He can think clearly now that there's no pain in his head
Used to think that he’d just be better off dead
Wrote his own eulogy and this is how it read
There was a lonely boy hoping someday that he might find
A way to close this void and find some peace of mind
He loved his family and friends but could not love himself
He asked all the right questions but could not ask for help
He used to cry and pray to a God he didn’t believe in
And in some ****** up way
He thought it’d be okay
And no one would notice him leaving
He didn’t know what else to do
He clutched for straws and knew he was through
His time had come, it will be done
He was not proud of what he’d become
He closed his eyes
Reached to the skies
His body shook
His voice began to rise
He was finally off the hook
He took one last look
As tears streamed down from his eyes
And on that night
His end in sight
He prepared his final goodbyes
And as we fade to black
He must admit He could not write an end to this
For that lonely boy grew to be a man
He took a chance on himself
Put his fears high on a shelf
He thought it was over, but didn’t know that his story had just begun
For what you did not see
When you were trapped alone at sea
Is that this lonely boy is me
And I was hoping someday that I might find
A way to close this void and find some peace of mind
I loved my family and friends but I could not love myself
I asked all the right questions but I could not ask for help
But in the end, I finally know
You must take your life nice and slow
Turn your hate to love
Close your eyes and reach above
The storm will pass
Even though your boat might shake
Look through the glass
And do not fear the break
Last but not very least
Love yourself until the end
Figure out how you want to spend
Your time alive, since your time here is leased
And once you know
Your book will close
I guarantee you will be free
To write the ending for yourself.

Time is a bus that I am running behind
I cannot catch up, but still, I am
trying to quicken my pace
I grieve for people who have yet to die
and I mourn for places I have yet to see
Trying to get ahead of it,
trying to outrun the river,
but the water flows and dips,
Merciless; soon it reaches my ankles
and I am flailing against
all that I used to know, all that I used to love

Memories, unforgiving, beat me down,
tear my heart to shreds
But I used to think it slow
Wandering behind it like
rolling down a meadow
a child happy as a butterfly
Strolling, steady, like only
a child knows how to,
Unbothered and never late
since late is seldom known
But now I see the seasons
come and go, I tasted the bitter end
and swam in the deepest shallows
Currents around my neck
dragging me on and on and on
Submerged I shall be soon

You learn to throw it scraps now and then
Keep the demons at bay
Yet they grow hungry again and again,
No hope in tomorrow for them to be slain

Battling the monsters, for so long
Who would've thought you'd become one
Staring at the abyss, the abyss stares at you
Feeding a hunger which you never even knew

Could destroy you, and destroy you it did
Your life ruined by the thirst which can't be quenched
Waiting for the day you lie down to rest
Your death the only promise which lies at your end.

I cannot pretend to be cool.
They all see it, they laugh at me for being a fool
and I sit there devastated, that my face is ripped apart.
I feel weak, quite. I can't stand it.
My heart pumps only if eyes are on me, but it splits
when the eyes cast on me poison green.
I *****? I am disgusting.
A fool, I am a fool.
I disgust myself and everyone,
when I go outside, trees twist just to look away.
God, what have you done?
Does it matter? It doesn't turn me any wiser.
Burn my guilt, but do not make me rise
and glow the same red for eternity.
Do not make me a Phoenix, I will only have the same feathers and claws.
Every time I die, turn me to something new.
If I die with fire, then raise me in waters.
If I die in the mountains, then form me in the clouds.
If I die with claws, then give me flippers.
If I die a snake then make me a cow.
If I die with glory, house my new childhood in shame.
Do not give me the same mistakes.
I do not deserve thoughts, they only spit lies and defilement.
Do not bring the gods into this
They already know, they have seen this even before my birth,
failure or not, I wish to not see their divine lens
on my life, I shall be afraid.
Shame on me, I loath myself on every occasion
that I thought to myself as improving
but the only thing refined
are the lies I tell myself.

False hope, the killer of men
Sought by many that seek an end
Those that remember yesterday
think its the only way
And those that think tomorrow
Will be full of sorrow
It doesn't end the pain
It just makes another feel the same


The suns hard to see
When there's so many clouds
And you might not agree
When that voice is so loud

​
But it never rains forever

"You're so

Nice," they say,

And all I can

Do is smile.

Forged

In the embers of

An imploding star

And poured

Into diamond casts.

It was polished and

Hammered

By the suffocating darkness.

​

No-

My smile is a

Battle scar, one

Drawn from vast

Oceans of

Tears. And fire searing

Flesh which

Clotted blood.

It

Is the result

Of the gods'

Wrath and

Glimmering ichor.

It is the story, of

My wounds.

In the end, all I am is a memory
so I wonder who will remember me
will I grow old and have a legacy
or will I die young and be erased from history

will I change the world for good
will any of my actions ever be understood
will I fade into obscurity
will anything I ever do matter in eternity

I’m no nihilist but what if this means nothing
does it really matter what day is my ending
if I die when I’m not ready does that really matter
and if I live without a soulmate is that really a disaster

nothing matters but I can still cry
life is pointless but I don’t want to die
I will never mean anything but I can still try

to wish for love and happiness seems so pointless
but nevertheless
I will always believe there's hope in all of this mess.