You were wrong about me…

You were
Wrong
About me

And I am glad I realize this now
Because you would never have been the one to admit it
And now I am done
You gave me nothing
Except snide remarks

You never had a good thing to say
        Never had a kind word leave your lips
  That is until it was greased with black velvet

Then and only then
They pour out, slurring and sloshing
Like the last drink before bed

Only your words don’t come with ice
Like your ***** have to

But some times
More often than not
No words are said at all

For more than a year at times
Nothing was said

No Happy birthday
No merry Christmas
And least of all
A Hello

So now that I have spent time without you
Out of earshot
I am starting to see how wrong you were
But I am also seeing you for who you are
You are no longer the reflection
Looking up at me in the broken glass
                              I had to swept up from the floor
You aren’t the spontaneous, Unreliable
Dad who goes out and buys a sailboat

No instead I see who you really are

Hurt, Scared, Defensive
Only you can’t raise a child  at arm’s length
I can relate to your child hood
After all I too know what its like to try and sift pearls of wisdom from the fountain of inebriated words pouring from a parents mouth
Maybe I just got better at it than you
It takes time and you generally just end up with handfuls of ash but every once in a while you see the shimmery white bead of wisdom standing out from its dark surroundings



I do not
In anyway
Condone what you did
Do
But there comes a point that I realized
Part of where our relationship being muddled messed up and painful falls to me
It is not my fault you did what you did
But it was mine that I expected any different
  A bad night
  Ending in tears
  Harsh words and slammed doors
  And profuse apologies the next morning
  The usual every other court mandated weekend
None of which my fault
But the four-hour car ride home
In which I usually decided to forgive you...
     That was
I should have never believed after the second or    
    third time that things would change
After the eighth or ninth
    Or when I lost count
I gave you second chance after second chance
Hoping one day that old ugly saying wouldn’t be true when I woke up the next morning

That saying being:
“I have three priorities
*****
Smokes
And my truck”

I guess I can’t fault you for being honest but when you said sorry and you looked so sincere is when I wanted your honesty to come through while in actuality that’s where it faltered

So it’s not worth me holding a grudge
Getting back and trying to get even

When you hold in all of that poison it hurt you more  
  than who you hold the grudge against

So
   You were wrong about me
I thought you should know and one day if you don’t yet, you will see that
One day I will look back and see how wrong you were but not resent you for it
It's when I realized this I started to forgive you
It may not be okay what happened
But I will be okay so I can’t waist myself on being angry, it only hurts me


So you know what dad

I forgive you

School, school, school

Too bad it isn't cool.

It *****,

drama bites,

the teachers are mean,

the students are cruel.

Why can't I leave?

Oh yeah... IT'S AGAINST THE LAW!

The lunch room is loud,

people are staring.

I want to go home,

I hate these strange glarings.

The people are odd,

there are too many strangers,

but the friends I do have

do really great favors.

you can't rush love
you can't rush death
you can't rush a baby bird
flying of it's nest
you can't rush beauty
you can't rush grace
you can't rush God's hand
shaping space
you can't rush life
you can't rush time
you can't rush death
calling your name
you can't rush art
you can't rush a masterpiece
touching lives to do best
you can't rush love
or making love either
you can't rush signing your name
it is about making you insane to make you sane
its all about building momentum
driving you to paradise you have always craved

In the morning I walk on the road
Looking around for Spring’s shadow
Wearing colorful cherry blossoms
She hides in the tender green buds
Dancing her willow twig fingers
She rolls in the glittering dew drops
I approach her to discern her scent
But she flies away, giggling
Splashing drops of cold water into my collar
I ask her
Why you flee away from me
Because you don’t feel me with your heart
She sings among the leaves
I close my eyes to feel
Her light fragrance of flowers
Her gentle breeze touch on my face
Yes, spring is here

by shun