if my rent is late
**** em
they can always hate
the landlord
she don't appreciate
she just be like
what's that noise?
***** i'm tryin to mate
**** u *****
i gotta steak
and some eggs in the kitchen
now grab a plate
and get u some
of this good ole ****
it's nice and thick
just like ur landlord hips
i wanna **** u til i owe no rent
i wanna **** u til my security deposit spent
i wanna give it to u in the leasing office
we'll make an agreement
to tell no one
and when i sign the lease
that's when i *** on ur fleece
baby ur my landlord
now take this 435 dollar **** i spent
and put it towards next months rent

I remember when
someone broke in
and stole my heart
never saw it coming
it happened at the start
and a few months later
I got a call from you
saying someone got
shot and killed
at your new place
like a child
I thought it was a game
you slept that night in fear
while out at the bar I remained
to me that was the day
that my love went away
and to this day my heart
cries and screams
I should have been there
by your side
and put your mind at ease
to let you know
I care about you more than me
but now I'm stuck here
with this bad disease
crying won't complete
and words can't describe
how much I miss thee
and I've always wanted you
but your love does not come free
I hated things about you
because they're what I saw in me
that's why I have to learn to love
me and only me
and hope and believe
that one day
I can let you be
and I want to let you know
that I forgive you for everything
and the next time I see you
I'm giving you this letter
even if it's in a dream

people going through it all over, ****
worrying doesn't help
keep writing
you'll understand
keep your head down
keep working
be happy
alright man?
don't ever give up
or stop trying
does that sound like a plan?
ok good
then make it an "i will"
and not an "i can"

I'm happy
now how long
can I stay
over at this house
today?
tomorrow
to do?
what is it
will I do?
with no money
no pay
nowhere to stay
what if it storms
what if it rains
what if I can never
break these chains
what if I'm in poverty
my whole life
and for that
I can't stay with a wife
she leaves
for a better man
to spread his seed
and raise their young
what if I never feel young
again
what if I'm bitter
and angry
what if I'm on the street
without anything to eat
what if I'm a failure
and I can't stand to see
the looks on people's faces
as they walk by
what if I never make it
as a poet
an artist
what if my work
is never seen
what if I'm never appreciated
for the pain that I bleed
what should I do
who can I trust
who can I help
who will be with me
until the end
the questions that run through my head
I focus for one second
and ignore them
and move forward
to the end
I'm going to make it
and happy thoughts
and striving for greatness
is what's going to pay it
the price for me
to be fulfilled
with more than just a
tiny piece of rice
I want to be great
and I'm going to make it

Forget about it at all...forget it all...forget it all...forget it all...

jealousy
the worry
the anger
the jealousy
repeated

and now
it begins
to play
into your imagination

every time
you associate
your thoughts
with some person
doing some thing
you begin to see
the rage through
a new
prism

from 100 yards away
a girl talking to a guy
and jealousy strikes
once again

Jesus where are you?
R u there?
Where in heavens have you been?
Waiting for me?
I'm here

Communication
is a two way street
but we're under construction

I'm ready to talk but first...
but first...
I gotta play

You'll have
even more to tell me
after that
right?

Let's talk
another day

i was kind of low last night
my emotions went
somewhere i didn't expect them to be
now i'm listening
to music
clearly
trying to understand
what it is that makes me feel
like a flash in a pan
one minute
and the next
an overcooked steak
left out too late

what did i do last night?
good lord
that felt like
a three round fist fight
with me in the middle
of two *******
trying to **** each other
face down on the pillow
i'm up
and trying to place it all
back
into some sort of
something that
makes some sort of sense
and i think i write poetry
because i don't have time
to write anything longer
cuz it all goes
to drinking
smoking
drug abusing
and cruising
around the city
feeling pretty
after a day
of not
sitting in a chair
letting my emotions rot
but anyways
i gotta run
flee
go get
what i want
and be
where i need to be

she is my rock
and i hope she stays strong
i love her
and support her
and she does me
i feel so guilty
so sad
because i want what is best for her
and if i see myself coming short
as i always do
i really **** up
anddon't want to lose her
because i love her so much
i dont think my heart would know what it meant
to have to say
anything other than
i love you

Lazy day Sunday
after crazy night Saturday
****** up on Friday
out late Thursday
cocktails on Wednesday
orange kush on Tuesday
Monday no time for fun day
back to the regiment
and serious business at hand
on my feet I stand
time to get back to work
but first
gotta relax with the day
catch the sun rays
on this lazy day Sunday

lemme be frank
while i smoke this blunt
i wrapped it
with something sweet
and candid
brown fragrance
smoke blazin
bold brazen
gotta be honest
i blaze chronic
forthright free spoken
tree smokin
words floatin
out of my mouth
highly potent

I'm looking forward to the future
while remaining excited in the present
using the past as a reminder
that everything should be cherished
because it might not last
and it might go past you
and you'll find yourself missing
and reminiscing
it's important to forgive
and let go of the things that burden you
don't punish yourself
by making another person
give you a feeling of resentment
dismiss it and be careful
because if you hold on to hate
you'll just relive it
in other forms and shapes
it will create
an acid like emotion
that deteriorates

don't even re read it just re write it, not trying to decipher it
just write again, and continue til the night is dim, and the lights are off
and when you miss her when u click the lights off
thinkin about whether or not she misses u, and how she feels about u
the anger and the pain and the joy she went thru
which part will she remember years from now
will she see it as a frown
will she know it was meant to be
will she look back thankfully
these are things i contemplate, analyze, negotiate
but in my right mind of state
i gotta do what's best for me
tryin to set it straight, in this great state, GA, the big peach
who am i to her but just an old fruit fallen from the tree
branch out and explore a new me
there's never anything better than being the one to set you free
and that's how i know we'll all look back thankfully
because we set each other free
and that's the best we could have given, no more heart in prison
now let's make it happen, the world's waiting for us
and there's no one else that's gonna do it  like we do
or used to, just me and u, except we're separate
in a different city, town, state, world, geographic location, emotional sensation
after all that *******
i just wish, man, nah, i don't regret anything
it was fun and it was cool
what else is there to do?
so much, so much, so lot, out there, in our world
so much, to do. so much. so much.
so let's do it

This in fact is a reminder
to let you folks know
that I've been here
the whole ******* time
Okay????
You feel meeeeeeeeeeee?
This whole time
I've been here
thinking
about what I'm gonna do next
not really sure
trying to drown out the alcohol
and tell it
not to **** with me anymore
cuz it's really starting
to **** my head up
making me drowsy
sobby
crying like a lil *****
depressed
**** that
no time for that
it's my life
and there's a little switch
in myself
you feel me?
that I can turn on
you hear me?
and realize
that this **** is me
and my life
and the control system
must take charge
must figure out
how I can do this
carefully
and corecctly
without losing sight
of who I am
and trying to be
sometimes I stray
off the path
but **** it
I'm back
so get ready
for this ****
cuz I'm not ever
giving up
and I don't give a ****
if you care or you don't
you either get on
or get off
either way
I'm getting off
so **** u
and all who doubted
I'm staying in this ****
til it's over
and when is that?
up to me
I'm gonna live forever
every second I live
I'm gonna make a year
every year I live
an eternity
so get ready
it's never over
and I'm just getting started

Let the anger go
it can no longer go
where you need to be
so let it go
and flee
Let it fade
away
no longer can it take
control

let it go man
let it go

You don't even know
how great you can be
so why not wait and see
my name is anger
that is what they call me
let go of me
I can't take you anywhere
I can't make you anything
I'm ugly
I stink
I'm mean

the anger
resides
in a broken heart
as it heals
restart
by leting it get so much
better
meditate
do not gravitate
towards its ugly head
a wicked face
replace
with a smile

When you feel wronged you want to get back
You want to hurt
Tear em apart
do whatever you can do
to show that you won

who are you fighting?
is it you or is it them?

Why are they there?
In your life?

Is it time?
To move on?
To something else?

Is it time

to get help
from another source?

Is it time to draw near
to those
who care

I saw a change
I won't respond
to text messages
or feel like
I have to take part
in any further conversation

I feel like
maybe it's just time
to get past it
and move on
do something different
instead
of
talking about it
or dwelling on it
I want to be stronger
and the more that I think of it
the angrier I get

the more I want to fight
the more I want to hurt

but why waste time
hurting someone
why not
just disappear
not look at them
figure out how to handle it
when it comes
in the future
make sure I don't
give in
and be friends
again
because that's not fair
or right

with the way I was treated
the whole time

I may have paid rent late
but there's no right
to treat a friend that way
maybe money has a strain
on the relationship
but honestly
in all honesty
honestly

I feel like

the friendship
wasn't that strong
anyway

it's more talk
and talk

and this and that
I needed someone
and he was there
when no one else really was

besides family

so what does that say?

what does that mean?

I won't listen to him
or let him talk to me that way
wanting to fight me

coming at me
I have pain and hurt
from it
I shed a couple tears

got shaken up a bit
because I feel like

he needs someone in his life
but that's all
the same

I remember
when I was breaking up with a girl
I felt the same way
like I could help her
she'll miss me
I imagined them hurting for me

but if you just let it go
and let the smoke clear

and take time

restored friendship?

How?
How?

I feel so belittled
and disrespected

the things that happened
how you treat me
and my girl

how I couldn't have a couch on the porch
and I was never asked
if I wanted another dog

how I just felt low
and left alone

and abandoned

I think it'll take some time

I think it'll take a long time

if we are to be friends again

without having these things come up

I just don't see it

I definitely don't want it

I don't want that type of influence in my life

for god's sakes

we were closest
when we were doing *******
and molly
and ecstacy
together

are we even friends?
or are we enemies?
trying to **** each other
in the disguise of good

what's it to you?

i think you have to move

I think you have to move

on and on
on and on

we go

closer to the ones we trust

the ones that are there to help us

and no jealousy
or anything else
come between

let the smoke clear

I want to enjoy
this life
so I write
to get my mind
off things
that cause strife
harm done
all foul
I dismiss those
I find foul
and keep traveling down
the open road
going hard
loving life
mile after mile

letting go of resentfulness
and regret
and shame
and all those things that you bring
when you break
and think and think and think
stay awake late at night
and say stupid things
and punch the headboard of your bed
as you think about all that went wrong
if it aint wrong it aint right
if it aint rough it aint right
be okay
with the pain
and take away
the anger
breathe
and enjoy your life
be blessed
no one knows how u changed
especially if they were with you
people go through phases
of life with u
don't matter
to them
they're your friend
always be there
phone call away
whether you go afloat
they know you'll come back
in a day
the difference time makes
and change
is inevitable
when it snows or it rains
the flower blooms
and dies again
and again
life is like
something i can't describe
if i tried to make a million metaphors

a dog
with a missing leg
and a glass eye
is still beautiful

the you
that nobody wanted to accept
that everybody
felt like
they had to just
make fun of
and talk to
like you are sub human
that is not true
you
even you
are beautiful

as much as you don't want to think it
or admit it
it really is something
that you have to accept
you are a beautiful
loving
honest
spiritual
emotional
awesome
person

and to think
that
you doubted that
ever
is a shame
you should really
take care of yourself

when you go
to a dark place
and you start to think
about yourself
like
you just don't care
about who you are
and you're very low
and you don't deserve
and you are neglected
and abandoned
and the pain you feel
gets you down
to a place
where you allow yourself
to let these ugly things happen
and you don't care
and you have hate
and inner disgust

you know
that what you did
was something
that wasn't pretty
and you know
that you're not
an ugly person

it's so hard
to say goodbye
to someone
that you really think
is special
and has a really pretty smile
and a joy about them
that really
gets you up
when you lose them
you really are just
losing yourself
you have to love yourself
and appreciate who you are
you can never let someone else
do that for you
you have to really
just really
love you

Lord please save me from the love in my heart
it's tearing me up

I want to be made new
I want memories to be through

it's funny how another friend changes situations
we used to be tight now he's the bread i'm the crum
drop it on the floor let it soak in the sun
rats come and nibble smell of urination

i've seen some foul **** in my life but this was the one
can't contain your jealousy let the evil coma come
never seen you make a face like that
you look so ****** dumb

i got no respect for you
you musta been drunk on ***
or blowin the coke out your nose
how long did it grow
your heart musta rotted
cuz it didnt even show

it's sickening how your money glistening
but your spirit ugly

i'm broker than ever but still happy in love
you couldn't take to see that so you smug
you just a jealous *** punk *******

i learn my lesson who my real friends are
it don't matter or not whether you drive fancy car
love unconditional no matter how successful you are
not get jealous when they see you as a happy rising star

she asked me if i included
all the stories
i wrote about her
in my book

no
because a girlfriend of mine
told me
that person
doesn't deserve
to read
your creative genius
you are hurt
and whoever they are
they are a ****
and they don't care

before that she ****** me
and texted me
saying i had a big ****
but to the point let's stick
as i was saying to the original chick
that it doesn't matter
because that person
(her)
doesn't care

but my words came out in silence
because she didn't even hear
what i was saying
she didn't care
there was someone in her ear
a distraction from the near
but it was meant to be
because my words to me
were taken loud and clear

never
cannot
do not
will not
does not
won't
can't
not
no
pain won't go away
why
i don't know
i tell it every day
that it needs to leave
and when i feel it's finally gone
it's got another trick up it's sleeve
it's an old disease
memories leave
pain travels
in new directions
when i feel lost
and need direction
i use protection
the next time my heart
is vulnerable again
vulnerability from the start
i'll never not know
it'll always follow me
love at last
will consume me
make me someone
i had not planned on becoming
life, love, does not have time
for you to make plans
with someone else
but it will wait
until pain fades
and I can do it again
I can
I will
I have
I do

love anew

i remember seeing my mom in the kitchen, my dad never had a switch, just a broken paddle, over my brother's ***, **** was hilarious
i always told my mom i loved her, one time in a car ride i made fun of her, to impress my friends, and see what then
i seen some bad ******* in my life, not cuz they're hot, i'm talkin bout ******* who treat u bad
tell u u aint ****, ur hair looks bad, ur ugly, ur mean, **** u, ur unclean
i never let em get me, never let em see my tears, just let them confront their fears, so i can grow wise beyond my years

leave me alone
let me create
get my own space
why is this place
so big
millions of people
yet i still see
the same ******* people
how come these circles
have closed in on me
and i can't escape
i just want to be at a place
with me and you
a house and a lake
wanna be free
from the chains
of the pressure
of the people
of the love
and the hate
people putting thoughts
in my head
i just want to be free
i feel like
every time she comes for me
the inside of me screams
i want to be free
i'm tired of thinking
leads to drinking
obsessing
it's perplexing
but not really
i just have so many feelings
that i keep reliving
i'll never forget it
and it'll always motivate me
to get it

it's hard to
be with you
and not get *****
your ***
your stomach
everything about you
makes me feel like
I just want to lift you up and throw you on the bed
rip your clothes off

and **** u so hard
until u *** all over
and scream and moan
and breathe so heavy
I want to feel your warm breath
on my neck
I want to feel your voice vibrate
as you give me head
I want to hear you say oh yes
as I ******* on the desk
and lift you up
and feel your *** cheeks
in my hands
girl I can't stand
to watch you walk away
without having a taste
and a sampling
of that wetness
my body yearns for you
it's a machine
that wants to be strong
and make you feel so good
that you can't imagine
ever touching another man
because
I'm your rock

When I had you in my arms
took hold of you
took control of you
you're mine now
I'm going to dominate you
and she likes it
she likes when I take over
and **** her all over
in several different positions
on the counter
to the bed
she ****** me, she was on top
and i felt that *** go up and down
and clap against my *****
then I flipped her over
and got on top
and ****** her hard and slow

she wanted to *** on my ****

which was perfectly fine with me
as I was caressing her ****

I ****** her against hte wall
threw her against the dresser
rubbed her *** on it
hard and aggressively
and made her breath
heavily

I lifted her leg up and pinned her against the wall
and felt all of her walls
as I pulled out and slid back in
all the way to the tip
to the base of my ****
she said does that feel good baby
I said yeah it's the best

she sent me pictures
of her *** and ****
and her pretty face
and I couldn't help but think
about how I wanted to take
my **** and go up in it
pull out
and *** all over her ***
and make her feel it
make her moan
make her legs shake
and vibrate
I want to make her ***** feel like
it's having a 7.1 earthquake
on the richter
I fixed her
she was stressed out
feeling uneasy
anxious
and an ****** relaxed her
gave her the endorphins she needs
to go about the rest of the week
let's **** baby
let's do it all night long
til we can't go anymore
and we're left laying on the bed
holding each other
laying sideways
with no pillows
forgetting about
how we usually sleep
and our bodies locked in
to each other
we're the same one another
we're a unit
together
*******, not just for pleasure
but to satisfy our needs
and emotionally
doing each other good deeds
so we can go to bed
and get good sleep
and be better people
we're a strong couple
and we always know how to make the bed rumble

talking to me
saying disparaging things
with his glasses
and pointy nose
i don't want them to see
the inside feeling i hear
i don't want them to ever be near
i want them to know
who they are dealing with
love and respect
they try to try me
betrayal
i can't forget
about me
the words i hear in my head
they ring
over and over
different melodies sing
it tingles
and shifts
flows and bows
up and down it goes
but i stay stable
and **** em
like cain got able

why can't people just
walk by a celebrity
say matt damon
say you saw matt damon
and he was wearing a hat
and holding his head down
so no one would recognize him
and you thought about going up to him and going
you're matt damon
and him saying
yes
and hating you
but instead
why not keep walking
avoid eye contact
pay no mind to matt damon
and never tell anyone
you saw him
dont put any more matt damon consciousness out there
for people to think
and increase his inability
to avoid you
and have a regular day of life
without someone going
hey
you're matt damon

a tear is coming down my face
do i get negative press
in my own way
in my own weight
i get psychological tricks
people trying to demonstrate
in other ways
i'm not familiar with
so i think it's shade
i see smiling face
after smiling face
but i wonder who
is really trying to hate
who is hiding behind
some other mask
that i can't really see
i visualize a mistake
what's this contemplate
all these feather weights
need to meditate
before they try to demonstrate
before they player hate
but it's cool i take it good
i put it in my system then i spit it back
and make it hotter than a kettle cracked
no anger just love and feel goods for the people
that feel bad about me
and their conscious speaks clearly
through their visual cues
sneaking behind the closed doors
artificial inseminates
should be inmates
i free my mind to escape

i understand how people are different
and get confused
misinterpreation
translation
interceptions
switching places
propaganda
communicating and not really
telling the truth
jaded
and persuaded
by those around
influenced
by their decisions
their power
their will
somehow we end up in the same place
together
it just keeps going

why does the world
put two people in a position
to make love in many positions
then argue over position
a power struggle
in between hugs and kisses
when do you want to see me
where are you
why havent you called me
look what you've done to me
you left me
in this place
all by myself
before i met you
i don't even remember how it was
all i know
is before you
and after you
why do i have this feeling
these memories
sticking with me
why do i feel like healing
but i still keep
bleeding
who are you
what do you mean to me
why did you come into my life
if you were just going to leave
so quickly
why were you so important to me
why do i still think about
what happened
you don't even know me
anymore
and you didn't
before
and the future
we're further apart
my idea and your idea
weren't the same
why were we put in this place
to hurt each other
i just wanted to be your lover
i can never express it any harder
i miss the feelings you gave me
they can never be replaced
i want someone else
to make me feel that way again
i never knew that existed
*******
i hope you miss this

they say if it aint rough it aint right
but at some point a man has his pride
he doesn't know when to say goodbye
or how to say it
or when the right time would be
he just prays
gets on his knees
and cries
and hope no one sees
he's so sick
with this emotional disease
on stages he goes
he tries to please
he makes them laugh
his mind's at ease
but as soon as he leaves
he goes right back to
that sad feeling
of feeling blue
time has passed
and he still wonders
where she is
and if she ever wonders
about the time we had
that we can never take back
and the words we said
that marinate in my head
we aren't something you can just forget
what we had was special
and we can never take anything back

there was one thing we forgot to tell each other
i guess ill just have to wait to tell you in my dreams
that i love you
and i know it doesnt seem
like i'd ever mean to say that
or ever let myself do it
and we try to play it off
like it wasn't anything
but just a fling
not to me
it was important to me
you'll forever be
ingrained in my memory
i hope we get back together
and get married
and start a family
and be happy
cuz i miss having you
to lay with
and give me company
and listen to all the words i speak
and i never ******* listen
i'm sorry
i wanna be quiet again
and listen to u
and help u
just by being there
do you need me?
do you even need me?
i don't know
i hope so
i wish i didn't go
but it hurts 2 bad
and u kept saying no
**** everybody else
i never listened to them anyway
i miss u
despite what they say
that you're bad for me
you're just gonna hurt me again
i still miss u
i write it every day with this pen
even though it's curses and words that are bad
i called you so many bad names, it's sad
but i still miss u

I remember the way it smelled
when I first would enter

Bust it wide open
from the front back and center

The more I stroke
the more I see
the gassy funk
from your *****

so soft
so moist
but you have no choice
the vaginitis
sings from your ******
like a beautiful voice

if you make a concrete judgement of somebody without fully getting to understand them, that's a sign of stupidity, and that's what she did to me

and my family, without even knowing my mother and father, she didn't even bother

to recall why she'd often dismiss, them as just religious, freaks who took care of their kids, and didn't get divorced, stayed together through the weather

she claimed they only did it cuz of the kids, but they're out of the house now, and my parents are still together and in love

what she couldn't find, within our family, and her simple mind, is that they would have loved her too, if she would've accepted them, or got to know them, or had a talk, or just listened, but instead, she placed them in a class with the rest, of the people she thought she knew best

but look inside and you might find that she don't know her self, and that's why she has to place, this label upon those who say grace, before they eat dinner

my mother and father, i love, so much. and that's why it hurt when she said they are weird. and that they're the reason my brother smoked crack.

**** that. tears come down my face are dried, the stains from her lies still infiltrate my eyes. but it's okay, i live and forgive another day, just like my parents taught me

move on and pray

leave me alone
let me create
on my own
get my own space
why is this place
so big
millions of people
yet i still see
the same ******* people
how come these circles
have closed in on me
and i can't escape
i just want to be at a place
with me and you
a house and a lake
wanna be free
from the chains
of the pressure
of the people
of the love
and the hate
people putting thoughts
in my head
i just want to be free
i feel like
every time she comes for me
the inside of me screams
i want to be free
i'm tired of thinking
leads to drinking
obsessing
it's perplexing
but not really
i just have so many feelings
that i keep reliving
i'll never forget it
and it'll always motivate me
to get it

you know how i know i won the game
after it was played
only she remained
she ate remains
now she's stained
with my blood
if she cant sleep at night
there's a reason
other men lay creep
and fright
good luck to the one whose soul desired
now that i've seen it
feel despised
when she looks me in the eyes
i cannot see
the clarity
i experience now
the battle won
i live on
and she must remain
by herself
to this day
and tomorrow
and after that

while my soul remains

i'm trying to find a bride with a rich family
so when we get married
on the deck of a cruise ship
and then to go to the honeymoon
some fighter jets come and swoop us up

and then they drop us off at NASA
and we get launched into space
and **** on the moon

why did this have to happen to us
what did we do to deserve this
besides deserve each other
i have tears that come from my eyes
i want you to know girl
they are for u
cuz i feel so strongly for u
it's in liquid form
i spit it through my eyes
i loved your big brown eyes
i know i saw what i saw in your eyes
it was love
and your glowing smile
never seen anything like it
in the night time
u really glowed
im in so much pain
so u should never read this
because i know u dont want me to feel pain
u love me too much
but please
if there's someone in your life
that can do it for me
let them do it
just do me one favor
never forget me

I wish she was here
I thought she was so cute
Help me forget

I want a new you
a new love
a fresh start

This time
I hope it never
falls apart

i had all this hope inside my head
u know
it's hard to get over it
it's really hard to get over
but as time goes by
you make better decisions
with what to do with your mind
where you let it travel
avoiding the unravel
please
please
let me
feel peace
cuz this **** inside
won't cease
i gotta stop drinking
cuz i cry
and the *****
goes by
and runs dry
and it's just me
again
and my pain
who waits for me
on the front porch
in the bed
when i wake up
in my dreams
never stops
always creeps
wanna get some sleep
but i miss her so much
i miss her touch
miss her cheeks
the way her skin smelled
****
****'s ****** up
heart break
is a *****
i'll be okay
gonna keep lovin away
the love that was reject
i project
towards u
and the new
people i meet
who need to smile

i need a girl who doesnt do drugs or any of that dumb ****
not always talking **** or doing ******* **** or running her mouth and ****
none of that ******* that cheatin **** that lyin ****
none of that manipulative oh poor me that cryin ****
that's all the same ****
to a person who sees real ****
no fake ****
no i love u no i dont none of that mixed ****
no hot no cold none of that wishy wash ****** sloshy
*******
**** that ****
i dont want to hear any of that ****
or see that ****
i just want some real ****
someone who loves me
no *******

here is something new to brew in the coffee *** maybe make a stew
do whatever it is you need to do and get ready for some **** i'm gonna tell u
it's late at night bout three in the morning i'm the only one up and i'm not even yawnin
no food in the kitchen but i got cigarettes, smoking so long it's hurtin my chest
i take a deep breath and i hear a ruffle, somethings in my muffler, the exhaust makes me exhausted
need a nap can't even move cuz of all this smoke, ****'s up in my throat
i get up to stretch out can't do it anymore
i'm tried of smoking i need exercise to get this right
my mind takes flight when i'm feeling healthy and right
**** all that **** i'm gonna be alright
i want to quit smoking and stop smoking so much ****
i feel like i'm creating a brand new disease
that no one ever knew except me cuz it's me
i'm the only one that gets to really see
what i do to my body and my mind and my health
it takes away my wealth, i'm poor in my health
and it just might help if i take a break from the ****
blowing smoke out my mouth is something i can't quit
it takes me a minute to even stop thinking about it
i feel like it hurts just to not think about it
and i get so bored what do i do with my hands
i can't even cut this ****, and i'm a grown *** man
******* cigarettes man
and all this **** i do
my life style
just isn't ringing true
to my body
it's ******* me up
i gotta get healthy
i keep ******* up

everyone
is in their own little world
these girls don't wanna see weakness
stallions running the preakness
I feel something want to cease this
but it's creeping
and it's seeking
hard clinging
nose bleeding
stay creative
no more complaining
uplifting
mind drifting
into position
to dismiss them
forgive them
and continue
to live them

It walks below me on the sidewalk. He is all black with white socks. He lowers his head to the ground and shoots his awareness side to side in quick flashes untraceable to the human eye. You gaze at him as he walks, cigarette in mouth. No noises made except the flick of a cigarette. The cat stops.

His head shoots straight up. 20 feet above him, watching, a human. His eyes are gold and his stare is fierce. The cat does not trust.

It was this moment he realized he went from predator to prey. His stance widens, his middle back arches. I make a playful hissing noise to show that I mean no trouble. The cat continues to walk. His day is not over. Neither is mine. Cigarette finished, territories established.

The cat does not have time for my ****.

when you want something you can't have
yet
you still feel like
you have it
so you forget
that it's not really yours
never really was
just a rental
to take for a spin
throughout this life
in the world

feelings must be communicated
to be specific
the rivers of thought are deep like the pacific
thoughts are like the wind
that make the walls of the mind quake
and crash against the sand
a tsunami it can bring
if not groomed properly
accurately
and carefully
be at peace with the storm
find the right rain
to keep your ocean healthy
and flowing
without pollution
stop consuming
the unnecessary thoughts and habits of love
that become infatuation
fly away like a dove
or a seagull caught in a hurricane above sea
it didn't listen to his friends
and they left him to be
taken control of by something too strong
now he is left with sweat in his palm
hoping for the day
praying for a way
for someone with a preserver
to deliver him from pain

i dont miss hating you
or anyone else
and i guess i can pray
to someone
who isn't there
if everyone else has been doing it
this whole time
but if you are talking
then that means
some1
is listening
whether it's the birds
the trees
the earth
the breeze
i feel it
when they whisper
to me
silently
i relax
and take a page
a deep note
listen for a quote
a sense of peace
in a new realm
i feel like im in heaven
without pain

Oscar the dog
loves ****
ha ha
so it seems
he gets high
when I smoke ****
he's in the kitchen
he jumps and pleads
every time
I get the ****
he sings a song
he loves ****

Oscar the dog
gets excited
when I boil eggs
he's uninvited
but every time
I smoke ****
there is he
Oscar the dog
he loves trees

I once saw him beg
from his knees
for a little hit
a bit of ****
he said to me
Ben please
Let me hit it
please

To calm his nerves
I succeed
in getting him high
on my ****
that's my dog
he's high as can be
He loves ****
and so it be

they raised us
to be different
and we are
to be proud
because weird
is definitely
a good thing

The distance that separates me and a love
is closer than I think
it's above and beyond my reach
inside side my window
it peeks
when it is raining down
hailing and sleet
and I can't see
remember me
I'm the love that sings
under the tree
slowly ascend to heaven
and preach
a quiet withdrawal after 72 weeks
it won't ever cease
and when it breathes
hope I'm ready to be
in love again
shhh
I can't hear a peep
but it's right down the street
moves in silence
the distance between you and me
at the same time
brings us together
where are you?
how far are you?
away from me
I hope you're doing okay
I love you
hope we're together soon
I'm over here
separate
in my room