Love feels like chaos
when you're down and out
winds swirl around
smoke from the clouds
and it's gonna rain
strength can be sustained
on optimism concentrate
meditate
go under water
hold your breath
waiting for you at the surface
a devil in a blue dress
I hope that when I see her again
I'm 6 feet 10
confidence a grin
when she opens her mouth to chat
I'll give it right back
then walk away after that
new waters rising
new climate testing
a new beginning
a past devil's smile
slowly fading
no longer raining
chaos
I'm on the beach
finally at peace

I'm at a place where the gangsters greet
they come together like crackers and cheese
at the table they speak
over coffee they preach
their opinion on the economy
peace and war
carried out intelligently
I see and see
all these old men, well older than me
who came here to discuss
matters that do not pertain to me
slick talkers, joke crackers, wise guys, old guys,
new kids on the come up
anxious from the sun up
all in the midst of a local diner
where the buffalo roam
the herd travels together
to mix the latest words
I wonder what they're doing
the business they're discussing
this is the place where they meet
the gangsters of the city
in here they're at peace
but to educate the street
it's violence they teach

Lazy day Sunday
after crazy night Saturday
****** up on Friday
out late Thursday
cocktails on Wednesday
orange kush on Tuesday
Monday no time for fun day
back to the regiment
and serious business at hand
on my feet I stand
time to get back to work
but first
gotta relax with the day
catch the sun rays
on this lazy day Sunday

everyone
is in their own little world
these girls don't wanna see weakness
stallions running the preakness
I feel something want to cease this
but it's creeping
and it's seeking
hard clinging
nose bleeding
stay creative
no more complaining
uplifting
mind drifting
into position
to dismiss them
forgive them
and continue
to live them

Love is a word
not often used
hastily abused
to seperate fuse
and confuse

To acquire power
or regain
a wilted flower
love takes hold
and the reigns
of reason
are snapped
by its control
no longer in control
you use the word
to reacquire
lost desire
in your partner

love is loaded
who has the gun?
and talking about love
like inspiration from above
but really
just using the word
to feel safe

when push goes to shove
who do you trust
to use the word love

say it at the same time
on the count of three
it never comes easy
the word love
can be misleading
through cheating
when it gets heated
what do you say

what they always say

love
finds its way

aint no such thing as halfway crooks
aint no such thing as halfway intellectuals
aint no such thing as half read books
all i see are loud mouth crooks
that base everything off the way people look
spookin me out and trying to show off
when there isn't anything but smoke blowing
there's no such thing as the things you speak
the way you talk, your emotions bleed
you're weak
your words become more cheap
the longer you speak
i suggest you creep
and listen for a peep
no such thing as a smart person who doesn't listen
as we sit here and have this argument in the kitchen
and you keep dismissing
bait and hook like you're fishing
it's physics
you need to split
and fission
pay attention
and think before you speak
you're revealing your true intentions
non intelligently
understand that perspective
is not a collective
exchange thoughts and ideas
and you'll learn how to treat
another person
show respect
the next time we meet
by calling out
and taking names
showing face
talking about race
like you have it all understood
and the other opinion is no good
your mind is closed
as it should
you're from another planet
and our world's will collide
but let it ride
take a look
at someone else's life
you might be surprised
that it's the same on the inside

i feel devastation, once again i'm here, trying to work through this, doing this job, sitting down, and doing nothing, being isolated, and it's hurting me, it's starting to really hurt me, and i don't know. the dream i had, the things that haunt me, and i don't want to ever see her again, and i want her to know that i still hurt from that, but she doesn't care, and it doesn't matter to her, she's off in her own world, yet her energy gives me joy, her energy gives me joy, and then it geos away, then it goes away, and then it huts, i'm left here with nothing, just an empty bed, and another day, just another day, that i have to give my best to stay above the wake, and just hope and wait, i just hope and wait. it's tough and it's in my head each and every day, and i'm trying to do different things with my life and see a brighter day, and I've seen them, like yesterday, no tears shed no depression set in and I had a relaxing day, and a productive day, and I felt the hope from her and I felt her inside and it was such a devastate. Now i wake up and it's another downer day. Because I know she's gone away. The thoughts that race through my mind are too much to handle, I can't really see it clearly, they just go trhoguh, and the images in ym head just stay with me. I don't know if I'm delusional, but some days i don't efel like a normal person. Yesterday I felt like I felt like I felt like a man. And today. Today. I feel like. I got that melancholy. I feel like, I'm in a haze. And I can't sleep at night, until it's at least 5 or 6, then I get four or five hours and wake up. I'm in some sort of abyss. It's a ******* abyss. I don't know if I have a problem but I think I do, I don't think I'm supposed to be this way. I'm not normal. I'm not normal. I want to see a better day. I might go to the doctor to see if I have some sort of problem, and I'm sure they'll give me something, but I don't want that to make me crazy, or even crazeir. I'm worried, I don't trust, I don't trust. I want to feel healthy, mentally. I feel hopeless. But I know hope is there, I gotta stick it out. I gotta get some help. I need to go to rehab. I gotta get help. Please, I need to stop feeling bad. Please. Someone help me.