lemme be frank
while i smoke this blunt
i wrapped it
with something sweet
and candid
brown fragrance
smoke blazin
bold brazen
gotta be honest
i blaze chronic
forthright free spoken
tree smokin
words floatin
out of my mouth
highly potent

you think the nice things about them
in the morning
then u think about
what u dont like
as time goes on
your feelings
turn sour
and they feel
no good
like something is on you
and you can't get it off
then you write about it
and let it out
it simmers
in your mind
and you see them
and try to explain it
but
they dont really hear
what your pain is
they cant change it
only you can
so you do
say goodbye
cut em off
we're through
be cruel to be kind
evil can be wise
if played in right disguise
you'll fool them
go **** some other guys
and theyll never know
what youll tell em
but they did
you cant hide behind a mask for too long
before they see it
what's really there
underneath
it melts away
and shows a face
they never knew
and are disgusted to know
now they must change
and grow apart
cuz separates always better
when they are from afar
dont smash your car
or break your phone
it's okay now ben
you can go home

why can't people just
walk by a celebrity
say matt damon
say you saw matt damon
and he was wearing a hat
and holding his head down
so no one would recognize him
and you thought about going up to him and going
you're matt damon
and him saying
yes
and hating you
but instead
why not keep walking
avoid eye contact
pay no mind to matt damon
and never tell anyone
you saw him
dont put any more matt damon consciousness out there
for people to think
and increase his inability
to avoid you
and have a regular day of life
without someone going
hey
you're matt damon

am i a deeply spiritual person or am i just always high?
sometimes
when i sit outside
on the porch
i hear the bird
chirping
in his cadence
and it tastes so good
and the smoke comes slowly
out my mouth
through my nose it goes
up yours
with a rubber hose
i smoke
and the trees flow
and the breeze shows
its face

i miss u girl
u my top *****
after all these years
and all the hos i ran thru
u da one baby
u was the downest ** eva
girl that ***** was hot
but i aint trippin
u was coo
i dun ran thru a lotta *******
and fell in love with all dem hos
out of keesha, monica, monique, terea, stacey, and amber
u da one on my mind girl

i dont miss hating you
or anyone else
and i guess i can pray
to someone
who isn't there
if everyone else has been doing it
this whole time
but if you are talking
then that means
some1
is listening
whether it's the birds
the trees
the earth
the breeze
i feel it
when they whisper
to me
silently
i relax
and take a page
a deep note
listen for a quote
a sense of peace
in a new realm
i feel like im in heaven
without pain

god works in mysterious ways
my eyes wet, mind a daze
as I pray

for forgiveness, love, respect
to all those
who hurt me

forgive them father
because i do not know
why they do what they do
show me how
to love like you

and be happy and proud
to be me
despite feeling
******
unforgiving
no more
it does not help
with healing

i must remove the pain
in order to reach the ceiling

thank u
4 loving me

**** that *****
she wasn't laughin 4
nothin

she's too old
too young
quiet
loud

but u keep coming back
if u love her

make a ****** girl
a
nice crowd

it makes for good company

Guess that's what they mean
when they say follow your dream
understand what they been tryin to tell u
all these years
that's how it goes
it's what it be
it is what it is
inevitability

my dreams
come to life

those feelings you had werent healthy
unable to manage
self control
like anger
fleeting
left breathing
heavy
heart
sweaty
trying to comprehend
what my mind is doing
while on my knees naked
praying to god
begging
crying
please help me through this agony
the cold
it is so cold
remove me from this blanket of pain
deliver me
and help me escape

I remember the way it smelled
when I first would enter

Bust it wide open
from the front back and center

The more I stroke
the more I see
the gassy funk
from your *****

so soft
so moist
but you have no choice
the vaginitis
sings from your ******
like a beautiful voice

late at night
i lay in bed
feelings and all
images in my head
want to forget
keep thinking thoughts
that aren't healthy
on a path to insanity
peace is what i seek
of what i get
mindful
no more regret
painful
i don't want to dwell
in this deep well
of down

fabric i must flee
remove my clothing
and fleece
i'm on the ground
praying to god
holding myself
the anger within
the silence
ignore
so painful
hard to forgive
very hard to forgive

gonna take long time
to feel right again
so this thing i have
i must use it
pour out soul and heart
rip everything apart

don't want to freak out
flashbacks deranged
crazy dog
trapped in a cage
so filled with rage
i cannot explain
how this feels
other than by

flipping a couch
slamming my phone
screaming
crying
holding myself
on the couch

walk into the room
and feel
like i gotta strip
naked to feel
clean
i'm so *****
controlled by emotion
withdrawing from the withdrawal
of the person
who does not love me

nothin wrong with a **
but where's the one that's gonna blossom
and grow
into something substantial
other than ***** chasin financial
tryin to get extravagant

******* gonna do
what they choose
when will they see
the news
is old

when they get less attractive
and try
to lock up
with whoever stayed with them
or happens to be there at the time
some do it in an instant
with an instinct
i don't know what they are thinking
in their minds
what makes them so hard
to get inside
and see what it's like
to be them
why they feel like
they can't trust me
with their thoughts
their heart
their prayers
and wishes
why do they play tricks on me

maybe they play tricks on themselves
and i get to be the trick
used up
passed back
spit out
but a real woman will stand up
and see a man
made
branded
and ready to conquer
anything in the world
she gonna come along for the ride?
is she scared?
never
she'll say
and i'll say
**** right
there she is

you know what someone who thinks they are a player is
someone who is out of touch with self
and have a lack of understanding of who they really are
but they aspire to be
is someone
who plays a game
until someone
flips the board upside down
and the player is left there
face to face
with reality
and the train has to keep moving
either get off or get on
take a picture while you're here
look in the mirror
and let it capture
the moment in time
for a second
who do u see

And stop reading this.
Find something better to do.
I am no longer important to you.

Find someone else to play with, to find amusement with.
You think it's fun be admired and hated and written about.
Find someone else to torture, to **** with, to watch them desire you, only to fall short.

You know where he is, he's waiting for you.
As he always has been.
Whenever you need to fall back.
Just go see your other man.

If these words have ever hurt you, or ever made you feel better, you deserve it.
You deserve it all. So go get what you want.

Stop bothering with me, I'm on my own time, in my own world, I can easily vanish.
And you will no longer see, or get to read, or receive the fruits of my labor.
Go **** with your other man, he's waiting for you.

You did so many things together growing up.
You say you aren't sleeping with him.
But you're not saying that you haven't slept with him.

You hate him.
You love him.
You don't love him.

Then why are we still talking about him?

When you get scared at the train station and need someone to talk to. Don't call me. Don't read this. I won't be able to help. That's the role for your other man.

Call him.

The one who gives you the emotional support you really need.
The two of you. Together. So sweet.
I saw it in the pictures, that you didn't want me to see.

The looks in your eyes.
Then I saw it in a dream.
I saw his face in my head
As we were having ***
And then woke up
with a sick feeling in my stomach.

It's like I needed something to eat, to fill me up. To get rid of that feeling.

I needed to get breakfast.

Hmm.

Maybe I'll pick some up for both of us. And bring it to your job. The job that I ******* you over at. The place where I worked for you and then totally ****** you over, just like you predicted I would..remember how I ****** you over at your job?

That was crazy, wasn't it? You should have never trusted me. Remember that? When I ****** you over?

That was so terrible.

I'll come there. I'll bring you breakfast.

Ah wait. No.

Someone already brought it.

Your other man.

Go **** with him.

And read something else.

i dreamt that
there were two funerals
and it was out in some place
in the country
i thought she would come
like she said she would
but she didn't
i kept lookin at my phone
and got nothin
and i said
i should call her
yeah i still got her #
i think it's time
and the dude that works
at the gas station across the street
was in my dream
and he said no ben
it's not what it seems
now is not the time
do not call
the rest is a blur
and i woke up
and i'm wondering
why?
why?
why won't she be there when i need her?
i guess i'll never know
and that's the last thing she told me
before she had to go
i said where were you?
why didn't you call?
and she said
you will never know

stop reading my ****
go make money
if u wanna be a baller
quit reading this ******* honey
they're not just gonna call u
u gotta get up get out and get it
enough of the *******
oh i wanna do this and that
wanna make a certain amount of money by then
this time
when?
which line?
of coke did u snort
that made u think
this **** came easy
u can float real breezy

like
i'm gonna make a million dollars
but first
let me head to the bar
grab lunch
go to the library
read a book
call my friends
play online
flirt
and think about boys

nah girl
get the **** out
and get it
all that ****
get rid of
friends, family, they'll be there, but they will change
to support you in the way
u need to grow
a million dollars my ***
u havent gotten off your ***
that fast
to get to work

receiving hand outs
from rich families
hoping to inherit
something that isn't yours
i guess those are your gifts
a gift of gifts
given to u your whole life
all you do is receive
receive
receive
receive
but that will never teach
how to take it

let the burn drive inside
if u really want it
you'll **** for it
steal for it
connive and bargain
try and try
beaten down, boo'ed, buried alive
but you strive
no such thing as no
never an impossible
no such thing as never
so go get it
u dont have forever

people need to look themselves in the mirror
when they don't understand
you got some feelings for them
that they could never understand
why don't they see the reflection
of what pours out of your soul
why do they only see a shell
and think it's only gold
when underneath lies coal
lava
hot fire
deep
and burning
but they be like
nah he's okay
he barely even likes me
but you keep dreaming
waking up from your sleep
thinking about them
why?
why is it like this?
why am i still in a dream?
why did the dream end?
what is going to happen to us?
will there ever be us?
or will it only be in my dreams?
i think i just think romantically
with imagination
and i think about
everything all working out
you know
because
it will
it's not going to end badly
maybe my sister was right
maybe my view of the world
and relationships
and life
is twisted

i need a girl who doesnt do drugs or any of that dumb ****
not always talking **** or doing ******* **** or running her mouth and ****
none of that ******* that cheatin **** that lyin ****
none of that manipulative oh poor me that cryin ****
that's all the same ****
to a person who sees real ****
no fake ****
no i love u no i dont none of that mixed ****
no hot no cold none of that wishy wash ****** sloshy
*******
**** that ****
i dont want to hear any of that ****
or see that ****
i just want some real ****
someone who loves me
no *******

they say if it aint rough it aint right
but at some point a man has his pride
he doesn't know when to say goodbye
or how to say it
or when the right time would be
he just prays
gets on his knees
and cries
and hope no one sees
he's so sick
with this emotional disease
on stages he goes
he tries to please
he makes them laugh
his mind's at ease
but as soon as he leaves
he goes right back to
that sad feeling
of feeling blue
time has passed
and he still wonders
where she is
and if she ever wonders
about the time we had
that we can never take back
and the words we said
that marinate in my head
we aren't something you can just forget
what we had was special
and we can never take anything back

there was one thing we forgot to tell each other
i guess ill just have to wait to tell you in my dreams
that i love you
and i know it doesnt seem
like i'd ever mean to say that
or ever let myself do it
and we try to play it off
like it wasn't anything
but just a fling
not to me
it was important to me
you'll forever be
ingrained in my memory
i hope we get back together
and get married
and start a family
and be happy
cuz i miss having you
to lay with
and give me company
and listen to all the words i speak
and i never ******* listen
i'm sorry
i wanna be quiet again
and listen to u
and help u
just by being there
do you need me?
do you even need me?
i don't know
i hope so
i wish i didn't go
but it hurts 2 bad
and u kept saying no
**** everybody else
i never listened to them anyway
i miss u
despite what they say
that you're bad for me
you're just gonna hurt me again
i still miss u
i write it every day with this pen
even though it's curses and words that are bad
i called you so many bad names, it's sad
but i still miss u

i woke up this morning
with a rage inside
that i never want to subside
put my hat on
threw the hood up
cigarette lit
thinking bout
who i'm gonna **** next

mask and gloves
barrell of sulfuric acid
ready to find a straggler
anyone stupid
or deserving
to get it

i'm the maintenance man
city garbage man
taking care of this **** they can't keep clean
you think it's mean?
well you should see how it feels
to wake up from my dream
or was it a nightmare?

keep quiet and don't say a word
it'll only get you more hurt
who needs a gun and a bullet
when these bare hands can do it
i'm a ***** nasty *******

my scowl looks like a smile
it's so jaded
and foul
but today's just another day
cleaning up the neighborhood
and ******* your wife

i don't have time for games and emotional roller costers
i feel that **** is over
rated
a cliff i never wanted to **** with
i never wanted to climb it
don't have the proper equipment
my heart's equipped with
love
that has gone unforgiven
rotten lies
and sweet words
wish i could take them back
a foolish trick
a silly prank
heart got cracked

if you don't have empathy
for someone who is in pain
you must be numb
and dumb
to all of my remains
all of the spills
and blood that i bleed
it's friendly fire
and you're a friend to me

thought we'd always be friends
but now you're enemy
i wouldn't take you back
if you begged from your knees
i have urgency
about my life and who to please
who to choose and who chooses me
and your time expired
all cuz of friendly fire
you weren't there to stop the bleed

she ****** everybody in my clique clique clique clique
had to pull the trigger make it go click click click click click
i don't ever have to see that ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
and all these bad ******* man they want the..
they want the..
the want the..

what the **** do i think about
that makes me want to think these things
what brings these dreams
at night
shades no more sunlight
i cannot see through the window
why is this in my mind
these things that i think so twisted
tornadoes and avalanches tsunamis and destruction
dark horses ridden by men wishing to ****
black faces
eyes glowing
what are these thoughts i cannot escape
why do they keep my mind up
why do i think of gruesome images
and bodies *****
mangled
heads sawed
eyes popped
torture
is what it is
i must enjoy it
why do i like to see these things
and feel these things
when i see them
if they make me feel
criminal
the pain is minimal
when i let them flow by
like leaves on a river
and do not grasp on
to the evil that is within
must avoid it
at all costs
and never carry out
those thoughts

here is something new to brew in the coffee *** maybe make a stew
do whatever it is you need to do and get ready for some **** i'm gonna tell u
it's late at night bout three in the morning i'm the only one up and i'm not even yawnin
no food in the kitchen but i got cigarettes, smoking so long it's hurtin my chest
i take a deep breath and i hear a ruffle, somethings in my muffler, the exhaust makes me exhausted
need a nap can't even move cuz of all this smoke, ****'s up in my throat
i get up to stretch out can't do it anymore
i'm tried of smoking i need exercise to get this right
my mind takes flight when i'm feeling healthy and right
**** all that **** i'm gonna be alright
i want to quit smoking and stop smoking so much ****
i feel like i'm creating a brand new disease
that no one ever knew except me cuz it's me
i'm the only one that gets to really see
what i do to my body and my mind and my health
it takes away my wealth, i'm poor in my health
and it just might help if i take a break from the ****
blowing smoke out my mouth is something i can't quit
it takes me a minute to even stop thinking about it
i feel like it hurts just to not think about it
and i get so bored what do i do with my hands
i can't even cut this ****, and i'm a grown *** man
******* cigarettes man
and all this **** i do
my life style
just isn't ringing true
to my body
it's ******* me up
i gotta get healthy
i keep ******* up

verbal contracts
and eye contact
make for good contact
future bedroom contact
**** so hard lose an eye contact
six months later marriage no contract
no prenup
no time for that
it's all rushed
no consent
of the heart
just quick, no smart
now you're there
it's all ****** up
life is twisted
your heart's wrenched up
never knew
what this **** could do to you
all this extra contact
now you're hurting
need a hospital bill, 911 contact
all from too much contact
now you gotta delete out your phone contacts
so she can't contact
cuz that **** got crazy
if you ever see her again
hope you dont make eye contact
cuz you'll fall twice
for that ******* trap
don't let it happen again
it's a breached contract

Fall, fool, fell, leaves fall
and they float
sometimes they blow
sit soft on the ground
come around
over and over again
the tree stays planted
roots from growth
each leaf that falls
deeper seed grows
always hope
sometimes doubt
but the tree stays planted
leaves fall down

if my rent is late
**** em
they can always hate
the landlord
she don't appreciate
she just be like
what's that noise?
***** i'm tryin to mate
**** u *****
i gotta steak
and some eggs in the kitchen
now grab a plate
and get u some
of this good ole ****
it's nice and thick
just like ur landlord hips
i wanna **** u til i owe no rent
i wanna **** u til my security deposit spent
i wanna give it to u in the leasing office
we'll make an agreement
to tell no one
and when i sign the lease
that's when i *** on ur fleece
baby ur my landlord
now take this 435 dollar **** i spent
and put it towards next months rent

i got pulled over tonight
i wasnt driving
guess the drivers color
race
or origin
and you will win
a free trip to prison
nah, that's not where we went
but it was something they wanted to do
put us behind the bars
they said they saw 3 cars
one was the leader one was middle and one was third
they put on their lights
my stomach chirped like a bird
each one of us out
one by one
first the id's
then out the car
lined up in front of the police car
padded down
searched
you smell like ****
have you been smoking **** today?
yes
i have been smoking **** today
when
silence
and then they move on to other questions
full search
pockets emptied
jacket
pants
inside jacket pocket
both sides
spread em wide
haha
but still i smile
he doesnt know
the truth behind
where it is
or what he smells
it's a smell of smoke
a tease
something that he will never find
no matter how hard he tries
he will never know
that this whole time
it was in my *******

never
cannot
do not
will not
does not
won't
can't
not
no
pain won't go away
why
i don't know
i tell it every day
that it needs to leave
and when i feel it's finally gone
it's got another trick up it's sleeve
it's an old disease
memories leave
pain travels
in new directions
when i feel lost
and need direction
i use protection
the next time my heart
is vulnerable again
vulnerability from the start
i'll never not know
it'll always follow me
love at last
will consume me
make me someone
i had not planned on becoming
life, love, does not have time
for you to make plans
with someone else
but it will wait
until pain fades
and I can do it again
I can
I will
I have
I do

love anew

Thinking about pizza as I'm here
it's warm with the ovens going
the order has been placed
i sit and wait
and wait
and wait
no time erased, only 1 minute elapsed
I feel like I'm swimming laps
in a tomato sauce pool
with black olives for floaties
the sauce is well past my knees
so hungry
and desperate
just to get a slice
of this great American pizza pie
it makes my heart swell
my eyes not dry
i'm gonna get eat pizza until i die

and if there comes a day
when they say no more pizza no way
your stomach can't handle it
your intestines will flare
i'll say i don't care
pull the trigger in my underwear
crime scene investigates
saw it on the news
a man covered in pizza
and bottles of *****
they couldn't get in the door was unlocked
a wall full of pizza boxes had the entry fully blocked
but deeper inside was a man no one knew
cheese oozing under the doorway cracks like glue

i'm still here waiting for pizza
no more imaginary trap
i look at my watch
the tenth minute elapsed
the lifeguard gets out
he's done with his swim
his whistle blows
everybody back in
the pizza is ready
time to dive in

a tear is coming down my face
do i get negative press
in my own way
in my own weight
i get psychological tricks
people trying to demonstrate
in other ways
i'm not familiar with
so i think it's shade
i see smiling face
after smiling face
but i wonder who
is really trying to hate
who is hiding behind
some other mask
that i can't really see
i visualize a mistake
what's this contemplate
all these feather weights
need to meditate
before they try to demonstrate
before they player hate
but it's cool i take it good
i put it in my system then i spit it back
and make it hotter than a kettle cracked
no anger just love and feel goods for the people
that feel bad about me
and their conscious speaks clearly
through their visual cues
sneaking behind the closed doors
artificial inseminates
should be inmates
i free my mind to escape

i'm so blessed and i don't fully understand it
i don't know how to really comprehend how good my life is
i guess if i just got to take a peak at the future
and see
what is in store for me
it would make this struggle
easier to swallow
and to know
that my sturggle will probably be worse, or there will be perseverance
either way tells me that i need to enjoy this moment


I don't know man

I just
feel like that you know
and I just wish there was a way

it's too bad
and it all fades away
it's too bad
but it all goes away
and that's too sad

it'll never get better
always worse
i mean it'll get better
cuz it has
and my life has been better
but it'll always hang there
like a scab
i feel like it's getting better
yet
i wish it got worse
for the better
i wish i had her
til the hurst
i wish she was with me to ride
while i make some cheddar
it's too bad she's gone
and it didn't work out
i wish we coulda worked out
wish we could have worked it out
no commitment in this world today
just a couple that gives up
says no and moves on
goes to someone else
even though there was something there
we aren't something you can just forget
yet we dismissed
and kept it moving
as if
there was nothing else brewing
no more love to be given
we can't take it
we don't want to give
we want to steal and run
****** and go
and never trust again
until the next door opens
then what?
what will we do with our golden opportunity?
will we save it
and decide to cherish
man
i'm too smart to make any woman miserable
to make myself miserable
we could have done it
you know
we could have done it
it's the most disappointing thing in the world
it's so hard
i don't know what to do
i just keep waiting for her
to see her come
and get off the bus
or drop in at a show
say hi to me in public
just so i can ignore her
and walk away
what a ****** up life we live
where that is what we have to do
to each other
to survive
the way we want to
man
the pain i live with
it's too hard
it's too much
but i fight
i stay alive
live to see another one
and as each day goes by
i just wish i met another one
but i can't even begin
to open my heart
because it still feels like
it hasn't finished closing
and in closing
i'd like to say
that i am thankful that she made me feel this way
although so much pain, so much hate i feel
the **** was something that was actually real
and now i know that i'm alive
and i'll continue to strive
forward and on
i live a blessed life

Being at the bar
And watching these girls dance around
and these dudes all do their walks
and their struts
chest out
lookin
lurkin
it's  just me.
and no one else.
I don't see anything.
Just whatever is in front of me
and I can't even see that
Cuz my mind is filled with images
and thoughts
that play
all this other ****
is background noise
I don't know what the **** these people are here for
other than being young
showing off their *****
And trying to forget about what they have to do tomorrow, or what happened today
Smiles, laughter
all that ****
It's going down.
Me.
I'm leaving.
I'm not gonna sit here in the midst of it all. And not do anything. I gotta go do what these people came to escape.

go **** someone else
nasty *****
***** aint right
all ****** up
u ******* ****
and ****
until u cant breathe
and then swallow
some nasty disease
****** *****

the whole team is here now
**** it
we started from the bottom
now we are here
what is the bottom
but the bottom
of an ****
a ******
a ******* ******
pouring out a baby
that's the bottom
everything
is grown
like a seed
to a flower
started
from the seed
to the flower
that's all he's talking aobut
upper class
middle class
no class
you don't get it
human achievement
disregards
money
trumps it
like a full house over three pair
there's a gap
no matter where u come from
talent
is talent
and u get
pushed
to the top
from the bottom
even if it was already at the top

it's best for me
to be free
and be alone
less misery
less agony
and feeling gloom
and all down and out
like the dirt underneath the broom
it's best for me
to be free
and on my own
that way my heart
can find a home
it's best for me
to let it go
and not think about thoughts
that make my heart swell
it's best for me
to let it all go
and forgive the person
who hurt me so
it's best for me
to erase my memory
through current events
and future tense
it's best for me
to live my life
harder than i've ever lived before
because now i have something new inside of my blood
a love that i never knew could bud
destroyed and crumbled, it is no longer
but it still stays
right there in my veins
and i project outward
now with my life
and use the love that i lost
to pierce sharper than a knife
it's best for me
to write it all out
and put it on the pad
just like i know my dad
always did every day
he'd write in his journal
to let out all the guilt and the pain
it was best for him
to get that peace of mind
and now i'll go for a drive
and look at the city lights
puff of smoke out my mouth
as i pull out of the house
it's best for me
to enjoy this night
and every second i live
i'm gonna be alright

my mind wants to
get back
but it's only gonna be
****** up feelings
no forgiveness
it takes time to heal
from stuff like that
you know
you think you're good
yeah right
yeah right
you still could see her
and do the same thing over and over again
it's so nice to have her
and be at peace
i just want to find
the woman of my dreams
my love is so strong
it's so weak
my knees so beat
my heart still beats
but that doesn't mean
that i'm gonna see
the same girl that did me
oh so *****
she's not even a ***** or a ** or a *****
she's just someone
that i miss
and want back
but i can't do it
cuz it'll never work
she doesn't love me like that
and i'll never understand that
i'll never really get it
i'll never really know
and time it will go
and i'll think about it more and more
and until i leave that door
wide open and see
to let someone else in
my heart is finally free

a self esteem boost
marked by pain
branded
it's almost like they pass you forward into the world
and have faith in you
but still let go
just cuz they have to
and they didn't want to
and neither did i
but u gotta go
sometimes
u gotta go
and there's always more hope
in another rainbow
another boat, gone afloat
another person stranded
waiting for the man to come
and rescue them
like they should be rescued
and i rescued you for a minute
and we went down with the ship
**** it, we went down with the ship
it's all good
we did it together
and we build back up
our lives together
in a separate way
co existing
peacefully
yet separately
and if there is a time
that i see you again
i know that it was meant
and nothing but time well spent

Don't ever talk to me again
I'm too busy working it out with the pen

I remember when you loved me
It was fun every day but now it's causin fury

I don't wanna do this **** again
Watching you with him turns me to a new man

I don't want to be filled with rage
You don't love me now let me be it's time to turn the page

You're just a non loyal maggot flea
That is something that I never wanted around me

To you I was just a nice piece
Something in the night that helped you get your sleep

But now that I'm finally gone
I hope you wake up in the night cold sweat no calm

The torment that I once felt
Is gonna come right back and it's really gonna smell

All that **** you stirred and the men that you hurt
Will come right back and bury you in the dirt

So good luck with that
You're just a ******* ***** that I never want back

diamonds they fade
flowers they grow

roses are red
and you're just a **
i thought i'd never know
but then i find out
you didn't sleep with anyone
when we were together

and now that i know
that i gave you the d oh so well
it gives me great hell
to know that you're still doin well

cuz diamonds they fade
and flowers they grow
roses are red
but you're still a **

just because you said no

It takes a while to bury it, might take a minute or a month, maybe a year or two, maybe a life time. It's up to you. It's something that was given to you, a gift, a treasure, so bury it. It's a lesson that was taught to you on how to treat people when you go through, life and it's ups and downs, twists and turns, skids on the rug, knees marked with burns. As the clock keeps turned, and the memories are burned, frowns turn to smiles, and feet walk miles, no shoes no service, but somewhere there's a place, for all of us to go, and memories get erased, grudges wash away, flowers bloom again, a minute feels like a year, one foot feels like it's ten, until that time I'll hold my pen, and keep the ink coming out because that is when, my mind goes free and memories escape, the leaves get swept by the fingers of the rake. On a fall day I will find it new, something that I didn't know I could do, love again, and feel myself, in love again with someone else, the girl I saw in my dream, on an autumn day, I'll forget my jacket, and leave it at her place. A knock at the door I'm back again, to continue this love that I saw in my dream. A place we can all go, somewhere to escape. That is where I will be, when this memory is erased.

don't ever give up
don't ever give up
just write
and write
and write
until it's no more pain
that's what you do
and you'll wake up tomorrow
feeling no longer blue
that's the truth
just wait man
tomorrow's not too much longer
you're almost there
don't give up
because what goes down must come up
so don't give up

i feel like i woke up from a dream
and there's no one there in the morning
that was with me when i was in the dream
she's just gone
never was
but a figment
of my imagination
a fruit i pulled from a tree
that has gone rotten
a fig

It walks below me on the sidewalk. He is all black with white socks. He lowers his head to the ground and shoots his awareness side to side in quick flashes untraceable to the human eye. You gaze at him as he walks, cigarette in mouth. No noises made except the flick of a cigarette. The cat stops.

His head shoots straight up. 20 feet above him, watching, a human. His eyes are gold and his stare is fierce. The cat does not trust.

It was this moment he realized he went from predator to prey. His stance widens, his middle back arches. I make a playful hissing noise to show that I mean no trouble. The cat continues to walk. His day is not over. Neither is mine. Cigarette finished, territories established.

The cat does not have time for my ****.

some nights i'm scared to go to bed
cuz i don't want to be alone
before sleep
not holding anyone
or not thinking anything
or doing anything
but thinking about the person who isn't holding me
or me holding them

i don't like how it feels
when I wake up in the middle of the night
or in the morning
covered in sweat
and no one wants to hug me

another rejection
another rejection
got through it
another rejection
i go through them all the time
girls chew me up and spit me out like it aint ****
but it's okay
cuz one day
when they see me
and the money i've made
and the people that've smiled
and brought joy to their lives
they'll wish they could have been apart
of my sweet life
but **** em
that's all i gotta say
cuz at the end of the day
it's gonna be okay
and they'll be fine
and so will i
we'll all get by
but for now i need to get high
and think about another one
that passed me by
and spit me up
and said no thank u
it's okay sweety
because there's a man out there for you
he just isn't me
THANK GOD

the conversations
you have with people
sitting in a kitchen
smoking ****
drinking coffee, talking about life
family, kids, religion, all sorts of personal ****
that don't even fit those words
but they're categorized
just like the cupboards
got the salt and the seasoning
shuffled together in order
coffee machine in the right part of the cupboard

and all throughout the night
when everyone is quiet
and no one else is talking
and their eyes are rested
we are uncovering the deepest parts about life
and talking about what it really means
and how to really feel about this ****
and the things that happen to us and how we deal with them
these are times in life
when there is a timeout taken
in the middle of the game
and you're going through it, both lines pushing hard, everyone going full blast
then you gotta take a deep breathe
and talk about it

so that's what happened
tonight
plus some coffee, a marijuana, an e cigarette
and some *******

sometimes i really feel like a *****
not in a sense of a woman
but someone who isn't strong
that's what it's like being a man
but i dunno
this ****'s *******
everything i post i hate
and it all feels ******* and stupid
but someone out there is reading it and saying
oh ****
this dude
is kinda like me

so
what's up
to whoever this is
nice to meet u
welcome to the world
we've been here for a minute
but maybe we can have a chat sometime
in a kitchen
in the middle of the night
and sit on the counters
pass a bottle back and forth
and really talk about what's going on

even if we don't meet in the same spot or share the same views
let's try to make sense of it
somehow
and if we don't
least we killed some time
it was good
spending it with ya

i'm trying to find a bride with a rich family
so when we get married
on the deck of a cruise ship
and then to go to the honeymoon
some fighter jets come and swoop us up

and then they drop us off at NASA
and we get launched into space
and **** on the moon

she makes me feel a certain way
like
the other day she said she missed me
and i looked at her and could feel it in my eyes
the **** isn't fake
it's real
because i feel it
and i see it
come across my face
and i love to look at her pretty face
in the morning
when she's asleep
and curled up
there's nothing else
in the world
i'd rather take care of
i'm very blessed