You had the demeanor of an *******.
A self absorbed, selfish ****.

But from the first few moments I saw you,
I couldn't stop the yearning I felt
to introduce myself.

Because if I hadn't,
I'd feel terrible that I had judged you so harshly,
without even trading a word.

So I did.
And before I knew it,
I had some stupid school girl crush on you.

I never said anything.
It was quite obvious
but I would never admit to it.

                    We became close friends,
                    exchanged secrets.
                    I told you things that struck emotions in me.
                    You were surprised.
                   you have emotions?
                    although it was a joke, we both heard the pang of truth.

                    You showed me sides of you no one else saw.
                    The compassionate you.
                    The depressed you.
                    The caring you.
            
                    With just words, we had established this relationship that we continued to build upon.
                    But no matter how much we told each other,
                    we never spoke of our feelings that we felt for one another.
                    As a result, I was unsure of myself around you.

                    One day, curiosity struck you.
                    You began questioning me.
                    We trekked into territory that both of us had avoided.

                                        Eventually I told you.
                                        The seven words escaped my mouth before I could stop them,
                                        like on a windy day,
                                        when you try to keep the **** hat on your head
                                        but it still gets away.
                                        All of the repressed emotions emptied themselves
                                        into these seven words:

                                        I LOVE YOU, OKAY?
                                         ....i love you.

The tears followed quickly.
A flowing stream down my cheeks.
because I had never thought you'd feel the same
and I could not handle the vulnerability
of loving someone.

                    You held me.
                    And allowed me to rest my weary head
                    on your broad, muscular chest.
                    Your heartbeat soothed me
                    and as the tears stopped,
                    you pierced my eyes, with yours.
                    A dark, serious look crossed over the green gold sea of your irises.

                                        You whispered seven words,
                                         mostly to yourself.
                                         but I heard them, because if I hadn't
                                         I wouldn't have felt like a swarm of butterflies were
                                         trying to escape my stomach.

*It's fine. Because I love you too.

The wind blows harder up here,
As though it is trying to push
these skyscrapers toppling over.

The air is purer,
easier on the nose.
The normal gas fumes from the city buses
and the polluted, busy streets don't threaten to strangle you
when you're too high for them to reach.

The people are tiny.
Like ants in chaos,
scrambling
because you accidentally set a foot
on their grainy mound.

The sounds are distant.
Taxi horns' blow sounds like squeaks of mice
while construction workers' jack hammers mimic wood peckers.

Clouds suffocate the sky,
smothering the sunlight,
refusing to let it shine as it should.

Temptation sneaks up on me,
beckoning me
over the edge of the building.

Would it be such a bad idea?
Just one move, that's all it would take.
No effort required at all.

I picture myself jumping,
as I have multiple times before.

The wind in my hair,
gravity pulling me in,
the free falling feeling in my stomach.

And at this point,
Temptation almost makes me do it,
End it all.
But I decide against it.
And even though I have won
once again,
I still feel
defeated.