Tomorrow isn't promised
this could be my last day
which makes it the oldest day
that I'd ever live
if I were to go
so cheers to being old

you forgot
what you were missing
then you listened
to your intuition
because of the kissing
physical interaction
the submission
*******
when it first goes in
feels like sweet sin
the violation
of the body
the exploration
getting naughty
it makes your toes tingle
and you feel it all
throughout your body
days after
in the lobby
thinking about
that time in cali
when you met somebody
and went back
and forth
showed her off in your porsche
and felt her body
that's when you felt like somebody
a celebrity
the confetti
and the glee
money from all of that
i just enjoy the moment
and the opportunity
i like the fancy things
i like feeling nice
and having them come
late at night
and lay with me
under the candlelight
i'm a romantic
and i'm a ****
and i can't help it
i guess i'm selfish
i just like
when u feel it in your pelvis

i tried to quit ****
but each morning i wake up from sleep
it's calling me

i walk through the house
and say
today i'll be alright without it
and i'm drowsy
make some coffee
have a cigarette
take a shower
and figure
that this will be the day
i don't pull the lighter trigger
and watch the flame ignite the green
make it turn orange
smoke whip down
around the corner
and up and under
into my mouth
down south
and back out

then i decide
that it's time
to give it a try
because i did all i was supposed to do
with my day
that i could have
to make it better

and then i feel real real light
like a feather
and i start feeling clever
and inspired
and optimistic again

it's like i have a new friend
each day
he greets me again and again

so i guess ill quit smoking
the day he dies
which in my eyes
will probably be longer than me
which makes the answer
to how long itll take me to quit
forever

that's called a soul mate
a life partner
and even though i've known him
for years and years
i feel like i learn something new
every time he blesses me
he's so kind
that bud of mine

the silence
the distance
they wanna see things through
somehow
some way
they want to see it through
let that pain fade

blocked out of life
family
the stain

for real
i feel silence even when it's on the internet
conversations with a cousin that I feel like I never met
cuz she wasn't there
and she said no
and now it's like hey here I am again
but where'd you go

I don't understand it why people have conflict
and silence
and people choose to go separate ways
to avoid domestic violence
I'm the only baby crying
not understanding
why there's no planning
why it's not working

what do you say
to a person who just flew away
now they're back
on the other line
and you're trying to figure out
why

what's the point
do you have an agenda
are you trying to make a means
to all that we ended
to the separation
why it happened
why we left each other
son, daughter, girlfriend, boyfriend, brother, sister
husband wife
all i see is strife

but there's another way
that's all I can say
that's the only explanation
**** happens
and you move forward
what else can be done
and I hate using these mantras
to keep my life making sense
he's crazy
you're crazy
she's crazy

what about

life is crazy

so i smell the daisies
and feed the wolf
of good

and not the wolf
that eats at my soul

because I am a traveler
and this is my road

Hi, how are you?

I hope you're having a good day
and you have a smile
on your pretty face
and I wish I would have listened more
to what you had to say

but hindsight is twenty
and vision gets blurry
words gets slurry
when you were scared
and needed somebody
I was out with a friend
getting drunk at a party

I'd blame ADD
but in reality
it's just me
always thinking about me

when you were there
and that would have been better
so I wrote you this letter
to let you know
I enjoyed our time together

I'm going to leave it up 4 a while
so you see it
if you're on the bus
or waiting for a train
maybe you'll read it

and whether or not
a difference that makes
I just thought you should know
I still think you're great
okay, I have to go now
hope you have a nice day

for joy
for pain
I am thankful for all of that
because it makes me
human
influences my decisions
helps me steer the ship
the way it's supposed to go

there are boundaries in life
sometimes you can't see them
and when they appear
out of nowhere
you get hurt
then you realize
you must travel forward
and move on
past
into something else
that is worth value to you

and it will arise
that girl
that boy
that person
will appear
out of nowhere
a gift
from life
given to you
all you have to do
is be happy
and just know
that you can be good for somebody
and they will come

I really believe that
I do want a relationship with somebody
I would love
for it to be peaceful
I know pain will be inevitable
but I want to be committed
and I want to have kids
and be happy

why?

I don't know

but for now
I know that
there is no need
to feel hopeless
knowing that something
great
will happen
again

i'm not sorry for breaking your heart
i'm not sorry you stayed in your room
and cried
i'm not sorry you went for a drive
and drove
and took drive after drive
until mileage piled high
in the depths of the night
i'm not sorry you felt that way
about me
and how you disrespect me
i'm not sorry you feel so much anger
and animosity in your heart
you should have known from the start
who i am
how was i supposed to explain to you
what i'd do
when i didn't even know
myself
i'm not sorry you never knew me
and took out the time
or the trash
or bought groceries
i'm not sorry you never provided
or came over when i was in the bedroom hiding
or scared out of my mind
when someone got killed
in the lobby of my new apartment
don't even start it
where were you
when i needed you most
gone
out for a drink
with a friend
and not me
so i'm not sorry
for playing games
Sorry
i'm not sorry
for ignoring
and neglecting
and leaving
and then running right back
and stalking
and reading
everything you post online
about me
why wouldn't i read
all of the envious things
the devilish mean
and all the nasty
you put on the page
i'll read that for days
if it means that i hurt you that bad
tell you the truth
it doesnt even make me glad
it's all in your head
and it's your own fault
for creating a world
that was all for naught
i'll never apologize
and you'll never know
what you did to me
it'll never show
and i'll always be happy
and i'll know i'm alive
and i never needed you
and i won't til i die
i'm not sorry