my mind is trying to find a reason
why this may be happening
but it keeps searching
and it keeps coming up empty

there is no explanation
or logical reason
there is no solution
to this problem

you said so many beautiful words
and they’re saying
none of them meant anything to you
but how could i believe them
when i know your eternal soul?
why would you say those things
and not mean them?

I hope you find peace
in this life
in knowing that you are whole
even if you are broken
you are still a whole person

I hope you find peace
in words
beautifully written words
especially the words I said to you

I hope you find love
and I hope you let yourself
receive the love you deserve
not the lack of love you think you deserve

I hope you find me
again, someday soon
when we’re both ready
and willing to fall in deeply
because I know in my heart
you will find your way back eventually

someone else.
maybe that would help me move on.

drugs.
maybe that would **** enough brain cells, specifically the ones hanging on to you.

bleach.
maybe that would clean my brain from any remnants of you.

a concussion.
maybe that would keep me from thinking of you.

a lobotomy.
maybe that would make me forget you for a bit.  

a coma.
maybe that would be enough to escape you.

anything.
maybe i would do literally anything to stop myself from thinking about you.

men always compare me to intoxicating
substances

once i was ******* because i made him
feel high the instance he met me and he
seemed to forget all the pain

another time i was a top shelf label
whiskey, made him feel so good whenever
he needed it and boy did he need it

the good kush, he said, "because you
make me feel relaxed"

once i was compared to shrooms.
i made him see the world differently like we were
in a different dimension

and in the end, they all decided to get
clean

"i am too broken," i tell myself
but everyone has broken pieces, some bigger than others.
you find beauty in broken,
so find it in yours too.