Promise me
    You’ll always be
          Standing there
               Right next to me

Ice crystals form in your eyes
You see the world through all the lies
Imaginative illusions swirl around your brain
Trying to keep them in line, looking sane
Plucking words to form a single thought
Looking happy on the outside but your not
Your soul fills the shell in which your body resides
Eyes well up with teardrops as you cry
Whimsical imperfections in the beauty through your own eyes

Feeling unwanted
Feeling broken
Feeling alone
Yet surrounded by many
Feeling not good enough
When I do my best
Others make mistakes
Yet don’t get punished

Why is that the ones who can’t do anything right
Step in dog **** but come up smelling like roses?
But the people who go above and beyond all the time
Just stay flatlined in their work and never get recognized....

Delivery for you...

Here’s my black heart
                   Crying tears of blood...

What if...
Tomorrow never comes...


Would you change anything you have done?

Sometimes people who have your back, really don't.
Sad to say that is the truth
Look out for yourself because in the end your the only one to be truthful to you

Closed minded
Is what you want to be
Open your heart
Then maybe you’ll see
The darkness turned to light
That glimmer of hope
Anticipation of freight
To just let yourself go
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
You may only get one chance
For if you throw it all away
You’ll just be taking a step back

When I look at you
     When I see you
         When I feel you
              When I kiss you
                         When you look at me
                     When you see me
                When you feel me
        When you kiss me
                   Sparks ignite
                         Butterflies fly
                              Fireworks blast
                  Our hearts explode
        The fire burns bright
Everything in the world seems right
        When I
            When you
                When we
                                     Become us...

The dawn is breaking

When I awake
The bitter cold air

Is more then I can take

What makes it better

The sounds a birds singing
To start my morning

Let’s get ready for the day

Sometimes I feel ugly (most of the time)
Sometimes I feel fat (all of the time)
I look at myself in disgust
But I’m so much more then that....

Beauty is not on the outside
Beauty is skin deep
Love yourself not matter what
Or you’ll be in constant defeat

I’m usually one to be carefree
But I’m stressed out over here
Shaking like leaves on a tree
Deep breaths in and out
One
            Two
                         Three

Ok
That’s better
I’m now back to being
Carefree...

Anxiety and stress are real
Just take a deep breath
Let go of what you feel

In the end  
We all deal with things
Just remember to breath and just
Let it go....

Static noise
        Haunting feeling
Pit in my stomach
        Losing control
All alone
         Emptiness
Inside my head

Have you ever just back and thought about your journey of life?
Beginning from the day you were born to the current time
The ups and downs of the years gone by
The struggles and happiness of your hopes and dreams
From the first day of school
Your first dance
The first kiss
The first heartbreak
The first time you had to say goodbye
To a loved one who was always by your side
The first time you got drunk with your best friends after homecoming or prom
Graduation day that you never thought would come
Finally make it to college (sometimes you never thought would happen)
Never actually liking the “college life” and saying **** it
I wanted to be a dancer my whole life
Training for years but my future didn’t look bright
I taught in studios and been on stage
Dancing and singing my life away
I always thought this is where I would spend my life
But those plans didn’t work out so right

Fast forward to my early 20’s when I thought I was in love with an incredible man
As I mentioned before I was sexually abused but blinded my “love” for many years
Being shamed for being to fat when I weighed 110 pounds if that
Never felt wanted by him
I just wanted my life back

I began to now self inflict harm to myself to release the anger I was feeling from him
He broke up with me many times and said we were just “friends with benefits “ one last time.
We worked together one last time for the annual fair on the last night
A group of us were walking around and he disappeared for a group of girls he had found
Thank God bc best friend was there with me
He sat with me for hours since he was worried about me and what  I would do

That’s the day my best friend kissed me for the first time
Oh man did the butterflies wiggle around
I never thought him and I would be a thing
He was always on the side of the stage watching in the wings

A short couple months later we went to Atlantic City for the night
He looked at me and asked me if a great time
I relied yes it was a lot of fun he smiled and said but it was “perfect “
That was the moment he got down on one knee and said “will you marry me”
That’s the moment when my my life had changed.

Not long after that my dad got very sick and it was a very long journey from then on...
I didn’t know if my dad would make my wedding or even walk me down the aisle.
He did make my wedding, he couldn’t walk, but he was in a wheelchair by my side going down the aisle with me

That day was the happiest day so far
Married life is nothing but amazing
Even the struggles of daily life I wouldn’t have it any other way

My dad took a turn for the worst and passed away
I miss him so much everyday

My mom moved on and was getting remarried
The family of 9 now has split
We all were happy but was it too soon, for her to love on
Well funny thing now the wedding is called off

My husband and I are so much in love
Our plan for the future is to move down south

Now that I spilled out a lot in this writing
Let’s all sit back and think about how far we all have come in our
Crazy
   Loving
Happy
             Sad
Most amazing
       Thing called
                     LIFE

Our spoken and unspoken words
         Are the soundtracks to our lives
Our life experience make the music
        The music makes the love that we feel inside our hearts
      How does your soundtrack sound?

I try to be positive
I try to be real
I wear my heart on my sleeve
I say what I feel

I try to be supportive
I try to help all
I give 100%
I’m there if you fall

But now it’s time to think about me
Time to think about my family (my husband)

Light our path
Make a change
Take a huge risk
Doing it day by day

It’s time for me
It’s time for us
Here’s to a new adventure
That’s just right ahead
Waiting for us....

Internal feelings we don’t want to face
Filled like cobwebs in a dark cool place
Stores up like memory on a computer hard drive
Taking up such massive wasted space...

Delete the storage into the trash
Let it all go, don’t bring it up and rehash

Face your feelings but don’t hold back
Take a journey on a different track

Piece
    By
     Piece

You picked up all my broken pieces
Putting me back together

Little
   By
     Little

Piece
    By
      Piece

You restored my hope
Leading you to me
Loving me so
In my desperate time of need

I was broken inside and out
You were always there
To sweep up my shattered life

Piece
  By
    Piece

For countless days, weeks and months
You are away, but we are all ok
Knowing you’ll be back soon one day
We are all so proud that your following your dreams
Doing what you love, watching you succeed
Yes, I am lonely, but our boys need me to be strong
Your always on my mind and in my heart where you belong
The saying goes “ distance apart makes the heart grow stronger”
I count the minutes to see you, I can’t take it any longer
You make my heart melt, put a smile on my face
I thank God everyday for giving my grace
Grace to be humble
Grace to be strong
Grace for putting us together
Grace for our boys
Grace for our love
Putting us in the right place
Right where we belong
I love you more then you know
What can I say
I proud of you each and everyday!