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MM Nov 2023
Panic only happens at the disco
Or so they thought when they named themselves
But the real panic happens here
In my mind
Whenever I think back
Or ahead
Or just at all
I guess I think too much
About what it was
What it could be
What it could’ve been
Shoulda, woulda, coulda
That’ll ******* right up
Obsessing over mistakes
Wondering how to make them right
When we can’t
All we can do is enjoy this
The moment
For what it now is
How it now feels
That’s where the real magic happens
Clearing out the drafts…
Cheesy one **** but straight facts
MM Nov 2023
Is it odd that I still think of U?
Though it doesn’t hurt the same
The feels remain
Right there
In my chest
And I’m back, again
To that night in December  
Where we danced, deep in a trance
Dimmed lights, candles lit, music up to an even - cos odds made U uneasy
Oh how nothing could ever feel
as bliss
as this
So I thought anyway
But it does
Such a familiar feeling when I hear the intro, my favourite song on the radio
That was once yours
I remember how it felt, that first time, hearing it with U
Taking in how it now feels, alone
Without U
Still bliss, just different
That’s ok too
That U still linger
In the guitar chords of our favourite song
Or in the after taste of that mango salsa I now have for lunch
So no it’s not odd
Not odd to still think of U
Just different.
I guess I’m different now too.
MM Jul 2023
Oh to feel
What a dangerous
Just as beautiful
Do we feel too much or too little?
Do we let it chip
Chip away
At our insides
Until we feel no more?
Or do we embrace
Let it take oVER
Our bodies
Mask in that warmth
Oh how sweet
Bliss even
It is
To feel
Though sometimes we ought t’ learn when
When it’s time
To feel no more
For some feelings
Need put to rest.

“it’s okay”
“you’re safe now”
MM Jul 2023
My sugar
Sweeter than a cherry pie
My lover
You make my whole world shine so bright
I love it, your hands pressed on me
Like a movie
Real life fantasy

Not sure how you do it
But you do
So special
Make sure to tell you that
•another oldie from the drafts•
lover girl @ heart oh my
MM Jul 2023
Used to be friends
And now we’re lovers
Can’t decide
Which beats the other…

Cos what if I lose you?
But how could I choose you?
If I can’t be sure…

I love you
That's for sure
But that ain’t enough
Cos things get tough
And I bottle up
My feelings
Can’t seem to find no meaning
It’s eating
The full version to one I've already posted on here.
Oh how time flies!!!
Some lyrics I had written to try and put my feelings on blast when I knew no other way how to. Crazy how it’s been 3 years + and I still remember this day like it was yesterday. I can even picture the exact moment I was writing and then singing this. This heartbreak almost killed me. Haha little did I know!!! I love reminiscing, for more reasons than one but the main one being that it helps put things into perspective. It’s so easy to feel stuck. To not notice any change and beat yourself up for feeling like you’ve not taken any steps but looking back on things like this show me just how far I’ve come. Just how much I’ve grown. How much my heart has healed. Even when it doesn't feel like it. It’s almost like a personal growth tracker. To show you that life does move on and things get better.

I remember being so consumed by my feelings around this time. Do I give in? Let go? Give up? I thought I’d never feel anything else. But I do. Deeply. Though new feelings consume me from time to time, the old ones are at rest (usually) and on the days they resurface, I have new strength to deal with them now. Things change. Feelings fade.
Just like that.
“This too shall pass” (reminder to self)
MM Jan 2022
You moved house without warning
No alarm bells to warn me of what was to come, except for those in my head that continue to convince me that I’m losing it
You stripped everything off the walls on your way out
My confidence
Self worth and
Your love
But you didn’t just stop there  
You made sure to replace it with the ugliest shade of red
A shade so horrifying it keeps me awake almost every night thinking of the reasons I wasn’t good enough to make you stay
The furniture is so ugly in here now, it reminds me of how I felt the very first time you chose her
Instead of me
Not forgetting the other countless times I was made to feel so unworthy at your feet
Now for the record…
I know I’m no renovator
Maybe just a lousy painter at best  
But if someone had trusted me with the keys to their heart the same way I did you
I would’ve made **** sure to do a much better job with them
Than you did
I guess it’s for the best though
You’ve cost me too much here so maybe you moving out was the right decision
I just hope for everyone else’s sake, you take much better care of your next home
Than you did ours
•another oldie I dragged out from my notes•

I liked the idea I was working with, using the moving out of a house to symbolise the ending of a somewhat toxic relationship and the aftermath you’re left with.
Kinda lost it after the start and couldn’t really get back into it so this is it haha.
MM Jan 2022
I’m sorry I didn’t love you as much as I should have
Instead made you feel less than
Sorry for not wiping your tears when you needed
Giving you the love you needed
Love that you went searching for which lead you to the wrong hands
I’m so sorry
I wish I knew how back then
Truth is I’m still figuring that part out

Thank you for not giving up on us
Thank you for being as strong as you were
Thank you for giving me a second chance
A chance to make it right
A chance to shower the new you with all the love and more I couldn’t give back then
- You make me so proud.

I love you, M. X
Not a poem. Not really anything. Just some late night thoughts and feelings that I wrote out and decided to put on here. Isn’t it so weird how we find it so hard to love ourselves now as we are but would do anything just to shower the old us with love, care and affection? To let them know that they matter and are worthy of love. Maybe it’s just me and my thoughts aren’t making sense but it’s been a bit of an emotional one tonight. Nice to share the feels sometimes though I guess… x
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