Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
McClain
Who decides life is not worth it?
You?
God?
When you reach this point, questioning living, breathing, you play god.
You feel your mind make,
take,
break
and create
new processes never felt before; a process of passion,
confusion, contradiction and confession.
You strive just by the thought of not surviving.
The
downfall
of a
suicidal
mind.

Painfully and buried deep down the impulses slip out.
Screams for hopes, answers, connections, positive aspirations.
Constantly wondering is this it?
Is this the end?
That your life can never peek again,
so the result of your collapse is an
eternal slumber with the devil by your side.
Whispering in your ear telling you about the ache
and sorrow your sinking heart and conscience feel.
An eternal hell. An eternal anguish, torment, suffering.
Do you stay in the hell on earth or hell in the after life?
You examine all the details
over and over
only thinking of your lonely pitiful life.
Meaningless and outrageous.
Screams moving around trying to get out but only
bouncing back inside of you to find
the little nothingness in which they are in seek of.  
Literally, are taking you in and cutting you into
the smallest treads as possible over and over.
Never letting up to give the one underneath a second break.
Pounding as hard as possible.
Thudding and pulling, twisting and hurting.
Neither end nor good.
You can feel the over whelming sense of your corruption
taking you headfirst and choking your every last breath off.
Cutting it away like a river being eroded by things we cannot control.
Your life you cannot control.
People you cannot control.
You see the only outlet in your mind
but it burdens you with insanity behind it.
Taking life; your own life.
The reasons are bliss.
Sweet tender resolutions freeze
over your tempered thoughts,
fragile thoughts of a
suicidal.
Unaware of the footprint left behind.
Your stomach churns,
stirs
and confusion
sets in once again.
You feel ***** rising in your
throat about to implode
but it’s just an illusion created
in your mind;
hallucinations.
Questions are still increasing
their intensity and passion.
With every moment of aloneness and isolation,
the time ticks away from you until you feel as though
you will fly into a rage.
You take a deep breath;
intense thoughts.
Questioning right verses wrong;
life verses death;
now or never.
Take a step back
and pull the trigger;
welcome to the end.
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
RyanMJenkins
Not gonna lie, I've been having a hard time.
Gonna be another night coping through life with a rhyme.
It's how I provide zest and flavor with a squeeze of lime.
About to be, twenty three, but still don't feel I've reached my prime.
The growing process never ends, always here to hear but it's always hard for me to find an ear that'll lend time when I'm not fine.
It just falls in line, with the proper arrangement of events.
Looking back I never wonder where the tick tocks went.
This is me, cuz I needed to release, like the cool air from a vent.
Reaching out to some seemed like ill moments spent.
Yet, the care was there, no denying or trying to prevent.
I love you all, but don't you see?
I'm just tired of all the superficiality.
We grow to infinity, we are souls of divinity,
Connectivity replenishes me, but these times
Make me realize it comes from more than just people.
The nature of everything gets me higher than those churches' steeples.
Aerial view, seeing perspectives askew.
My only problem is not knowing exactly what to do.
I have so much to prove, and I'm not one to lose
So many substances have been used, my body's abused.
But I am here alive, seeing the new,
and it was based on every choice I decided to choose.
So I'll draw sunshine, even when feeling blue.
In a bout with doubt, taking a higher route
True in that I'm here for you,
But I need a special kind of rain,
from a special wave's spout,
And proper sparks in my brain
That'll bring about life in this drought.
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
Cassie
i truly disgust myself
you love me more than i deserve
i left your *** for a pretty boy who promised to marry me and take care of me from the moment we met
and you begged for me back
your lips touched mine only hours after he kissed me goodbye
and i still cringed when ours finally met
you can guilt me into anything
i couldn't leave you bleeding on the pavement
tears cascading down your face
I never knew you cared so much
i told you this and it just made you cry harder
but still i long for lust
i used to feel so much passion towards you
if you left me, i surely would have taken my own life
but now, numbness tingles dully through my body
i go through the motions in the hope that you wont notice
i no longer feel the way that made life worth living
i miss knowing that there is nobody better than you
now i spend every day debating whether i should stay
something doesn't feel right
but you love me far too much
and i know you'll take good care of me
so long as you neglect that i truly am disgusting
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
Nat Lipstadt
Let us imagine, we write together!

You come for a visit,
From Germany, the Philippines, Singapore,
India, Nepal, even from industrial Leeds,
Bring me some Aussies and some Kiwis,
Green Tennessee, Nevada City (Ca?), the Canadian Plains
Hampshire & Haverford, where the H's get lost,
Even London, where everything is pensive expensive!
Cannot forget Minnesota, hotbed of poets restless.
If you are crosstown, let's meet on the Great Lawn in
Central Park, by Shakespeare's castle,
Let us turn my, now our, town into a belle-ville!

Side by side,
Stride for stride,
Manhattan, we connive
As our source, spring waters
For inspiration.

You come to me not as tourist,
But as explorer.

Ever-after twenty blocks,
Movement ceased, halted,
The mile, approximately travelled,
We then stop-sit.

Park bench, museum steps, bus stop,
Street curb, ok ok, Starbucks!

We each write a poem.
Exchange fluid words.

No proceeding until each have
Completed composing.
That's the rule.

A poem per mile.

I see this lovely island,
As home,
The sidewalk cracks, my veins,
The harshest of noises, my siren harmonies,
The dirt, my soul food.

But you, fresh eyes for me to
Discover what's been missed, for
Familiarity breeds cataracts,
Clouds the visionary.

I need you beside me
To be my teacher
To see my city
Anew.
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
Jedd Ong
From the rooftops
Of my aureate balcony

I will the thunder
To scream louder.

I will the winds
To blow harder.

I will the lightning
To flash brighter,

I will the hail
To flow thicker.

The moonlight kisses
My temple

For I...

I am a stutterer.
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
Jedd Ong
Sing praises!

Outside your bedroom window
the caged bird sings along.

Outside your bedroom window
even the moon butchers a song

So Croak!
even when your voice cracks

Croak!
even when you're out of tune

Croak!
even when your words

Cluster
at the bottom of your throat.

Crying
is not only for the weak

Crying!
is not only for the primal.

Throw up your hands
and let your grinning,
Flailing
limbs scream

"Yes!"
Glimpses.
we thought we could put a face to a name
a name to a feeling, someone to blame
a feeling to a knowing, an answer to the call
a nifty, attractive package for our souls, zero flaws
a list of our ingredients, nutrition facts and fictions
that nobody ever really reads or even really mentions

and yet we still hungered for something more
to be like children in the summer, like we were before
we kept searching for the answer to the popsicle stick riddle
we gobbled love up before we even got to the middle
so that the melted sugary slush dripped down our chins,
stuck to our hands like tar, like the blood of all sins

you loved me more than the rest but i'd failed all your tests
you knew that i'd already given you my best
love's sweetness was gone and i turned to run
your words tore through me, point blank, the damage was done
exhausted and unraveling, i cried tantrum tears till morning
knees scraped, wounds agape, i bled red dye #40
heart on fire, i came home still stamping out sparks
i was scolded and hugged for staying out after dark
and you climbed into your bed just like any other day
ignoring the spaces beside and inside you, you drifted away

and just like i always leave them before i am left
just like you always give freely and then accuse them of theft
we brought down the stars as we opened our hearts
but nothing could stop us from falling apart
in the halcyon summer when we glistened with dew
i confessed and undressed myself in front of you
and still you believed there was more i could prove
i became a stain on your mind that could not be removed

so i am the victim and the bully. okay? **** it, you got me
and i've spent way too much time being someone who's not me
but i've felt your heart loving, and i've felt your heart breaking
and the love that i have is all yours for the taking
because it has to be true, i have to believe
(and i know that you all must think me naive)
but love is always the answer when the question is "why?"
-to understand this simple truth i had to bleed myself dry-

when there was nothing left to believe in, nothing left to stand for
when all of my heroes were gone or on their way out the door
and i still woke up reaching for someone who was gone
when my shrink said i was better but i hadn't moved on
no, i was not fighting those demons for fun
from the depths of hell, I sought heaven in the barrel of a gun
but i put it down
for you
because i knew
we are one.

we are thinking the same thoughts and feeling the same beating heart
and inside of our human suits i bet you couldn't tell us apart
somehow you and i cannot cease to exist

nothing else in my head really makes that much sense.
 Sep 2013 Aya Baker
Showman
First there is the prep.
The roommate.
Wearing salmon colored pants.  
He has Shaggy from ****** Doo
On his left thigh.
The alcoholic.
She has a drinking problem.
She is in denial of her drinking problem.
She hangs out with the loners.
The loners.
Unkempt, unattractive and fat in all the wrong places.
The blond looks like Tom Petty.
The one with dark hair, glasses and braces
They live next door.
Living together but segregated. 
Wild cards.
All of us.

©Gambit '13
Next page