When I wake up, my skin will be golden,
the wolves wont be hungry,
the wind will be sleeping
my back will lie flat against the lace trim
of a dream and my pockets
will be full to the brim with pennies
and trinkets, catching light pretty.
In the premature summer sun
they will feel heavy, but I'd never dream
of mentioning any ache
now I feel happy to know sleep from wake.

The outside edges of my hands are bruised black
From banging at the bathroom door

I've given up, and let my back slide down the wall
And my face fall to my palms-
Taking a seat in my empty dark hallway that leads to the slither of pink light crawling its way through the bottom of the bathroom door

She won't stop crying
It feels like it has been months
Her, in her sunlight bathroom moaning with agony until I feel I just can't take it
Sitting on the other side with the emptied out sun
With the helplessness of a child
I almost feel crazy

Like she is not the woman I love
Like she is not a woman at all;
Just pain at the end of a dark hallway
The sound of lungs gasping for air
clasping for some sort of reasoning
Hunting for it, but never finding

A sound made of memory pressing its echo against the walls

It drives me lonely

But she lay on the other side against the cold gray tile and I can tell she does not even hear my bangs on the door
Nor the hollow cry she pushes up her own wooing throat
All she can feel is the pull on her heart and the pressure on her chest

Her cry drops to a sob
Then eventually a whimper
And topped off by exhaustion she falls silent

I pull myself from the wooden floors with the help of the cool steel handle of the water heater door
I walk through to the bedroom
and stand mindlessly sifting through my own junk of the dresser drawers before pulling a bobby pin from her neatly organized section to the left of mine
I walk back to the bathroom
I feel my eyes droop as I press my forehead to the white painted wood
I hear her almost silent, but heavy, breath
Creeping with orange sun beneath the edges of the door

I sink to my knees and play with the lock and the bobby pin
Until the door gives way
It slowly opens to her
Her left arm sprawled behind it
Her head curled into her right
Her legs, stacked right ontop of left, push backwards and up against the long backyard window

I lower myself down next to her with the assistance of the porcelin sink
Her face is still wet and red
Her eyes closed and her breathing labored
I curl what I can of her up into my arms
I take a folded beach towel from the brown wicker basket and lay it underneath my head
Propping hers onto my chest
I grab another and unravel it across us

I don't want to wake her
I will give her, her "petite death"
A small escape
But her eyes flutter
To meet mine for a second
She opens her mouth
Letting her head hang back a little
As if to begin crying once more
Like a newborn awakened from its sleep
Confused and in a darkening room

Exhausted:
She pleads no more
She lays her head back on my chest
I feel a few warm drops of salt water
A pull at the rib cage of my black tee
As if to say "I give in"
And then I pull her in closer
To listen to her heavy begging breathe

We both let our heads fall back to the towel
or into my chest
We fall asleep in the darkening room of the fading red sunlight, with the cold tile floor at our backs, with nothing but a black hallway behind us

kissing you was like setting off fireworks inside of me.
you sparked the flame which burnt out long ago
and my insides lit up again, i felt whole again.
every kiss you gave me, the feeling of your lips as they pressed against mine,
made every hair on the back of my neck stand straight,
made my knees weak and my heart grow fonder.
Then one day you packed your things and left.
all the butterflies died and all that was left
was darkness that consumed me
along with a sea of tears that i still have not swam out of
will i drown?

another sleepless night
4am comes strolling around
i toss in turn bundled in the sheets
how does one sleep with a mind that races like engine.
thoughts go dashing through without hesitance.
thoughts that break apart every aspect of me.
constantly i am reminded of what i am not,
what i could be, what i will never be, and all that is wrong with me.
i cannot stop the whirling inside my mind.
i sit up, i think positive
but the negativity falls down on me like a heaviest thunderstorm
my thoughts, my feelings break me down  
my insides come tumbling day in day out.
i cannot put the sadness into words,
it takes a hold of me, pulls me under its vicious waves,
i come crashing down.
it drowns me until nothing is left,
it tortures me until i am rotten to my core.
the sadness never leaves for long, its with in my roots.
the sadness fills my mind
my head becomes a violent dust storm
gusts of thoughts whirring from every direction.
i am overwhelmed by my own feelings,
I am overthrown by the sadness in my soul.
I pull apart every little thing, letting the smallest things get to me.
insecurities get the best of me, sad thoughts consume me.
happiness abandons me, it never lasts.
i don't recall the last time i was genuinely happy.
sadness is all i know.
the sadness rips me apart and peels my every layer
until it makes its way into my walls
cemented inside of me forever

She stepped onto the driveway of her old house
She remembered the summer night
They had laid there for hours
And counted 8 shooting stars

She stepped into the foyer of her old house
She remembered the day he took her to prom
And stood in an old tux in that exact spot.

She stepped into the dining room of her old house
She remembered the first time he had dinner with her family
And they had chicken and steamed broccoli

She stepped into the kitchen of her old house
She remembered the day they baked cookies for her sisters birthday
And he threw flour on her smiling face

She stepped into the morning room of her old house
She remembered the time they listened to music all day
And it was rainy, and they cuddled

She stepped into the family room of her old house
She remembered the time he played board games with her
And he let her win every time

She stepped into the laundry room of her old house
She remembered how she would stand there by herself
And wash her favorite blouse, just for him

She stepped onto the staircase of her old house
She remembered leading him up
And holding her breath

She stepped onto the landing of her old house
She remembered how he would hold her while they watched movies
And he would kiss her whenever she looked at him

She stepped into the bathroom of her old house
She remembered how she would stand there for hours
And make herself perfect for him

And finally she stepped into her old bedroom.
Too many memories filled her mind
And she laid where her bed used to be.
And she cried in that spot.
Like she had done millions of times before.

She stepped onto the porch of her new house
No perfect memories filled her mind
And she felt dead knowing he wasn't coming back to make new ones

Serenity, sweet serenity,
I found it in your arms.
Like a black hole, you ****** me in,
protecting me from harm.

But when I tried to escape,
you ripped out my heart.
Leaving me broken,
mangled, a piece of art.