Today I thought about you
As I did yesterday and the day before that
How your skin is like velvet
Hair like burnt caramel
Boy with a kiss like a hand grenade
Boy with a touch like a paper cut
Boy with a voice like a church choir
Boy I fell in love with in 2 weeks
At the age of 14 it was easy to love you
I loved every piece of you
Treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber
My love for you was so sweet some would call it cliche
Cupid didn't have an arrow large enough to fit this love
You were the first boy to make my palms wet just by walking into the room
Until I took it too far
Finding myself on a bedroom floor
He loves me... He loves me not
I let you have the remote control to my smile
I realized I was never letting myself cry as much as I needed to
You were the boy who I would spend all day getting ready for
Loving you was the last thing I thought I was good at
Until I started replaying these memories like scatched up DVDs
Broken, glitching flashbacks
Your name engraved in my heart and mind
Your voice being the anthem of my soul
Your smile being my favorite picture
You being my favorite tragedy
Today I thought of you
As I will tomorrow and the day after that

I think you should know that when I say something stupid I do it because it makes you laugh
Sometimes I think that maybe, if not during, but maybe in between those moments where your chest shakes at my clumsiness, you'll think I'm cute again.

The first time you broke my heart I tried to ignore it, like maybe if you never happened, if  I never even stopped to think about it, I wouldn't ever feel empty.
So picked up speed barely stopping to breathe
  I didn't want to feel what it was to be broken
And I felt myself too young to make an mantra of you just yet
It was nine days before freshman year and I couldn't afford to look weak, but the wind beneath my wings teased the open wounds with a bad taste and you told me you missed me before I fell out of the sky.

      Sometimes I wonder if we would have started differently would you still be by my side

The second time you broke my heart, I knew it was coming from the way it sat on my chest
And I tried to love myself back together but ****** kid, its like you knew exactly how to undo me
And I wanted to burn every song that made me think of you but they kept on playing new ones the radio until every love song made me want to cry. And I thought the wind would come for me again.

The second time you broke my heart, I wasn't nearly naive enough to try to pretend it wasn't happening. I let myself feel every vibration from each word that said I never made you happy
And I didn't understand how you got to be such a good liar.
I still turn off the radio when love songs come on sometimes but I've stopped waking up empty from thinking of you
                                                             ­                so I think thats fair


When you kissed me, I almost couldn't help but kiss you back, but I couldn't sell my soul to cheap teenage instinct like that. So if being friends with you means you calling me stunning, Ill take it but I don't trust it.

Yesterday you said I made you happy, and I still have hard time trying not to believe you

Darkness touches everything as if it's a blanket laid down to cover the world.
Fog has thickened the air and made distant lights struggle to be seen.
Coldness heightens my senses as the quiet and crisp air freezes all in sight.
This walk has surely brought calmness and peace to my weary soul.
Great trees scarcely seen amidst the haze tower above and daunt me.
Eyes of the forest watch my every move as I humbly dare to pass.
Yet one light shines down with more overwhelming power than the noon Sun.
A full moon has brightened the dark and punches through the fog.
Oh how I wish I could reach that untouchable, unknowable peace of distance.
My mind wanders for just a moment, it takes me away far from this chaos.
Looking down to a blue marble of Earth, absolute silence heard for a first time.
Breath trembles and heart flickers as my love for the serene is realized.
Tears fill my eyes and I quiver at the thought, I will never know this calm.
Awake now and reality brushes my wish aside, yet this darkness reminds me.
To know peace I must see trouble, without light I won't adore the dark.
Perhaps the world's beauty is enough for me yet, and life's chaos will surely bring me peace.

It’s 3:08 AM and I’m lying in bed thinking of what could have been,
Wondering whether or not the constellations in the night sky have shifted
And even though they probably haven’t,
I wonder why everything beneath it has changed.
I can’t seem to sleep without these thoughts,
The thoughts of infinity and oblivion,
The feeling of an abysmal eternity,
Consuming me from the inside out.
While everything seems to end,
There’s always something else coming out of it,
Something precious and something extraordinary.
I don’t know when I’ll be at peace with this temporality;
It’s almost as if my mind’s its own universe,
With all the neurons and nerves all interconnected to form blazing suns for other planets
And galaxies too far beyond reach for me to even fathom.
It’s 3:15 now and I’m still wondering how we came to be,
How we got here in the first place,
And I don’t know the answer to my own question.
I want to know why the Creator made me,
Made you,
Made us.
I want to know why He put us here on this god forsaken planet,
And why He deemed it was necessary for us to find a connection within each other,
Underneath all the other galaxies of the universe.
I want to know why,
But He won’t give me the answer either.
It’s been 18 minutes past 3 am,
The hour of which most spirits are awake,
And I’m hoping that I’ll get to cross paths with my loved one once more,
And I’m hoping that you’re up late at night wondering about me too.
I can’t sleep and I don’t know if I want to
Because all I will think about when I close my eyes is how stupid it is that I can’t even answer my own questions
And I can’t even figure out why I was here in the first place
And why I’m so angry at you when I shouldn’t be.
I just want this temporality to cease these unanswered questions and let me go to sleep,
But even I can’t escape from the universe that unravels once my eyes close.

I need to figure out this whole "alone" thing.
Because every moment away from you,
feels like an eternity.

I am sick with a cold, and cannot take care of myself.
And as tired as I have been all day,
This twin sized bed is too big without you.

This relationship will last.
If even just to prove wrong all those people telling me
that none of my relationships are a serious thing.
I want nothing more than to share you with everyone in my life.

I have moved on from my own past.  Why must the people around me dwell on it?

In one group, you are the celebrity.
Everyone looks to you as the nice guy, the funny guy, and the awesome guy.
To me, you're my hero.
You make me the person I've always wanted to be.
Together, we are invincible.

Around my group, you are the 'other guy.'
I'm supposed to be with Preston still, and I just can't be.
He changed as soon as I dumped him.  
Apparently I wasn't important enough for those changes to happen earlier.  
Or he finally has discovered the log in his own eye.  
For all the splinters he accused I had in mine, maybe now he won't be blinded by his own ignorance.

Yet, you are punished for all of this.
For everything that happened between Preston and I.
I am happy being with you, and you are hardly allowed to set foot in my room here,
let alone stay the night.
It infuriates me how my own roommates would rather me be alone than happy,
because I proved them right.

Both of them told me I was too good for Preston.  
They were secretly the votes that helped me decide to move on.  
But it wasn't their way.  

So why must you be punished?

Please come back home soon.  
I need you beside me, whispering in my ear that everything will be okay.
I need you telling me that we are invincible together.
Logan, I need you.