to be...
something
an ache felt so deeply in my soul
I feel tethered to the yearning and desperation
a toxic dependence on the weight of the idea
that we must strive to be someone
with a career or vocation that implies the very essence of our character
that sums up our individual meaning
and is enough to simply state
who we are
what we do
all in one being
when really
in the end
you look at graves
and see words like
loving friend
dear sister
beloved daughter
and almost think that that is enough
in the end
to simply be a someone to someone special
and not what the world finds acceptable to label you as
who you are
what must you amount to
what you decide to be

in the end
being a someone
sounds more complex
than simply being
someone
to someone.

I woke up today and I thought "How can I cut my lover down?"
Reduce you to nothing, that was my goal.
I was so focused on cutting you to a nub and leaving my axe under the rug as I moved on to the next person to destroy.

I mean, who doesn't love a good betrayal?
I only did it to keep life interesting—
You know, spice things up, add a little thrill.
Your trust was just so boring, anyway.

And you? Oh, you’ll be just fine.
A little heartbreak never hurt anyone, right?
Consider it a gift from me—
A chance for you to grow, or whatever it is people say.

Putting you through so much pain was so fun!
You'll thank me one day, I mean, who else is going to teach you never to trust anyone ever again?
Such a valuable lesson...
A lesson etched deep among the scars along your arm

And don't worry about me, darling,
I'll keep on my merry way, bringing pain wherever I go
And laugh it off as the fires rose

Oh, the thrill of leaving ashes in my wake—
The shattered hearts, the twisted smiles,
It’s all just part of the game, after all.
Why settle for love when I could be a storm?

The Perfect Storm

You remember when you told me that if I kept believing if I was garbage, it would be true?
What about you? You teach me all these lessons yet you are an exception. just a constant stream of "Do as I say, not as I do"
Well, I'm done. I'm done fighting and gaining no ground, I'm done trying to prove to you that I'm different now just for you constantly throw my past in my face calling it "Holding me accountable"
I don't need YOU to hold me "accountable" I don't need you to tell me to fix my life while you trash yours over and over again.
I've made my mistakes and we've had our issues because I was just like you.
I hated myself for a long time, but I was awakened.
You carry the sadness of the world like Atlas without understanding the true moral of his story
Guess what?
Your constant trashing of yourself and constant pushing away became true. You'll blame me for everything going wrong like you do. Nice representation of holding yourself accountable...
I hope you are happy in your misery
Because you no longer have company, just like you wanted