Long walks, long talks under the south sky, we knew it was love
December, snowflakes, cold night but you made it warm
White gown, black suits, sweet vows, but that’s not how it ends
Black lies, midnight fights, angry cries, we know it’s not love (not anymore)
  
This is the morning when the French man curses Paris
This is the morning when the sun loses its light
This is the morning when promises become lies
This is the morning when are love kisses the lips of goodbye
  
Chorus:
Because on the eighteenth, summer turns to winter
All that we have withers
Everything warm and bright fades on the arm of September
I can ******* tears, I can feel my fears
You walk away with no words of love to remember
  
Whiskey, dancing under the night sky, I have heard you died
November, tears fall, sorrow cripples like a thief
Ugly box, pale cheeks, another goodbye, I pray to see you breathe
Regrets, lost love, indecent goodbyes, you left me twice
  
This is the morning when the French man turns to dust
This is the morning when he takes his life
This is the morning when memories fake the aches
This is the morning when even fears and tears can’t bring you back
  
Chorus:
Because on the eighteenth, summer turns to winter
All that we have withers
Everything warm and bright fades on the arm of September
I can ******* tears, I can feel my fears
You walk away with no words of love to remember
  
Coda:
Your awkward smile, your deep blue eyes
Old  photos will remind they’re once alive
Your broken dreams with an unfinished song
No more Tuesday nights for you to sing along
  
Because on the eighteenth of September there’s no morning, only mourning

It burns. So deathly excruciating.

It's like a never-ending, heart wrenching feeling, that separates all other emotions, all other pains, and all other scars apart.

That feeling of regret and fallen memories, colliding with each other and dragging you down so low that Hell appears to be Heaven.

Why? Why after so many years?

After so many others have managed to steal my heart, even if it was just for a moment.

Why? Even though I know those days are over, that they could never begin again, that there will always be a broken link and I will always shatter, fall, and crumble once more.

Why are these emotions still here? Why do they linger like a black cloud, suffocating me and chaining me down like a wild animal?

I know that you are only a memory, so then why are you still here?

Why do I think about you, dream about you?

Why even though I know all of your flaws and your undeniably inexcusable actions do I grip at my heart and say "I still love you"?

Even though time after time I have told myself the very opposite.

Time and time again I have banished you from my life and yet hoped there was still a chapter left of this dark story.

Why after so many countless times where I have been defeated by you, where I have fallen once more for the ****** games you play,
twisting your black fingers around my spine and seeing how far you can go until it breaks?

Why do my forsaken eyes mistake you as an angel, when you are the devil himself?

Must I continue to have hope, wishing that I could try again, even though I know you're going to once more watch as I lose all sight of the truth?

Sinister and vile as you are, relish in my delusional state, knowing you have me in your claws which scrape at my back and leave scars that not even God could heal.

Do you even know how disgusting, how sickening and maddening it feels to know that you can't even see the pain you have inflicted on me? Sure you can see the bandages, but are you really that blind to the truth of their nature?

How deep these scars truly run? How badly and desperately I screamed and begged for help inside as you dug your claws into my flesh and carved them out yourself?

Can you not see the depression, the hopeless battered soul seeping through my eyes?

I pretend I am strong. I live every day breaking at the cracks and somehow manage not to collapse into a pile of broken pieces.

Tears are dried out and the ache of a heart that has been stomped on so severely that it bleeds gray is only a small burden compared to all of the rest.

I walk on a path where there is a light just in reach, but the path vanishes once you have come close enough to that hopeful light that you can brush it with the tips of your fingers.

Do you have any idea what it feels like to look in the mirror and have to remind yourself every single day that you were never good enough?

That you are a wasted canvas, painted beautifully at first but then crumpled and thrown out because you never had a chance at being satisfactory.

You will never understand that my own emotions are poisoning me.

You have grabbed at my throat and shaken me so violently that I am unable to move, paralyzed in shame. Paralyzed in sorrow.

And yet, as I look into your eyes, I am mesmerized by your face, I fall into a trace, trapped in your spell. Trapped in this deadly cycle.

You have dragged me down into this pitiful thing. This choking, lifeless relationship where I struggle to stay alive while you climb higher on your pedestal.

And despite my previous errors, I willingly fall into your hands. Blinded by the false light you shine above your head.

I **** **** up
It's what I do
My heads on sideways
What's it to you?!

Your feelings got hurt?
***** to be you
******* *****
***** you too

Unhealthy things crave a cure
no, I doubt you need to involve needles
or extreme measures, like shocks and straps
probably just a fan in a cool room to
calm the sweat

I'm sweating up a storm
downright unbearable, this heat
heavy on my neck. I know there's a breeze, I can
see it in the curtains. All these shakes and
itches. I need a Trip away

Doctors always exaggerate, right?
Assuming what they said about you, being
addicted and all. I see them as having lied
before. They've scratched at bug bites, can't they
notice his arms took the price of red relief, that's all

I hate skin and I hate the color white
I hate the way people's nose curve at
the tip, like a snag a crook a flashlight
I hate the small amount of hiding places
and I hate that I can't crawl into the disposal

I think it's because he fell off a ladder
at the age of six-cried a puddle and no
one said he'd be okay. That little boy just
cried and cried and realized he could only fix it
by wiping the snot off  and shutting up like daddy said

There was a light I loved and loved said
I would take care of it never forget how I felt
never never walk away beauty always toward but
the light was high I was low I kept digging a hole
further I went and further I went

No I'm not a relative, but I knew him
once. Decided to stop by, it's been years. When
I saw him face down I thought I'd bring him here,
never imagined he would get this bad. He used to
call me his light. I had to leave, don't you see why?

*The wind will take me and
away I'll float
to the sea to the moon
where no one is there

no one is there

One two ******* three!!
So soon I will be set free
So just simply let it be
Sailing, soothing on the sea
Dumb and happy
Numb but snappy
Pop the slip that takes you higher
To meet the Cat Mr. Shire
He'll **** with your every desire
Rules to his game are to conspire
Laughing, cracking, going nuts
Energizer bunny butts
Wider bigger pupil hole
Fall deep into the soul
Gulped, swallowed sunny D
Giddy gladdy goofy glee
What the **** happened to me
The best creation ever to be!

Tuesday.


It was Tuesday late in the day when we met

It was raining so hard we were both soaking wet.

I talked to her like she was an old friend

And realised soon, I didn’t want this to end.

So I said,

Fancy a coffee?

Even though it was late.

She grinned and said,

Shall we call this a date?

And we talked as we walked

And it got really late

I said, let me walk you home, at least to your gate.

We got to her house and she said, coming for a drink?

Yes please I replied, I didn’t need to think.

The evening passed to morning

We laughed and we joked

And saw the new day dawning.

Then we kissed and my heart missed a beat

Then we kissed again a double measure,neat.

Her lips tasted of the morning mist and once again we tenderly kissed

Then undressed as the suns rays hit the counterpane

And I knew I’d never be the same.

I kissed her eyes her neck her ears

It nearly brought this grown man to tears.

She whispered don’t rush just take your time

And you and me will make each other mine.

If I ever thought that I wanted to die

I now know for sure that this was a lie.

She made me want to live,She made me want to give

And after when we felt just so her cat jumped up and bit my toe.

But we laughed and began to touch and I wanted her so much.

Then later over a cup of tea she said,

Does that mean you really like me?

Yes, I said, I really love your feet and my heart skipped another beat

I love the way you sway I love the things you say

Your nakedness is branded on my brain

My heart was racing like a train.

She smiled and said, I like you too

I said, I want to make love with you.

And though I’ve not had to many lovers

She took me under her bedcovers

And heavens did she make me moan and yell

By doing,

Well,
A gentleman does not tell.

And then the bell went clang the telephone rang

I opened my eyes and to my surprise

I was alone in my room it might as well be a tomb

Just another ******* though for a while it did seem

So so real So so good.

But then I suppose it would.