Barker: Poems

205 · Jun 2017

Barker Jun 2017

When you were in need,
And worried,
I was there,

When you were lost,
And you were thrown into the frost,
I was there,

When you needed me the most,
I was there,
But you were not,

(c)Ibarker

204 · Jun 2017

Smile

Barker Jun 2017

Smile

I write- while she reads and despite the fact we are each doing our own thing, we occasionally glance up at one another and just smile.

201 · May 2018

Please

Barker May 2018

Please

Just breathe. You're okay. I'm here. Come back. It's over. You're okay. Wake up. You can do this. Just open your eyes. Come back to me. Please don't do this. Please wake up. I love you so much. Please come back to me. I can't do this without you. Please. Please. I'm begging you.

(c)ibarker

201 · Aug 2019

If Our Love Is Wrong

Barker Aug 2019

If Our Love Is Wrong

Let them rage on things they cannot change.
We will continue to love.
Ignoring their bouts of hate.

(c)ibarker

200 · Oct 2017

To whom it may concern

Barker Oct 2017

To whom it may concern

Hey,
I know lately I've been a bit down,
But I wanted to say thank you and I love you,
And goodbye.
Just in case.

(c)ibarker

200 · May 2018

Here III

Barker May 2018

Here III

Here I am
Still in love with you.

And

There you are
Still doing you.

(C)ibarker

200 · Mar 2018

Stress

Barker Mar 2018

Stress

I’ve been so caught up with the stress of life
That I forgot how it felt to be me

(Ibarker)

199 · May 2018

Clock

Barker May 2018

Clock

Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

I listen to the steady beat of the clock
I’m sitting on my bed
Starring into empty space

I never thought I would be the one
To hurt you

I keep listening to the clock
The sound soothes me

Until I hear them
Creeping under the door
They are surrounding me

I become paralyzed
They whisper words to me

I see them
They are haunting me

I can’t do this
I can’t live with this
What have I done?

(C)ibarker

199 · Oct 2017

Including my life

Barker Oct 2017

Including my life

I want something that I can have but it will require me to lose everything

(c)ibarker

198 · Jun 2017

When You Were Here

Barker Jun 2017

When You Were Here

When I thought I was alone,
And I was not known,
You were here,

When I was in war with my mind,
And I was fighting blind,
You were here,

When I needed you the most though,
For some reason,
You did not show,

I wonder some days,
If I had pushed you away,
Or if I had scared you not to stay,

It is unclear,
And I fear,
Why you were not here,

(c)Ibarker

198 · Nov 2020

(Work In Progress)

Barker Nov 2020

(Work In Progress)

I haven’t written in so long,
My hands have forgotten the way the words move.

The last thing I wrote about was a girl who I thought would be mine.

It is no secret that I’m blinded by love.
Every sane thought tends to disappear without a trace.

I try to lie myself by stating that it’s okay that I’ll never find someone like you.

But the truth is, I keep looking for someone like you.

Someone who understands me like you do,
Someone who knows me.

But there will never be another you.
Because you’re the only person who can fill this hole in my chest.

You’re the only one who can stitch all my wounds closed.
The only one that can pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and help me piece it back together.

You’re the only one who isn’t scared of seeing my dark side.
The only one who doesn’t turn away when things get tough.

Darling, the truth is, you’re the one that I want.

(C)ibarker

196 · Oct 2020

Truth

Barker Oct 2020

Truth

I've been hiding behind my walls,
Afraid of coming out,
Even when the person of my dreams is in front of me.

I am scared to get in a relationship because I've been in so many abusive ones.

I tell myself that I don't need love and that my best friend is all that I need,
But deep down I know that I want something more.

(c)ibarker

196 · Dec 2022

Roads

Barker Dec 2022

Roads

Roads lead people to a certain place,
Whether it be in the past, present or future

Roads sometimes split,
And you're faced with a decision,

Roads sometimes end,
And you have to wander alone lost before you find another,

Roads sometimes cross paths,
From there you find someone who means something to you,

My question is,
Will your road cross mine?

(c)barker

196 · Apr 2018

Pain

Barker Apr 2018

Pain

The pain I feel
Is not the pain you get from physical injuries

The pain I feel
Is the pain that comes from within

It is the kind of pain that can destroy you
It is the emotional pain that turns physical

It is the beginning and the end
It is the in between

It lingers during the day
And is full blown at night

That is the kind of pain
That I feel

(c)ibarker

195 · Jun 2018

Memories III

Barker Jun 2018

Memories III

Messages can be deleted as well as anything you've ever given me
Yet memories won't offer me a moment of peace
As I remember every lie you've ever told me
There comes a time where there aren't any tears left
All that's left are the memories
They haunt me
Awakening the pain that is already inside me

(c)ibarker

195 · Apr 2020

Broken

Barker Apr 2020

Broken

I have a different kind of trust issue.
I love and accept everyone.
I welcome everyone in with open arms.
I go out of my way to make people feel both happy and comfortable,
But I don't trust anyone to be there for me when I need them the most
I don't even reach out, because there's just no point

194 · May 2018

Let you down

Barker May 2018

Let you down

I guess I'm a disappointment,
I don't want to do anything to disappoint you,

I just didn't want me to be an issue for you.
I'm paranoid, what did I do wrong this time?

All these voices in my head get loud.
I wish I could shut them out.

I'm sorry that I
Let
You
Down

(c)ibarker NF

194 · Oct 2017

Suicide

Barker Oct 2017

Suicide

i'm Sick and tired of not
being Understood
I'm done playing this game in
this Cruel world
If i Die today i will just be another
unimportant Event

(c)ibarker

194 · Nov 2018

First - Last - Something

Barker Nov 2018

First - Last - Something

I didn't want to be your first.
I wanted to be your last,
But hey, at least I'm something.

(c)ibarker

192 · Apr 2022

Home III

Barker Apr 2022

Home III

I’m just here,
Waiting for you to come home

(C)ibarker

192 · May 2021

Streets

Barker May 2021

Streets

I wish that one day we'll cross paths
Walking along the street
And you'll hug me like you did
The last time we saw each other

(c)ibarker

192 · Jun 2018

It's Time

Barker Jun 2018

It's Time

I take a deep breath
"Here," I say,
You give me a questioning look
"What is it?" You ask,
"It's my key." My voice shakes as I reply,
"I'm ready for you to unlock what is hidden inside, but I warn you; The things you are about to see aren't very pretty and there won't be very much happiness. Just know that while my head is full of painful memories and experiences, you have made my life so much happier; And as you follow up to these last few days, you will notice that there is rarely any sadness left. If you do not like what you see, and you no longer can withstand me, please return the key back to me and leave quietly. I understand that there is a lot to take in and if it is too much for you then that's okay. I love you more than life and more than death; Therefore nothing you can do will ever change the way I feel about you." My voice cracks at the end. Tears are dripping down my face. The key lays on the palm of my hand. I extend my arm out to you and wait to see what you will do next. Will you take the key, or will you turn away? Will you accept me and my mess, or will you be disgusted by me and run away?

(c)ibarker

192 · Apr 2018

Myss

Barker Apr 2018

Myss

I am at home.
And then the memory starts.

I remember you,
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Your eyes,
Your scars,
Your voice.

I miss you

I want to cuddle you
I want to tell you how much you mean to me
I want to kiss you and tell you how much I love you

And that makes me miss you even more

(c)ibarker

#love #kyss #miss

191 · May 2018

You VI

Barker May 2018

You VI

I will wait for you because honestly
I don't want anyone else

(c)ibarker

190 · Jun 2018

Happy

Barker Jun 2018

Happy

You remind me of the purest and simplest kind of happiness.
The kind of happiness you feel when you watch nature,
When you read a good book
Or having really good coffee after not sleeping the night before.
She is simply my happiness.

(c)ibarker

190 · May 2018

Home II

Barker May 2018

Home II

You looked at me
As if you'd die if
You lost me
And for the first time
I knew I was home

(c)ibarker Topher Kearby

190 · Jul 2018

You don't

Barker Jul 2018

You don't

I don't think you know the extent of how much harm my ex has caused me
And how much she haunts me.
She caused me so much mental and emotional pain
And I have so much PTSD from that relationship.
I don't think you know how scarred I am from that relationship.
Even the slightest thing can cause memories to flash through my mind.
Simple things such as watching Tv, eating food in front of people causes me so much anxiety.
I don't think you understand.

No, wait, I know you don't understand.

(c)ibarker

189 · Sep 2017

Something

Barker Sep 2017

Something

It ***** to know that there is something out there
That can take away all the pain

(c)Ibarker

189 · Apr 2018

You IV

Barker Apr 2018

You IV

It breaks my heart to see you broken

I want to **** everyone who has done you wrong

You deserve more than this

All good people go through hard times

It's not fair that you are the one to get hurt

You mean so much to me

I don't understand why people hurt you

You are so precious

Like a diamond

(c)ibarker

189 · Jun 2018

You XIV

Barker Jun 2018

You XIV

I may not whisper sweet nothings into your ear,
But I will love you whether you fail, succeed, or just fall.
I will love you just as you are
Because I'm in love with you
And only you

(c)ibarker

189 · Oct 2017

Moments

Barker Oct 2017

Moments

It is a cool Autumn morning. The sun is shinning brightly down through the cracks between the trees. The colour of the leaves at the top are starting to change colour. I walk down a narrow trail, absorbing the beauty of nature. Lately, I've been caught up with work and haven't had the time to go for a walk, but I finally let go of work for an hour. The sound of snapping twigs and crackling leaves can be heard through every step. Birds glide from one tree to another. Squirrels are gathering supplies for the winter. Geese can be heard in flocks as they head down south for the winter. The sound of rustling trees as the breeze flows through. A feeling that I haven't felt in a while resurfaces, and finally it feels as though time has stopped. I didn't worry about my work or stress out about family problems. I just enjoyed the moment I was given. It is moments like these that give me hope.

(c)ibarker

188 · Jul 2020

Lens (Work In Progress)

Barker Jul 2020

Lens (Work In Progress)

I was born with a Lens of detachment towards the world.
It’s superficial ideologies never really caught my eye.
I saw the world and it’s people for what it is.
Plastic, fake, a man made product of false ideas and irrational decisions.
That despite the claim that we are superior beings
We are nothing like this.

(C)ibarker

187 · Nov 2018

Hold On

Barker Nov 2018

Hold On

Hold onto me, because it is in times like these where I need someone; Because the world is big and I feel so lost in it.

(c)ibarker

187 · Jul 2018

Why.

Barker Jul 2018

Why.

Why do I always hate myself more after someone compliments me
Or says something nice to me?
It’s like my mind just shuts off and goes into reverse.
And ****
Why can’t i just be happy?

It’s because I believe that I don’t deserve anything but pain and suffering.

(C)ibarker

187 · Nov 2017

You II

Barker Nov 2017

You II

If I have devilish grin just know
That I'm thinking of you

(c)ibarker

186 · Dec 2022

To My Love III

Barker Dec 2022

To My Love III

I've been feeling empty and misunderstood for so long,
And then you come along and suddenly everything is changing,
I find myself thinking about you constantly,
Ways that I can make you smile,
Ways that I can share your burden so that life will feel less heavy,
I want to be there for you,
If you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to.

(c)barker

186 · May 2018

Crossroads

Barker May 2018

Crossroads

You’re standing in front of me,
Every nerve in my body is pulsing.
There is an invisible force that is pulling me towards you.
Where do I go from here?
We’ve done this before and I was left to bleed.
How do I turn around and choose myself over you,
When you are standing inches away from me.
You are everything I want but not everything I need.

(C)ibarker

185 · Aug 2019

Let Down

Barker Aug 2019

Let Down

I feel like I let you down, because you've always had a certain perspective and view about me; But I am not who you want me to be.

And I am tired of changing who I am in fear of being abandoned.

(c)ibarker

185 · Nov 2017

Despair

Barker Nov 2017

Despair

During times of despair
It’s your humour, comfort, and devilish grin
That keeps me from leaving

(c)ibarker

184 · May 2021

Battles

Barker May 2021

Battles

And as blood dripped down her battered face,
The sun shone through the clouds;
Ending her long suffering night.
A new day emerges and as she prepares for her next battle,
She stops and looks around,
For the demons that once haunted her had vanished,
And there stood in shinning armour,
Were those whom she now calls
Friends

(c)ibarker

184 · May 2018

Love III

Barker May 2018

Love III

An invisible thread
Ties us together.

It is delicate,
Yet when treated
Properly it is strong.

It is the product
Of our
Emotions.

(c)ibarker

183 · Jun 2018

Hope I

Barker Jun 2018

Hope I

Although at the moment you may not feel well and it may seem as though nothing will get better
Don't lose hope
Nothing lasts forever
Just like seasons you're just trying to get through to the next season.

(c)ibarker

183 · Jun 2018

Her II

Barker Jun 2018

Her II

Sometimes she can be the hammer that pegs you down.
Don't expect her to always be her calm self.
But you must be certain about one thing and that is
She will always love you and she will always be that crowbar to dig you out

(c)ibarker

182 · Dec 2022

Last Letter

Barker Dec 2022

Last Letter

If I would have known that this was the last letter to you
I would have written it differently.
I would ask you why.
What did I do that made you suddenly not want me anymore?
Why did we have to make things so tough between us.
If I had changed would you have stayed?
If I were able to mould into the version of me that you had in your head, would it have made things better?

(c)barker

182 · Oct 2017

Poison

Barker Oct 2017

Poison

The scary part is I knew exactly how bad you were for me,
Yet I chose to ignore it and now I'm broken beyond repair

(c)barker

181 · Oct 2017

If I don't give consent don't do it

Barker Oct 2017