you walked into my life
and then you walked out
leaving a trail of emptiness
leaving a trail of doubt

I opened up my heart
and opened up my thighs
only to find you don't care
and all you said were lies

I have never felt this numb
I have never felt this fake
I didn't know you'd lie
I can see my mistake

I opened up my heart to you
I opened up my fragile soul
I let you see how my mind works
my dreams, ambitions, my goals

Everything
I felt,

You did not

you made me promises you didn't plan to keep
you lied to me even when the truth was easy
you took things from me you didn't really need
you hurt me like you've done it a thousand times
you stole my heart without a second glance
you broke me like I meant nothing to you
you won me over  when I didn't believe in love

I have a little pocket, deep inside my mind
Where I throw out all my secrets, I want to leave behind
It can be good to remember but sometimes better to forget
Certain things and places, or even people that I've met
I keep my darkest moments,  buried in this hole
Because everybody's got a secret, they'll never tell a soul

I am not a smoker
I only light up on a bad day
when everything is wrong
and nothing is going my way

I am not a smoker
I light up when things are good
when I'm happy and carefree
things going the way they should

I am not a smoker
I light up when the day is long
when I'm worn and weary
and tired of being strong

It's there and I can feel it
I want to reach it but I can't.
I hear it in my speech, I see it in my dreams,
I smell it in the air and I feel it in my veins.
I see it in the eyes of creatures,
I feel it from still and tidal waters,
I even inhale it from all the green that surround us.
I feel it through words that are spoken
And I see it within those that are written,
I hear its melodies, sweet sounds of a silent night
Serenading in a foreign dialect.
It makes me feel whole though it chills me right to the bone
My heart wants to but my mind doesn't,
My mind wants to understand but my heart is too afraid to comprehend
I know what it is yet I can't tell what it is.
Still trying to reach out to it but I seem not to reach it
Part of me wants it while the other doesn't
The me within me wants it
But the me outside of me repels it.