You appear in daydreams,
Face pixelated and palms open and facing up.
Waiting for me.
Too far away from me.
In my dream I smell rain thick in the air,
Feel the thunder and lightning crackle over our heads;
As desperate to open up as we are.
The storms whips around us like our love does,
Fiercely and without second thought or consequence.
I yearn for it every time it rains.
Yearn for it so much my heart walks out of my chest and into the eye of the chaos.

My head spins and wavers;
Feel the heat in that moment,
A moment of raw.
Bite,
Lick,
Breathe.
I feel your rhythm and steady,
If not rough,
Hands.
Blank brain,
Hot head,
Passionate force;
I feel the want deeply.
The crave drives me,
Into the steamy fog.
Scratch,
****,
Surrender.
Embracing the loss and love of control.
With hands above my head,
Heart forgotten,
And your mouth remembered,
I sigh deeply,
And give in to the wave.

Ow.
It's like my entire body was vibrating with that word.
Pulsating through,
Bringing ache.
It was the only word I could think of,
As you told me.
Words needling my skin,
Leaving marks like my nails did on my arm as I gripped for dear life,
When I realised,
That I had ****** up.
I was laid bare,
By myself.

It's like he's on full blast.
The world is white noise next to him.
A pure chaos that I cant process in my mediocre mind.
A symphony of broken emotions and guitar strings and LIFE,
Vibrating when your fingers hover over.
To have gotten a glimpse,
Of the catastrophe of black rushing through him,
Knocked the wind and words out of my hopeful lungs.

Lessons,
I want to take from these scars.
You taught me intimacy,
In our slow dances and looking right through me,
Through your feathered caress,
That surprised me.
You taught me selflessness,
In your offer of records to wake me,
Your persistence in listening,
Your blunt encouragement,
To better me.
You taught me patience,
Something that had forever eluded me.
In asking me to wait,
You pushed me,
And I learnt that gentleness,
Instead of abrasiveness,
Was what you needed.
You taught me to trust,
When I thought I was closed.
You'd laid out your palms,
With promise and no safety net,
And I said yes.
Before it felt as if my body and brain were created of bitterness,
But you helped me to see,
That I was lighter.
You taught me how to forgive,
Even as I felt like fire,
Was in my blood.
You cleared the fog,
Unintentionally I'm sure,
And took some of the weight off and offered to carry it for me.
The most important thing that you taught me in our time though,
Was my value.
You showed me that I was worthy,
Of star showers and held hands and whispered words.
In taking the distance that you needed,
And not pushing me away when I gravitated back,
I learnt how to say no,
How to put myself first,
Because I deserved love.
My darling,
Thank you.
I wouldn't have realised the woman I have become,
Had been waiting for me to find her,
This whole time,
If it weren't for you.
Thank you.

I am a ******* storm.
Whipping and crashing and dancing and weeping,
Never bottled;
No matter how strong my hands are.
Spindly fingers attached to fiery arms tear at the skin of my chest,
Threatening,
To unleash it all.
The Pandora's box of sad teenage heartbreak and doubt-
A nostalgic stereotype that feels;
Yuck.
I feel this intense need to allow my ego to prove you wrong.
Have it rear its ugly horns,
Only to tell you that I am more than an idea of a girl that you'd maybe like to love one day if you ******* feel like it.
Only to inform you that my anger and preference in books does not want to hear your opinion of how daft and uneducated you think I might be but don't have the integrity to say it to my **** face.
Only to let you know that I hate that I agreed that we were bad timing but actually,
It was just you ******* me over and me saying,
Okay.
Because I love you and can't stand you,
All I said was one mediocre,
Powerless,
Self deprecating,
Okay.
So I could blame this storm on you,
And I want to,
God do I want to.
But I'm the one who let the storm calm and waver,
At someone else's beck and call.
Which also means,
I will be the one to allow the thunder,
Back into my life.