now i'm supposed to stay awake at night
and write
and think about some ****
that i never wanted to be a part of
because i can't stop writing about it
like i'm used to it
being in my mind
so much
that i have to spew it out
bunch after bunch
after bunch
after bunch
just like the image i had
of throwing up
and not being able to breathe
some craziness
happened to me

happiness is fleeting
obsolete
cold like the sleet
it gets
when it wets
and success
comes in a disguise
wearing a dress
dreaming
of happiness
realizing
what it means
to be
not to be brought
or bought
or taken
with a restless mind
it's an image of time
in which relaxation
happens
without the need
of a glass of wine
or a drop of this
hit of that
the happiness to be had
do you think
you deserve all of that
to feel good again
to do something
that makes you feel guilt
something you feel
to be a rude awakening
that keeps you waking
in your sleep
your dream
you thought you had
could come true
unruly
attributes
begin to penetrate
what you had in place
what you wanted
thought you needed
a happy place
you built in your mind
gets crushed
by reality
now you're blind
to what happiness is
but you continue to live
and redefine
shape it
make it
and see
what you can find
is it happiness?
sadness
and gladness
and manics
panics
attacks
angry outbursts
not being able
to relax
has its way
into your life
how do you make
happiness
the number one
most felt
feelings
that you normally
feel
how do you make that real
that happiness
how do you not conceal
your happiness
without letting
the people around you
clown you
down you
try to put you in a place
where they are
which isn't at
the same spot
you're trying to be
the happiness
as it fleets
and you grasp
at your bed sheets
satin
slips away
through your fingers
give it time and let linger
feel breathe
get happiness
and when you see someone who needs it
and you still have some that lasts
go from within
and give it right back

we were at the hospital the other day
on acid
saw some people
that looked
subhuman
started thinking those thoughts
like
how i would **** them
and get rid of
all of them
the acid talking
i breathed
and stepped out of the hospital to breathe
no smoking sign
telling me i can't do that
right here
fresh air
is near
over here
by the flowers
i smoked
a girl with purple hair
around me
very near
"is that your peoples?"
no no no
laughing
i don't know why
he thought she was with me
we were just staring
fading
tripping
the flowers looked 3D
the bee inside
looked like some **** from planet earth
i heard it there first
my first trip
a visit
to see a friend
struggling to breathe
while we smoke out front
walked into icu with a blunt
celebrating life
thinking about memories
and how they make us
rely
on what we know
and remember
to tell us the future
but
it's really what we make it
we can create new
break down barriers
break down the walls
make new paths
in the brain
heal
recover
breathe stronger the next day

Reality and existence
feel much better
but I miss this
way a drug
makes me feel
undoes the real
makes the body heal
next day
drug fades
pain come back
from gone away
now it's a face
in the mirror
staring
saying
what did you do
who are you
what will you become
of this
substance
will be your
decay
who is your slave
on the master
do you pray
to give you what you need
to look life face to face
and understand what it takes
to move forward in the rain

the acid rain
drips away

here you are today

well i guess i'm going to stay here
write some more
keep myself awake
for a while
i'm at the airport
they don't have wi fi
yet all these ******* planes
landing and taking off
with their satellites
electronics
planes charging money for breathmints
pillows
yet
this ******* right here
can't sign on the internet
i can only see the limited version of the internet
which is only
the atlanta hartsfield airport website
it's the most boring website in the world
now i have to entertain myself
by checking flights
that aren't even mine
to feel like
i'm some sort of computer programmer
hacking into the system
changing people's flight information
that's the point that i'm at
with nothing exciting in sight
until 9am
when the bar starts serving alcohol

Listen up young man
with that lopsided grin
tighten that upper lip
point up that chin
I know life can get tough
after unrequited love
but remember there's a plan
coming from above
when push comes to shove
dig down deep
see what's creepin underneath
attached to your seat
is a belt
undo it
drive that car into a tree
if that's who you want to be
then so be it
but that's not how I see it
I keep dreamin
seeing you happily married
with kids
on vacation skiing
if that's what you want
and it's in your heart
then believe it
cuz believe me
I've lived long enough to see it
didn't you dream it?
yes of course
so have faith and courage
that'll keep you on course
your love will find you
but first you must discover
what it takes to be you
or the me
that you so aspire to be
can't you see
from who this letter is coming
your future you
the one you've always dreamed to be
I came true
and this letter I write
is stamped with love
a kiss on the cheek
words cannot speak
how proud I am to be
the you you've always wanted
I bet you can't wait to see
until that time
find patience diligently
stay true to your friends
your family
and be happy

Sincerely,
The Future Me

usually i am usual
unless i refuse
to use
i get confused
drugs and *****
i abuse
til i see things in two's
mind you
my mind i peruse
find a way
to follow the rules
mind my p's and q's
this life
i did not choose
that is why
i usually used
to sit my *** on bar stools
til i pass out and drool

aint no such thing as halfway crooks
aint no such thing as halfway intellectuals
aint no such thing as half read books
all i see are loud mouth crooks
that base everything off the way people look
spookin me out and trying to show off
when there isn't anything but smoke blowing
there's no such thing as the things you speak
the way you talk, your emotions bleed
you're weak
your words become more cheap
the longer you speak
i suggest you creep
and listen for a peep
no such thing as a smart person who doesn't listen
as we sit here and have this argument in the kitchen
and you keep dismissing
bait and hook like you're fishing
it's physics
you need to split
and fission
pay attention
and think before you speak
you're revealing your true intentions
non intelligently
understand that perspective
is not a collective
exchange thoughts and ideas
and you'll learn how to treat
another person
show respect
the next time we meet
by calling out
and taking names
showing face
talking about race
like you have it all understood
and the other opinion is no good
your mind is closed
as it should
you're from another planet
and our world's will collide
but let it ride
take a look
at someone else's life
you might be surprised
that it's the same on the inside

The loneliness and the hurt
playing in my mind
a heavy metal concert
winds blow
I'm confused
how to recover my thoughts
how to properly use
it's no news
been happening for months
and years I fear
peace, solace, happiness
hope they are near
they whisper in my ear
how do I find
peace of mind
sickness through my spine
beware of steady decline
wake up in the morning
compose a rhyme
mix some lime
hennessee
and feelings go away
to tennessee
or wherever far is
I want to be

If it would have happened
with anybody else
my feelings would be dusty
the top side of the shelf
but emotions run through
from the day I met you
and I tried to escape
but the song
no matter how hard I tried to stop it
it played
feelings grew stronger
and I kept getting played
in my head
everything going so fast
like I'm at a rave
if I could go back
I would never trade
I would make it okay
I would be more patient
I'd always let you leave
I'd be more sweet
yet firm in what I believe
I want it to go
but I want it to stay
I want you to stay
I want you to lay here with me
where are you going
why am I leaving
who is this coward inside
and why is he screaming
love is the worst
I'm crying and pleading
please stop the bleading
why are you leaving
why can't we talk and reminisce
why aren't you listening
am I too controlling
my heart done got stolen
but you gave it back
with nowhere to stash
it's in my hand and it's beating
how dare you deceive me
I hope you see me on TV
and I'll scream your name
I'll be so angry out in the street
I'll scream and I'll scream
about what you did to me
but you're too busy reading
and it's quiet this evening
he's on his way over
and in the morning he's not leaving
I'm screaming
I'm screaming
like a psychopath in a boiling hot bath
that's steaming
I better start breathing
and you better keep living
no matter how bad it was
or how much I wished
I still am forgiving
all this anger is fleeting

another day, another night, another dream
it's me
waking up
to another day
with memory
I just keep thinking
about
the feelings
that I had
and the way
she made me feel
I thanked her
I said
Thank you
for making me feel this way
and goodbye
but
I never really did
escape
and to this day
even though she's gone
I still feel her presence
I'm at work, trying to type, and focus
in my cubicle
but tears keeps falling
so loosely
I hope no one sees
but I hope everyone feels
at some point
the way I did
becuase I tell you
you can never replace it
or feel anything like it
god ******
I can't
get rid of this
feeling
it's just with me
each day
I wake up
and see it again
feel it again
it chases me in my dreams
and stays with me as I sleep
it's a fleece of fabric
that I cannot remove from me

another rejection
another rejection
got through it
another rejection
i go through them all the time
girls chew me up and spit me out like it aint ****
but it's okay
cuz one day
when they see me
and the money i've made
and the people that've smiled
and brought joy to their lives
they'll wish they could have been apart
of my sweet life
but **** em
that's all i gotta say
cuz at the end of the day
it's gonna be okay
and they'll be fine
and so will i
we'll all get by
but for now i need to get high
and think about another one
that passed me by
and spit me up
and said no thank u
it's okay sweety
because there's a man out there for you
he just isn't me
THANK GOD

Being at the bar
And watching these girls dance around
and these dudes all do their walks
and their struts
chest out
lookin
lurkin
it's  just me.
and no one else.
I don't see anything.
Just whatever is in front of me
and I can't even see that
Cuz my mind is filled with images
and thoughts
that play
all this other ****
is background noise
I don't know what the **** these people are here for
other than being young
showing off their *****
And trying to forget about what they have to do tomorrow, or what happened today
Smiles, laughter
all that ****
It's going down.
Me.
I'm leaving.
I'm not gonna sit here in the midst of it all. And not do anything. I gotta go do what these people came to escape.

Don't ever bring a girl home from the bar
Unless you know her don't get head in the car

Because what you don't know is that she just got out
Of rehab, of course, what'd you think I'm talkin about

Not jail, but **** close, she went in for a syringe
Come out the next day and she can't wait to binge

Then she sees you and what's your name? let's head back to your place”
Wow it's that easy, maybe I have a nice face
or whatever the reason,
there's gotta be something else that drives this chicks sleezin

Back to my house, out the door the next day
I'm excited at the prospect of a ******* livin five miles away

Three days, two texts, no response, no rendezvous
I wonder what happened, I thought a phone call was due

Came to find out from a friend aint no joke
The girl OD'ed on heroine, after one final smoke

Now she can't move, can't talk or can't type
No wonder she didn't respond to my text the next night

Now I feel guilty, somehow it's my bad
Maybe my **** has magic powers that drove this girl mad

But reality is, there's no need to gripe
It was the right place, and the wrong time, so I let her borrow a pipe

she makes me feel a certain way
like
the other day she said she missed me
and i looked at her and could feel it in my eyes
the **** isn't fake
it's real
because i feel it
and i see it
come across my face
and i love to look at her pretty face
in the morning
when she's asleep
and curled up
there's nothing else
in the world
i'd rather take care of
i'm very blessed

i'm so blessed and i don't fully understand it
i don't know how to really comprehend how good my life is
i guess if i just got to take a peak at the future
and see
what is in store for me
it would make this struggle
easier to swallow
and to know
that my sturggle will probably be worse, or there will be perseverance
either way tells me that i need to enjoy this moment


I don't know man

I just
feel like that you know
and I just wish there was a way

it's too bad
and it all fades away
it's too bad
but it all goes away
and that's too sad

it'll never get better
always worse
i mean it'll get better
cuz it has
and my life has been better
but it'll always hang there
like a scab
i feel like it's getting better
yet
i wish it got worse
for the better
i wish i had her
til the hurst
i wish she was with me to ride
while i make some cheddar
it's too bad she's gone
and it didn't work out
i wish we coulda worked out
wish we could have worked it out
no commitment in this world today
just a couple that gives up
says no and moves on
goes to someone else
even though there was something there
we aren't something you can just forget
yet we dismissed
and kept it moving
as if
there was nothing else brewing
no more love to be given
we can't take it
we don't want to give
we want to steal and run
****** and go
and never trust again
until the next door opens
then what?
what will we do with our golden opportunity?
will we save it
and decide to cherish
man
i'm too smart to make any woman miserable
to make myself miserable
we could have done it
you know
we could have done it
it's the most disappointing thing in the world
it's so hard
i don't know what to do
i just keep waiting for her
to see her come
and get off the bus
or drop in at a show
say hi to me in public
just so i can ignore her
and walk away
what a ****** up life we live
where that is what we have to do
to each other
to survive
the way we want to
man
the pain i live with
it's too hard
it's too much
but i fight
i stay alive
live to see another one
and as each day goes by
i just wish i met another one
but i can't even begin
to open my heart
because it still feels like
it hasn't finished closing
and in closing
i'd like to say
that i am thankful that she made me feel this way
although so much pain, so much hate i feel
the **** was something that was actually real
and now i know that i'm alive
and i'll continue to strive
forward and on
i live a blessed life

A set of rules on how to break up when we break up. Might be having a good time here at this restaurant, applying your make up.

But when we leave and go, we're separate separately, a break from you and me.

But if this keeps happening, and I come home, and you meet me here, and now we're here, here's a set of rules, they're loud and clear:

No cheating and don't let me be misleading I'm not talking about the ****** pleading and the needing, if your truth is used and trust abused that is when we both lose, and no longer fused, we have to split.

Arguments and anger talk and a lack of communication, a big thick wall. That is when this is no longer a free for all, we part our ways, we're free to all.

At last. No contact. Got my stick and sack, there's no coming back.

I don't want to know or see
any of your friends
or their friends
or our friends
from when we
first began
I don't want to see them
or hear them
mention or remind
I want you out of my life

This is what I abide and believe
If that what's true
from your point of view
Then maybe this contract we don't have to do

These are the break up rules
and if you agree
it's nice to meet you
let's make plans for two

It takes a while to bury it, might take a minute or a month, maybe a year or two, maybe a life time. It's up to you. It's something that was given to you, a gift, a treasure, so bury it. It's a lesson that was taught to you on how to treat people when you go through, life and it's ups and downs, twists and turns, skids on the rug, knees marked with burns. As the clock keeps turned, and the memories are burned, frowns turn to smiles, and feet walk miles, no shoes no service, but somewhere there's a place, for all of us to go, and memories get erased, grudges wash away, flowers bloom again, a minute feels like a year, one foot feels like it's ten, until that time I'll hold my pen, and keep the ink coming out because that is when, my mind goes free and memories escape, the leaves get swept by the fingers of the rake. On a fall day I will find it new, something that I didn't know I could do, love again, and feel myself, in love again with someone else, the girl I saw in my dream, on an autumn day, I'll forget my jacket, and leave it at her place. A knock at the door I'm back again, to continue this love that I saw in my dream. A place we can all go, somewhere to escape. That is where I will be, when this memory is erased.

If you care enough
to fake sick
while you're at work
then why come
the first place
you can just call off
and say you're sick
if you want it that bad
that's a sickness in itself
and you deserve the day off

cats looking into your eyes
what does they want
what iz they surprize

the cat attacks
it is my demize
the cat agrees
the cat complies

cats eating brown food
cats not happy
cats no happy mood

cats begin to smoke and drools
cats doing many things
cats really rude

cats
cats
cats

the cat the cat the cat

I see him
he is terror
coming from the skies
I see the cat
I see his eyes
I see the cat
it is my demize

cats

i want to quit smoking
but i still need a new excuse
to be able to walk away
from a conversation
go outside
stare
into the world
and be like
i found my escape

one day
i won't be able to smoke cigarettes
and they'll offer me some
and i'll say
hey i wish i couuld
but the doctor says no
otherwise i'll die
and that'll be the only way
that i can ever walk away
and not feel like
i still want to hit it
let that soft delicious white piece of candy
go into my mouth
and blow out
mmmmmmmm
cigarettes
so good
such a long name
all of those syllables
just to say something so simple
why not
death
the greatest gift of all
little mini sticks
of death
little mini sticks
of things that are amazing
little mini tubular gifts
like donut sticks

she ****** everybody in my clique clique clique clique
had to pull the trigger make it go click click click click click
i don't ever have to see that ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
and all these bad ******* man they want the..
they want the..
the want the..

I dunno y I have to cry
I don't want to but the feelings arent thru
I miss u
and the things u do

Your skin
your smile
the way I used to surprise you
why can't I have it NEmore?

your love is no longer
it can't grow stronger
it's over
and I will never reach closure

coke cleans the pallet
where's the man with the mallet
heart attack
is like a black
hole in my soul
I'm a troll under a bridge
or a sith
star wars
and easy ******
come together
**** my jedi sword
and get lost in that labyrinth
her ***** I swim

As I was trying to break free

She said to me

"I just think humans should be able to co-exist peacefully"

co exist
please
*******
no drama
no peace
or being a lady

when your existence is shady

the real existence
the one u been hiding

is chaos

so if u wanna live peacefully
please
dismiss
yourself

from seeing me

then i'll feel better
knowing you're gone

i breathe easily

guess ill just deal with it now
consider it down
and done
in my heart
it was there
from a spec
it grew
into hot lava
and now it's like
cold
ice holds
and shatters
every time i see you
i want to give it a new try
it's no surprise
this pain realize
and reappears
into my world
the clouds seperate
after it rains
and i see the future
without me ever in it again
you're somewhere out there
in the world
being a beautiful girl
and whatever decision
makes
or makes of us
we must trust
and continue on
to our destiny

verbal contracts
and eye contact
make for good contact
future bedroom contact
**** so hard lose an eye contact
six months later marriage no contract
no prenup
no time for that
it's all rushed
no consent
of the heart
just quick, no smart
now you're there
it's all ****** up
life is twisted
your heart's wrenched up
never knew
what this **** could do to you
all this extra contact
now you're hurting
need a hospital bill, 911 contact
all from too much contact
now you gotta delete out your phone contacts
so she can't contact
cuz that **** got crazy
if you ever see her again
hope you dont make eye contact
cuz you'll fall twice
for that ******* trap
don't let it happen again
it's a breached contract

****
if you're having them with someone
who is talking **** about your family
making judgements
telling you that you're conceited
and you never listen

comedians are so cocky
she'll say
with that **** coming out of her mouth voice

and now i'm here
by myself
still listening to her
and she's not even ******* here
why the **** do i do this to myself
wake up
and think
and stay awake last night
and think
had a drink
two, three
then i was like
i'm leaving this bar
this is ******* stupid

becuase the more i drink
the more i feel
like this

is it still the alcohol?
i can't tell the difference anymore
**** her

the opposite of love is indifference
and i remember the signs
"who even cares?"
in an email
and the reason she didn't call me
"it wasn't important"
i'm not important

why do i still care
why am i left here
having these thoughts
by myself
in an isolation
and she's out
living
and forgetting
and not feeling
what i feel

what lesson did she learn
about the bridge she burned

and the tears fall
it's stupid
i can't get out of it

but yes i can
there is hope
but first i gotta write about it
because
i have to write about something
and i have't been able to write about anything
because i'm scared
that i'll open it back up

**** that
i learned my lesson
eat this **** up
and spit it back out
like **** coming out of my mouth
but the opposite of love isn't hate

why am i here again?
why do i feel this way?

take pleasure take pain
but feel okay
tomorrow is a better day

the conversations
you have with people
sitting in a kitchen
smoking ****
drinking coffee, talking about life
family, kids, religion, all sorts of personal ****
that don't even fit those words
but they're categorized
just like the cupboards
got the salt and the seasoning
shuffled together in order
coffee machine in the right part of the cupboard

and all throughout the night
when everyone is quiet
and no one else is talking
and their eyes are rested
we are uncovering the deepest parts about life
and talking about what it really means
and how to really feel about this ****
and the things that happen to us and how we deal with them
these are times in life
when there is a timeout taken
in the middle of the game
and you're going through it, both lines pushing hard, everyone going full blast
then you gotta take a deep breathe
and talk about it

so that's what happened
tonight
plus some coffee, a marijuana, an e cigarette
and some *******

sometimes i really feel like a *****
not in a sense of a woman
but someone who isn't strong
that's what it's like being a man
but i dunno
this ****'s *******
everything i post i hate
and it all feels ******* and stupid
but someone out there is reading it and saying
oh ****
this dude
is kinda like me

so
what's up
to whoever this is
nice to meet u
welcome to the world
we've been here for a minute
but maybe we can have a chat sometime
in a kitchen
in the middle of the night
and sit on the counters
pass a bottle back and forth
and really talk about what's going on

even if we don't meet in the same spot or share the same views
let's try to make sense of it
somehow
and if we don't
least we killed some time
it was good
spending it with ya

cord of death attach me to a wall
cord of death not let me go home
cord of death strand me in need
cord of death not there for me
cord of death make me wait long
cord of death make me wonder why and how long
cord of death
cord of death
cord of death



Thank you for visiting my page

Page
My
Visiting
For
You
Thank

i want to be the crayon in the box
that makes you think
that one
looks unique
it is a color i would prefer
to go with me

if you stop following the rules
they say you have disorder
even if it's just a little bit
and they can't pinpoint who you are to them
borderline personality disorder
everything's either evil, or good
people are placed in categories
to the extreme
then it calms down
it's called
hyper mood swing
bi polar
tri polar
quadruple by pass aint savin me
**** the rules
manic impressive
your diagnosis is depressive
can't handle a little love
a little chat
a little quiet
some existence
you can't see
or feel
hyperbole turned real
is a psychopath's mind
errrr
i'm like a dog on a leash
waitin to bite
the first ******* i see
if he acts up

There's some dangers to the game, some times you gotta watch out for where you put your ****, cuz some of these ******* out here have death traps. If you hit the walls right, she'll come back the next night, next thing you know you're in a fight. Who is this person? How did we meet again? ****, I feel like I'm six feet under, maybe ten.

In deep, but not losing sleep. Still workin, going to shows, lookin for new **'s. That's the life of a ****, or one that wants to be, if you try to graduate, you'll get closer to degree. And it burns when it's not fun anymore, and you realize you're at square one once more.

And you keep chasing a *****, an imaginary person, someone who isn't worth it. She'll find you. That's the truth. You don't have to look for it, cuz it'll scoop you, like a cyclone.

Take you places you'd never thought you'd go. And then it's all ove.

Never talk to you again, I gotta keep it movin. I got **** to do, no time to worry about two.

Your **** is grimey, triflin, that's the only words I can think of, I want to put a rifle in, your imaginary mouth and blow it, see you later, you're gone, explosion. That's all I think of when I think about that, two chemicals went bad, and now there's combustion. I gotta cool off, see you later, I'm going to another river, I'm going to chase some paper. The finish line is far away, but I'm going to make it, and if anyone else tries to take it, then I know they're just fakin. Goodbye for now for good forever and never, again will I think about that person I wrote about in the beginning of this poem. **** it. I'm out of town.

i dreamt that
there were two funerals
and it was out in some place
in the country
i thought she would come
like she said she would
but she didn't
i kept lookin at my phone
and got nothin
and i said
i should call her
yeah i still got her #
i think it's time
and the dude that works
at the gas station across the street
was in my dream
and he said no ben
it's not what it seems
now is not the time
do not call
the rest is a blur
and i woke up
and i'm wondering
why?
why?
why won't she be there when i need her?
i guess i'll never know
and that's the last thing she told me
before she had to go
i said where were you?
why didn't you call?
and she said
you will never know

Depression happens
even when success happens
in succession

I'm on a level that
I can't get off
the earth
or the depths of a ******* bathroom

diamonds they fade
flowers they grow

roses are red
and you're just a **
i thought i'd never know
but then i find out
you didn't sleep with anyone
when we were together

and now that i know
that i gave you the d oh so well
it gives me great hell
to know that you're still doin well

cuz diamonds they fade
and flowers they grow
roses are red
but you're still a **

just because you said no

i don't know how much longer i can feel this way
i'm starting to think that the only way
is to blow my brains
and that way
i never have to feel the stains
the pains
the **** that i am left with
as i lay in bed at night
night turns to day
day to turns to rain
i want to sleep in this room
no sunlight coming in
through the window pane
shutters closed
i want to take sleeping pills
and sleep forever
i want to stop feeling this way
i hate myself
i hate everything about my mind
that it keeps thinking about things
that i don't want to think about anymore
it's there
it's there
it's there
i don't like this
at all
and i'm tired of it
i'm tired of being able to cry
so easily
and now that they've started to dry
i just sit and think about
this stupid ****
isolation
isolation
isolation
in my mind
it's a prison
it's a prison
it's a prison
****
**** **** ****
****
i'm so tired of it
i don't know what else to do
i don't know who else to please
i have a disease
i think i have a disease
i think i have a disease
i gotta go
i gotta go
i gotta go
to the doctor
therapist today
therapist today
maybe he'll prescribe me
with some medicate
please
please
anything
to help me escape
i have a disease
i have a disease
i have a disease
bring on the rain
i'm tired of it
i'm tired of it
i'm tired of it
someone
please
help
me
escape

do not worry about money
do not worry about love
do not worry about ***
do not worry about your being
do not worry about people

do not worry about letting them down
because in the end
they will not be around

and no one will know
the things that you did
unless you realize
that we're all just some kids

playing together
sharing our toys
girls will be girls
boys will be boys

and just when you see
it happening naturally
so fluently, so openly
that is the best way to be
because it's all just a dream

don't ever give up
don't ever give up
just write
and write
and write
until it's no more pain
that's what you do
and you'll wake up tomorrow
feeling no longer blue
that's the truth
just wait man
tomorrow's not too much longer
you're almost there
don't give up
because what goes down must come up
so don't give up

I don't know my own good
I'm lost at sea
I don't know what is good for me
Right in front of my own face
then gone again
without a trace
I can't seem to see
emotionally
I don't know what to do
even if what to do
is nothing
I'm not really sure
what is best for me
I cannot see
any future leaks
I can only stay in this present time
and wonder why
and how I climb
this mountain
The good will
I try to spill
I admire
my desire
yet I cannot find
a decent rhyme
to convey that I don't know
where to go
or where is my head
have you seen it
shouldn't I know by now
shouldn't there be a body
in a wedding gown
it's empty
yet still I travel
even though
I do not know
I'm not even sure
where to go
from here

Don't listen to anything anyone ever tells you and don't even listen to the news, or the radio, or the cat, or the dog, or your lover or mother or father or girlfriend or boyfriend, don't listen to them neither.

They ain't got **** else to feed ya, but other peoples beliefs and ideas. They just learned them and applied them, and now it's your turn to try them. But don't listen to them neither.

They can't tell you not to smoke ****** or have a beer, whether or not you're queer or what's weird, it's up to you to decide what you do, and that's the truth.

I'd rather not say or get into specifics, the ocean is big and words are as wide as the pacific, I'm just saying to be prolific, and you shouldn't even listen to me neither. I'm just here.

So I'm trying to express my thoughts and be clear, but you really don't need that either. One thing about life, just be there.

Whatever analogy you make of it, stairs, journey, game, free ride, struggle, we're these tiny people trapped in a bubble, there's rubble, and trouble, people that won't like you, and others.

People who won't care or will, people who believe in control and those free will. But still. You can't listen to them neither.

There's only one place it starts and that comes from your heart, it's trying to tell you something. Have you been listening?

It's what they all say, to follow, so does that mean I shouldn't do it because they told me to? No, that's not the rule. But take time for yourself, and put some thoughts up on the shelf, it's easy. Just relax and think, and sooner or later you'll see, where it is, how to live, and what you need to be.

The world needs you. When you're born, we greet you, hey hello, nice to meet you. That's just what we do. And we go from there, and show you we care, but don't listen to us either. And don't listen to your preacher.

Matter fact, only listen to the doctor, or the nurse, when they ask you if it hurts, and be honest, it's easier.

All these thoughts that I just put up in your ear, disregard them, and just enjoy. It's nice to be here.

I'm starting up a death wish
to express this
a whole list of ******* that I'd **** quick
if they didn't move
or get the **** out of my life
and stay the **** outta mine
before I cut your wife
and take her life too
and all the babies you grew
you little ****** *** phoney player hating
you must've been brought up wrong
and learned different than me
i don't like the way you say my name when you're talking about me
I can taste the resentment
and ******* sarcastic
beneath the smile
I see the *****
and the hate
the mistrust
don't get your face misplaced
don't make me go to the store
and register for a gun
just to run up in your house
and watch you scream and run
I don't need that
but trust me, when I wake up
I feel like that's all I breathe
and my heart deceives
and tells me that I'd love to see someone bleed
my enemies
don't even know me
and the truth about it is
they can *******
I used to be nice
I used to try to understand
but now a days
only so much *******
I can take as a grown man
before I explode
and back out and roll
over your body in my audi
my truck don't give no ***** neither
so either apologize or beat it
but either way
I'm gonna move on with my day
but just remember what I said before
I'm really sick and tired
of being played

Look beyond that deceiving smile, underneath that soft heart are words that'll rip you up like a crocodile chomping down on it's prey. You better pray that something happens to you to make you realize, otherwise, when that disguise comes off, you'll see the demon in her eyes. Slayer. Man killer. Heart ripper. Under any weather, ******* heart is made of leather. So don't sweat her.

just let it out
whatever u want to say
whatever is on ur mind
and don't act like
it's not planned
the things u feel in ur stomach
are not real
just a misinterpreation
of how i feel
about the girl by the water cooler
with the maroon dress
by her i am so impressed
she's designed in my mind
fabric neatly pressed
i wonder what she'd look like
outside of that dress
i'm a mess
how she's got me thinking about
things i wanna do
i wonder what she's thinkin bout
hope it's me
in a fancy tuxeed
lookin all nice and neat
that's my fresh prince to be
the one who so pleases
each and every reason
i wanna see him each and every season
and all the ones after that
under the sun we will bow
our heads and pray
now we have a bunch of babies
and ****'s going amok
but man
man oh man
i miss that girl
by the water cooler

dreams are what bring us into fruition the manifestation of your destination, your life unraveled into a steep inclination, zero hydration, oxy cotton honda station, too much sleep, not enough, work, too much sleep mind go bizerk

My dreams keep multiplying
years go by
I keep crying
never stop trying
to achieve what means
everything
to me

They can never take that away
my passion can break
a giant bridge
like a wooden rake
over my knee
trying hard
is the only way I'm pleased
I will never cease
what I feel inside
I cannot write
cannot say
not enough time
not enough paper
not enough ink
to give you an idea
of how I do this thing

I'm going to be blessed
I'm going to be honored
given respect
a crown of jewels
around my neck
I'm blessed
to feel so strong
so passionate
determined
to get respect
got ****
I love this ****

Guess that's what they mean
when they say follow your dream
understand what they been tryin to tell u
all these years
that's how it goes
it's what it be
it is what it is
inevitability

my dreams
come to life

this is something
that i just write
to tell you about
what i feel at night

inside windows
tinted
grimace
on my face
stitches
can't replace
the wound
or heal
the feel
that is still so so so so so so
very real

i want to take my feelings and drown
them in a pool
of alcohol
smoke of ****
a big puff
ecstacy
******* up my nose
til it bleeds
acid mushrooms
hallucinate
to make me feel great

it goes away

but won't this pain
won't this pain
leave with it?

trying to
hurt myself
by making myself
feel better
is the letter
i wrote to the devil

this is how i feel
this is what i do

until another day
when i meet a true
someone who can
take
me
away
from
this
place

i'll still do drugs
can't feel my face
i want to escape
i want to get out of here

i want to live a new life
i don't want to feel real

please
please
tell me
what this all means
before i **** myself

I'm a success
i fall on my head
every day
i feel like
no one wants me to win
some days
it feels good
and i know i'm okay
and then others
i'm like
**** this ****
no way
but i still
go through it
doggy paddling through the current
so i can hit a quiet stream
and float

ever meet
someone who died
in real life
but it was a dream

ever wake up
and try to see
the face you've seen
in your dream

ever lay awake and scream
ever lay face down and cry
about the love that died
in real life

ever see that person and speak
to them like
it never happened
and everything is free

ever watch that person walk away
into another grave
to become another slave

in real life
is when i see
pain
such a burden to me

ever wake up and start your day
with tears like rain
you don't want to claim

ever forget about what you've dreamt
but you know inside
who was there

ever wake up knowing
you've gotta move on
your dream is gone

ever wish it was all a dream
that it would fade away
and you could rise like steam

ever wish you could go back to sleep
just to see the person
that was in your dream