I put on the tea kettle
and turn up the stove
put a tea bag into my cup
and begin walking
in a diagonal direction
with each step
being with each breath
and my hands over
my heart
with my thumb inside
the right hand
so I take a slow walk
and come back to the stove
and the water is ready
then into the cup
goes the water
so then I walk again
twice this time
and the tea is done.
I have given up
the powerful way
of Zen
for the way of Shambhala
where we breathe easy.

four sleeps
four more sleeps
and then that day arrives
the day
if you are not careful
that reminds you
of all you are not

you are not a mother
nor a sister
nor an aunt
you do not have family
you can go and visit

when you wake
on that day
there is no laughter echoing
nor  paper ripping
as presents are opened
before the kettle has boiled

instead
your house
echoes with emptiness
you will eat your turkey and trimmings alone
no debate about who sits where at the table
nor fights for supremacy of the remote control

please

do not be sad for me

reframe your matrix
the way I do

my heart beats with the gift of life
my memory is filled
with the richness of days gone by
and each moment I breathe
the only moment any of us has
is filled with belief and shaped by joy

I am not a mother
nor a sister
nor an aunt
I do not have family
I can go and visit
I will eat alone on Christmas Day

but what I am is me

and for that I am blessed
as you are for being you

The moon returns
An adytum for me
Its haunting beams
So softly speak
Whispering a gentle promise
To hide and caress

Do you remember the nights of screaming cries
Of pleas to dissolve within those sheets
Destructive thoughts that felt like home
When dawn broke
It cracked the sky
Marking an eternity passed
I hate the light
The break of day
Its promise never as sweet
For it reveals all I am
So rich in sin

Without hope to forever live
Within that darkened sky
In gentle night and moon's dark guise
The day breaks as it always does
Staring into the eyes of the sun
My gaze is stuck as it speaks my sins
I am blinded by the unveiled truth
Forever to live within the darkness  
Without the burden of my soul

I've lived in shards
You can see the stories
Within these scars
They sink so deep
Like that alcoholic sleep

The one you fall into
When you drown
Drink more sweet Rose
Drink that whiskey down

They are calling
Those demons again
At such a cost their medicine is priced
"Drink with us!
Come ruin your life!"

I have made a mockery
Of what is me
In that gin-soaked reality
It strikes my life in such a way
Funny thing is,
I'll be drinking today!