is to hold you and let you eat me alive so that your emptiness is filled with me and you are never alone.
A Haibun
21814
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