There was a time before
lies passed through our lips—
before the world tossed us
in all of its muck and mess;
a time when we found redemption
in a bowl of sugary breakfast cereal
and when we thought we were
always one step ahead
of a coyote and his dynamite.
 
There was a time before we
knew how to take advantage of hearts—
when we hid our secrets in glass jars
and buried them in the backyard;
a time when we wouldn’t mind
making the climb, if only to enjoy
the breeze on our way to a crashing halt;
when we thought that sleep
was a punishment
and not a cure for a problem.

There was a time
when living was second nature;
when feeling was as easy
as taking a breath, and
risk was down right,
**** straight,
******* ****.

That time?
It's a figment of a younger imagination.
But that time just may be
my metaphor for you.

You are what you eat
So if I then choose to fast
What becomes of me?

How many times can
we write about heartbreak
& how many words does it take
to describe anguish,
the end of the world
as we now it?

How many stanzas
can be made to talk about hate
& how many verses
can be written to alleviate
the terse nature
of a crushed spirit?

O pray tell, tell me ******!

Hey Anna. I went to Manna today for the first time since your memorial. I thought I was ready but I was very, very wrong. As soon as I walked in I was instantly hit with that sinking feeling of realization... I miss you so much. When the service was over and all the people began walking out, I started searching very frantically. I think I thought that somehow, If I looked hard enough, I would see the flare of your red hair in the crowd of people. I cried when I didn't see you there. I mean, I guess I knew that I wouldn't see you, but I was just hoping... anyway, I miss you so much. Nothing is the same without you. I thought it would get easier with time, but it's just gotten harder. I just wish we could trade places, I'd do it gladly. I have a bestfriend, Anna. You would've liked her a lot. Her name is Michelle and she reminds me a lot of you. She is a very good person. You'd be so proud of that fact that I actually found a friend worth keeping.. You know, when I found out about the accident, It was Wednesday, as soon as I got home from school. I just screamed, and screamed, and screamed... I texted you when I found out. I said that I would never, ever forget you, and that I would always love you. I wish it would've been me. It's not even a selfish thing. I don't want you back just for me, but for you. It's horrible that you don't get to experience life just as it was getting so much better for you. You deserve the world, Anna. And for other people, to think, you did SO MUCH for others. You would've changed the world, I just know it. But you changed me, and I've changed others, because you helped me become who I am today. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you! I get my drivers permit Friday! Isn't that awesome? You would've screamed and taken me to cold stone. I wouldn't want to eat in front of you, but you would've given me puppy dog eyes and I would've caved just like I always do. One time, I did something I really regret. My first thought was how disappointed you would've been, yet, at the same time, you would've been understanding. You would've told me to keep trying, and that it's going to get better. I know that when I landed myself in the hospital, you would've been the first one there. Heck, you probably would've even stayed the night with me and sing with me. Remember the last night I saw you alive? We laid down in your car and sang Neko Case. And then, when I was at my door, I ran back to give you another hug. I looked at you and said "Things are going to go so well for you. There is so much in store. I love you." I hugged you so, so, so tight. I just knew that I had to. Anna... I miss you. In every thunderstorm, I see you, and I remember how we use to watch the lightning. In every sunrise, and every time I go to the lake.. Remember the time I just sat and cried and cried and you held me in your arms? Remember when I told you my big secret, and it turned out that you had the same exact one? Remember when you read me your journal and cried? Remember when you saw some guy on the side of the road and honked because he had a beard? Do you remember me, Anna? I remember you. You are still real. You didn't leave. Every morning I wake up and expect a phone call, and every night I go to bed shattered because I didn't get it. Do you remember me, Anna? Do you miss me? How is it up there, is it everything you'd guessed? How are you, Anna? Are you doing well, because I'm not. I miss you. I miss you so much, Anna. I love you. ...
I need you. I miss you. It's selfish to want you, I know. I hope you're happy. I really, really, really hope you're doing well. I think about you every day. It's the thought of you that keeps me going... I love you, Anna.

There will come a day
When you think of me
And think about what was us
And you'll think,
"I sure dodged a bullet"
The day you think that,
Is the day I put one
Through my brain

It's impossible to know a person
Really, truly know them
Until you have a conversation at 2AM
Right before you fall asleep
The most human you can be,
There's no wrong or right
Just words filling the silence
Let me see your insecurities,
Your dreams,
Tell me things about you
That I wouldn't know
Remind me I'm not the only person
With problems and that
No one's exempt from suffering
I want to hear it all
Your heart and mind
There's no better time
For a lobotomy
No better time
To not be alone
I'm glad we got to philosophize
Because you don't really, truly
Know someone
Until you converse at 2AM
And it was a pleasure to meet
2AM you

He laid in the sun
    like he ruled the earth,
    he held onto the
wine bottle
     with a hand heavily scared
      with the marks
of suffering.

    He toasted the
sea and the surf,
    cursed the
gulls and the gnats.

     Then brought the bottle
to his dried and
cracked
lips and drank
as if the
    last grape
     of the world had
let its blood
     into his bottle.

     He laughed at
a memory
     then yelled at
the sun and
       everyone around
him was a peasant.

    His lips bled red
as he gulped mouth
fulls of wine.
The memory of
her along this very beach
caused his inner
rage to drum forth.

     He gripped handfuls
of sand as he silently
Dammed the serpents
all to Hell.

  He mumbled drunken
thanks to
    Minerva, Osiris, Hera
     and Anu.

      The shadowed world
looked down upon him
     and the feral cats adored him.
     He lived like true royalty,
drunk and alone.

Care free and forgotten
he had become once
he had awoke to it all.
Ridiculed and labeled CRAZY
for his ability to see
it all for what it really
was,for what it really
still is.

She left this page
on a Saturday as he
slept on a chair
beside her hospital bed.
He buried her
on a Tuesday,
then set about to
drinking.

He broke free
of it all,
detached himself
from this farce
and
set about to wonder.
Now free of the
pollution they call society,
he waited only
on the next life,
on that next page.

Where she had promised him
they'd meet again...

When our time comes,
float down like
autumn leaves.

Make our descents
with graceful pirouttes
guided by the soft winds;
empty branches will
leave behind reasons
for the fiery red that once laid
to be missed;
and light that seeps through
the hollow canopy shall
cleanse our fallen souls.

So when our time comes,
float down like autumn leaves.
Wear white gowns
that snowflakes weaved for us;
leave no more
footprints in the ground,
we've trampled on
their hearts enough;
bittersweet when they
think of us dancing above,
weightless and unrestrained.