Another day of feeling down
For feeling good
Or not feeling anything at all
Postponed phone calls
Radio silence contracts
Money to be made but left on the table
Without a way to reach it
It’s carrot and rabbit for me
And my present is torture
I know the thoughts that i think
Are representative of the state
Of mind that i’m in
That i never write in
Sober
I’m always high
That’s why it always gets confusing
When i’m a good mood or bad
Whether i feel like amusing
Other peoples comments on the internet
And taking them without a grain a salt
Reality starts to strike me
As something unpleasant
I’m unlikely
To find the time to write with present mind
And clarity
I can only find insanity
And that’s what troubles me
And angers me
Just the things from day to day
I have to question my productivity
And my ability
To do these things when i’m inebriated
If that’s what u wanna call it
I don’t know when
This verse will ever end
Or if i’ll ever evolve past my current state
Perhaps evolution
Is more continued ****** delusion
And feeling high out on the fields again

she is my rock
and i hope she stays strong
i love her
and support her
and she does me
i feel so guilty
so sad
because i want what is best for her
and if i see myself coming short
as i always do
i really **** up
anddon't want to lose her
because i love her so much
i dont think my heart would know what it meant
to have to say
anything other than
i love you

no i dont want to tell you bye
i want to tell you nothing
i want to go home
and go to work
i want to get paid
and do my work
i dont want to socialize
or tell you what i think of you
or develop relationships
i just want to be free
from this ******* work
corporate chain nonsense
i dontwant any part of it
so i dont want a goodbye
because iw ish id never see uagain
please let me leave
without saying goodbye
******* hate it
just trying to control me
why does it bother u
that i dont say bye
youre just ******* stepping on my toes
trying to make me be just like you
i'm an individual
not a robot
i dont have a goodbye message
or a fading apple
or a dancing android
to tell yuo im shutting down
i just want to go home
in peace
and i dont want to see you ever again

cord of death attach me to a wall
cord of death not let me go home
cord of death strand me in need
cord of death not there for me
cord of death make me wait long
cord of death make me wonder why and how long
cord of death
cord of death
cord of death



Thank you for visiting my page

Page
My
Visiting
For
You
Thank

enjoy the rest of your day

write a poem

stay at home

love and be loved

give yourself to a person
and be honored

pride
shoulders high

she's gorgeous
maybe im broken


as the waves crash
up against the rocks

laughter and happiness

i miss her soul

im touched with sadness tonight

i hope she's okay

i love her

love is hard

cuz u go through times

together

that are hard times

and u need that rock

that solid foundation

and u hope and trust it is there

and sometimes u forget

and it leaves you

but comes back stern the next morning

destinies awakened

life changing

what people do for you

changes your life

and there's sometimes things

that people can't change

and you are who you are

to love through that

after hitting those walls

falling over in the water

scratching your knee

to get back up

and sit peacefully

on the rocks

One day they'll all learn how it feels to be hurt and neglected

to be left alone in the dead of winter
when the snow has shut down the roads
and you don't have a car

And they go to dinner without you
leaving you to walk the streets of Atlanta by yourself
to a pizza shop
sit quietly and eat by yourself

To be left home when one of the greatest comedians of his generation comes to town
and they all have tickets to see the show
except you don't
and they'll go watch it without you

they'll all know how it feels to be left alone in your room
just struggling to find some peace and quiet
when outside the door there is fighting and screaming
and one day you go outside to see your dad on top of your brother
screaming
and someone ends up bleeding

they'll know how it feels when you wake up from a bad dream
that you are being neglected
and someone you care about
doesn't care about you
doesn't answer your phone calls
leaves you wondering
whether or not they are cheating
and just don't give a **** enough to hide it

they'll know how it feels one day
or maybe they won't
maybe they'll never know how it feels
because it's me

but one thing is for certain
everyone in this world knows and feels pain
and i am not alone
in my feelings of hurt and neglect
they'll know that I was there too
and they aren't the only ones who feel suffering

to all those who have pain
and suffering
and have been hurt
and neglected
and treated like
no one cares
you aren't alone
people do care
you must care too
because sometimes
you have to do it for yourself
and love yourself
even if it doesn't feel like they care
that's what is most important
to staying in tact
staying alive
and staying well

remember
be easy
and don't be so ******* them for doing what they do
cuz they have problems too
and they'll feel them
one way or another
it all comes back around

it's hard to
be with you
and not get *****
your ***
your stomach
everything about you
makes me feel like
I just want to lift you up and throw you on the bed
rip your clothes off

and **** u so hard
until u *** all over
and scream and moan
and breathe so heavy
I want to feel your warm breath
on my neck
I want to feel your voice vibrate
as you give me head
I want to hear you say oh yes
as I ******* on the desk
and lift you up
and feel your *** cheeks
in my hands
girl I can't stand
to watch you walk away
without having a taste
and a sampling
of that wetness
my body yearns for you
it's a machine
that wants to be strong
and make you feel so good
that you can't imagine
ever touching another man
because
I'm your rock

When I had you in my arms
took hold of you
took control of you
you're mine now
I'm going to dominate you
and she likes it
she likes when I take over
and **** her all over
in several different positions
on the counter
to the bed
she ****** me, she was on top
and i felt that *** go up and down
and clap against my *****
then I flipped her over
and got on top
and ****** her hard and slow

she wanted to *** on my ****

which was perfectly fine with me
as I was caressing her ****

I ****** her against hte wall
threw her against the dresser
rubbed her *** on it
hard and aggressively
and made her breath
heavily

I lifted her leg up and pinned her against the wall
and felt all of her walls
as I pulled out and slid back in
all the way to the tip
to the base of my ****
she said does that feel good baby
I said yeah it's the best

she sent me pictures
of her *** and ****
and her pretty face
and I couldn't help but think
about how I wanted to take
my **** and go up in it
pull out
and *** all over her ***
and make her feel it
make her moan
make her legs shake
and vibrate
I want to make her ***** feel like
it's having a 7.1 earthquake
on the richter
I fixed her
she was stressed out
feeling uneasy
anxious
and an ****** relaxed her
gave her the endorphins she needs
to go about the rest of the week
let's **** baby
let's do it all night long
til we can't go anymore
and we're left laying on the bed
holding each other
laying sideways
with no pillows
forgetting about
how we usually sleep
and our bodies locked in
to each other
we're the same one another
we're a unit
together
*******, not just for pleasure
but to satisfy our needs
and emotionally
doing each other good deeds
so we can go to bed
and get good sleep
and be better people
we're a strong couple
and we always know how to make the bed rumble

I'm looking forward to the future
while remaining excited in the present
using the past as a reminder
that everything should be cherished
because it might not last
and it might go past you
and you'll find yourself missing
and reminiscing
it's important to forgive
and let go of the things that burden you
don't punish yourself
by making another person
give you a feeling of resentment
dismiss it and be careful
because if you hold on to hate
you'll just relive it
in other forms and shapes
it will create
an acid like emotion
that deteriorates

it's funny how another friend changes situations
we used to be tight now he's the bread i'm the crum
drop it on the floor let it soak in the sun
rats come and nibble smell of urination

i've seen some foul **** in my life but this was the one
can't contain your jealousy let the evil coma come
never seen you make a face like that
you look so ****** dumb

i got no respect for you
you musta been drunk on ***
or blowin the coke out your nose
how long did it grow
your heart musta rotted
cuz it didnt even show

it's sickening how your money glistening
but your spirit ugly

i'm broker than ever but still happy in love
you couldn't take to see that so you smug
you just a jealous *** punk *******

i learn my lesson who my real friends are
it don't matter or not whether you drive fancy car
love unconditional no matter how successful you are
not get jealous when they see you as a happy rising star

I'm happy
now how long
can I stay
over at this house
today?
tomorrow
to do?
what is it
will I do?
with no money
no pay
nowhere to stay
what if it storms
what if it rains
what if I can never
break these chains
what if I'm in poverty
my whole life
and for that
I can't stay with a wife
she leaves
for a better man
to spread his seed
and raise their young
what if I never feel young
again
what if I'm bitter
and angry
what if I'm on the street
without anything to eat
what if I'm a failure
and I can't stand to see
the looks on people's faces
as they walk by
what if I never make it
as a poet
an artist
what if my work
is never seen
what if I'm never appreciated
for the pain that I bleed
what should I do
who can I trust
who can I help
who will be with me
until the end
the questions that run through my head
I focus for one second
and ignore them
and move forward
to the end
I'm going to make it
and happy thoughts
and striving for greatness
is what's going to pay it
the price for me
to be fulfilled
with more than just a
tiny piece of rice
I want to be great
and I'm going to make it

When you feel wronged you want to get back
You want to hurt
Tear em apart
do whatever you can do
to show that you won

who are you fighting?
is it you or is it them?

Why are they there?
In your life?

Is it time?
To move on?
To something else?

Is it time

to get help
from another source?

Is it time to draw near
to those
who care

I saw a change
I won't respond
to text messages
or feel like
I have to take part
in any further conversation

I feel like
maybe it's just time
to get past it
and move on
do something different
instead
of
talking about it
or dwelling on it
I want to be stronger
and the more that I think of it
the angrier I get

the more I want to fight
the more I want to hurt

but why waste time
hurting someone
why not
just disappear
not look at them
figure out how to handle it
when it comes
in the future
make sure I don't
give in
and be friends
again
because that's not fair
or right

with the way I was treated
the whole time

I may have paid rent late
but there's no right
to treat a friend that way
maybe money has a strain
on the relationship
but honestly
in all honesty
honestly

I feel like

the friendship
wasn't that strong
anyway

it's more talk
and talk

and this and that
I needed someone
and he was there
when no one else really was

besides family

so what does that say?

what does that mean?

I won't listen to him
or let him talk to me that way
wanting to fight me

coming at me
I have pain and hurt
from it
I shed a couple tears

got shaken up a bit
because I feel like

he needs someone in his life
but that's all
the same

I remember
when I was breaking up with a girl
I felt the same way
like I could help her
she'll miss me
I imagined them hurting for me

but if you just let it go
and let the smoke clear

and take time

restored friendship?

How?
How?

I feel so belittled
and disrespected

the things that happened
how you treat me
and my girl

how I couldn't have a couch on the porch
and I was never asked
if I wanted another dog

how I just felt low
and left alone

and abandoned

I think it'll take some time

I think it'll take a long time

if we are to be friends again

without having these things come up

I just don't see it

I definitely don't want it

I don't want that type of influence in my life

for god's sakes

we were closest
when we were doing *******
and molly
and ecstacy
together

are we even friends?
or are we enemies?
trying to **** each other
in the disguise of good

what's it to you?

i think you have to move

I think you have to move

on and on
on and on

we go

closer to the ones we trust

the ones that are there to help us

and no jealousy
or anything else
come between

let the smoke clear

I'm starting up a death wish
to express this
a whole list of ******* that I'd **** quick
if they didn't move
or get the **** out of my life
and stay the **** outta mine
before I cut your wife
and take her life too
and all the babies you grew
you little ****** *** phoney player hating
you must've been brought up wrong
and learned different than me
i don't like the way you say my name when you're talking about me
I can taste the resentment
and ******* sarcastic
beneath the smile
I see the *****
and the hate
the mistrust
don't get your face misplaced
don't make me go to the store
and register for a gun
just to run up in your house
and watch you scream and run
I don't need that
but trust me, when I wake up
I feel like that's all I breathe
and my heart deceives
and tells me that I'd love to see someone bleed
my enemies
don't even know me
and the truth about it is
they can *******
I used to be nice
I used to try to understand
but now a days
only so much *******
I can take as a grown man
before I explode
and back out and roll
over your body in my audi
my truck don't give no ***** neither
so either apologize or beat it
but either way
I'm gonna move on with my day
but just remember what I said before
I'm really sick and tired
of being played

Forget about it at all...forget it all...forget it all...forget it all...

jealousy
the worry
the anger
the jealousy
repeated

and now
it begins
to play
into your imagination

every time
you associate
your thoughts
with some person
doing some thing
you begin to see
the rage through
a new
prism

from 100 yards away
a girl talking to a guy
and jealousy strikes
once again

Man it's real good to be alive, and for that I say thank you and continue to strive. Sometimes days are like open eyes, and shut, I don't want to but, I gotta get out of bed and my eyes are blurry, I see nothing but red. The **** that I smoke gets up in my system and I'm not ever fed. I gotta get everything I can possibly get before I leave otherwise I'll feel like I wasn't ****. Understand that? Understand that? Yeah, for sure. That's what I'm trying to say. For real. For real. Understand.

It can be claimed
that your parting gift
was the motivation
for my success
and the heart you stained
or my slitting wrist
was the reason I made it
this far

it can be claimed that you helped
by making me jealous
only to motivate me
to do better

you can claim that i needed to be away from you
because i had work to do

you can make this all seem like
we never had a fight
and everything has always been cool
between us

you can claim you never did wrong
and it was all my fault

you can claim that i didn't hurt you
and made you think a different way
you'll just say
that you had complete control
the whole time
and everything was fine

you can claim the reason for my success
and you'd be right
only part of the time
because most of it
was without you

endless nights
of working late
and making sacrifices
you couldn't dream to make

you can't claim that at all
that belongs to me
when you sold your share
I walked away free
and for that, my success
I can claim

sometimes i want to laugh and cry at the same time
usually happens when i'm a little high
what i did to get a little by
when time flies
or slows
i end up in a back yard
with somethin rolled
it's twisted
like the weeds
i just like to get high
at first it's a rush
then it subsides
i find myself in a world
that no one but me can see
satisfied and nourished
i'm free

Don't listen to anything anyone ever tells you and don't even listen to the news, or the radio, or the cat, or the dog, or your lover or mother or father or girlfriend or boyfriend, don't listen to them neither.

They ain't got **** else to feed ya, but other peoples beliefs and ideas. They just learned them and applied them, and now it's your turn to try them. But don't listen to them neither.

They can't tell you not to smoke ****** or have a beer, whether or not you're queer or what's weird, it's up to you to decide what you do, and that's the truth.

I'd rather not say or get into specifics, the ocean is big and words are as wide as the pacific, I'm just saying to be prolific, and you shouldn't even listen to me neither. I'm just here.

So I'm trying to express my thoughts and be clear, but you really don't need that either. One thing about life, just be there.

Whatever analogy you make of it, stairs, journey, game, free ride, struggle, we're these tiny people trapped in a bubble, there's rubble, and trouble, people that won't like you, and others.

People who won't care or will, people who believe in control and those free will. But still. You can't listen to them neither.

There's only one place it starts and that comes from your heart, it's trying to tell you something. Have you been listening?

It's what they all say, to follow, so does that mean I shouldn't do it because they told me to? No, that's not the rule. But take time for yourself, and put some thoughts up on the shelf, it's easy. Just relax and think, and sooner or later you'll see, where it is, how to live, and what you need to be.

The world needs you. When you're born, we greet you, hey hello, nice to meet you. That's just what we do. And we go from there, and show you we care, but don't listen to us either. And don't listen to your preacher.

Matter fact, only listen to the doctor, or the nurse, when they ask you if it hurts, and be honest, it's easier.

All these thoughts that I just put up in your ear, disregard them, and just enjoy. It's nice to be here.

leave me alone
let me create
on my own
get my own space
why is this place
so big
millions of people
yet i still see
the same ******* people
how come these circles
have closed in on me
and i can't escape
i just want to be at a place
with me and you
a house and a lake
wanna be free
from the chains
of the pressure
of the people
of the love
and the hate
people putting thoughts
in my head
i just want to be free
i feel like
every time she comes for me
the inside of me screams
i want to be free
i'm tired of thinking
leads to drinking
obsessing
it's perplexing
but not really
i just have so many feelings
that i keep reliving
i'll never forget it
and it'll always motivate me
to get it

i kind of just wish
that i could be alive somewhere else
in another time zone
i dunno why the tears come to my eyes
or why i have to fake it day after day
to win some sort of
fake prize
that fails to materialize
doesn't even bring me to where i need to be
it's my demise
i grasp
and cannot feel
cannot understand
what it is
that it is real
i just want to feel like i used to feel
when i was a kid
and happiness was real
content
knowing
that i'd go to heaven
and i have nothing to worry about
now
all i have
are my dreams and aspirations
friends and family
keep me healthy
active
alive
but without them
i don't think i'd keep plugging in
don't think i'd like to keep living
i'd want to have some other sort of special feeling
i feel like depression is back
rearing its head
in my face
i'm on the couch
it's dark
but through the window
things are looking out
looking in
showing me
that i'm hallucinating
and contemplating
about killing myself
i'll never do it
but i just want to live
i just to overcome
i want to be successful
this is the hardest struggle i've ever been
in
i want peace
but every time i get it
it goes away
i don't want to feel this way
cigarette after cigarette
looking off in the distance
my mind blown
smoke so much ****
to ease the pain
but it just goes away
it fukin goes away
:(
:(
and **** everybody else
who didn't want to hang out with me
my friends left me
and i become
so sad
depression
is something i've had my whole life
i just now realized this
tonight

leave me alone
let me create
get my own space
why is this place
so big
millions of people
yet i still see
the same ******* people
how come these circles
have closed in on me
and i can't escape
i just want to be at a place
with me and you
a house and a lake
wanna be free
from the chains
of the pressure
of the people
of the love
and the hate
people putting thoughts
in my head
i just want to be free
i feel like
every time she comes for me
the inside of me screams
i want to be free
i'm tired of thinking
leads to drinking
obsessing
it's perplexing
but not really
i just have so many feelings
that i keep reliving
i'll never forget it
and it'll always motivate me
to get it

you got reggie
it's the regular ****
named after reggie bush
or miller
it's not that killer
but roll it up
pour yourself a cup
see how it tastes
after a few puffs
you'll realize
that you're still pretty hi as ***
haha
aint that somethin
might be a lil higher
depends on what u think
or want it to be
before you smoke it
call it blue dream
forget about the stems and the seeds
relax
and enjoy the breeze
on the beach
smiling
blowin the trees
with your flip flops on
or wherever you want to be
when you get high
your mind is free
anything you dream
or create and bring
to the world
is a new reality

super cute kids
put smiles on our faces
just from being honest
we know what they mean
when they said it
or maybe they used the wrong word
but we heard
everything they meant
it's a good thing
when time is spent
with a little kid
just trying to live
and learn
and feel loved
it's a gift from above
and beneath
to see
their smiling faces
tuck them in
watch their chest as they breathe
little boy's got a fever
get him a wet sleeve
wrap his head
make some tea
put him to sleep
and hope that when he wakes
alive he'll be
and well
rested
ready to keep living
and growing
so he can learn
and keep showing
one day
he'll be like you
and remember what you did
and back he'll give
reciprocation
a high inclination
to love
and give back
that's not whack
that's reality
so play that back
play with those toys
couple little boys
and a little girl
her hair twirls
put a smile in their world

every time i write
i just don't know
what to do
how to go
how to get it started
what to write about
think about
express
share
with others
and see who cares
what's going to connect
what is rare
what makes someone stare
so hard at the screen
and be locked in
visually
mentally
imagining
everything they see
each word bleeds in your brain
and brings you to a new universe
you don't remember where you are
other than there
that's what i want to write
what i'm trying to express
just living my life
and trying to get success
but the bar i set
is hard to measure
i want greatness
i want pleasure
most of all
i want peace
knowing
and needing
and being
with someone
who makes me happy
even if it's myself
i just want some help
something to get me through
and that's why i write
not for the people who will read it
or to showcase my skills
i just do whatever
and hope it kills
i live for this
especially

it's not about the color of their eyes
the tone of their skin
it's the glow from within
what they emanate
who they are
what makes them tick
guilty pleasures
nervous ticks
necks and cricks
where their pleasure spot is
what makes them give in
submit to sin
what they stand for
how they carry themselves
if they are put together well
like spices on the shelf
if their smile never fades
and you remember it for days

people going through it all over, ****
worrying doesn't help
keep writing
you'll understand
keep your head down
keep working
be happy
alright man?
don't ever give up
or stop trying
does that sound like a plan?
ok good
then make it an "i will"
and not an "i can"

hurts to be alive
feelings floating around
rejected
feeling stupid
all over the place
anytime your heart is invested
how does it get tested
again
if it already knows
what isn't real
does it find something else
to convince them
that it's beyond *** appeal
and flash
it's not just the pan
it's the grill
the charcoal
everything else is extra
to make the fire start
you have the matches
she's got the kerosene
i know it's harrowing
to allow oneself
to get inside the barrel
float down the current
off the waterfall
you can't call
the shots
like a gun pop
down your throat
through your spine
but it's nothing to worry about
just read your lines

i understand how people are different
and get confused
misinterpreation
translation
interceptions
switching places
propaganda
communicating and not really
telling the truth
jaded
and persuaded
by those around
influenced
by their decisions
their power
their will
somehow we end up in the same place
together
it just keeps going

Tomorrow isn't promised
this could be my last day
which makes it the oldest day
that I'd ever live
if I were to go
so cheers to being old

you forgot
what you were missing
then you listened
to your intuition
because of the kissing
physical interaction
the submission
*******
when it first goes in
feels like sweet sin
the violation
of the body
the exploration
getting naughty
it makes your toes tingle
and you feel it all
throughout your body
days after
in the lobby
thinking about
that time in cali
when you met somebody
and went back
and forth
showed her off in your porsche
and felt her body
that's when you felt like somebody
a celebrity
the confetti
and the glee
money from all of that
i just enjoy the moment
and the opportunity
i like the fancy things
i like feeling nice
and having them come
late at night
and lay with me
under the candlelight
i'm a romantic
and i'm a ****
and i can't help it
i guess i'm selfish
i just like
when u feel it in your pelvis

i tried to quit ****
but each morning i wake up from sleep
it's calling me

i walk through the house
and say
today i'll be alright without it
and i'm drowsy
make some coffee
have a cigarette
take a shower
and figure
that this will be the day
i don't pull the lighter trigger
and watch the flame ignite the green
make it turn orange
smoke whip down
around the corner
and up and under
into my mouth
down south
and back out

then i decide
that it's time
to give it a try
because i did all i was supposed to do
with my day
that i could have
to make it better

and then i feel real real light
like a feather
and i start feeling clever
and inspired
and optimistic again

it's like i have a new friend
each day
he greets me again and again

so i guess ill quit smoking
the day he dies
which in my eyes
will probably be longer than me
which makes the answer
to how long itll take me to quit
forever

that's called a soul mate
a life partner
and even though i've known him
for years and years
i feel like i learn something new
every time he blesses me
he's so kind
that bud of mine

the silence
the distance
they wanna see things through
somehow
some way
they want to see it through
let that pain fade

blocked out of life
family
the stain

for real
i feel silence even when it's on the internet
conversations with a cousin that I feel like I never met
cuz she wasn't there
and she said no
and now it's like hey here I am again
but where'd you go

I don't understand it why people have conflict
and silence
and people choose to go separate ways
to avoid domestic violence
I'm the only baby crying
not understanding
why there's no planning
why it's not working

what do you say
to a person who just flew away
now they're back
on the other line
and you're trying to figure out
why

what's the point
do you have an agenda
are you trying to make a means
to all that we ended
to the separation
why it happened
why we left each other
son, daughter, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother, sister
husband wife
all i see is strife

but there's another way
that's all I can say
that's the only explanation
**** happens
and you move forward
what else can be done
and I hate using these mantras
to keep my life making sense
he's crazy
you're crazy
she's crazy

what about

life is crazy

so i smell the daisies
and feed the wolf
of good

and not the wolf
that eats at my soul

because I am a traveler
and this is my road

Hi, how are you?

I hope you're having a good day
and you have a smile
on your pretty face
and I wish I would have listened more
to what you had to say

but hindsight is twenty
and vision gets blurry
words gets slurry
when you were scared
and needed somebody
I was out with a friend
getting drunk at a party

I'd blame ADD
but in reality
it's just me
always thinking about me

when you were there
and that would have been better
so I wrote you this letter
to let you know
I enjoyed our time together

I'm going to leave it up 4 a while
so you see it
if you're on the bus
or waiting for a train
maybe you'll read it

and whether or not
a difference that makes
I just thought you should know
I still think you're great
okay, I have to go now
hope you have a nice day

for joy
for pain
I am thankful for all of that
because it makes me
human
influences my decisions
helps me steer the ship
the way it's supposed to go

there are boundaries in life
sometimes you can't see them
and when they appear
out of nowhere
you get hurt
then you realize
you must travel forward
and move on
past
into something else
that is worth value to you

and it will arise
that girl
that boy
that person
will appear
out of nowhere
a gift
from life
given to you
all you have to do
is be happy
and just know
that you can be good for somebody
and they will come

I really believe that
I do want a relationship with somebody
I would love
for it to be peaceful
I know pain will be inevitable
but I want to be committed
and I want to have kids
and be happy

why?

I don't know

but for now
I know that
there is no need
to feel hopeless
knowing that something
great
will happen
again

i'm not sorry for breaking your heart
i'm not sorry you stayed in your room
and cried
i'm not sorry you went for a drive
and drove
and took drive after drive
until mileage piled high
in the depths of the night
i'm not sorry you felt that way
about me
and how you disrespect me
i'm not sorry you feel so much anger
and animosity in your heart
you should have known from the start
who i am
how was i supposed to explain to you
what i'd do
when i didn't even know
myself
i'm not sorry you never knew me
and took out the time
or the trash
or bought groceries
i'm not sorry you never provided
or came over when i was in the bedroom hiding
or scared out of my mind
when someone got killed
in the lobby of my new apartment
don't even start it
where were you
when i needed you most
gone
out for a drink
with a friend
and not me
so i'm not sorry
for playing games
Sorry
i'm not sorry
for ignoring
and neglecting
and leaving
and then running right back
and stalking
and reading
everything you post online
about me
why wouldn't i read
all of the envious things
the devilish mean
and all the nasty
you put on the page
i'll read that for days
if it means that i hurt you that bad
tell you the truth
it doesnt even make me glad
it's all in your head
and it's your own fault
for creating a world
that was all for naught
i'll never apologize
and you'll never know
what you did to me
it'll never show
and i'll always be happy
and i'll know i'm alive
and i never needed you
and i won't til i die
i'm not sorry

guess ill just deal with it now
consider it down
and done
in my heart
it was there
from a spec
it grew
into hot lava
and now it's like
cold
ice holds
and shatters
every time i see you
i want to give it a new try
it's no surprise
this pain realize
and reappears
into my world
the clouds seperate
after it rains
and i see the future
without me ever in it again
you're somewhere out there
in the world
being a beautiful girl
and whatever decision
makes
or makes of us
we must trust
and continue on
to our destiny

dont listen to those thoughts in your head
that's how you end up dead!
or underwater
that's how you get to a place
that you can't blame anyone but you
for making
and creating
why don't you go for a walk
meditate
do something healthy
to make yourself feel better
about yourself
so you can not dwell
in the deep down well
costs more muscles to frown
i'll spend it wisely today
i'm going to grocery shop
for positive thoughts
think i'll have an apple
an avocado
a glass of orange juice

I'm a success
i fall on my head
every day
i feel like
no one wants me to win
some days
it feels good
and i know i'm okay
and then others
i'm like
**** this ****
no way
but i still
go through it
doggy paddling through the current
so i can hit a quiet stream
and float

Negative energy floats in and out of my brain trying to see if ill let it drive me crazy but itll never phase me cuz im faded i stay braided tight to the head and let everybody else spill their business my reality is far opposed to gravity and if i ever stop breathing itll be a got **** tragedy they should clone me or make a program a real life drone me ******* wanna bone me they deliver fruit on plates to my throne and refer to me as thee and thou and your honor please i am not worthy of your eye contact, but i put my hand on her chin and point her head up, keep your head up, one day you'll be this way a ruler and if you're not i pray that you at least get to get a taste in your own special way

this is my ****
have it on replay
and my seats sway
back and forth in the breezeway
im dancin on cloud 9
cloud 10 not that far away
im getting it in every single night
and at the end i want to pray
anger inside and anxiety bleeds
no one can see
i focus on positivity
to eliminate
the gravity
from taking me to a place
ive been before
no thank you
no can do
i'm going to enjoy my minute
hour
second
all that ****
only thing i have to do
today
is get high
go for a walk
and repeat
laundry done
clothes washed
i'm clean
i'm healthy
i'm living
i'm feeling good
and i move forward
from all the *******
that keeps me down
life always reminds
that it's in control
but i take the reigns
tell it to *******
and i **** it
and dominate
with my even keel
devilish smile
hidden
it is written
that i will be the best

i'm going to let my sins of the day wash away
i'm going to meditate
i'm going to pray
i'm going to the river
watch the waves
i'm going to take a walk
think about what made me this way
how i became who i am
i'm going to listen to the nothing
silent in a chair on the porch
close my eyes
forget about the violence
the angry waves
the bitterness
the hate
the death
the goodbyes
the lies
they'll go away
with nothing
i'll close my eyes
and let it go
let them all flow
watch them go by
like leaves on a river

lord please tame my ego
because it seems that i go
wherever he goes
and wherever he goes
i know
is a place so high though
i'm so tall
but like shaq at the free through
i fall short
clank
and here we go
again
back down to the bottom
try not to get swallowed
the pressure
the faces
the people
expecting
i get swallowed
pressure consumes me
my ego led me astray
the man i was yesterday
is a boy today
so i reevaluate
and try to understand
who i really am
him or me
my ego
i tell him to do what i want
matter fact
i just forget he's even there
and see where that takes us

sometimes
only solution
for me
to get by
is to pack a bowl
and get by
re evaluate life
look at it
through the eyes
of this beautiful green
surprise
blessing me since 9
the first time i smoked it
that **** must have stayed in my spine
cuz i'm always hi
even when i'm not
ppl try to bring me down
my world comes down
i feel down
no one is around
i'm lonely
i roll it up
sit on the porch
and smoke it
watch it fade away
and dissipate
it's a beautiful portrait
a masterpiece
i'm floating away

If you care enough
to fake sick
while you're at work
then why come
the first place
you can just call off
and say you're sick
if you want it that bad
that's a sickness in itself
and you deserve the day off

i am going to look great
i am going to feel great
tonight
i'm going out
i got my best shoes on
just got them in
the mail
in a package
delivered from sister
and brother in law
saying hey
it's time for you to start practicing for that 5k
cuz it's in the next day
and you haven't started running
you're still smoking
and that race aint gonna race
without you
your heart
may take on a chase
from that ******* induced
in your veins
a few days
beforehand
how do you think you're going to do
when you're running and you gotta spew
before you even get to the finish line
but i'm going out tonight
looking sharp and feeling right
trying to put on my best face
and take a trip to a nice place
where the people all smile
and greet you
pretty women too
oh hey
nice to meet you
i really enjoy it
it's a part of my story
on whom ive grown to be
man with a plan
and a mask
a ****** weapon concealed
a killer with a smile
that man who took on the night
and drove it wild
some kind lady
may even have my child
anything can happen
whatever you dream up
so i'm getting on my best pair of sneakers
and gearing up
for the race
but first
it's tonight
and i don't have to work in the morning

why does the world
put two people in a position
to make love in many positions
then argue over position
a power struggle
in between hugs and kisses
when do you want to see me
where are you
why havent you called me
look what you've done to me
you left me
in this place
all by myself
before i met you
i don't even remember how it was
all i know
is before you
and after you
why do i have this feeling
these memories
sticking with me
why do i feel like healing
but i still keep
bleeding
who are you
what do you mean to me
why did you come into my life
if you were just going to leave
so quickly
why were you so important to me
why do i still think about
what happened
you don't even know me
anymore
and you didn't
before
and the future
we're further apart
my idea and your idea
weren't the same
why were we put in this place
to hurt each other
i just wanted to be your lover
i can never express it any harder
i miss the feelings you gave me
they can never be replaced
i want someone else
to make me feel that way again
i never knew that existed
*******
i hope you miss this

waking up in the morning
saying
I'm such a *******
isn't the best way to start your day
when you're feeling a certain way
in your stomach
in your brain
you feel it come out
of your dreams
into your real life frame
and then
how can you explain
to the people around you
why you act insane
why you choose to be
so sad
not free
of the pain that is inside you
it consumes you
it says hey
how are you
good to see you
what did you dream about last night
and you don't even know
but you really do
because you wake up thinking
about a person
that isn't there
you wake up thinking
that they aren't really real
you wake up thinking
how do i continue to live
when i feel like this
how can i go about
making this pain go away
chase the pain with *******
slip a xanax
drink the night away
mushrooms
will make you think
feel good
relax
and trip
but if you have a bad trip
you'll lose grip
a sensation in your neck
telling you
something isn't right
you aren't at peace
with the world
or yourself
your reality
is a war
and you have to let go
so when you do
you can wake up in the morning
and feel good again
that's how i feel that this day
should always start
with optimism
and not rolling around
trying to keep sleeping
just because
you want to go back to your dream
and the way you felt
when you saw that person
because the dream meets the real
and the feeling you feel
is the reality crashing down on you
telling you that it is no longer
you will never see them again
only when you sleep
so wake up
get something to eat
go for a jog
continue
be free
there's a new day
a new world
a new love
that will find you
but first
you must love yourself
and you can start doing that by
being happy

I guess

I could undress
or address
a situation
with a little girl
in the room
who happens to be the object
of my infatuation
air mattress pumped up
ready to go
she's ready to blow
you already know
but what can you do
when you're a man like me
just trying to live free
being happy
and doing what i want to do
even though i know
just this second
it could cause damage
to her and i
me and you
every relationship
that i ever brewed
finished before it started
and it all seemed *******
after a while
when i realize
that i was a child
going through pain
the weakness and youth
leaving the body
i'm not longer rotting
in this kitchen
on the pad plotting
while she's in there wondering
when oh when
will he ever come in
and i'll stay over here
in a safe place inside
my warm house
the theatre of my mind
i'll glide
and write
until she falls asleep
goodnight
and then i'll climb with her
into bed
kiss her on the cheek
and fall asleep
because that one was for me
i have to steer clear
of the emotions that flow
out of your body
when you *** someone that you oh so
much love
when i wake up in the morning
she won't even be there
she'll be gone
looking at her rear view mirror
wondering
about what happened
with that man in the room
what kind of illogical thoughts
did he consume
but we'll never know
and i'll never care
as long as she aint there
i have to move on
and figure something else out
with my life
and find somebody
that seems more right
or maybe i'll go
chase her off in the street
waive her down
stop the car
ask her to marry me
will she stop
and give up her life
or will she hit the gas pedal
and take it to 95
we'll never know

Hey you,
I learned something the other day
matter of fact
it was yesterday
i read that
you shouldn't want to conquer someone
just to prove something to yourself
you should want them
because
you love them
and it asked
well
do you really love that person?
you'll find out
if you imagine them
being in love with you
in order to satisfy
and fulfill yourself
and once you hit that point
do you still want them?

that, to me
was something
special
and i know
we didn't spend much time together
but from the short time we did
i just know
that i really
never wanted to be anywhere else
but with you
and i know i was mean
i know i was ugly
and there's something about myself
that i didn't love
so how could you
how could i
how could i
how could i really
even begin
to feel a way
about you
when i don't care
about myself

i'm writing to tell you
that i still think you're awesome
and i'm writing to tell you
that i'm sorry
you had to see that
ugliness
inside of me

and i'm writing to tell you
that i'm going to love myself
and find happiness within
and maybe one day
we can once again
begin

a dog
with a missing leg
and a glass eye
is still beautiful

the you
that nobody wanted to accept
that everybody
felt like
they had to just
make fun of
and talk to
like you are sub human
that is not true
you
even you
are beautiful

as much as you don't want to think it
or admit it
it really is something
that you have to accept
you are a beautiful
loving
honest
spiritual
emotional
awesome
person

and to think
that
you doubted that
ever
is a shame
you should really
take care of yourself

when you go
to a dark place
and you start to think
about yourself
like
you just don't care
about who you are
and you're very low
and you don't deserve
and you are neglected
and abandoned
and the pain you feel
gets you down
to a place
where you allow yourself
to let these ugly things happen
and you don't care
and you have hate
and inner disgust

you know
that what you did
was something
that wasn't pretty
and you know
that you're not
an ugly person

it's so hard
to say goodbye
to someone
that you really think
is special
and has a really pretty smile
and a joy about them
that really
gets you up
when you lose them
you really are just
losing yourself
you have to love yourself
and appreciate who you are
you can never let someone else
do that for you
you have to really
just really
love you