it's hard to
be with you
and not get *****
your ***
your stomach
everything about you
makes me feel like
I just want to lift you up and throw you on the bed
rip your clothes off

and **** u so hard
until u *** all over
and scream and moan
and breathe so heavy
I want to feel your warm breath
on my neck
I want to feel your voice vibrate
as you give me head
I want to hear you say oh yes
as I ******* on the desk
and lift you up
and feel your *** cheeks
in my hands
girl I can't stand
to watch you walk away
without having a taste
and a sampling
of that wetness
my body yearns for you
it's a machine
that wants to be strong
and make you feel so good
that you can't imagine
ever touching another man
because
I'm your rock

When I had you in my arms
took hold of you
took control of you
you're mine now
I'm going to dominate you
and she likes it
she likes when I take over
and **** her all over
in several different positions
on the counter
to the bed
she ****** me, she was on top
and i felt that *** go up and down
and clap against my *****
then I flipped her over
and got on top
and ****** her hard and slow

she wanted to *** on my ****

which was perfectly fine with me
as I was caressing her ****

I ****** her against hte wall
threw her against the dresser
rubbed her *** on it
hard and aggressively
and made her breath
heavily

I lifted her leg up and pinned her against the wall
and felt all of her walls
as I pulled out and slid back in
all the way to the tip
to the base of my ****
she said does that feel good baby
I said yeah it's the best

she sent me pictures
of her *** and ****
and her pretty face
and I couldn't help but think
about how I wanted to take
my **** and go up in it
pull out
and *** all over her ***
and make her feel it
make her moan
make her legs shake
and vibrate
I want to make her ***** feel like
it's having a 7.1 earthquake
on the richter
I fixed her
she was stressed out
feeling uneasy
anxious
and an ****** relaxed her
gave her the endorphins she needs
to go about the rest of the week
let's **** baby
let's do it all night long
til we can't go anymore
and we're left laying on the bed
holding each other
laying sideways
with no pillows
forgetting about
how we usually sleep
and our bodies locked in
to each other
we're the same one another
we're a unit
together
*******, not just for pleasure
but to satisfy our needs
and emotionally
doing each other good deeds
so we can go to bed
and get good sleep
and be better people
we're a strong couple
and we always know how to make the bed rumble

what is this mind that was given to me that is able to see things i print on screen with my digital zip drive of a brain that is stuck inside a laptop main frame, ******* server uploading and crashing sending pings and things to hackers who perform doss attacks and web cracks and serial cracks while eating cereal going over javascript material program landslide juno got bit by emails and other technical software jargin computer guy got the blue screen of death corruption on the web the spider metacrawling and setting it on angelfire i google the facebook twitter and hot wire my car on the trader the wall street journal and the white house, **** sites and white owls, getting arrested and being hired by the government, the money's spent, criminal punishment, in cells locked up no breakfast but lunch under the crack of a door inside ur naked ***, on irc chat, the warez rat, pirates on bays and whispers from kittens, brown paper packages exploding a smidgeon, binary, metamorphosis, code program gold, warning anti virus and spywares, baghdad to china, spy on private, eyes on cameras, cell phones like trackers, global position mappers, predator drones, video games, nfl madden, mad men, and happy wal marts, hacking wal mart, with social engineers, traveling the silk road with a cloak ip address revoked

Thinking about pizza as I'm here
it's warm with the ovens going
the order has been placed
i sit and wait
and wait
and wait
no time erased, only 1 minute elapsed
I feel like I'm swimming laps
in a tomato sauce pool
with black olives for floaties
the sauce is well past my knees
so hungry
and desperate
just to get a slice
of this great American pizza pie
it makes my heart swell
my eyes not dry
i'm gonna get eat pizza until i die

and if there comes a day
when they say no more pizza no way
your stomach can't handle it
your intestines will flare
i'll say i don't care
pull the trigger in my underwear
crime scene investigates
saw it on the news
a man covered in pizza
and bottles of *****
they couldn't get in the door was unlocked
a wall full of pizza boxes had the entry fully blocked
but deeper inside was a man no one knew
cheese oozing under the doorway cracks like glue

i'm still here waiting for pizza
no more imaginary trap
i look at my watch
the tenth minute elapsed
the lifeguard gets out
he's done with his swim
his whistle blows
everybody back in
the pizza is ready
time to dive in

til I get home
and realize
that despite making people laugh
i'm all alone
seeing images of chrome
i'm in my zone
suicide keeps callin me
on my mobile phone
friends turn foe
round the globe I roam
the oceans white foam
sky so blue
for a moment
I forget I'm feeling blue
in a sense that
I can't comprehend
whether or not
dollars and cents
and payin rent
will get my sent
2 heaven
so I do drugs
2 forget
wait til I wake up
nobody home
back 2 the show I go
buckle my seat
and pray for good health
on the interstate belt
I'm on the road
to hell

coke cleans the pallet
where's the man with the mallet
heart attack
is like a black
hole in my soul
I'm a troll under a bridge
or a sith
star wars
and easy ******
come together
**** my jedi sword
and get lost in that labyrinth
her ***** I swim

if you stop following the rules
they say you have disorder
even if it's just a little bit
and they can't pinpoint who you are to them
borderline personality disorder
everything's either evil, or good
people are placed in categories
to the extreme
then it calms down
it's called
hyper mood swing
bi polar
tri polar
quadruple by pass aint savin me
**** the rules
manic impressive
your diagnosis is depressive
can't handle a little love
a little chat
a little quiet
some existence
you can't see
or feel
hyperbole turned real
is a psychopath's mind
errrr
i'm like a dog on a leash
waitin to bite
the first ******* i see
if he acts up

happiness is fleeting
obsolete
cold like the sleet
it gets
when it wets
and success
comes in a disguise
wearing a dress
dreaming
of happiness
realizing
what it means
to be
not to be brought
or bought
or taken
with a restless mind
it's an image of time
in which relaxation
happens
without the need
of a glass of wine
or a drop of this
hit of that
the happiness to be had
do you think
you deserve all of that
to feel good again
to do something
that makes you feel guilt
something you feel
to be a rude awakening
that keeps you waking
in your sleep
your dream
you thought you had
could come true
unruly
attributes
begin to penetrate
what you had in place
what you wanted
thought you needed
a happy place
you built in your mind
gets crushed
by reality
now you're blind
to what happiness is
but you continue to live
and redefine
shape it
make it
and see
what you can find
is it happiness?
sadness
and gladness
and manics
panics
attacks
angry outbursts
not being able
to relax
has its way
into your life
how do you make
happiness
the number one
most felt
feelings
that you normally
feel
how do you make that real
that happiness
how do you not conceal
your happiness
without letting
the people around you
clown you
down you
try to put you in a place
where they are
which isn't at
the same spot
you're trying to be
the happiness
as it fleets
and you grasp
at your bed sheets
satin
slips away
through your fingers
give it time and let linger
feel breathe
get happiness
and when you see someone who needs it
and you still have some that lasts
go from within
and give it right back

i am going to look great
i am going to feel great
tonight
i'm going out
i got my best shoes on
just got them in
the mail
in a package
delivered from sister
and brother in law
saying hey
it's time for you to start practicing for that 5k
cuz it's in the next day
and you haven't started running
you're still smoking
and that race aint gonna race
without you
your heart
may take on a chase
from that ******* induced
in your veins
a few days
beforehand
how do you think you're going to do
when you're running and you gotta spew
before you even get to the finish line
but i'm going out tonight
looking sharp and feeling right
trying to put on my best face
and take a trip to a nice place
where the people all smile
and greet you
pretty women too
oh hey
nice to meet you
i really enjoy it
it's a part of my story
on whom ive grown to be
man with a plan
and a mask
a ****** weapon concealed
a killer with a smile
that man who took on the night
and drove it wild
some kind lady
may even have my child
anything can happen
whatever you dream up
so i'm getting on my best pair of sneakers
and gearing up
for the race
but first
it's tonight
and i don't have to work in the morning

well i guess i'm going to stay here
write some more
keep myself awake
for a while
i'm at the airport
they don't have wi fi
yet all these ******* planes
landing and taking off
with their satellites
electronics
planes charging money for breathmints
pillows
yet
this ******* right here
can't sign on the internet
i can only see the limited version of the internet
which is only
the atlanta hartsfield airport website
it's the most boring website in the world
now i have to entertain myself
by checking flights
that aren't even mine
to feel like
i'm some sort of computer programmer
hacking into the system
changing people's flight information
that's the point that i'm at
with nothing exciting in sight
until 9am
when the bar starts serving alcohol

it's not about the color of their eyes
the tone of their skin
it's the glow from within
what they emanate
who they are
what makes them tick
guilty pleasures
nervous ticks
necks and cricks
where their pleasure spot is
what makes them give in
submit to sin
what they stand for
how they carry themselves
if they are put together well
like spices on the shelf
if their smile never fades
and you remember it for days

You've been upgraded from ***** to ****
not a ****
not a **
you don't even blow
but your ugly shows
when your emotions grow

you're not a trick
it's not a stunt
I'm gonna light this blunt
and think about your upgrade
from ***** to ****

oh what have I done
went too far
from the time
we made love in my car
under the rising sun
before you upgraded
from ***** to ****

I remember when
things were sweet
just you and me
and every word
was spoken tenderly

that time went by
and that's why I'm here
getting igh
wondering why
how it all happened
when we lost our footing
tires lost traction

I'll never know
can't tell you why
the tears fall
from my eyes
as I smoke this grass
and saw it happen so fast
and for me to have to be this blunt
and upgrade you
from ***** to ****

i kind of just wish
that i could be alive somewhere else
in another time zone
i dunno why the tears come to my eyes
or why i have to fake it day after day
to win some sort of
fake prize
that fails to materialize
doesn't even bring me to where i need to be
it's my demise
i grasp
and cannot feel
cannot understand
what it is
that it is real
i just want to feel like i used to feel
when i was a kid
and happiness was real
content
knowing
that i'd go to heaven
and i have nothing to worry about
now
all i have
are my dreams and aspirations
friends and family
keep me healthy
active
alive
but without them
i don't think i'd keep plugging in
don't think i'd like to keep living
i'd want to have some other sort of special feeling
i feel like depression is back
rearing its head
in my face
i'm on the couch
it's dark
but through the window
things are looking out
looking in
showing me
that i'm hallucinating
and contemplating
about killing myself
i'll never do it
but i just want to live
i just to overcome
i want to be successful
this is the hardest struggle i've ever been
in
i want peace
but every time i get it
it goes away
i don't want to feel this way
cigarette after cigarette
looking off in the distance
my mind blown
smoke so much ****
to ease the pain
but it just goes away
it fukin goes away
:(
:(
and **** everybody else
who didn't want to hang out with me
my friends left me
and i become
so sad
depression
is something i've had my whole life
i just now realized this
tonight

I'm at a place where the gangsters greet
they come together like crackers and cheese
at the table they speak
over coffee they preach
their opinion on the economy
peace and war
carried out intelligently
I see and see
all these old men, well older than me
who came here to discuss
matters that do not pertain to me
slick talkers, joke crackers, wise guys, old guys,
new kids on the come up
anxious from the sun up
all in the midst of a local diner
where the buffalo roam
the herd travels together
to mix the latest words
I wonder what they're doing
the business they're discussing
this is the place where they meet
the gangsters of the city
in here they're at peace
but to educate the street
it's violence they teach

Oscar the dog
loves ****
ha ha
so it seems
he gets high
when I smoke ****
he's in the kitchen
he jumps and pleads
every time
I get the ****
he sings a song
he loves ****

Oscar the dog
gets excited
when I boil eggs
he's uninvited
but every time
I smoke ****
there is he
Oscar the dog
he loves trees

I once saw him beg
from his knees
for a little hit
a bit of ****
he said to me
Ben please
Let me hit it
please

To calm his nerves
I succeed
in getting him high
on my ****
that's my dog
he's high as can be
He loves ****
and so it be

we were at the hospital the other day
on acid
saw some people
that looked
subhuman
started thinking those thoughts
like
how i would **** them
and get rid of
all of them
the acid talking
i breathed
and stepped out of the hospital to breathe
no smoking sign
telling me i can't do that
right here
fresh air
is near
over here
by the flowers
i smoked
a girl with purple hair
around me
very near
"is that your peoples?"
no no no
laughing
i don't know why
he thought she was with me
we were just staring
fading
tripping
the flowers looked 3D
the bee inside
looked like some **** from planet earth
i heard it there first
my first trip
a visit
to see a friend
struggling to breathe
while we smoke out front
walked into icu with a blunt
celebrating life
thinking about memories
and how they make us
rely
on what we know
and remember
to tell us the future
but
it's really what we make it
we can create new
break down barriers
break down the walls
make new paths
in the brain
heal
recover
breathe stronger the next day

i'm trying to find a bride with a rich family
so when we get married
on the deck of a cruise ship
and then to go to the honeymoon
some fighter jets come and swoop us up

and then they drop us off at NASA
and we get launched into space
and **** on the moon

The other day
I was jerking off to ****, right?
and
I'm in mid stroke
watching this ***** get banged
by some dude with a ****
that he slangs
in and out
all this nasty ****
got her *** spread open
dove in
lookin creepy
with this goatee
nasty *** *******
and her
got those eyes
that u can stare in forever
and still see nothing
but she got a body
who knows where her soul went
and as I'm getting mine off
watching these two ***** get off
these thoughts creep off
in my head
and I stop
and think
for a minute
the **** am I doing?
why do I have to need this?
to survive?
clicked play
and continued
and finished
stopped the video
and then thought the same thoughts
that I thought
when I first pressed pause

a dog
with a missing leg
and a glass eye
is still beautiful

the you
that nobody wanted to accept
that everybody
felt like
they had to just
make fun of
and talk to
like you are sub human
that is not true
you
even you
are beautiful

as much as you don't want to think it
or admit it
it really is something
that you have to accept
you are a beautiful
loving
honest
spiritual
emotional
awesome
person

and to think
that
you doubted that
ever
is a shame
you should really
take care of yourself

when you go
to a dark place
and you start to think
about yourself
like
you just don't care
about who you are
and you're very low
and you don't deserve
and you are neglected
and abandoned
and the pain you feel
gets you down
to a place
where you allow yourself
to let these ugly things happen
and you don't care
and you have hate
and inner disgust

you know
that what you did
was something
that wasn't pretty
and you know
that you're not
an ugly person

it's so hard
to say goodbye
to someone
that you really think
is special
and has a really pretty smile
and a joy about them
that really
gets you up
when you lose them
you really are just
losing yourself
you have to love yourself
and appreciate who you are
you can never let someone else
do that for you
you have to really
just really
love you

go **** someone else
nasty *****
***** aint right
all ****** up
u ******* ****
and ****
until u cant breathe
and then swallow
some nasty disease
****** *****

this is my ****
have it on replay
and my seats sway
back and forth in the breezeway
im dancin on cloud 9
cloud 10 not that far away
im getting it in every single night
and at the end i want to pray
anger inside and anxiety bleeds
no one can see
i focus on positivity
to eliminate
the gravity
from taking me to a place
ive been before
no thank you
no can do
i'm going to enjoy my minute
hour
second
all that ****
only thing i have to do
today
is get high
go for a walk
and repeat
laundry done
clothes washed
i'm clean
i'm healthy
i'm living
i'm feeling good
and i move forward
from all the *******
that keeps me down
life always reminds
that it's in control
but i take the reigns
tell it to *******
and i **** it
and dominate
with my even keel
devilish smile
hidden
it is written
that i will be the best

if my rent is late
**** em
they can always hate
the landlord
she don't appreciate
she just be like
what's that noise?
***** i'm tryin to mate
**** u *****
i gotta steak
and some eggs in the kitchen
now grab a plate
and get u some
of this good ole ****
it's nice and thick
just like ur landlord hips
i wanna **** u til i owe no rent
i wanna **** u til my security deposit spent
i wanna give it to u in the leasing office
we'll make an agreement
to tell no one
and when i sign the lease
that's when i *** on ur fleece
baby ur my landlord
now take this 435 dollar **** i spent
and put it towards next months rent

**** seals on TV
****** seals
on TV
Keep ****** **** up
"a familiar place
a wrong movement
the wrong place
at the wrong time"
for the swimmer
this could be the end
not for the ****** seals
but the man
taking a swim
what's he doin
doesn't he see
the ****** seals
taking a swim
****** seals man
they'll get ya.
ha.
****** seals lol lol

she ****** everybody in my clique clique clique clique
had to pull the trigger make it go click click click click click
i don't ever have to see that ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
and all these bad ******* man they want the..
they want the..
the want the..

i want to be the crayon in the box
that makes you think
that one
looks unique
it is a color i would prefer
to go with me

another rejection
another rejection
got through it
another rejection
i go through them all the time
girls chew me up and spit me out like it aint ****
but it's okay
cuz one day
when they see me
and the money i've made
and the people that've smiled
and brought joy to their lives
they'll wish they could have been apart
of my sweet life
but **** em
that's all i gotta say
cuz at the end of the day
it's gonna be okay
and they'll be fine
and so will i
we'll all get by
but for now i need to get high
and think about another one
that passed me by
and spit me up
and said no thank u
it's okay sweety
because there's a man out there for you
he just isn't me
THANK GOD

the whole team is here now
**** it
we started from the bottom
now we are here
what is the bottom
but the bottom
of an ****
a ******
a ******* ******
pouring out a baby
that's the bottom
everything
is grown
like a seed
to a flower
started
from the seed
to the flower
that's all he's talking aobut
upper class
middle class
no class
you don't get it
human achievement
disregards
money
trumps it
like a full house over three pair
there's a gap
no matter where u come from
talent
is talent
and u get
pushed
to the top
from the bottom
even if it was already at the top

the conversations
you have with people
sitting in a kitchen
smoking ****
drinking coffee, talking about life
family, kids, religion, all sorts of personal ****
that don't even fit those words
but they're categorized
just like the cupboards
got the salt and the seasoning
shuffled together in order
coffee machine in the right part of the cupboard

and all throughout the night
when everyone is quiet
and no one else is talking
and their eyes are rested
we are uncovering the deepest parts about life
and talking about what it really means
and how to really feel about this ****
and the things that happen to us and how we deal with them
these are times in life
when there is a timeout taken
in the middle of the game
and you're going through it, both lines pushing hard, everyone going full blast
then you gotta take a deep breathe
and talk about it

so that's what happened
tonight
plus some coffee, a marijuana, an e cigarette
and some *******

sometimes i really feel like a *****
not in a sense of a woman
but someone who isn't strong
that's what it's like being a man
but i dunno
this ****'s *******
everything i post i hate
and it all feels ******* and stupid
but someone out there is reading it and saying
oh ****
this dude
is kinda like me

so
what's up
to whoever this is
nice to meet u
welcome to the world
we've been here for a minute
but maybe we can have a chat sometime
in a kitchen
in the middle of the night
and sit on the counters
pass a bottle back and forth
and really talk about what's going on

even if we don't meet in the same spot or share the same views
let's try to make sense of it
somehow
and if we don't
least we killed some time
it was good
spending it with ya

i tried to quit ****
but each morning i wake up from sleep
it's calling me

i walk through the house
and say
today i'll be alright without it
and i'm drowsy
make some coffee
have a cigarette
take a shower
and figure
that this will be the day
i don't pull the lighter trigger
and watch the flame ignite the green
make it turn orange
smoke whip down
around the corner
and up and under
into my mouth
down south
and back out

then i decide
that it's time
to give it a try
because i did all i was supposed to do
with my day
that i could have
to make it better

and then i feel real real light
like a feather
and i start feeling clever
and inspired
and optimistic again

it's like i have a new friend
each day
he greets me again and again

so i guess ill quit smoking
the day he dies
which in my eyes
will probably be longer than me
which makes the answer
to how long itll take me to quit
forever

that's called a soul mate
a life partner
and even though i've known him
for years and years
i feel like i learn something new
every time he blesses me
he's so kind
that bud of mine

Negative energy floats in and out of my brain trying to see if ill let it drive me crazy but itll never phase me cuz im faded i stay braided tight to the head and let everybody else spill their business my reality is far opposed to gravity and if i ever stop breathing itll be a got **** tragedy they should clone me or make a program a real life drone me ******* wanna bone me they deliver fruit on plates to my throne and refer to me as thee and thou and your honor please i am not worthy of your eye contact, but i put my hand on her chin and point her head up, keep your head up, one day you'll be this way a ruler and if you're not i pray that you at least get to get a taste in your own special way

It was a general dislike
I didn't want to say it or see it
I think about it cuz it's important to me
now a days I think my head is clearing
I remember the fun things
all the silly games
now when I think about it
I can't help but say
it doesn't hurt as bad
gonna be a good day today

why can't people just
walk by a celebrity
say matt damon
say you saw matt damon
and he was wearing a hat
and holding his head down
so no one would recognize him
and you thought about going up to him and going
you're matt damon
and him saying
yes
and hating you
but instead
why not keep walking
avoid eye contact
pay no mind to matt damon
and never tell anyone
you saw him
dont put any more matt damon consciousness out there
for people to think
and increase his inability
to avoid you
and have a regular day of life
without someone going
hey
you're matt damon

it's best for me
to be free
and be alone
less misery
less agony
and feeling gloom
and all down and out
like the dirt underneath the broom
it's best for me
to be free
and on my own
that way my heart
can find a home
it's best for me
to let it go
and not think about thoughts
that make my heart swell
it's best for me
to let it all go
and forgive the person
who hurt me so
it's best for me
to erase my memory
through current events
and future tense
it's best for me
to live my life
harder than i've ever lived before
because now i have something new inside of my blood
a love that i never knew could bud
destroyed and crumbled, it is no longer
but it still stays
right there in my veins
and i project outward
now with my life
and use the love that i lost
to pierce sharper than a knife
it's best for me
to write it all out
and put it on the pad
just like i know my dad
always did every day
he'd write in his journal
to let out all the guilt and the pain
it was best for him
to get that peace of mind
and now i'll go for a drive
and look at the city lights
puff of smoke out my mouth
as i pull out of the house
it's best for me
to enjoy this night
and every second i live
i'm gonna be alright

cats looking into your eyes
what does they want
what iz they surprize

the cat attacks
it is my demize
the cat agrees
the cat complies

cats eating brown food
cats not happy
cats no happy mood

cats begin to smoke and drools
cats doing many things
cats really rude

cats
cats
cats

the cat the cat the cat

I see him
he is terror
coming from the skies
I see the cat
I see his eyes
I see the cat
it is my demize

cats

Listen up young man
with that lopsided grin
tighten that upper lip
point up that chin
I know life can get tough
after unrequited love
but remember there's a plan
coming from above
when push comes to shove
dig down deep
see what's creepin underneath
attached to your seat
is a belt
undo it
drive that car into a tree
if that's who you want to be
then so be it
but that's not how I see it
I keep dreamin
seeing you happily married
with kids
on vacation skiing
if that's what you want
and it's in your heart
then believe it
cuz believe me
I've lived long enough to see it
didn't you dream it?
yes of course
so have faith and courage
that'll keep you on course
your love will find you
but first you must discover
what it takes to be you
or the me
that you so aspire to be
can't you see
from who this letter is coming
your future you
the one you've always dreamed to be
I came true
and this letter I write
is stamped with love
a kiss on the cheek
words cannot speak
how proud I am to be
the you you've always wanted
I bet you can't wait to see
until that time
find patience diligently
stay true to your friends
your family
and be happy

Sincerely,
The Future Me

Don't ever bring a girl home from the bar
Unless you know her don't get head in the car

Because what you don't know is that she just got out
Of rehab, of course, what'd you think I'm talkin about

Not jail, but **** close, she went in for a syringe
Come out the next day and she can't wait to binge

Then she sees you and what's your name? let's head back to your place”
Wow it's that easy, maybe I have a nice face
or whatever the reason,
there's gotta be something else that drives this chicks sleezin

Back to my house, out the door the next day
I'm excited at the prospect of a ******* livin five miles away

Three days, two texts, no response, no rendezvous
I wonder what happened, I thought a phone call was due

Came to find out from a friend aint no joke
The girl OD'ed on heroine, after one final smoke

Now she can't move, can't talk or can't type
No wonder she didn't respond to my text the next night

Now I feel guilty, somehow it's my bad
Maybe my **** has magic powers that drove this girl mad

But reality is, there's no need to gripe
It was the right place, and the wrong time, so I let her borrow a pipe

you forgot
what you were missing
then you listened
to your intuition
because of the kissing
physical interaction
the submission
*******
when it first goes in
feels like sweet sin
the violation
of the body
the exploration
getting naughty
it makes your toes tingle
and you feel it all
throughout your body
days after
in the lobby
thinking about
that time in cali
when you met somebody
and went back
and forth
showed her off in your porsche
and felt her body
that's when you felt like somebody
a celebrity
the confetti
and the glee
money from all of that
i just enjoy the moment
and the opportunity
i like the fancy things
i like feeling nice
and having them come
late at night
and lay with me
under the candlelight
i'm a romantic
and i'm a ****
and i can't help it
i guess i'm selfish
i just like
when u feel it in your pelvis

i want to quit smoking
but i still need a new excuse
to be able to walk away
from a conversation
go outside
stare
into the world
and be like
i found my escape

one day
i won't be able to smoke cigarettes
and they'll offer me some
and i'll say
hey i wish i couuld
but the doctor says no
otherwise i'll die
and that'll be the only way
that i can ever walk away
and not feel like
i still want to hit it
let that soft delicious white piece of candy
go into my mouth
and blow out
mmmmmmmm
cigarettes
so good
such a long name
all of those syllables
just to say something so simple
why not
death
the greatest gift of all
little mini sticks
of death
little mini sticks
of things that are amazing
little mini tubular gifts
like donut sticks

verbal contracts
and eye contact
make for good contact
future bedroom contact
**** so hard lose an eye contact
six months later marriage no contract
no prenup
no time for that
it's all rushed
no consent
of the heart
just quick, no smart
now you're there
it's all ****** up
life is twisted
your heart's wrenched up
never knew
what this **** could do to you
all this extra contact
now you're hurting
need a hospital bill, 911 contact
all from too much contact
now you gotta delete out your phone contacts
so she can't contact
cuz that **** got crazy
if you ever see her again
hope you dont make eye contact
cuz you'll fall twice
for that ******* trap
don't let it happen again
it's a breached contract

dreams are what bring us into fruition the manifestation of your destination, your life unraveled into a steep inclination, zero hydration, oxy cotton honda station, too much sleep, not enough, work, too much sleep mind go bizerk

everyone
is in their own little world
these girls don't wanna see weakness
stallions running the preakness
I feel something want to cease this
but it's creeping
and it's seeking
hard clinging
nose bleeding
stay creative
no more complaining
uplifting
mind drifting
into position
to dismiss them
forgive them
and continue
to live them

I'm looking forward to the future
while remaining excited in the present
using the past as a reminder
that everything should be cherished
because it might not last
and it might go past you
and you'll find yourself missing
and reminiscing
it's important to forgive
and let go of the things that burden you
don't punish yourself
by making another person
give you a feeling of resentment
dismiss it and be careful
because if you hold on to hate
you'll just relive it
in other forms and shapes
it will create
an acid like emotion
that deteriorates

Lazy day Sunday
after crazy night Saturday
****** up on Friday
out late Thursday
cocktails on Wednesday
orange kush on Tuesday
Monday no time for fun day
back to the regiment
and serious business at hand
on my feet I stand
time to get back to work
but first
gotta relax with the day
catch the sun rays
on this lazy day Sunday

If it would have happened
with anybody else
my feelings would be dusty
the top side of the shelf
but emotions run through
from the day I met you
and I tried to escape
but the song
no matter how hard I tried to stop it
it played
feelings grew stronger
and I kept getting played
in my head
everything going so fast
like I'm at a rave
if I could go back
I would never trade
I would make it okay
I would be more patient
I'd always let you leave
I'd be more sweet
yet firm in what I believe
I want it to go
but I want it to stay
I want you to stay
I want you to lay here with me
where are you going
why am I leaving
who is this coward inside
and why is he screaming
love is the worst
I'm crying and pleading
please stop the bleading
why are you leaving
why can't we talk and reminisce
why aren't you listening
am I too controlling
my heart done got stolen
but you gave it back
with nowhere to stash
it's in my hand and it's beating
how dare you deceive me
I hope you see me on TV
and I'll scream your name
I'll be so angry out in the street
I'll scream and I'll scream
about what you did to me
but you're too busy reading
and it's quiet this evening
he's on his way over
and in the morning he's not leaving
I'm screaming
I'm screaming
like a psychopath in a boiling hot bath
that's steaming
I better start breathing
and you better keep living
no matter how bad it was
or how much I wished
I still am forgiving
all this anger is fleeting

late at night
i lay in bed
feelings and all
images in my head
want to forget
keep thinking thoughts
that aren't healthy
on a path to insanity
peace is what i seek
of what i get
mindful
no more regret
painful
i don't want to dwell
in this deep well
of down

fabric i must flee
remove my clothing
and fleece
i'm on the ground
praying to god
holding myself
the anger within
the silence
ignore
so painful
hard to forgive
very hard to forgive

gonna take long time
to feel right again
so this thing i have
i must use it
pour out soul and heart
rip everything apart

don't want to freak out
flashbacks deranged
crazy dog
trapped in a cage
so filled with rage
i cannot explain
how this feels
other than by

flipping a couch
slamming my phone
screaming
crying
holding myself
on the couch

walk into the room
and feel
like i gotta strip
naked to feel
clean
i'm so *****
controlled by emotion
withdrawing from the withdrawal
of the person
who does not love me

i need a girl who doesnt do drugs or any of that dumb ****
not always talking **** or doing ******* **** or running her mouth and ****
none of that ******* that cheatin **** that lyin ****
none of that manipulative oh poor me that cryin ****
that's all the same ****
to a person who sees real ****
no fake ****
no i love u no i dont none of that mixed ****
no hot no cold none of that wishy wash ****** sloshy
*******
**** that ****
i dont want to hear any of that ****
or see that ****
i just want some real ****
someone who loves me
no *******

Love is a word
not often used
hastily abused
to seperate fuse
and confuse

To acquire power
or regain
a wilted flower
love takes hold
and the reigns
of reason
are snapped
by its control
no longer in control
you use the word
to reacquire
lost desire
in your partner

love is loaded
who has the gun?
and talking about love
like inspiration from above
but really
just using the word
to feel safe

when push goes to shove
who do you trust
to use the word love

say it at the same time
on the count of three
it never comes easy
the word love
can be misleading
through cheating
when it gets heated
what do you say

what they always say

love
finds its way

As I was trying to break free

She said to me

"I just think humans should be able to co-exist peacefully"

co exist
please
*******
no drama
no peace
or being a lady

when your existence is shady

the real existence
the one u been hiding

is chaos

so if u wanna live peacefully
please
dismiss
yourself

from seeing me

then i'll feel better
knowing you're gone

i breathe easily

I dunno y I have to cry
I don't want to but the feelings arent thru
I miss u
and the things u do

Your skin
your smile
the way I used to surprise you
why can't I have it NEmore?

your love is no longer
it can't grow stronger
it's over
and I will never reach closure

feelings must be communicated
to be specific
the rivers of thought are deep like the pacific
thoughts are like the wind
that make the walls of the mind quake
and crash against the sand
a tsunami it can bring
if not groomed properly
accurately
and carefully
be at peace with the storm
find the right rain
to keep your ocean healthy
and flowing
without pollution
stop consuming
the unnecessary thoughts and habits of love
that become infatuation
fly away like a dove
or a seagull caught in a hurricane above sea
it didn't listen to his friends
and they left him to be
taken control of by something too strong
now he is left with sweat in his palm
hoping for the day
praying for a way
for someone with a preserver
to deliver him from pain

i understand how people are different
and get confused
misinterpreation
translation
interceptions
switching places
propaganda
communicating and not really
telling the truth
jaded
and persuaded
by those around
influenced
by their decisions
their power
their will
somehow we end up in the same place
together
it just keeps going