usually i am usual
unless i refuse
to use
i get confused
drugs and *****
i abuse
til i see things in two's
mind you
my mind i peruse
find a way
to follow the rules
mind my p's and q's
this life
i did not choose
that is why
i usually used
to sit my *** on bar stools
til i pass out and drool

i don't know how much longer i can feel this way
i'm starting to think that the only way
is to blow my brains
and that way
i never have to feel the stains
the pains
the **** that i am left with
as i lay in bed at night
night turns to day
day to turns to rain
i want to sleep in this room
no sunlight coming in
through the window pane
shutters closed
i want to take sleeping pills
and sleep forever
i want to stop feeling this way
i hate myself
i hate everything about my mind
that it keeps thinking about things
that i don't want to think about anymore
it's there
it's there
it's there
i don't like this
at all
and i'm tired of it
i'm tired of being able to cry
so easily
and now that they've started to dry
i just sit and think about
this stupid ****
isolation
isolation
isolation
in my mind
it's a prison
it's a prison
it's a prison
****
**** **** ****
****
i'm so tired of it
i don't know what else to do
i don't know who else to please
i have a disease
i think i have a disease
i think i have a disease
i gotta go
i gotta go
i gotta go
to the doctor
therapist today
therapist today
maybe he'll prescribe me
with some medicate
please
please
anything
to help me escape
i have a disease
i have a disease
i have a disease
bring on the rain
i'm tired of it
i'm tired of it
i'm tired of it
someone
please
help
me
escape

said a few things
that i shouldn't have said
made a few choices
that i definitely regret
a casual mistake
with all the stakes
everything on the line
just not the right place
or the right frame of mind
a point in time
gone bad
or just miscalculated
the landing didn't stick
the take off was faulty
we started too hard
all those words were shoddy
comin out the ***
love came too fast
and left too quick
i got pain in my heart
that just won't quit
so now i'm sitting here
already quit the bottle
stopped smoking ****
cuz it wasn't making it less harder
but why even bother
who even cares
about this man in the room
who ran out of prayers
and cried all the tears
that could ever be cried
to drown a thousand people
i'm buried alive
and i can't even breathe air
i wish she'd be here
or someone
to take it all away
i need to be saved
jesus, where u at?
i feel like a slave
and all i see is rain
cloudy day after cloudy day
in my world of pain

what is this mind that was given to me that is able to see things i print on screen with my digital zip drive of a brain that is stuck inside a laptop main frame, ******* server uploading and crashing sending pings and things to hackers who perform doss attacks and web cracks and serial cracks while eating cereal going over javascript material program landslide juno got bit by emails and other technical software jargin computer guy got the blue screen of death corruption on the web the spider metacrawling and setting it on angelfire i google the facebook twitter and hot wire my car on the trader the wall street journal and the white house, **** sites and white owls, getting arrested and being hired by the government, the money's spent, criminal punishment, in cells locked up no breakfast but lunch under the crack of a door inside ur naked ***, on irc chat, the warez rat, pirates on bays and whispers from kittens, brown paper packages exploding a smidgeon, binary, metamorphosis, code program gold, warning anti virus and spywares, baghdad to china, spy on private, eyes on cameras, cell phones like trackers, global position mappers, predator drones, video games, nfl madden, mad men, and happy wal marts, hacking wal mart, with social engineers, traveling the silk road with a cloak ip address revoked

some nasty *** *******
but it's okay
they're all beautiful
in their own way
just not the way i saw them
it was trash
low to the earth
but that's not true about them
or me
i know that they are good people
whatever
i think it's clever
to know who you're dealing with
how they perceive u
and themself
what the relationship is
there's other people in their lives
that know them so much differently
that u could never really understand
how a person is
until u hang out with them
forever
and until u die
then u finally
just maybe
won't have a clue
but u did it
and they loved u
and there u go
that's the end of the show
let the credits roll

just let it out
whatever u want to say
whatever is on ur mind
and don't act like
it's not planned
the things u feel in ur stomach
are not real
just a misinterpreation
of how i feel
about the girl by the water cooler
with the maroon dress
by her i am so impressed
she's designed in my mind
fabric neatly pressed
i wonder what she'd look like
outside of that dress
i'm a mess
how she's got me thinking about
things i wanna do
i wonder what she's thinkin bout
hope it's me
in a fancy tuxeed
lookin all nice and neat
that's my fresh prince to be
the one who so pleases
each and every reason
i wanna see him each and every season
and all the ones after that
under the sun we will bow
our heads and pray
now we have a bunch of babies
and ****'s going amok
but man
man oh man
i miss that girl
by the water cooler

now i'm supposed to stay awake at night
and write
and think about some ****
that i never wanted to be a part of
because i can't stop writing about it
like i'm used to it
being in my mind
so much
that i have to spew it out
bunch after bunch
after bunch
after bunch
just like the image i had
of throwing up
and not being able to breathe
some craziness
happened to me