This in fact is a reminder
to let you folks know
that I've been here
the whole ******* time
Okay????
You feel meeeeeeeeeeee?
This whole time
I've been here
thinking
about what I'm gonna do next
not really sure
trying to drown out the alcohol
and tell it
not to **** with me anymore
cuz it's really starting
to **** my head up
making me drowsy
sobby
crying like a lil *****
depressed
**** that
no time for that
it's my life
and there's a little switch
in myself
you feel me?
that I can turn on
you hear me?
and realize
that this **** is me
and my life
and the control system
must take charge
must figure out
how I can do this
carefully
and corecctly
without losing sight
of who I am
and trying to be
sometimes I stray
off the path
but **** it
I'm back
so get ready
for this ****
cuz I'm not ever
giving up
and I don't give a ****
if you care or you don't
you either get on
or get off
either way
I'm getting off
so **** u
and all who doubted
I'm staying in this ****
til it's over
and when is that?
up to me
I'm gonna live forever
every second I live
I'm gonna make a year
every year I live
an eternity
so get ready
it's never over
and I'm just getting started

My sister loves me
when I see her
she hugs me
then later
she texts me
and says
how's the job
do you need money
come see my children
Wes and Sully
Here's my husband
wonderful man Shaun
works very hard
sweat in palm

Family values
what I desire
want a child
of my own
under the warmth
of a nice home
sweet mother
caring lady
I know she'll get along well
with my sister
I miss her
cuz I haven't met her
when I do
I'm gonna be so proud
Hope I have a daughter
and she gets to meet my mother
hope I can teach her
to be just like her
and my sister
hope we stay together
family picnic
I miss it
cuz I don't have it
but no panic
time will stamp it
when it is right
til then
I stay patient
and learn from those
doing it right
I try to help
prepare myself
for the love I'll do
sacrifice
and sweat
for the future
family
that's all I want
to say
goodnight, sleep tight
daddy loves you

Another beautiful day in the neighborhood
anything wrong
feels so good
whatever I can get my hands on
I'll do it
anything without a ******
I'll ***** it
pass the blunt
cremate it
big body rotting
my family knows
that i'm in trouble
life I lead
full of sin
grab a pen
and a 40
it's early
but I'll drink
til I'm 40
time approaches
what have I done
with my talents
my pain
spread out into a million pieces
like rain
til I'm deceased
I need peace
can't find it in a substance
yet still I trust this
to be the life I know
no drugs consumed
can make me grow
into who I need to be
another casualty of life
my mind is not right
cuz I feel like
getting high is a joy
and that's not right
the answers aren't found
when in alcohol I drown
my sorrows
they always find a way to breathe
underwater

the isolated thoughts
that stray
as i drive home
after a quiet dinner
on a sunday
i think about the future
and where she is
the past
and who she was
all the evils that i felt
all the loneliness i feel now
the sadness from the loss
the acceptance
the grievance
the not so good goodbyes
the late night cries
the wallows
the shakes
feeling like
i'm never gonna make it
but i still get up
and i still strive
i still go up
go out
i still communicate
and love
and feel
i live harder now
cuz it's so real
and that's why i'm thankful for
the pain i feel

i had all this hope inside my head
u know
it's hard to get over it
it's really hard to get over
but as time goes by
you make better decisions
with what to do with your mind
where you let it travel
avoiding the unravel
please
please
let me
feel peace
cuz this **** inside
won't cease
i gotta stop drinking
cuz i cry
and the *****
goes by
and runs dry
and it's just me
again
and my pain
who waits for me
on the front porch
in the bed
when i wake up
in my dreams
never stops
always creeps
wanna get some sleep
but i miss her so much
i miss her touch
miss her cheeks
the way her skin smelled
****
****'s ****** up
heart break
is a *****
i'll be okay
gonna keep lovin away
the love that was reject
i project
towards u
and the new
people i meet
who need to smile

when people communicate
we don't always tell the truth
and try to say things that throw them off the scent
of what we are really thinking
sometime's it's obvious
what we're really thinking
and the difference between that
and what we're saying
is astronomical
stars and space
and the earth
it's the difference between the moon
and the sun
one rises
goes round and round
one stays the same
in one place
and we try to cover it up
the dark side
with sunlight
but people
can still eventually
see the shade
might not take much time
might take years
an eternity
an equator
whole lotta time
traveling around and around in circles
waiting for them to say something
that appears real
and honest
when will we let loose
and frequent the truth
inside of our head
hahaha
the fear says no
no way
it's too scary
too funny
too insane
people will think i'm crazy
maybe
but if we act all the same
then who is really sane
all of us together
as one big unit
of sane people
sounds pretty crazy
what are we really saying
when we speak
what is it
we must teach
or learn
what will we earn
from the honest thoughts portrayed
as a sunray
into the dark
dont ever want to see the moon again

well i guess i'm going to stay here
write some more
keep myself awake
for a while
i'm at the airport
they don't have wi fi
yet all these ******* planes
landing and taking off
with their satellites
electronics
planes charging money for breathmints
pillows
yet
this ******* right here
can't sign on the internet
i can only see the limited version of the internet
which is only
the atlanta hartsfield airport website
it's the most boring website in the world
now i have to entertain myself
by checking flights
that aren't even mine
to feel like
i'm some sort of computer programmer
hacking into the system
changing people's flight information
that's the point that i'm at
with nothing exciting in sight
until 9am
when the bar starts serving alcohol