A set of rules on how to break up when we break up. Might be having a good time here at this restaurant, applying your make up.

But when we leave and go, we're separate separately, a break from you and me.

But if this keeps happening, and I come home, and you meet me here, and now we're here, here's a set of rules, they're loud and clear:

No cheating and don't let me be misleading I'm not talking about the ****** pleading and the needing, if your truth is used and trust abused that is when we both lose, and no longer fused, we have to split.

Arguments and anger talk and a lack of communication, a big thick wall. That is when this is no longer a free for all, we part our ways, we're free to all.

At last. No contact. Got my stick and sack, there's no coming back.

I don't want to know or see
any of your friends
or their friends
or our friends
from when we
first began
I don't want to see them
or hear them
mention or remind
I want you out of my life

This is what I abide and believe
If that what's true
from your point of view
Then maybe this contract we don't have to do

These are the break up rules
and if you agree
it's nice to meet you
let's make plans for two

feelings must be communicated
to be specific
the rivers of thought are deep like the pacific
thoughts are like the wind
that make the walls of the mind quake
and crash against the sand
a tsunami it can bring
if not groomed properly
accurately
and carefully
be at peace with the storm
find the right rain
to keep your ocean healthy
and flowing
without pollution
stop consuming
the unnecessary thoughts and habits of love
that become infatuation
fly away like a dove
or a seagull caught in a hurricane above sea
it didn't listen to his friends
and they left him to be
taken control of by something too strong
now he is left with sweat in his palm
hoping for the day
praying for a way
for someone with a preserver
to deliver him from pain

Poetry and *******
to stay in the same frame
of mind
try to advance
in time
and wonder how I'd feel
if things were no longer real
and didn't matter

If you care enough
to fake sick
while you're at work
then why come
the first place
you can just call off
and say you're sick
if you want it that bad
that's a sickness in itself
and you deserve the day off

waking up in the morning
saying
I'm such a *******
isn't the best way to start your day
when you're feeling a certain way
in your stomach
in your brain
you feel it come out
of your dreams
into your real life frame
and then
how can you explain
to the people around you
why you act insane
why you choose to be
so sad
not free
of the pain that is inside you
it consumes you
it says hey
how are you
good to see you
what did you dream about last night
and you don't even know
but you really do
because you wake up thinking
about a person
that isn't there
you wake up thinking
that they aren't really real
you wake up thinking
how do i continue to live
when i feel like this
how can i go about
making this pain go away
chase the pain with *******
slip a xanax
drink the night away
mushrooms
will make you think
feel good
relax
and trip
but if you have a bad trip
you'll lose grip
a sensation in your neck
telling you
something isn't right
you aren't at peace
with the world
or yourself
your reality
is a war
and you have to let go
so when you do
you can wake up in the morning
and feel good again
that's how i feel that this day
should always start
with optimism
and not rolling around
trying to keep sleeping
just because
you want to go back to your dream
and the way you felt
when you saw that person
because the dream meets the real
and the feeling you feel
is the reality crashing down on you
telling you that it is no longer
you will never see them again
only when you sleep
so wake up
get something to eat
go for a jog
continue
be free
there's a new day
a new world
a new love
that will find you
but first
you must love yourself
and you can start doing that by
being happy

some days are like sun rays, in my eyes, some days, i can't see the sun, i shade, get it out of my eyes, the sun's disguise, behind the clouds i envision demise...when the earth collides, and the world explodes, where will i call home, i'll be on my own, in the galaxy a float, looking for another man on a boat, it's just me, out here in the space, nothing else to chase, my dreams are a float, i cannot see home, through the air i roam, and now i finally feel safe. just me in outer space.

i don't know how much longer i can feel this way
i'm starting to think that the only way
is to blow my brains
and that way
i never have to feel the stains
the pains
the **** that i am left with
as i lay in bed at night
night turns to day
day to turns to rain
i want to sleep in this room
no sunlight coming in
through the window pane
shutters closed
i want to take sleeping pills
and sleep forever
i want to stop feeling this way
i hate myself
i hate everything about my mind
that it keeps thinking about things
that i don't want to think about anymore
it's there
it's there
it's there
i don't like this
at all
and i'm tired of it
i'm tired of being able to cry
so easily
and now that they've started to dry
i just sit and think about
this stupid ****
isolation
isolation
isolation
in my mind
it's a prison
it's a prison
it's a prison
****
**** **** ****
****
i'm so tired of it
i don't know what else to do
i don't know who else to please
i have a disease
i think i have a disease
i think i have a disease
i gotta go
i gotta go
i gotta go
to the doctor
therapist today
therapist today
maybe he'll prescribe me
with some medicate
please
please
anything
to help me escape
i have a disease
i have a disease
i have a disease
bring on the rain
i'm tired of it
i'm tired of it
i'm tired of it
someone
please
help
me
escape

you don't have to do nothin
but the things you do
to make yourself beautiful
i appreciate that too

i like when your eyes are brown
i like when your eyes are hazel
i like when your hair is short
i like when your hair is braided
i like your smile, it's radiant

i like when you talk about the memory
of meeting me
and what it means
and everything that gleams
and glistens in your eyes
in the twilight of the night

i like seeing your name on my phone
i never knew that a name could make me feel a certain way
a string of text
a collection of letters
that cut deep to my heart
and open up my stomach
like peeling an apple
or an orange
a delicious fruit
you're so sweet

the things you say
really get me
like
they really shake me
and cut me to my knees
you're the best disease
the best emotional illness
the best sickness
a weak stomach

you're the tear coming down my face
and it was all worth it
and i want you to know
you're so worth it

the pain i feel
and the heartache
will never replace
how i really feel for you
and the things you do
you're just you

i don't want you to be anyone else
or change who you are
come take a ride in my car
let's talk til after dark
and wake up in the morning
man, that's the best part

to open my eyes
and instead of you being a dream
you're laying right next to me
in bed with me

a kiss on the cheek
and a soft good morning
let me cater to you
i want you to feel comfortable in my home
because you have my heart

now we are here
and the end is not near
nowhere in sight
and i hope i never see it
you're going to last forever
i hope i see you in my dreams
and awake with you from my sleep

Hi, how are you?

I hope you're having a good day
and you have a smile
on your pretty face
and I wish I would have listened more
to what you had to say

but hindsight is twenty
and vision gets blurry
words gets slurry
when you were scared
and needed somebody
I was out with a friend
getting drunk at a party

I'd blame ADD
but in reality
it's just me
always thinking about me

when you were there
and that would have been better
so I wrote you this letter
to let you know
I enjoyed our time together

I'm going to leave it up 4 a while
so you see it
if you're on the bus
or waiting for a train
maybe you'll read it

and whether or not
a difference that makes
I just thought you should know
I still think you're great
okay, I have to go now
hope you have a nice day

I remember the way it smelled
when I first would enter

Bust it wide open
from the front back and center

The more I stroke
the more I see
the gassy funk
from your *****

so soft
so moist
but you have no choice
the vaginitis
sings from your ******
like a beautiful voice

my heart hurts so much right now and i just can't really

it hurts me so bad
it hurts me so bad
i don't know why
but it hurts me so bad

i guess
i feel like
i just want to keep her at arms length
and talk to her about happy things
and only happy things

when u see someone
it changes things
and how u think

i feel like
i just took a step back
and a step forward
but i can't decide
which one it is

to go away
push further
or to stay
and try harder

i'm so mixed up in my heart right now
i want her back so bad
but i don't know if she's still there
my heart hurts so bad right now
i want her back
but i think she's gone

i want her back but i think she left
i saw her looking cute in that pretty dress
i forgot how much her smile meant to me
i forgot how much i miss her laugh
i can't write anything else but pain
my heart is stained
and it feels like forever

i sat and babysat my nephew today
i made him laugh, and i thought about her
with me in the room
she was there with me tonight
i made her laugh too

as i sit in this seat
i keep slumping over
i keep slumping over

i want her to come back
and be with me
but i think it's over
although that feels like never

lord please tame my ego
because it seems that i go
wherever he goes
and wherever he goes
i know
is a place so high though
i'm so tall
but like shaq at the free through
i fall short
clank
and here we go
again
back down to the bottom
try not to get swallowed
the pressure
the faces
the people
expecting
i get swallowed
pressure consumes me
my ego led me astray
the man i was yesterday
is a boy today
so i reevaluate
and try to understand
who i really am
him or me
my ego
i tell him to do what i want
matter fact
i just forget he's even there
and see where that takes us

I hate my life right now
feels like it's upside down
the inside of my stomach
feels like the remains of a town
that got hit by a tornado
all the remains on the ground
the thoughts the feelings the memories
all tied together
inside of me
pain subsided
yet still i bleed
slowly
thoroughly
in need of anti freeze
to keep my heart from freezing
i get a little itch to get a quick fix
get out of the house
meet a new *****
but every time i meet one
i think about the old one
with make up on
she did me so wrong
i want to forgive but i can't really do it
there's something inside me
that says don't do it
i imagine a time in which i get revenge
but the best damage i can do
is with my mighty pen
no words, thoughts, ****** expressions, feelings
can do her any harm
so i'll get back to healing
when they ask me the same question
about my emotions
how i'm doing
i give them the same answer
i'm dealing
it's hard but i'm living
my work, my heart, my passion
my potential is the ceiling
but it's still there
that feeling

happiness
all i want
it's not a front
can't roll in a blunt
something i drink
or swish
or sweet
not something to eat
or a quick feel
not a tug on the reel
a new steering wheel

but it's what i want
and i'm gonna find it
trying to figure out where to look
i've read a number of books
to see what in the world
happiness looks
like

i saw it in a kid
he was riding his bike
and another little boy with his father
flying a kite
i saw it in the face
of the kenyan who won the boston marathon race
i saw it in the eyes
of a young couple
and it was two guys
i see it in the sun
in the beaming rays
when it grazes my face

i smell it in the kitchen
mother's cooking dinner
the roast is in the oven
and the dog is by her side
i saw it in her face
in her eyes
when id come home from work
she'd jump off the couch
in a very quick spurt
and start barking
jumping
and licking
and playing
happiness
i miss it
wish it was staying

i'm gonna find it
no matter how hard i try
i'm going to make it
through the world i'll glide
in happiness
i always strive
for happiness

but how do i get it?
do i stop try?
or go harder?
travel waters uncharted
boats not chartered
i seek happiness
i want to be smarter

i'd rather it not
have a price
can't be bought
but happiness
past present
all i sought
all i seek
just had a dream
and in the future
i see
happiness

i'm not sorry for breaking your heart
i'm not sorry you stayed in your room
and cried
i'm not sorry you went for a drive
and drove
and took drive after drive
until mileage piled high
in the depths of the night
i'm not sorry you felt that way
about me
and how you disrespect me
i'm not sorry you feel so much anger
and animosity in your heart
you should have known from the start
who i am
how was i supposed to explain to you
what i'd do
when i didn't even know
myself
i'm not sorry you never knew me
and took out the time
or the trash
or bought groceries
i'm not sorry you never provided
or came over when i was in the bedroom hiding
or scared out of my mind
when someone got killed
in the lobby of my new apartment
don't even start it
where were you
when i needed you most
gone
out for a drink
with a friend
and not me
so i'm not sorry
for playing games
Sorry
i'm not sorry
for ignoring
and neglecting
and leaving
and then running right back
and stalking
and reading
everything you post online
about me
why wouldn't i read
all of the envious things
the devilish mean
and all the nasty
you put on the page
i'll read that for days
if it means that i hurt you that bad
tell you the truth
it doesnt even make me glad
it's all in your head
and it's your own fault
for creating a world
that was all for naught
i'll never apologize
and you'll never know
what you did to me
it'll never show
and i'll always be happy
and i'll know i'm alive
and i never needed you
and i won't til i die
i'm not sorry

a tear is coming down my face
do i get negative press
in my own way
in my own weight
i get psychological tricks
people trying to demonstrate
in other ways
i'm not familiar with
so i think it's shade
i see smiling face
after smiling face
but i wonder who
is really trying to hate
who is hiding behind
some other mask
that i can't really see
i visualize a mistake
what's this contemplate
all these feather weights
need to meditate
before they try to demonstrate
before they player hate
but it's cool i take it good
i put it in my system then i spit it back
and make it hotter than a kettle cracked
no anger just love and feel goods for the people
that feel bad about me
and their conscious speaks clearly
through their visual cues
sneaking behind the closed doors
artificial inseminates
should be inmates
i free my mind to escape

I guess

I could undress
or address
a situation
with a little girl
in the room
who happens to be the object
of my infatuation
air mattress pumped up
ready to go
she's ready to blow
you already know
but what can you do
when you're a man like me
just trying to live free
being happy
and doing what i want to do
even though i know
just this second
it could cause damage
to her and i
me and you
every relationship
that i ever brewed
finished before it started
and it all seemed *******
after a while
when i realize
that i was a child
going through pain
the weakness and youth
leaving the body
i'm not longer rotting
in this kitchen
on the pad plotting
while she's in there wondering
when oh when
will he ever come in
and i'll stay over here
in a safe place inside
my warm house
the theatre of my mind
i'll glide
and write
until she falls asleep
goodnight
and then i'll climb with her
into bed
kiss her on the cheek
and fall asleep
because that one was for me
i have to steer clear
of the emotions that flow
out of your body
when you *** someone that you oh so
much love
when i wake up in the morning
she won't even be there
she'll be gone
looking at her rear view mirror
wondering
about what happened
with that man in the room
what kind of illogical thoughts
did he consume
but we'll never know
and i'll never care
as long as she aint there
i have to move on
and figure something else out
with my life
and find somebody
that seems more right
or maybe i'll go
chase her off in the street
waive her down
stop the car
ask her to marry me
will she stop
and give up her life
or will she hit the gas pedal
and take it to 95
we'll never know

aint no such thing as halfway crooks
aint no such thing as halfway intellectuals
aint no such thing as half read books
all i see are loud mouth crooks
that base everything off the way people look
spookin me out and trying to show off
when there isn't anything but smoke blowing
there's no such thing as the things you speak
the way you talk, your emotions bleed
you're weak
your words become more cheap
the longer you speak
i suggest you creep
and listen for a peep
no such thing as a smart person who doesn't listen
as we sit here and have this argument in the kitchen
and you keep dismissing
bait and hook like you're fishing
it's physics
you need to split
and fission
pay attention
and think before you speak
you're revealing your true intentions
non intelligently
understand that perspective
is not a collective
exchange thoughts and ideas
and you'll learn how to treat
another person
show respect
the next time we meet
by calling out
and taking names
showing face
talking about race
like you have it all understood
and the other opinion is no good
your mind is closed
as it should
you're from another planet
and our world's will collide
but let it ride
take a look
at someone else's life
you might be surprised
that it's the same on the inside

every time i write
i just don't know
what to do
how to go
how to get it started
what to write about
think about
express
share
with others
and see who cares
what's going to connect
what is rare
what makes someone stare
so hard at the screen
and be locked in
visually
mentally
imagining
everything they see
each word bleeds in your brain
and brings you to a new universe
you don't remember where you are
other than there
that's what i want to write
what i'm trying to express
just living my life
and trying to get success
but the bar i set
is hard to measure
i want greatness
i want pleasure
most of all
i want peace
knowing
and needing
and being
with someone
who makes me happy
even if it's myself
i just want some help
something to get me through
and that's why i write
not for the people who will read it
or to showcase my skills
i just do whatever
and hope it kills
i live for this
especially

no i dont want to tell you bye
i want to tell you nothing
i want to go home
and go to work
i want to get paid
and do my work
i dont want to socialize
or tell you what i think of you
or develop relationships
i just want to be free
from this ******* work
corporate chain nonsense
i dontwant any part of it
so i dont want a goodbye
because iw ish id never see uagain
please let me leave
without saying goodbye
******* hate it
just trying to control me
why does it bother u
that i dont say bye
youre just ******* stepping on my toes
trying to make me be just like you
i'm an individual
not a robot
i dont have a goodbye message
or a fading apple
or a dancing android
to tell yuo im shutting down
i just want to go home
in peace
and i dont want to see you ever again

Don't listen to anything anyone ever tells you and don't even listen to the news, or the radio, or the cat, or the dog, or your lover or mother or father or girlfriend or boyfriend, don't listen to them neither.

They ain't got **** else to feed ya, but other peoples beliefs and ideas. They just learned them and applied them, and now it's your turn to try them. But don't listen to them neither.

They can't tell you not to smoke ****** or have a beer, whether or not you're queer or what's weird, it's up to you to decide what you do, and that's the truth.

I'd rather not say or get into specifics, the ocean is big and words are as wide as the pacific, I'm just saying to be prolific, and you shouldn't even listen to me neither. I'm just here.

So I'm trying to express my thoughts and be clear, but you really don't need that either. One thing about life, just be there.

Whatever analogy you make of it, stairs, journey, game, free ride, struggle, we're these tiny people trapped in a bubble, there's rubble, and trouble, people that won't like you, and others.

People who won't care or will, people who believe in control and those free will. But still. You can't listen to them neither.

There's only one place it starts and that comes from your heart, it's trying to tell you something. Have you been listening?

It's what they all say, to follow, so does that mean I shouldn't do it because they told me to? No, that's not the rule. But take time for yourself, and put some thoughts up on the shelf, it's easy. Just relax and think, and sooner or later you'll see, where it is, how to live, and what you need to be.

The world needs you. When you're born, we greet you, hey hello, nice to meet you. That's just what we do. And we go from there, and show you we care, but don't listen to us either. And don't listen to your preacher.

Matter fact, only listen to the doctor, or the nurse, when they ask you if it hurts, and be honest, it's easier.

All these thoughts that I just put up in your ear, disregard them, and just enjoy. It's nice to be here.

Hey you,
I learned something the other day
matter of fact
it was yesterday
i read that
you shouldn't want to conquer someone
just to prove something to yourself
you should want them
because
you love them
and it asked
well
do you really love that person?
you'll find out
if you imagine them
being in love with you
in order to satisfy
and fulfill yourself
and once you hit that point
do you still want them?

that, to me
was something
special
and i know
we didn't spend much time together
but from the short time we did
i just know
that i really
never wanted to be anywhere else
but with you
and i know i was mean
i know i was ugly
and there's something about myself
that i didn't love
so how could you
how could i
how could i
how could i really
even begin
to feel a way
about you
when i don't care
about myself

i'm writing to tell you
that i still think you're awesome
and i'm writing to tell you
that i'm sorry
you had to see that
ugliness
inside of me

and i'm writing to tell you
that i'm going to love myself
and find happiness within
and maybe one day
we can once again
begin

Don't ever talk to me again
I'm too busy working it out with the pen

I remember when you loved me
It was fun every day but now it's causin fury

I don't wanna do this **** again
Watching you with him turns me to a new man

I don't want to be filled with rage
You don't love me now let me be it's time to turn the page

You're just a non loyal maggot flea
That is something that I never wanted around me

To you I was just a nice piece
Something in the night that helped you get your sleep

But now that I'm finally gone
I hope you wake up in the night cold sweat no calm

The torment that I once felt
Is gonna come right back and it's really gonna smell

All that **** you stirred and the men that you hurt
Will come right back and bury you in the dirt

So good luck with that
You're just a ******* ***** that I never want back

I'm gonna make it
I told you now
I'm gonna make it
told you before
I'm gonna make it
They can try to stop me
patience
I'm gonna save it
success
I'm gonna crave it
Haircut
gonna fade it
My soul
won't have to trade it
gonna get it
how I want it
Gonna prove to everyone
who left me
doubted me
thought I was boring
left me in the rain
cut me deep
with no neosporin
They're gonna see it
what they left
gave away
I'll make pain my slave
I forgive
but never forget
who I am
and what they made me became
I have come so far
keep going
see the hope
A smile
I'm not gonna fake it
Take the hits
keep going
I'm gonna make it

An overactive imagination
makes way for infatuation
excessive stimulation
brain saturation
I'm satiated
but not satisfied
and that is life
that leads to killer lies
A killer lies
deep in my soul
but I'll never let it go
never let it wander
travel
into the real world I see
my perception knows no reflection
A pretty girl
I undress
with my eyes
to remove her guise
when she speaks
I look in her eyes
but not too long
to my surprise
in her heart
there are other guys
so it is my demise
that the reality
is not so real
and now I feel
collision
of two worlds exploding
my mind imploding
never ceasing
or stopping
to think
or take a drink
of a soothing glass of peace
when it comes to peace
I'd like a piece of mine
to share with the world
so they can see
the gift and the curse
that consumes me
and I speak truly
from a heart
once soft
now made unruly
I wait
to hear a noise
see a vision
make an incision
a repair
I come back
with more flair
and let my hair
grow
so I can show
a tiny bit
of what it is like
to be a man
with an expanding mind
with the windows down
no sense of time
or place to go
I'm free at last

those feelings you had werent healthy
unable to manage
self control
like anger
fleeting
left breathing
heavy
heart
sweaty
trying to comprehend
what my mind is doing
while on my knees naked
praying to god
begging
crying
please help me through this agony
the cold
it is so cold
remove me from this blanket of pain
deliver me
and help me escape

preach the reverend
for a second
minute
hour
year
quick shower
aqua flower
hot water
streaming
cleaning
pleading
misleading
devour
jealousy is good
for no one
damages
rational thinking
got me stinking
realizing
bad timing
say goodbye
be alone
now I write
rhyme
after
rhyme
on my own time
free spirit
mountains I climb

i feel devastation, once again i'm here, trying to work through this, doing this job, sitting down, and doing nothing, being isolated, and it's hurting me, it's starting to really hurt me, and i don't know. the dream i had, the things that haunt me, and i don't want to ever see her again, and i want her to know that i still hurt from that, but she doesn't care, and it doesn't matter to her, she's off in her own world, yet her energy gives me joy, her energy gives me joy, and then it geos away, then it goes away, and then it huts, i'm left here with nothing, just an empty bed, and another day, just another day, that i have to give my best to stay above the wake, and just hope and wait, i just hope and wait. it's tough and it's in my head each and every day, and i'm trying to do different things with my life and see a brighter day, and I've seen them, like yesterday, no tears shed no depression set in and I had a relaxing day, and a productive day, and I felt the hope from her and I felt her inside and it was such a devastate. Now i wake up and it's another downer day. Because I know she's gone away. The thoughts that race through my mind are too much to handle, I can't really see it clearly, they just go trhoguh, and the images in ym head just stay with me. I don't know if I'm delusional, but some days i don't efel like a normal person. Yesterday I felt like I felt like I felt like a man. And today. Today. I feel like. I got that melancholy. I feel like, I'm in a haze. And I can't sleep at night, until it's at least 5 or 6, then I get four or five hours and wake up. I'm in some sort of abyss. It's a ******* abyss. I don't know if I have a problem but I think I do, I don't think I'm supposed to be this way. I'm not normal. I'm not normal. I want to see a better day. I might go to the doctor to see if I have some sort of problem, and I'm sure they'll give me something, but I don't want that to make me crazy, or even crazeir. I'm worried, I don't trust, I don't trust. I want to feel healthy, mentally. I feel hopeless. But I know hope is there, I gotta stick it out. I gotta get some help. I need to go to rehab. I gotta get help. Please, I need to stop feeling bad. Please. Someone help me.

Love feels like chaos
when you're down and out
winds swirl around
smoke from the clouds
and it's gonna rain
strength can be sustained
on optimism concentrate
meditate
go under water
hold your breath
waiting for you at the surface
a devil in a blue dress
I hope that when I see her again
I'm 6 feet 10
confidence a grin
when she opens her mouth to chat
I'll give it right back
then walk away after that
new waters rising
new climate testing
a new beginning
a past devil's smile
slowly fading
no longer raining
chaos
I'm on the beach
finally at peace

This in fact is a reminder
to let you folks know
that I've been here
the whole ******* time
Okay????
You feel meeeeeeeeeeee?
This whole time
I've been here
thinking
about what I'm gonna do next
not really sure
trying to drown out the alcohol
and tell it
not to **** with me anymore
cuz it's really starting
to **** my head up
making me drowsy
sobby
crying like a lil *****
depressed
**** that
no time for that
it's my life
and there's a little switch
in myself
you feel me?
that I can turn on
you hear me?
and realize
that this **** is me
and my life
and the control system
must take charge
must figure out
how I can do this
carefully
and corecctly
without losing sight
of who I am
and trying to be
sometimes I stray
off the path
but **** it
I'm back
so get ready
for this ****
cuz I'm not ever
giving up
and I don't give a ****
if you care or you don't
you either get on
or get off
either way
I'm getting off
so **** u
and all who doubted
I'm staying in this ****
til it's over
and when is that?
up to me
I'm gonna live forever
every second I live
I'm gonna make a year
every year I live
an eternity
so get ready
it's never over
and I'm just getting started

you got reggie
it's the regular ****
named after reggie bush
or miller
it's not that killer
but roll it up
pour yourself a cup
see how it tastes
after a few puffs
you'll realize
that you're still pretty hi as ***
haha
aint that somethin
might be a lil higher
depends on what u think
or want it to be
before you smoke it
call it blue dream
forget about the stems and the seeds
relax
and enjoy the breeze
on the beach
smiling
blowin the trees
with your flip flops on
or wherever you want to be
when you get high
your mind is free
anything you dream
or create and bring
to the world
is a new reality

Look beyond that deceiving smile, underneath that soft heart are words that'll rip you up like a crocodile chomping down on it's prey. You better pray that something happens to you to make you realize, otherwise, when that disguise comes off, you'll see the demon in her eyes. Slayer. Man killer. Heart ripper. Under any weather, ******* heart is made of leather. So don't sweat her.

dont listen to those thoughts in your head
that's how you end up dead!
or underwater
that's how you get to a place
that you can't blame anyone but you
for making
and creating
why don't you go for a walk
meditate
do something healthy
to make yourself feel better
about yourself
so you can not dwell
in the deep down well
costs more muscles to frown
i'll spend it wisely today
i'm going to grocery shop
for positive thoughts
think i'll have an apple
an avocado
a glass of orange juice

i miss u girl
u my top *****
after all these years
and all the hos i ran thru
u da one baby
u was the downest ** eva
girl that ***** was hot
but i aint trippin
u was coo
i dun ran thru a lotta *******
and fell in love with all dem hos
out of keesha, monica, monique, terea, stacey, and amber
u da one on my mind girl

said a few things
that i shouldn't have said
made a few choices
that i definitely regret
a casual mistake
with all the stakes
everything on the line
just not the right place
or the right frame of mind
a point in time
gone bad
or just miscalculated
the landing didn't stick
the take off was faulty
we started too hard
all those words were shoddy
comin out the ***
love came too fast
and left too quick
i got pain in my heart
that just won't quit
so now i'm sitting here
already quit the bottle
stopped smoking ****
cuz it wasn't making it less harder
but why even bother
who even cares
about this man in the room
who ran out of prayers
and cried all the tears
that could ever be cried
to drown a thousand people
i'm buried alive
and i can't even breathe air
i wish she'd be here
or someone
to take it all away
i need to be saved
jesus, where u at?
i feel like a slave
and all i see is rain
cloudy day after cloudy day
in my world of pain

they dont know what i know
the side i see
the dark side that creeps
that she spits
and the fleas
coming out of her mouth
a disgust
coming from her gust
why are you still in the shower
ughh
where's my glasses
i don't know
ughhh
what about me
what about me
ughhh
i gotta go
time to flee

Forget about it at all...forget it all...forget it all...forget it all...

jealousy
the worry
the anger
the jealousy
repeated

and now
it begins
to play
into your imagination

every time
you associate
your thoughts
with some person
doing some thing
you begin to see
the rage through
a new
prism

from 100 yards away
a girl talking to a guy
and jealousy strikes
once again

There's some dangers to the game, some times you gotta watch out for where you put your ****, cuz some of these ******* out here have death traps. If you hit the walls right, she'll come back the next night, next thing you know you're in a fight. Who is this person? How did we meet again? ****, I feel like I'm six feet under, maybe ten.

In deep, but not losing sleep. Still workin, going to shows, lookin for new **'s. That's the life of a ****, or one that wants to be, if you try to graduate, you'll get closer to degree. And it burns when it's not fun anymore, and you realize you're at square one once more.

And you keep chasing a *****, an imaginary person, someone who isn't worth it. She'll find you. That's the truth. You don't have to look for it, cuz it'll scoop you, like a cyclone.

Take you places you'd never thought you'd go. And then it's all ove.

Never talk to you again, I gotta keep it movin. I got **** to do, no time to worry about two.

Your **** is grimey, triflin, that's the only words I can think of, I want to put a rifle in, your imaginary mouth and blow it, see you later, you're gone, explosion. That's all I think of when I think about that, two chemicals went bad, and now there's combustion. I gotta cool off, see you later, I'm going to another river, I'm going to chase some paper. The finish line is far away, but I'm going to make it, and if anyone else tries to take it, then I know they're just fakin. Goodbye for now for good forever and never, again will I think about that person I wrote about in the beginning of this poem. **** it. I'm out of town.

Prayers and wishes, are what get you through, healing souls, long or short talks, laughs, distractions, interactions, with new people, that you'll meet, and make you forget, but it slips in, you think, on accident, about something, and you know what it is, and you don't even let it get that far in your mind.

It's like the images are disappearing, the memories fading, and you are growing into a new human being that you never thought you'd be. But it's still the same old you. Just doing what you do, consistently. Writing in this blog, and typing poetic things about human beings that hurt feelings, and make things happy and joyous and so very blissful, trist filled, adventures, and late night writes because I couldn't help but stay awake at night, in excite.

Ah yes, the days that I miss, not really, I was so in bliss, now out, realize, that it's so hard to do that, those things, and enjoy so much, when the reality it brings is only suffering. Love lose live again and all that **** over and over, another fallen soldier, or a flower bloomed, planet spinning faster than before, volcanoes ready to explode, and all sorts of feelings inside, that I want to bring into the world, as the me who has been transformed by love.

when people communicate
we don't always tell the truth
and try to say things that throw them off the scent
of what we are really thinking
sometime's it's obvious
what we're really thinking
and the difference between that
and what we're saying
is astronomical
stars and space
and the earth
it's the difference between the moon
and the sun
one rises
goes round and round
one stays the same
in one place
and we try to cover it up
the dark side
with sunlight
but people
can still eventually
see the shade
might not take much time
might take years
an eternity
an equator
whole lotta time
traveling around and around in circles
waiting for them to say something
that appears real
and honest
when will we let loose
and frequent the truth
inside of our head
hahaha
the fear says no
no way
it's too scary
too funny
too insane
people will think i'm crazy
maybe
but if we act all the same
then who is really sane
all of us together
as one big unit
of sane people
sounds pretty crazy
what are we really saying
when we speak
what is it
we must teach
or learn
what will we earn
from the honest thoughts portrayed
as a sunray
into the dark
dont ever want to see the moon again

i'm so blessed and i don't fully understand it
i don't know how to really comprehend how good my life is
i guess if i just got to take a peak at the future
and see
what is in store for me
it would make this struggle
easier to swallow
and to know
that my sturggle will probably be worse, or there will be perseverance
either way tells me that i need to enjoy this moment


I don't know man

I just
feel like that you know
and I just wish there was a way

it's too bad
and it all fades away
it's too bad
but it all goes away
and that's too sad

it'll never get better
always worse
i mean it'll get better
cuz it has
and my life has been better
but it'll always hang there
like a scab
i feel like it's getting better
yet
i wish it got worse
for the better
i wish i had her
til the hurst
i wish she was with me to ride
while i make some cheddar
it's too bad she's gone
and it didn't work out
i wish we coulda worked out
wish we could have worked it out
no commitment in this world today
just a couple that gives up
says no and moves on
goes to someone else
even though there was something there
we aren't something you can just forget
yet we dismissed
and kept it moving
as if
there was nothing else brewing
no more love to be given
we can't take it
we don't want to give
we want to steal and run
****** and go
and never trust again
until the next door opens
then what?
what will we do with our golden opportunity?
will we save it
and decide to cherish
man
i'm too smart to make any woman miserable
to make myself miserable
we could have done it
you know
we could have done it
it's the most disappointing thing in the world
it's so hard
i don't know what to do
i just keep waiting for her
to see her come
and get off the bus
or drop in at a show
say hi to me in public
just so i can ignore her
and walk away
what a ****** up life we live
where that is what we have to do
to each other
to survive
the way we want to
man
the pain i live with
it's too hard
it's too much
but i fight
i stay alive
live to see another one
and as each day goes by
i just wish i met another one
but i can't even begin
to open my heart
because it still feels like
it hasn't finished closing
and in closing
i'd like to say
that i am thankful that she made me feel this way
although so much pain, so much hate i feel
the **** was something that was actually real
and now i know that i'm alive
and i'll continue to strive
forward and on
i live a blessed life

Jesus where are you?
R u there?
Where in heavens have you been?
Waiting for me?
I'm here

Communication
is a two way street
but we're under construction

I'm ready to talk but first...
but first...
I gotta play

You'll have
even more to tell me
after that
right?

Let's talk
another day

it's funny how another friend changes situations
we used to be tight now he's the bread i'm the crum
drop it on the floor let it soak in the sun
rats come and nibble smell of urination

i've seen some foul **** in my life but this was the one
can't contain your jealousy let the evil coma come
never seen you make a face like that
you look so ****** dumb

i got no respect for you
you musta been drunk on ***
or blowin the coke out your nose
how long did it grow
your heart musta rotted
cuz it didnt even show

it's sickening how your money glistening
but your spirit ugly

i'm broker than ever but still happy in love
you couldn't take to see that so you smug
you just a jealous *** punk *******

i learn my lesson who my real friends are
it don't matter or not whether you drive fancy car
love unconditional no matter how successful you are
not get jealous when they see you as a happy rising star

i woke up this morning
with a rage inside
that i never want to subside
put my hat on
threw the hood up
cigarette lit
thinking bout
who i'm gonna **** next

mask and gloves
barrell of sulfuric acid
ready to find a straggler
anyone stupid
or deserving
to get it

i'm the maintenance man
city garbage man
taking care of this **** they can't keep clean
you think it's mean?
well you should see how it feels
to wake up from my dream
or was it a nightmare?

keep quiet and don't say a word
it'll only get you more hurt
who needs a gun and a bullet
when these bare hands can do it
i'm a ***** nasty *******

my scowl looks like a smile
it's so jaded
and foul
but today's just another day
cleaning up the neighborhood
and ******* your wife

for joy
for pain
I am thankful for all of that
because it makes me
human
influences my decisions
helps me steer the ship
the way it's supposed to go

there are boundaries in life
sometimes you can't see them
and when they appear
out of nowhere
you get hurt
then you realize
you must travel forward
and move on
past
into something else
that is worth value to you

and it will arise
that girl
that boy
that person
will appear
out of nowhere
a gift
from life
given to you
all you have to do
is be happy
and just know
that you can be good for somebody
and they will come

I really believe that
I do want a relationship with somebody
I would love
for it to be peaceful
I know pain will be inevitable
but I want to be committed
and I want to have kids
and be happy

why?

I don't know

but for now
I know that
there is no need
to feel hopeless
knowing that something
great
will happen
again

lemme be frank
while i smoke this blunt
i wrapped it
with something sweet
and candid
brown fragrance
smoke blazin
bold brazen
gotta be honest
i blaze chronic
forthright free spoken
tree smokin
words floatin
out of my mouth
highly potent

One day they'll all learn how it feels to be hurt and neglected

to be left alone in the dead of winter
when the snow has shut down the roads
and you don't have a car

And they go to dinner without you
leaving you to walk the streets of Atlanta by yourself
to a pizza shop
sit quietly and eat by yourself

To be left home when one of the greatest comedians of his generation comes to town
and they all have tickets to see the show
except you don't
and they'll go watch it without you

they'll all know how it feels to be left alone in your room
just struggling to find some peace and quiet
when outside the door there is fighting and screaming
and one day you go outside to see your dad on top of your brother
screaming
and someone ends up bleeding

they'll know how it feels when you wake up from a bad dream
that you are being neglected
and someone you care about
doesn't care about you
doesn't answer your phone calls
leaves you wondering
whether or not they are cheating
and just don't give a **** enough to hide it

they'll know how it feels one day
or maybe they won't
maybe they'll never know how it feels
because it's me

but one thing is for certain
everyone in this world knows and feels pain
and i am not alone
in my feelings of hurt and neglect
they'll know that I was there too
and they aren't the only ones who feel suffering

to all those who have pain
and suffering
and have been hurt
and neglected
and treated like
no one cares
you aren't alone
people do care
you must care too
because sometimes
you have to do it for yourself
and love yourself
even if it doesn't feel like they care
that's what is most important
to staying in tact
staying alive
and staying well

remember
be easy
and don't be so ******* them for doing what they do
cuz they have problems too
and they'll feel them
one way or another
it all comes back around

Depression happens
even when success happens
in succession

I'm on a level that
I can't get off
the earth
or the depths of a ******* bathroom

The loneliness and the hurt
playing in my mind
a heavy metal concert
winds blow
I'm confused
how to recover my thoughts
how to properly use
it's no news
been happening for months
and years I fear
peace, solace, happiness
hope they are near
they whisper in my ear
how do I find
peace of mind
sickness through my spine
beware of steady decline
wake up in the morning
compose a rhyme
mix some lime
hennessee
and feelings go away
to tennessee
or wherever far is
I want to be

****
if you're having them with someone
who is talking **** about your family
making judgements
telling you that you're conceited
and you never listen

comedians are so cocky
she'll say
with that **** coming out of her mouth voice

and now i'm here
by myself
still listening to her
and she's not even ******* here
why the **** do i do this to myself
wake up
and think
and stay awake last night
and think
had a drink
two, three
then i was like
i'm leaving this bar
this is ******* stupid

becuase the more i drink
the more i feel
like this

is it still the alcohol?
i can't tell the difference anymore
**** her

the opposite of love is indifference
and i remember the signs
"who even cares?"
in an email
and the reason she didn't call me
"it wasn't important"
i'm not important

why do i still care
why am i left here
having these thoughts
by myself
in an isolation
and she's out
living
and forgetting
and not feeling
what i feel

what lesson did she learn
about the bridge she burned

and the tears fall
it's stupid
i can't get out of it

but yes i can
there is hope
but first i gotta write about it
because
i have to write about something
and i have't been able to write about anything
because i'm scared
that i'll open it back up

**** that
i learned my lesson
eat this **** up
and spit it back out
like **** coming out of my mouth
but the opposite of love isn't hate

why am i here again?
why do i feel this way?

take pleasure take pain
but feel okay
tomorrow is a better day