I was home and all alone,
Laid and thought about the days we spent recalling all our pain,
Front porch talking about when we work again,
And how we wish we could spend those hours wasted on the floor on each other,
But I know you don't have the time,
I'm a teenage love at best,
Bound to wash up in your dreams,
I'm just too much of a mess,
Keep me wrapped up in your thoughts,
I hope I pass the time,
But you just kept moving way too fast,
Just wish that I could hit rewind.

Till death do us part, right?
But what happens when that happens and everything falls apart?,
Do I die here on my couch watching movies alone without the warmth of someone else?,

I can't sit anymore and watch my shadow match my pace,
I could never sit down for long because my legs would start to shake due to the overwhelming fear of driving home alone again,
Lit a cigarette when I left, lost my thoughts within the wind.

It was cold when you left me,
You put a chill in me that God's hands never could,
Maybe it was just my own sick obsession with wanting to know your every curve,
Every word you never spoke cut so deep into my bones,
But God I loved you.

I tore your pictures down today,
Wiped your writing off my wall,
This cycle stays the same,
Waiting for a call,
I know I'll never get.

She doesn't waste her time,
With things that disturb her peace of mind,
Like me and all my friends,
We were just in the way,

I should have told you I loved you,
Or how much that I cared,
I should have known that you would crush me,
Too much for me to bear,

Time to pack up all my things,
Swallow what pride that I have left,
I should have never asked you over,
We never should have met.

You studied biology in college,
I guess I was just a test,
To see how good you could dissect,
And discard me like the rest,

You fell in love in college,
Forgot all about me back at home,
You spend all your time together,
The times I spend alone,

You told me that you loved me,
That you wanted me so bad,
But you couldn't take me back,
Please don't be mad,

You told me you wanted me. But you let all of that go. How do you just let that go? How do you want someone but the next day you don't even think about them? They don't even cross your mind anymore. It's been weeks now months and you haven't thought about me since. I'm nothing to you anymore. When before I was, in your own words, your everything. I don't get it. How don't you text me anymore? I can't even look at the same kind of car you had without getting sick to my stomach. The sad thing to know is I will never get another chance for the rest of my life to get you back. The only one each of us have and we never gave it our all. You gave up and just let it wash away. I'm so sorry for everything I did to get you to that point. I just was so scared that you didn't want me anymore. I know you will never read this, and even if you did it probably wouldn't matter. But I've been trying to find the words to say for these past few months. And this is as close as I'm getting. I always thought that pain brought out the best writing in me. But I guess when it's too much there are no words to describe how you feel. You have done this to me. I am broken beyond repair.

These stains will never wash out,
Of a carpet you never liked,
Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide,
With a worn and rusted bike,

Maybe the spot where I killed myself,
3 lonely years ago,
I drowned in the shallow waters,
Though it barely reached my toes,

I can't stand to do this to you,
I can see you in my room,
Crying into my old clothes,
Saying "why'd you leave so soon?",

The sunlight washed over my wooden floor,
It's been years since you last came,
I barely cross your mind these days,
Things carried on the same.

I guess this was what it was like,
For my nana when she asked if it was ok for her to let go,
Cancer for her, depression for me,
How could anybody say no?,

I know now how it feels,
To live with a disease,
Eating at your body,
Begging god to just please...

Stop.

You know how when you were a kid and your mom made you smile for a photo you weren't in the mood for?
That's how this for me,
Everyone saying cheese,
Or cheer up,
Or ******* smile,
******* I don't want to,
I don't wanna be alive tonight or any night like this,
Too bad every nights like this,

I guess this is how you know I'm near the end,
When my poems are starting not to rhyme,
I'm starting to feel it in the wind,
I'm running out of time.