Who am I?
Do you see me as I see you.
I can't tell who I am.
I'm lost.
Where have I gone.
Who have I become.
Am I the person I use to be before.
Or am I a completely different being.
Am I a mixture of the both.
I'm unsure.
I see you.
I see all of you for who you are.
Yet I can't see myself.
Do you see me.
Will you tell me who I have become.
Am I an author.
A poet.
A painter.
Am I smart.
Or beautiful.
Am I sweet.
Rebellious.
A mixture of all combined.
Who have I become.
Can you tell.
I've become blinded and can't see.
Who am I?

You say that I'm your dream girl.
I the girl of imperfection.
The girl full of sorrow.
To broken to love.
How do you not see how fragmented I am.
To be with me is to walk on broken glass.
I'm destructive.
I will cut you to pieces along with myself.
As I did to the man before.
If not for me...
He would not have been destroyed.
Do not let me destroy you.
Let me warn you.
I have a pretty face.
I have a sweet, caring attitude.
Yet, the inside is scarred and scary.
On the inside I am destruction in its whole.
Let go of me.
For fear I will break you too.

Blue eyes,
               disguised,
by scattered specks of green.

Red hair,
             compared,
to a lion's messy mane.

Pale skin,
              unhinged,
from a fury of freckles.

Strong voice,
                    rejoiced,
with wonder, will, and wistfulness.

Gentle heart,
                    apart,
from pain in his past.

Rough hands,
                      demand,
his lover's hand to hold.

Soft lips,
             kissed,
by his one and only,
                                 me.

Let me ask you something.
What happened to I love you.
What happened to I love everything about you.
What happened to forever.
What happened to I love you and your flaws unconditionally.
What happened.
What made it stop.
What happened to you are my world.
What happened to I can't wait to spend my life with you.
What happened to we will make it through anything.
What happened to I need you.
What happened to you are my happiness.
What happened to I can't sleep without you.
What happened to you are my bestfriend.
What happened to I am so lucky.
What happened to all of the jokes.
All of the laughs shared.
What happened to you are why I smile.
What happened to I will marry you.
What happened to I will never leave you.
What happened to you are my priority.
I don't understand how it can change.
How you can go from loving to not caring.
Wanting to spend forever together to never see each other again.
I don't understand.
So tell me.
What happened to make you change your mind.

It is said that thoughts create reality.
That if you focus hard enough,
If you focus long enough on something...
That it is destined to come into play.
Granted I'm not telling you to just sit around and wait for it to occur.
Nothing in life comes from doing nothing.
You still have to try.
You just have to make sure you never stop focusing on it.
You have to believe with all of you that it will occur.
And it will...
Just have faith in the world.
Have faith in yourself.
If you strive for success you will make it.
If you live waiting for something horrible to happen.
It will happen.
Let your mind create the reality around you.
Let your life thrive.
If you take every turn expecting disaster it will occur.
Believe in yourself.
Otherwise nothing good your hoping for will happen.
And everything dreadful you expect to occur will.

But that's the thing...
The world isn't beautiful.
The world is dark and scary.
It is ugly and corrupting.
Picture perfect images hiding the mountains of sin and turmoil.
Picture perfect images hiding the truth all are to afraid to see.
We all think we know what beauty is.
We all think we've seen it.
Though few truly know what it is.
Because beauty...
Is hidden even beyond the deepest parts of the darkness.
So tell me.
Can you see the beauty in the darkness.

I put your shirts away.
The one that always smells like you.
The ones that I claimed as mine.
My shirts of yours that I love so much.
I still can't stop myself from wearing that necklace you got me.
The one for my birthday.
From when we were just friends.
I can't bear to be away from it.
I still wear all the clothes your mom bought me or your sister gave me.
All the cute new tops.
And old ripped jeans.
I still stare at the stars.
I get sad at all the things we smiled about.
I still think all the things I would look over and say to you.
I still think twice before I eat certain foods.
I feel lonely with every shower I take.
Every lunchable I eat.
Every drool worthy car I pass.
I wish I still talked to you on the phone everyday.
I still leave room for you in my bed when I go to sleep.
I still feel like I can't breathe when I see you.
I wish you were still my bestfriend.
I still call things what we named them.
I still want to send you all the pictures I use to.
I still worry about you.
You look too thin.
The songs we would sing to,
have *** to,
or just have in the back ground...
Still make me remember all those moments like they are still happening.
I still fall asleep dreaming of you.
I still wake up forgetting that you aren't there.
I still feel your touch every time I lay still.
I still hear your voice and laugh when I close my eyes.
I still wish you were my mcm.
I still do things for you as though you would care.
I still make sure the volumes are hitting a five.
I still want to call you.
Whether I need you to help me because I'm crashing.
Or I'm bored and want to talk.
I still make sure to be healthy for you.
I still love you.
I still care.
I wish I was still you're bestfriend.
I still wish for you constantly.
But mostly as my bestfriend more than anything.
I still want you always there.
I'm not okay with letting you go anymore.
But I know I have too.
I still want you to be happy.
That doesn't change the fact that I still miss you.
I miss you so much.
I still want to be your valentine.
I still want you to be there the rest of my life.
To grow old with you.
I still want all those dreams we made.
Mailboxes still give me butterflies.
I still cry almost everyday.
I still have so much more to say
But for now just know...
I still think of you every where I go.