The truth is that my mind and heart do not connect,
instead they collide like trains on the same track,
my mind tells me of statistics,
it tells me how I should act,
and I often I lie to make myself more interesting,
my mind creates false stories and false memories in hopes of gain,
my mind tells stories to make others feel special,
but it's okay,
I can keep my story straight,
and oddly enough,
my heart also tells stories,
but they are not fabrications,
but tales of adventure and sacrifice,
my heart loves stories of triumph and will,
of man exceeding the human condition,
restraints placed by a God we cannot know,
for that is part of the game,
what fun would it be if the game were fair?
He taught us and prepared us for this life,
and finally he stripped us of what we were,
our memories,
and he set us free,
free to fail,
free to succeed,
and I love him still.

I am often uncertain,
though I may put on a brave face,
I'm sure other people often feel this way,
for to be unhappy is frowned upon,
I am often doubtful of what I believe,
for what can you really know?
People tend to steer from things that make them uncomfortable,
I am the opposite,
I gravitate towards the darker shades of mankind,
for I feel that these things are powerful,
they are human and I want to know more,
though they are not pleasant,
there is something to be said about standing up for something.

I am often inept when dealing with other people,
so instead I lie and placate my brothers and sisters,
for a pleasant smile means more than the truth,
a drop of sunshine somehow drowns out the rest,
and so I smile and I lie,
but what is so wrong with that?
It is better to kind than to be right,
and no form of kindness can ever be wasted,
a quote means nothing,
but we give it value beyond belief,
quotes and scripture,
I love them both for the power they wield,
both to heal and to destroy.

In the end I am the sum of my parts,
truthfully I am simply a child,
I am small and immobile,
I cannot change the world,
but still the rotation continues,
and I think I'm okay with that,
the greatest change occurs with failure and with success,
I do both of those things,
am I not special?
I fail,
I succeed,
failure is something that I do often,
but I don't like to let it show,
and so I smile,
grinning from ear to ear.

I like to pretend that I have a tough exterior
That my mind is strong
And that the words and actions of others
Don't bring me down
But that couldn't be further from the truth
I'm so weak
I'm pathetic
It takes seconds
No time at all
For my mind to transport me to a place
A place where I think I'm hated
A place where I believe I'm unwanted
I'm so vulnerable at all times
When one little thing doesn't go as I expected
I freak out
I assume the worst
I make up hypothetical situations in my head
Situations in which nobody loves me
And nobody cares for me
Situations in which I'm ignored with ease
And forgotten quickly
It probably sounds selfish
As if I solely care about what people think of me
But in actuality
It stems from a deep self hatred
I hate myself in such a way
That I couldn't possibly imagine a world
Where people could genuinely love me and care for me
It's no wonder my relationships fail
With not only lovers
But with family and friends as well