The harder I push today, the further it pulls away

Be it a hand or a heart, I've learned to play my part

I used to indulge in the fantasy of love

Drunk off the thought, and crippled by the naught

To say that love is still my desire, would make me a ******* and brand me a liar

Love isn't vital so I shouldn't idle

No more watching the years go by, knowing I might die before I can comply

I won't squirm and yearn for a different path, but embrace the track and not look back

I'll live my life on my own accord and I won't be ashamed of leaving paths unexplored

The way I see her

I look at her as though she were perfect.

I want to constantly feel like we connect.

She makes my heart beat quickly

And acts as if it is silly.



Her eyes are a dense forest and I easily get lost in them.

They sparkle in the sun, but look

in the darkness like a rocky cave.

They look like a fresh new leather book

And she never looks anything else but brave.



Her smile is a warm fire that melts my heart.

When she smiles it’s like a work of art.

It is as though she doesn’t know

That her smile is that of a doe.



Her laugh gives me goosebumps and I just want to hug her.

She has no idea that I like it.

Her laugh is as ringing of bells are in the distance.

It makes me smile bigger than I care to admit.

One joke and she laughs without persistence.



Her hair is brown leaves at the end of Fall.

And is as soft as a warm woolen shawl.

Her different hairstyles make me smile,

And make me want to stay with her for awhile.



Whenever I see her my eyes light up and my heart quickens.

I can’t stop staring at her.

Even by simply saying hello, I grin.

And it all happens in blur.

I also get little tingles all over my skin.



I look at her as though she were perfect,

and she doesn’t know I feel like we clicked.

With my worn fingernails,
I jab the weak ground.
I dig until my hands ache,
Until I’m too far down.

When there is no light,
That my heart can see,
I won’t ask for help,
Just please let me be.

I’m tired of digging,
And I’m tired of crying.
I say that I’m happy,
But I’m tired of lying.

I pray for the day,
My death is in stone,
Because I’m tired of being,
Depressed and alone.

sometimes it's hard to tell I'm alive
the plants holding me back
sometimes it's hard to tell if I survived
everything out of whack
the plague might take me
and the rats might eat me
the sun might scorch me
and the dirt might swallow me
everybody's doing their own work
but it's hard to even do mine
is this how you sort
my ethic doesn't exactly shine
I thought that I was dreaming
when the storm was coming
but it doesn't make it redeeming
I guess ill keep on running
sometimes it's hard to tell I'm alive

I wonder what it’s like to not be me
To not feel like me
To not think like me
To be unrestrained of these horrid broods
These broods that confine who I am
These broods that make me feel
Like a glitch in the matrix
Questioning every moment
Questioning every movement
From a blink of an eye
To a twitch of the mouth
To the color of clothes
And the words from your mouth
Finding meaning in everything
I want it to be gone
I want to be free
Of these horrid thoughts
Just to be free
Of being me

I wonder what it’s like to not be me
To not feel like me
To not think like me
To be unrestrained of these horrid broods
These broods that confine who I am
These broods that make me feel
Like a glitch in the matrix
Questioning every moment
Questioning every movement
From a blink of an eye
To a twitch of the mouth
To the color of clothes
And the words from your mouth
Finding meaning in everything
I want it to be gone
I want to be free
Of these horrid thoughts
Just to be free
Of being me

He can think clearly now that there's no pain in his head
Used to think that he’d just be better off dead
Wrote his own eulogy and this is how it read
There was a lonely boy hoping someday that he might find
A way to close this void and find some peace of mind
He loved his family and friends but could not love himself
He asked all the right questions but could not ask for help
He used to cry and pray to a God he didn’t believe in
And in some ****** up way
He thought it’d be okay
And no one would notice him leaving
He didn’t know what else to do
He clutched for straws and knew he was through
His time had come, it will be done
He was not proud of what he’d become
He closed his eyes
Reached to the skies
His body shook
His voice began to rise
He was finally off the hook
He took one last look
As tears streamed down from his eyes
And on that night
His end in sight
He prepared his final goodbyes
And as we fade to black
He must admit He could not write an end to this
For that lonely boy grew to be a man
He took a chance on himself
Put his fears high on a shelf
He thought it was over, but didn’t know that his story had just begun
For what you did not see
When you were trapped alone at sea
Is that this lonely boy is me
And I was hoping someday that I might find
A way to close this void and find some peace of mind
I loved my family and friends but I could not love myself
I asked all the right questions but I could not ask for help
But in the end, I finally know
You must take your life nice and slow
Turn your hate to love
Close your eyes and reach above
The storm will pass
Even though your boat might shake
Look through the glass
And do not fear the break
Last but not very least
Love yourself until the end
Figure out how you want to spend
Your time alive, since your time here is leased
And once you know
Your book will close
I guarantee you will be free
To write the ending for yourself.