Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
si lence of snow

the for the how

be said ghosts un

too much so fold

There is slow ly.
A fear of relationships and love often runs deep, tied to the pain that love can bring. The heartbreak, the intimacy of knowing someone deeply, and seeing them with another. They promised us everything, but now they share those promises with someone else. Love can feel like a mortal wound: death ends a life, not a relationship. What is lovely never dies but transforms into another form of beauty.

I harbor resentment towards my ex, but not towards his children. I love Coca-Cola, but not the caffeine. I love the act of intimacy, but not the togetherness it implies. I will always fear love, but I will never forget that one kiss, the last goodbye, and his first hello. The look in his eyes the day he cried. I won’t apologize for protecting my heart. My expectations of him shattered us.

“My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.” (Luke 3:15)

I shall not fear walking the streets alone, without his hand in mine or his comforting words at the stoplight, “Please wait before we cross.” But I still fear love from mortal men, who can oppress, dehydrate, and suffocate us. However, God’s love never fails. I will always keep my distance from love, even though many say that love is life, and life is worth living with that kind of love. I will never tremble again or grip my heart because love has disappointed me. My love for them is genuine, but their love for me was about the money.
No scholarships came, two years of
college and football down the drain,
lack luster grades did me in, so
floundering a bit, almost 20 years old,
what next? Some change of scene and
a little adventure sounded good.

Like some dream or nightmare, in the
dark at 2 AM, I found myself standing
at rigid attention atop yellow painted
footprints, upon the very threshold of
manhood, in front of a building wearing
a large red and yellow sign that proclaimed
"Receiving Barracks", as two very indignant
faced formidable looking men in smoky
bear hats moved rapidly in and around
us harshly issuing selected colorful insult
profanities, to confuse and befuddle, issuing
our stunned stupefied group the riot act, at
the very top of their intimidating loud voices,
while ejecting bits of too close up spittle into
the faces of our band of mostly scared kids,
many of whom were no doubt starting to
regret their rash decisions in having joined
up for this. I however was kind of enjoying
the pulse pounding moment in an odd sort
of way.

And so those 90 hectic exhausting days
of boot camp had abruptly commenced.
Flash memory of 1965 San Diego California
volunteering for a hitch in the Marine Corps.
There are many memories, this was first blush,
day one. Dreamed about this last night, thought
I would write it down, purging old ghosts perhaps.
 Oct 2024 beth fwoah dream
Sara
We talk about water and the way it gets you to want to dine, the fish, those are food
The fishes, those are learning to breathe air, giant lips that gulp at each bulge of dark water, having no sense of death—
Not yet, they float out on their sides
  past an inlet our eyes past a ship, then back to our own business.  The planet is melting, this holds no fear for some
But in others changed their souls
   A puzzle of crossed words
punishment and broken promises
   this earth, little by little
Since the beginning
 Oct 2024 beth fwoah dream
nivek
stoic is one answer to the coming onslaught
wrapped up inside the fortress walls.
Snow is expected to be especially early
but of course snow has its own timing
-comes at the bidding of someone 'other'
that 'other' can see much farther than I.
Who could claim knowledge enough
-to be master of their circumstances?
surely all knowledge is passing away
leaving faith as the only sanity worthwhile
as you sit within your castle walls
listening to the wind whipping the snow.
Judging opinions
by their age
proscriptions
lie in wait

Consensus stained
with fear and guilt
folly
overstates

Knowledge of others
unknown to self
deception points
one way

Value weighed
in layers of dust
the truth held
—far at bay

(Dreamsleep: October, 2024)
Next page