When you feel wronged you want to get back
You want to hurt
Tear em apart
do whatever you can do
to show that you won

who are you fighting?
is it you or is it them?

Why are they there?
In your life?

Is it time?
To move on?
To something else?

Is it time

to get help
from another source?

Is it time to draw near
to those
who care

I saw a change
I won't respond
to text messages
or feel like
I have to take part
in any further conversation

I feel like
maybe it's just time
to get past it
and move on
do something different
instead
of
talking about it
or dwelling on it
I want to be stronger
and the more that I think of it
the angrier I get

the more I want to fight
the more I want to hurt

but why waste time
hurting someone
why not
just disappear
not look at them
figure out how to handle it
when it comes
in the future
make sure I don't
give in
and be friends
again
because that's not fair
or right

with the way I was treated
the whole time

I may have paid rent late
but there's no right
to treat a friend that way
maybe money has a strain
on the relationship
but honestly
in all honesty
honestly

I feel like

the friendship
wasn't that strong
anyway

it's more talk
and talk

and this and that
I needed someone
and he was there
when no one else really was

besides family

so what does that say?

what does that mean?

I won't listen to him
or let him talk to me that way
wanting to fight me

coming at me
I have pain and hurt
from it
I shed a couple tears

got shaken up a bit
because I feel like

he needs someone in his life
but that's all
the same

I remember
when I was breaking up with a girl
I felt the same way
like I could help her
she'll miss me
I imagined them hurting for me

but if you just let it go
and let the smoke clear

and take time

restored friendship?

How?
How?

I feel so belittled
and disrespected

the things that happened
how you treat me
and my girl

how I couldn't have a couch on the porch
and I was never asked
if I wanted another dog

how I just felt low
and left alone

and abandoned

I think it'll take some time

I think it'll take a long time

if we are to be friends again

without having these things come up

I just don't see it

I definitely don't want it

I don't want that type of influence in my life

for god's sakes

we were closest
when we were doing *******
and molly
and ecstacy
together

are we even friends?
or are we enemies?
trying to **** each other
in the disguise of good

what's it to you?

i think you have to move

I think you have to move

on and on
on and on

we go

closer to the ones we trust

the ones that are there to help us

and no jealousy
or anything else
come between

let the smoke clear

what the **** do i think about
that makes me want to think these things
what brings these dreams
at night
shades no more sunlight
i cannot see through the window
why is this in my mind
these things that i think so twisted
tornadoes and avalanches tsunamis and destruction
dark horses ridden by men wishing to ****
black faces
eyes glowing
what are these thoughts i cannot escape
why do they keep my mind up
why do i think of gruesome images
and bodies *****
mangled
heads sawed
eyes popped
torture
is what it is
i must enjoy it
why do i like to see these things
and feel these things
when i see them
if they make me feel
criminal
the pain is minimal
when i let them flow by
like leaves on a river
and do not grasp on
to the evil that is within
must avoid it
at all costs
and never carry out
those thoughts

stop reading my ****
go make money
if u wanna be a baller
quit reading this ******* honey
they're not just gonna call u
u gotta get up get out and get it
enough of the *******
oh i wanna do this and that
wanna make a certain amount of money by then
this time
when?
which line?
of coke did u snort
that made u think
this **** came easy
u can float real breezy

like
i'm gonna make a million dollars
but first
let me head to the bar
grab lunch
go to the library
read a book
call my friends
play online
flirt
and think about boys

nah girl
get the **** out
and get it
all that ****
get rid of
friends, family, they'll be there, but they will change
to support you in the way
u need to grow
a million dollars my ***
u havent gotten off your ***
that fast
to get to work

receiving hand outs
from rich families
hoping to inherit
something that isn't yours
i guess those are your gifts
a gift of gifts
given to u your whole life
all you do is receive
receive
receive
receive
but that will never teach
how to take it

let the burn drive inside
if u really want it
you'll **** for it
steal for it
connive and bargain
try and try
beaten down, boo'ed, buried alive
but you strive
no such thing as no
never an impossible
no such thing as never
so go get it
u dont have forever

the silence
the distance
they wanna see things through
somehow
some way
they want to see it through
let that pain fade

blocked out of life
family
the stain

for real
i feel silence even when it's on the internet
conversations with a cousin that I feel like I never met
cuz she wasn't there
and she said no
and now it's like hey here I am again
but where'd you go

I don't understand it why people have conflict
and silence
and people choose to go separate ways
to avoid domestic violence
I'm the only baby crying
not understanding
why there's no planning
why it's not working

what do you say
to a person who just flew away
now they're back
on the other line
and you're trying to figure out
why

what's the point
do you have an agenda
are you trying to make a means
to all that we ended
to the separation
why it happened
why we left each other
son, daughter, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother, sister
husband wife
all i see is strife

but there's another way
that's all I can say
that's the only explanation
**** happens
and you move forward
what else can be done
and I hate using these mantras
to keep my life making sense
he's crazy
you're crazy
she's crazy

what about

life is crazy

so i smell the daisies
and feed the wolf
of good

and not the wolf
that eats at my soul

because I am a traveler
and this is my road

she is my rock
and i hope she stays strong
i love her
and support her
and she does me
i feel so guilty
so sad
because i want what is best for her
and if i see myself coming short
as i always do
i really **** up
anddon't want to lose her
because i love her so much
i dont think my heart would know what it meant
to have to say
anything other than
i love you

hurts to be alive
feelings floating around
rejected
feeling stupid
all over the place
anytime your heart is invested
how does it get tested
again
if it already knows
what isn't real
does it find something else
to convince them
that it's beyond *** appeal
and flash
it's not just the pan
it's the grill
the charcoal
everything else is extra
to make the fire start
you have the matches
she's got the kerosene
i know it's harrowing
to allow oneself
to get inside the barrel
float down the current
off the waterfall
you can't call
the shots
like a gun pop
down your throat
through your spine
but it's nothing to worry about
just read your lines

a self esteem boost
marked by pain
branded
it's almost like they pass you forward into the world
and have faith in you
but still let go
just cuz they have to
and they didn't want to
and neither did i
but u gotta go
sometimes
u gotta go
and there's always more hope
in another rainbow
another boat, gone afloat
another person stranded
waiting for the man to come
and rescue them
like they should be rescued
and i rescued you for a minute
and we went down with the ship
**** it, we went down with the ship
it's all good
we did it together
and we build back up
our lives together
in a separate way
co existing
peacefully
yet separately
and if there is a time
that i see you again
i know that it was meant
and nothing but time well spent

My sister loves me
when I see her
she hugs me
then later
she texts me
and says
how's the job
do you need money
come see my children
Wes and Sully
Here's my husband
wonderful man Shaun
works very hard
sweat in palm

Family values
what I desire
want a child
of my own
under the warmth
of a nice home
sweet mother
caring lady
I know she'll get along well
with my sister
I miss her
cuz I haven't met her
when I do
I'm gonna be so proud
Hope I have a daughter
and she gets to meet my mother
hope I can teach her
to be just like her
and my sister
hope we stay together
family picnic
I miss it
cuz I don't have it
but no panic
time will stamp it
when it is right
til then
I stay patient
and learn from those
doing it right
I try to help
prepare myself
for the love I'll do
sacrifice
and sweat
for the future
family
that's all I want
to say
goodnight, sleep tight
daddy loves you

she asked me if i included
all the stories
i wrote about her
in my book

no
because a girlfriend of mine
told me
that person
doesn't deserve
to read
your creative genius
you are hurt
and whoever they are
they are a ****
and they don't care

before that she ****** me
and texted me
saying i had a big ****
but to the point let's stick
as i was saying to the original chick
that it doesn't matter
because that person
(her)
doesn't care

but my words came out in silence
because she didn't even hear
what i was saying
she didn't care
there was someone in her ear
a distraction from the near
but it was meant to be
because my words to me
were taken loud and clear

really don't
feel so good
pain i feel
not understood
images i see
i wonder how
i can keep being me
images of death
gun on the table
i see the trigger
but i'm not able
to go to the store
and purchase a rifle
go home
sit on the couch
and blow my brains out
i don't have the power
don't have the courage
the only thing i can do
is live and continue
and hope that I feel
a better way
I know tomorrow
has got to be better
than this *******
that I deal with
on a daily basis
I feel like
the pain that I feel
how I was treated
continually misled
******* got fed
and all in the end
I ended up with nothing
an empty hand
alone in the house
phone silent
no one calling
no one caring
I'm here crying
why can't this be easier
something like dying
all I can think of
are thoughts that bleed
from my stomach
and into my heart
misery it feeds
thought after thought
of the evils that dwell
in my mind
so much hate
I can't even tell
all I remember
is the hurt that was caused
things said so caustically
casually
flippantly
disgustingly
like
my family is weird
that one hurt the most
it burns so bad
makes me want to get out of my seat
find you in the street
grab you by the throat
and choke and choke and choke
until you can't breathe
I'll do you the worst
by letting you live
in your disgusting existence
that's the best revenge i can give
other than forgiveness
I guess I'll just post this
take another breath
stop thinking death
and ask for forgiveness
just gotta dismiss this
it's so hard to forgive this
I don't want to live this

Another beautiful day in the neighborhood
anything wrong
feels so good
whatever I can get my hands on
I'll do it
anything without a ******
I'll ***** it
pass the blunt
cremate it
big body rotting
my family knows
that i'm in trouble
life I lead
full of sin
grab a pen
and a 40
it's early
but I'll drink
til I'm 40
time approaches
what have I done
with my talents
my pain
spread out into a million pieces
like rain
til I'm deceased
I need peace
can't find it in a substance
yet still I trust this
to be the life I know
no drugs consumed
can make me grow
into who I need to be
another casualty of life
my mind is not right
cuz I feel like
getting high is a joy
and that's not right
the answers aren't found
when in alcohol I drown
my sorrows
they always find a way to breathe
underwater

still blazin
despite
staying awake
at night
looking off my balcony
into the sky
seeing the trees stand still
but me
you know
i made it through
even though
i still have to write this
cuz i still feel it
but it's getting hard to see you
cuz my eyes low
remember a girl i dated
told me
when her friend died
she smoked **** and watched jim gaffigan
all day
now it's me
doing comedy every night
making people laugh
forgetting about our pain
together
i feel like
when you smoke so much ****
you think about things more in depth
when they say
depends on how deep the heart break
is how long it's gonna last
i thought i'd get by fast
but i'm here
on this note book page
still blazin

why does the world
put two people in a position
to make love in many positions
then argue over position
a power struggle
in between hugs and kisses
when do you want to see me
where are you
why havent you called me
look what you've done to me
you left me
in this place
all by myself
before i met you
i don't even remember how it was
all i know
is before you
and after you
why do i have this feeling
these memories
sticking with me
why do i feel like healing
but i still keep
bleeding
who are you
what do you mean to me
why did you come into my life
if you were just going to leave
so quickly
why were you so important to me
why do i still think about
what happened
you don't even know me
anymore
and you didn't
before
and the future
we're further apart
my idea and your idea
weren't the same
why were we put in this place
to hurt each other
i just wanted to be your lover
i can never express it any harder
i miss the feelings you gave me
they can never be replaced
i want someone else
to make me feel that way again
i never knew that existed
*******
i hope you miss this

I'm starting up a death wish
to express this
a whole list of ******* that I'd **** quick
if they didn't move
or get the **** out of my life
and stay the **** outta mine
before I cut your wife
and take her life too
and all the babies you grew
you little ****** *** phoney player hating
you must've been brought up wrong
and learned different than me
i don't like the way you say my name when you're talking about me
I can taste the resentment
and ******* sarcastic
beneath the smile
I see the *****
and the hate
the mistrust
don't get your face misplaced
don't make me go to the store
and register for a gun
just to run up in your house
and watch you scream and run
I don't need that
but trust me, when I wake up
I feel like that's all I breathe
and my heart deceives
and tells me that I'd love to see someone bleed
my enemies
don't even know me
and the truth about it is
they can *******
I used to be nice
I used to try to understand
but now a days
only so much *******
I can take as a grown man
before I explode
and back out and roll
over your body in my audi
my truck don't give no ***** neither
so either apologize or beat it
but either way
I'm gonna move on with my day
but just remember what I said before
I'm really sick and tired
of being played

It can be claimed
that your parting gift
was the motivation
for my success
and the heart you stained
or my slitting wrist
was the reason I made it
this far

it can be claimed that you helped
by making me jealous
only to motivate me
to do better

you can claim that i needed to be away from you
because i had work to do

you can make this all seem like
we never had a fight
and everything has always been cool
between us

you can claim you never did wrong
and it was all my fault

you can claim that i didn't hurt you
and made you think a different way
you'll just say
that you had complete control
the whole time
and everything was fine

you can claim the reason for my success
and you'd be right
only part of the time
because most of it
was without you

endless nights
of working late
and making sacrifices
you couldn't dream to make

you can't claim that at all
that belongs to me
when you sold your share
I walked away free
and for that, my success
I can claim

roll another one
some bubble gum
make it a double ***
call her to the room
she's already in your room
two ******* i consume
at the double tree
that's where they **** with me
these girls are luxury
can't keep my company
put my **** on her tummy
watch me ******* money

people need to look themselves in the mirror
when they don't understand
you got some feelings for them
that they could never understand
why don't they see the reflection
of what pours out of your soul
why do they only see a shell
and think it's only gold
when underneath lies coal
lava
hot fire
deep
and burning
but they be like
nah he's okay
he barely even likes me
but you keep dreaming
waking up from your sleep
thinking about them
why?
why is it like this?
why am i still in a dream?
why did the dream end?
what is going to happen to us?
will there ever be us?
or will it only be in my dreams?
i think i just think romantically
with imagination
and i think about
everything all working out
you know
because
it will
it's not going to end badly
maybe my sister was right
maybe my view of the world
and relationships
and life
is twisted

I'm happy
now how long
can I stay
over at this house
today?
tomorrow
to do?
what is it
will I do?
with no money
no pay
nowhere to stay
what if it storms
what if it rains
what if I can never
break these chains
what if I'm in poverty
my whole life
and for that
I can't stay with a wife
she leaves
for a better man
to spread his seed
and raise their young
what if I never feel young
again
what if I'm bitter
and angry
what if I'm on the street
without anything to eat
what if I'm a failure
and I can't stand to see
the looks on people's faces
as they walk by
what if I never make it
as a poet
an artist
what if my work
is never seen
what if I'm never appreciated
for the pain that I bleed
what should I do
who can I trust
who can I help
who will be with me
until the end
the questions that run through my head
I focus for one second
and ignore them
and move forward
to the end
I'm going to make it
and happy thoughts
and striving for greatness
is what's going to pay it
the price for me
to be fulfilled
with more than just a
tiny piece of rice
I want to be great
and I'm going to make it

this is something
that i just write
to tell you about
what i feel at night

inside windows
tinted
grimace
on my face
stitches
can't replace
the wound
or heal
the feel
that is still so so so so so so
very real

i want to take my feelings and drown
them in a pool
of alcohol
smoke of ****
a big puff
ecstacy
******* up my nose
til it bleeds
acid mushrooms
hallucinate
to make me feel great

it goes away

but won't this pain
won't this pain
leave with it?

trying to
hurt myself
by making myself
feel better
is the letter
i wrote to the devil

this is how i feel
this is what i do

until another day
when i meet a true
someone who can
take
me
away
from
this
place

i'll still do drugs
can't feel my face
i want to escape
i want to get out of here

i want to live a new life
i don't want to feel real

please
please
tell me
what this all means
before i **** myself

i remember seeing my mom in the kitchen, my dad never had a switch, just a broken paddle, over my brother's ***, **** was hilarious
i always told my mom i loved her, one time in a car ride i made fun of her, to impress my friends, and see what then
i seen some bad ******* in my life, not cuz they're hot, i'm talkin bout ******* who treat u bad
tell u u aint ****, ur hair looks bad, ur ugly, ur mean, **** u, ur unclean
i never let em get me, never let em see my tears, just let them confront their fears, so i can grow wise beyond my years

i got pulled over tonight
i wasnt driving
guess the drivers color
race
or origin
and you will win
a free trip to prison
nah, that's not where we went
but it was something they wanted to do
put us behind the bars
they said they saw 3 cars
one was the leader one was middle and one was third
they put on their lights
my stomach chirped like a bird
each one of us out
one by one
first the id's
then out the car
lined up in front of the police car
padded down
searched
you smell like ****
have you been smoking **** today?
yes
i have been smoking **** today
when
silence
and then they move on to other questions
full search
pockets emptied
jacket
pants
inside jacket pocket
both sides
spread em wide
haha
but still i smile
he doesnt know
the truth behind
where it is
or what he smells
it's a smell of smoke
a tease
something that he will never find
no matter how hard he tries
he will never know
that this whole time
it was in my *******

guess ill just deal with it now
consider it down
and done
in my heart
it was there
from a spec
it grew
into hot lava
and now it's like
cold
ice holds
and shatters
every time i see you
i want to give it a new try
it's no surprise
this pain realize
and reappears
into my world
the clouds seperate
after it rains
and i see the future
without me ever in it again
you're somewhere out there
in the world
being a beautiful girl
and whatever decision
makes
or makes of us
we must trust
and continue on
to our destiny

cord of death attach me to a wall
cord of death not let me go home
cord of death strand me in need
cord of death not there for me
cord of death make me wait long
cord of death make me wonder why and how long
cord of death
cord of death
cord of death



Thank you for visiting my page

Page
My
Visiting
For
You
Thank

she's gorgeous
maybe im broken


as the waves crash
up against the rocks

laughter and happiness

i miss her soul

im touched with sadness tonight

i hope she's okay

i love her

love is hard

cuz u go through times

together

that are hard times

and u need that rock

that solid foundation

and u hope and trust it is there

and sometimes u forget

and it leaves you

but comes back stern the next morning

destinies awakened

life changing

what people do for you

changes your life

and there's sometimes things

that people can't change

and you are who you are

to love through that

after hitting those walls

falling over in the water

scratching your knee

to get back up

and sit peacefully

on the rocks

i hope
that the next time she sees me
it's on tv
and she'll be like
who is that
he's ****
and then she'll see the name
flash on the screen
and realize
that it might be
oh yes it is
me
she can't disguise me
she may despise me
but at least she sees me
on the tv

some nights i'm scared to go to bed
cuz i don't want to be alone
before sleep
not holding anyone
or not thinking anything
or doing anything
but thinking about the person who isn't holding me
or me holding them

i don't like how it feels
when I wake up in the middle of the night
or in the morning
covered in sweat
and no one wants to hug me

usually i am usual
unless i refuse
to use
i get confused
drugs and *****
i abuse
til i see things in two's
mind you
my mind i peruse
find a way
to follow the rules
mind my p's and q's
this life
i did not choose
that is why
i usually used
to sit my *** on bar stools
til i pass out and drool

the true story
behind the curtain
the things you have to learn
about what's not being said
is so hard
to decipher
what's truth and what isn't
what is all in your head
what is real
what is make belief
what is imaginary, what is the triumph over love?
what is it?

it's difficult
tough to grasp
understand
wrap anything around
no need to feel a frown
no need to worry
it takes care of itself
just like anything else
in this situational life

what can i control
what must i let be
how can i be free
of the love that i'm in
this **** makes me laugh
reading it
because it's so
to the heart
but yet
no one knows
who i'm talking about
but if you've ever been felt this way
by a man before
then it's you
so thank u, hats off to you

ever meet
someone who died
in real life
but it was a dream

ever wake up
and try to see
the face you've seen
in your dream

ever lay awake and scream
ever lay face down and cry
about the love that died
in real life

ever see that person and speak
to them like
it never happened
and everything is free

ever watch that person walk away
into another grave
to become another slave

in real life
is when i see
pain
such a burden to me

ever wake up and start your day
with tears like rain
you don't want to claim

ever forget about what you've dreamt
but you know inside
who was there

ever wake up knowing
you've gotta move on
your dream is gone

ever wish it was all a dream
that it would fade away
and you could rise like steam

ever wish you could go back to sleep
just to see the person
that was in your dream

diamonds they fade
flowers they grow

roses are red
and you're just a **
i thought i'd never know
but then i find out
you didn't sleep with anyone
when we were together

and now that i know
that i gave you the d oh so well
it gives me great hell
to know that you're still doin well

cuz diamonds they fade
and flowers they grow
roses are red
but you're still a **

just because you said no

super cute kids
put smiles on our faces
just from being honest
we know what they mean
when they said it
or maybe they used the wrong word
but we heard
everything they meant
it's a good thing
when time is spent
with a little kid
just trying to live
and learn
and feel loved
it's a gift from above
and beneath
to see
their smiling faces
tuck them in
watch their chest as they breathe
little boy's got a fever
get him a wet sleeve
wrap his head
make some tea
put him to sleep
and hope that when he wakes
alive he'll be
and well
rested
ready to keep living
and growing
so he can learn
and keep showing
one day
he'll be like you
and remember what you did
and back he'll give
reciprocation
a high inclination
to love
and give back
that's not whack
that's reality
so play that back
play with those toys
couple little boys
and a little girl
her hair twirls
put a smile in their world

I'm a success
i fall on my head
every day
i feel like
no one wants me to win
some days
it feels good
and i know i'm okay
and then others
i'm like
**** this ****
no way
but i still
go through it
doggy paddling through the current
so i can hit a quiet stream
and float

The distance that separates me and a love
is closer than I think
it's above and beyond my reach
inside side my window
it peeks
when it is raining down
hailing and sleet
and I can't see
remember me
I'm the love that sings
under the tree
slowly ascend to heaven
and preach
a quiet withdrawal after 72 weeks
it won't ever cease
and when it breathes
hope I'm ready to be
in love again
shhh
I can't hear a peep
but it's right down the street
moves in silence
the distance between you and me
at the same time
brings us together
where are you?
how far are you?
away from me
I hope you're doing okay
I love you
hope we're together soon
I'm over here
separate
in my room

if you make a concrete judgement of somebody without fully getting to understand them, that's a sign of stupidity, and that's what she did to me

and my family, without even knowing my mother and father, she didn't even bother

to recall why she'd often dismiss, them as just religious, freaks who took care of their kids, and didn't get divorced, stayed together through the weather

she claimed they only did it cuz of the kids, but they're out of the house now, and my parents are still together and in love

what she couldn't find, within our family, and her simple mind, is that they would have loved her too, if she would've accepted them, or got to know them, or had a talk, or just listened, but instead, she placed them in a class with the rest, of the people she thought she knew best

but look inside and you might find that she don't know her self, and that's why she has to place, this label upon those who say grace, before they eat dinner

my mother and father, i love, so much. and that's why it hurt when she said they are weird. and that they're the reason my brother smoked crack.

**** that. tears come down my face are dried, the stains from her lies still infiltrate my eyes. but it's okay, i live and forgive another day, just like my parents taught me

move on and pray

i feel like i woke up from a dream
and there's no one there in the morning
that was with me when i was in the dream
she's just gone
never was
but a figment
of my imagination
a fruit i pulled from a tree
that has gone rotten
a fig

i was kind of low last night
my emotions went
somewhere i didn't expect them to be
now i'm listening
to music
clearly
trying to understand
what it is that makes me feel
like a flash in a pan
one minute
and the next
an overcooked steak
left out too late

i'm tired of being desperate
i'm tired of being broke
i'm tired of trying to get a nasty ***** to choke
i'm tired of saying hey come over
i'm tired of saying want my number
i'm tired of this and that
the game
i've had it
with it
it's ******* ridiculous

a stress i don't need
i got other worries
like how i'm gonna feed
the kids i meet
when my wife conceives
and where is she
this whole time
why isn't she with me

i haven't met her
which is *******
cuz i have
in a dream
she opened the door for me
maybe that's what i need
or what i want
i keep dwelling
and not being thankful
for what i got

i don't get it
it's repetitious
it stays within me
most nights
some days
i feel empty
like there's something missing
an image
of a woman
in the bed next to me
coming over to kiss me
goodnight
and laying her head on my chest
i miss it

she was just a replacement
for the real thing
that's coming shortly
to a theatre near me
but every theatre i play
i look in the crowd
and say not today
cuz no one comes up and talks to me
at least not her

where's she at?
where'd she go?
how far in time do i have to travel
to get her

will it be when i'm 85
on my death bed
i'll look over across the room
and see a cutie whose life is gloom
i'll reach over and touch her hand
and together we will be again

the girl i saw in my dream
only knew her for a day
but at life's final moments
we held our hands and prayed
and lifted off into the sky
together
just how i saw it in the dream

Reality and existence
feel much better
but I miss this
way a drug
makes me feel
undoes the real
makes the body heal
next day
drug fades
pain come back
from gone away
now it's a face
in the mirror
staring
saying
what did you do
who are you
what will you become
of this
substance
will be your
decay
who is your slave
on the master
do you pray
to give you what you need
to look life face to face
and understand what it takes
to move forward in the rain

the acid rain
drips away

here you are today

just let it out
whatever u want to say
whatever is on ur mind
and don't act like
it's not planned
the things u feel in ur stomach
are not real
just a misinterpreation
of how i feel
about the girl by the water cooler
with the maroon dress
by her i am so impressed
she's designed in my mind
fabric neatly pressed
i wonder what she'd look like
outside of that dress
i'm a mess
how she's got me thinking about
things i wanna do
i wonder what she's thinkin bout
hope it's me
in a fancy tuxeed
lookin all nice and neat
that's my fresh prince to be
the one who so pleases
each and every reason
i wanna see him each and every season
and all the ones after that
under the sun we will bow
our heads and pray
now we have a bunch of babies
and ****'s going amok
but man
man oh man
i miss that girl
by the water cooler

i'm telling you
you're getting better because of that
and it's a skill you're working on
getting better at
not letting people get to you
you're on it
you're doing well
but you aren't having that much fun
okay
so i'm going to get it going
and let it have be the fun
that is inside of me

she makes me feel a certain way
like
the other day she said she missed me
and i looked at her and could feel it in my eyes
the **** isn't fake
it's real
because i feel it
and i see it
come across my face
and i love to look at her pretty face
in the morning
when she's asleep
and curled up
there's nothing else
in the world
i'd rather take care of
i'm very blessed

when you want something you can't have
yet
you still feel like
you have it
so you forget
that it's not really yours
never really was
just a rental
to take for a spin
throughout this life
in the world

you know what someone who thinks they are a player is
someone who is out of touch with self
and have a lack of understanding of who they really are
but they aspire to be
is someone
who plays a game
until someone
flips the board upside down
and the player is left there
face to face
with reality
and the train has to keep moving
either get off or get on
take a picture while you're here
look in the mirror
and let it capture
the moment in time
for a second
who do u see

they say if it aint rough it aint right
but at some point a man has his pride
he doesn't know when to say goodbye
or how to say it
or when the right time would be
he just prays
gets on his knees
and cries
and hope no one sees
he's so sick
with this emotional disease
on stages he goes
he tries to please
he makes them laugh
his mind's at ease
but as soon as he leaves
he goes right back to
that sad feeling
of feeling blue
time has passed
and he still wonders
where she is
and if she ever wonders
about the time we had
that we can never take back
and the words we said
that marinate in my head
we aren't something you can just forget
what we had was special
and we can never take anything back

there was one thing we forgot to tell each other
i guess ill just have to wait to tell you in my dreams
that i love you
and i know it doesnt seem
like i'd ever mean to say that
or ever let myself do it
and we try to play it off
like it wasn't anything
but just a fling
not to me
it was important to me
you'll forever be
ingrained in my memory
i hope we get back together
and get married
and start a family
and be happy
cuz i miss having you
to lay with
and give me company
and listen to all the words i speak
and i never ******* listen
i'm sorry
i wanna be quiet again
and listen to u
and help u
just by being there
do you need me?
do you even need me?
i don't know
i hope so
i wish i didn't go
but it hurts 2 bad
and u kept saying no
**** everybody else
i never listened to them anyway
i miss u
despite what they say
that you're bad for me
you're just gonna hurt me again
i still miss u
i write it every day with this pen
even though it's curses and words that are bad
i called you so many bad names, it's sad
but i still miss u

thoughts and feelings
and prayers and healings
and ceilings in bedrooms
that i'm staring at
while railing
and holding onto the railing
as her legs are flailing
and she's moaning and screaming
but i'm still just thinking
about another girl
that i used to be with
used to please
and sleep with
under the covers
she kisses me
while i talk to my friend on the phone
i'm in so much bliss
and my stomach
is sending signals
to the rest of my body
and saying
here u go, feel good
i'm under the knife
the IV in my veins
it's flowing too strong
don't pull it out
because i won't be able to live
without it
****
****
****
I pull out
and bust
and lay there
silent
as the music plays
and the heavy breaths
she puts her hand on my chest
but i have no response
i just stare up straight
at the ceiling
with this same feeling
and the same thoughts
and prayers
and wishes
that the girl lying next to me
was someone different
but it isn't
and so
i live to see another day
and say goodbye
let her out the door
and head back
to my life
which i thought
would be nice
if i took a break
and had this other girl
to sleep with
like that would solve all my problems
but they're still here
waiting
and the drug is gone
luckily
i'm still breathing
another night
another sound
another girl
but still not her
so i still feel
this same way
man
i can't wait
til i see the day
that my new love
rescues me away
from this empty

As your memory fades
the visuals grey
I can still say
I miss you

Even when it hurts
I feel bitter
about the way
I felt betrayed
I can't help but think
positively
about how much
I still miss you

There's been plenty times
in my car at night
I look at the lines
on the freeway
no matter how fast they go
and seem to disappear
the white paint is clear
I miss you

I've been on the porch
the balcony
and into the stars
is you I see
a puff of smoke
in the air
I watch you disappear
I miss you

In the morning when
I roll over
again and again
I try to pretend
I don't miss you

but then it comes
like a quake
I hear your name
or a reminder
carried on a banner
behind a plane
I see you

and at that time
I bottle that feeling
and put it away
so I can carry on
have a peaceful day

but when I get alone at night
I stay up and write
and all this pain is leaking out
because I still have thoughts
that I think about

what if it were to come true
and my memories turn into the real life
you

what if this just passed
all the songs I wrote in the past
about what you left behind
but that's for another time

until then
I bleed the pen
and reminisce again
about what I have
up in this mind
to remind and remind
and remind
what I hate to even admit
it's what my fingers cannot grip
I want to save this moment
and make it beautiful
for another day
when I look back and see
how much it was true

I missed you

enjoy the rest of your day

write a poem

stay at home

love and be loved

give yourself to a person
and be honored

pride
shoulders high

Why is it
That at night
I feel like I have to write

I did this all day
but I still have words
I'd like to say

Things I want to hear
new feelings I have to learn

I stay awake
I lay
pizza cigarette ****
calling me

more I intake
the less I make
myself feel better

If I can write a letter
to my troubled past
tell me the future's here
and it kicked my ***

I'll always remember those days
that I stayed awake
because my pen
had something else to say

sometimes
only solution
for me
to get by
is to pack a bowl
and get by
re evaluate life
look at it
through the eyes
of this beautiful green
surprise
blessing me since 9
the first time i smoked it
that **** must have stayed in my spine
cuz i'm always hi
even when i'm not
ppl try to bring me down
my world comes down
i feel down
no one is around
i'm lonely
i roll it up
sit on the porch
and smoke it
watch it fade away
and dissipate
it's a beautiful portrait
a masterpiece
i'm floating away

Let the anger go
it can no longer go
where you need to be
so let it go
and flee
Let it fade
away
no longer can it take
control

let it go man
let it go

You don't even know
how great you can be
so why not wait and see
my name is anger
that is what they call me
let go of me
I can't take you anywhere
I can't make you anything
I'm ugly
I stink
I'm mean

the anger
resides
in a broken heart
as it heals
restart
by leting it get so much
better
meditate
do not gravitate
towards its ugly head
a wicked face
replace
with a smile