I was underwater
submerged for too long
my fingers are creased
my skin are coarse
and my soul, shrivelled

I heard you
beneath the water and
I followed your voice
I stayed afloat
just to keep my lungs
a-breadth

I thought I saw your face
but I was 10 feet under
and that was the circumference
we radiated

Hope was my only saviour
and my only calamity
it was an obsolete disaster
that we bury under

So, dear
don't save us.

You think the thick blackness under my eyes looks like
War paint.
Like I am going out to battle the world and defeat one and all
that dare stand before me.
You think this thick darkness under my eyes looks like
Attention seeking.
Like I am silently screaming for people to notice me
and come closer.
I only draw in those
enchanted by demons
in love with darkness
at home in the night.
You say that eyes are the window to the soul. You are right.
And I am shuttering mine.
But my war paint does not help me battle
the world
My war paint helps me hide the battles that rage
inside me.
I could cry
Wash it away.
Let it go and surrender
and then let you in.
But when you see me
I see myself, reflected
in your eyes
and my own verdict
is damning.

You sing yourself to sleep in an ice cold tub,
Life is cheap and so is a gun,
You shiver and make love to your cigarette,
Tonight your going down wearing a tin can baret,
You know, opurtunity is a simple game of russian roulette,
And so you ponder life one last time,
The life youve just traded in for a dime,
Biting down on the barrel, its cold and it numbs your lips,
Its but an inevitable prophecy like the solar eclipse,
through the muffled silence; youre singing,
-"Please, don't wake me, no, don't shake me
Leave me where I am, I'm only sleeping"

I've learned that happiness
cannot be found in the form of a little
purple capsule.
I've learned that Pisa will have to wait until next time.
I've learned that the third mushroom
held in my sweaty palm was not as
big a deal compared to the other two opening my mind.
I've learned that a part of me
died that night where we ****** in a
room with no furniture.
I've learned that life is work and that
the molotov cocktail of Dubrah and eay mac
that came spewing from me left an orange tang
upon the floor.
I've learned that pain is better than numbness
and that jabbing a sewing needle repeatedly in my arm
was an educated decision.
Most importantly I've learned that together we are better than alone.