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Oct 2020 · 69
What if’s ?
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
We need to stop thinking of the

“What if’s”

And focus on the

“What will”

For then we can move forward and look for the joy that may happen...
Oct 2020 · 98
GLOW
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Be someone’s
L
I
G
H
T

When they are experiencing

D A R K N E S S

Giving them a little (GLOW)

When they are standing in the shadows
Oct 2020 · 26
Open and Shut
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
The moment where you feel like you’ve opened up to much and immediately shut yourself down again...
Oct 2020 · 29
Light Switch
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I can be like a light switch


On

Off

One minute I’m great

The next I’m a mess

On

Off

Someone disconnect the wires to my brain so I can have a moment of darkness to recharge...
Oct 2020 · 29
Mind Games
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
How can you

LOVE

MISS

And

CRY

For something that was never tangible?
Losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy is very hard, especially when you don’t know your pregnant. It plays mind games with you, and your emotions.
Oct 2020 · 43
Angels Align
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Angels align when there’s signs to be heard without speaking a word.
Keep an open mind, open heart, and soul.
Oct 2020 · 27
Self Awareness Sunday
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Reflect on your week.

Be thankful for everything.

Take time to love yourself.

Bow your head and pray.

Close your eyes and meditate.

Relax.

Rest.

Center yourself.

Focus.

Love.

Self...

Awareness...

Sunday....

God Bless.
Oct 2020 · 46
Poetry Tears
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
The poetry
I write
Is the tears
My eyes
Haven’t cried
Yet
Oct 2020 · 149
New Moon Rising
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Mother Earth is cracking at the seams
Making way for you to manifest and release a new moon for you and me
Center yourself
Relax and set it free
Focus on that one thing you need to release
Your stronger than you know
Just let it go
Following your journey
Allowing yourself to grow within the light of the new moon rising
Oct 2020 · 37
Angel on your Side
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
A guardian angel
Was by your side
Watching over your life
As it flashed before your eyes
Someone was watching over you
For that, I am thankful, that your ok
And that we didn’t lose you yesterday
My boss was in a terrible car accident yesterday and I’m not sure how he came out alive. Just severely bruised, some cute, and his foot is broken in 4 places... thank god he is ok and still alive.
Please say an extra prayer for him that his road to recovery will be as easy as possible.
Oct 2020 · 410
Miscarriage: My Story
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I was living my life as normal as possible, during a pandemic, as I could be. Still working everyday and others stayed away. As for me and my husband nothing really has changed as we continued to live day to day.
On Sunday May 10,2020 is Mother’s Day. We sent flowers to Brents Mom in Florida and we delivered flowers to my mom. I messaged all my sisters, sister-in-law’s, and friends. I had some even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day which I always think is odd because I am not a Mom. ( little did I know).
The morning of May 11, 2020 I felt fine but started spotting at which I thought I was just getting my period. We went into work so he could do inventory for the restaurant and I cleaned the pizza oven during that time. We left and had to do some running around and pick up some groceries for dinner that night. We stopped at home for a bit to take a break and I started to have some cramps. Again, thinking it was just my period starting.  
Along we went to the store and it was packed, of course, remember pandemic. Brent made a joke as we drove past one of the spots that had a sign and he said
“ Are you expecting?” Since the sign said for expecting mother’s only. I just laughed and said “yeah don’t think so.” We get home and Brent started to make dinner and I took a shower. As I waited for dinner to get finished I started really have pain and now I am bleeding a little heavier than before. We ate dinner, which was absolutely delicious, I then cleaned up and did the dishes. We sat down to watch Wheel of Fortune and I knew something wasn’t right because now the pain was getting severe. I went to the bathroom to remove my ****** thinking that’s why I was in pain. I was bleeding but nothing terrible. I laid on the couch in hopes that the pain would subside.... boy I was wrong. About a minute later I feel a gush......I immediately sprung off the couch and ran to the bathroom......and here’s where the story gets raw, real and graphic....
As I sat on the toilet and blood is coming out of me.... I still just thought it was my period ( not unusual for me). The pain was increasing immensely from my front all the around to my back. After about 10 minutes of trying to clean myself up I had the thought cross my mind that maybe I was having a miscarriage. I still was in disbelief because it’s been over 10 years we had been trying and being told I most likely can’t get pregnant. So, again, I believe it’s my period. But then, blood, mucus, and blood clots just kept coming out. I yelled for Brent and look in his eyes as my eyes are tearing up and said “ I think I’m having a miscarriage “.  As he stared at me blankly, I think it really hit me, what was happening even though I was completely blacked out emotionally. I knew at that moment what was happening. The pain was so high as my legs were numb from sitting on the toilet for so long. Even though I can’t recall exactly everything that was happening or maybe I just don’t want to remember, there is one thing that we both will never forget. The moment I passed the baby....
Brent has told me the story and even though I don’t fully remember, I subconsciously do. When I passed the baby... I looked at him and said “ And there it is...” it’s heartbreaking, gut wrenching, emotionally draining and exhausting.  Especially since I didn’t know I was pregnant!
“I never got to meet you
Since I was saying goodbye as soon as we met....”
Over the time span of 2 hours I continued bleeding and still having pain. I finally made my way off the toilet and onto the couch to try and relax. I finally felt a little bit of emotions as I started to cry fully
knowing what just happened. Brent asked me if I wanted to sleep in bed or stay on the couch. I said on the couch at first but then said no in bed because I don’t want to be alone. We laid towels down on the bed, had a giant pad on because the bleeding wasn’t going away anytime soon and I tried to calm myself down to fall asleep. After awhile I finally did. Not long but did. I woke up early in the morning and ended up falling asleep on the couch shortly after. Brent called my doctor to make an appointment for me to be seen. I ended up going early afternoon but had to go alone... remember pandemic. Brent ended up going to work since he couldn’t be with me anyway.
As I drive there alone I have so many emotions going through my head. Guilt, anger, sadness, happiness ( yes happiness...I’ll explain later). As I enter the office everything Is just odd... my doctor wanted me to take a pregnancy test just to make sure I really was pregnant. Normally this is an exciting time, anxiously awaiting to see if it’s positive. For me, alone in the doctors office, knowing what had happened hours before, this was anything but excitement. She comes back in confirming I was pregnant and she knew that it is positive that I miscarried.
I was sent for bloodwork for the next two weeks to make sure that my levels were going down and that they would go back to normal. Thankfully they did and I didn’t need surgery. My body did what it had to do successfully.
I finally told my family after I got the first two rounds of bloodwork back confirming my miscarriage and that I was physically ok. That part just ******. It really ******. Everyone thinking I may have good news and I crashed the party with sad news. It was and still is an uphill battle. I felt and still feel like Elsa from frozen singing “ Into the Unknown.”  My emotions are running wild, the blame game was on point, and I didn’t know whether to cry or just smile through everything. My head was fogged. My eyes were silently crying. My heart was hurting. I threw myself back into work a day later. I buried my head in my poetry to escape and get my emotions out. Which has helped me tremendously.
Even though I don’t want to relive what happened, it’s a part of me, of us. I don’t even want to write this but I forced myself to do so because it’s a healing process for me.
Brent has been my backbone and I can’t thank him enough for being an amazing husband and best friend to me. I really don’t know where I’d be without him in my life honestly. It’s been something we’ve both wanted since we had been married and over the past 10 years the chance grew slimmer for us. We had closed the door and sewed up the wounds that it caused for me not being able to become pregnant and start a family together. We had  “accepted ” that it was just going to be us and that’s ok. I had found a poem I wrote back in 2018 and the one line broke me. That one line read...” what If I was pregnant and never knew it...” as if I was telling myself two years later what was going to happen. Freaky to say the least.
It’s now been almost three months and it’s still affecting me everyday. Television, friends, family all announcing their pregnancy, or miscarriage... it’s like a bad dream on repeat. Smiling and saying congratulations but yet deep down inside my anger is unbearable. Is that wrong? Am I selfish? Am I a bad person for having these feelings? What did I do wrong? Why can’t we be happy? It’s ok. It’ll be ok. We’ll be ok. I’ll be ok. The physical pain that I endured is nothing compared to the pain left in my heart. The emptiness. The hole. Our missing piece. It just wasn’t meant to be. That doesn’t mean we will never forget    It just means that it’ll all be ok. If we are blessed to have a baby, it’ll be amazing but if we aren’t... we have one waiting for us up in Heaven with both of our dads taking amazing care of him or her.
Through all this rambling, this has helped me in my hearing process. Reliving my nightmare, yet seeing the positive through the horror.  For one : I am able to get pregnant. It may have not been the right time but it is possible. Two: this has opened my eyes to write poetry more then I was before. Through all my raw emotions that I have come to find out, many others have been through as well.
In conclusion... although this has been a rough point in our lives, we have become so much stronger as a couple ( if that’s even possible). There is hope for us to have a family together and if we are blessed to have one, I will be grateful. Everything happens for a reason and you just have to have faith and strength. To our baby in Heaven.... we will meet you one day and our fathers will hand you over to us when we will finally become a family....
Oct 2020 · 56
Growing Wings
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
You continue to grow into your wings
Understanding and accepting
The mental mind games
It’ll hit you at unexpected times
Processing it at face value
Yet knowing your never alone
Feeling it
Dealing with it
Growing with it
As you continue to soar
Allowing your wings to help your grow
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
To have the Strength from within
To keep the Faith when in doubt
To hold onto Hope in desperate times
To be Loved when needed the most....
Oct 2020 · 28
Friend
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Seeing a friend is all I needed
A simply hug
A smile ( behind the mask)
A little pep talk
And love
From a friend
Is just what I needed...
Oct 2020 · 62
Care
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I
D
O
N
T
T
H
I
N
K
A
N
Y
O
N
E
C
A
R
E
S
H
O
W
I
F
E
E
L
Oct 2020 · 31
Open Up
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
How do you open up
Talk about  something
That causes you so much pain
Yet also helps you heal?
Oct 2020 · 32
Rocking the Boat
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Be gentle with me as I feel like I’m on a rocking boat on an angered sea stirring up an emotional potion inside of me
One thing will tip me over
Flooding my heart
Drowning my tears
Floating under water
Where no one can see how
Strong  
I
AM
   NOT
Oct 2020 · 125
Quietly Silent
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
The most interesting people to watch are the quite ones who are silent yet can be heard for miles...
Oct 2020 · 56
Rewind Back
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I wonder what it would be like to rewind back to a specific day
Before the pain and loss took place
Could it all just be erased
Allowing yourself to fall back into a better place
Before the pain could start and loss could ever be taken away....
Oct 2020 · 29
Deep Eyes
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I may not be the one to pour my heart out to just anyone
But if you look deep into my eyes, they tell the whole story
My eyes can not lie
Oct 2020 · 48
Strong
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I try to be strong
But my emotions
Sometimes gets the best of me
I am only human
Trying to be strong with everything I’ve been dealing with lately. It’s not easy but positivity and love goes a long way.
Oct 2020 · 31
One Step
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
One step at a time
Keeping your eyes on the prize
Slow and steady
You’ll get there one day
One step at a time
On the right track
Following your dreams
Making them into a reality
Oct 2020 · 49
Lost
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
I feel
Lost
Drowning
In my own
Tears
That I’ve yet
To cry
As they fill
Up inside
Of me
Getting ready to
Burst like a
Teapot steaming
On the stovetop
Oct 2020 · 32
Loss is a Loss (repost)
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Darkness grows each day
Knowing that you’ve gone away
A loss is a loss no matter what people say
Whether in the early stages, close to giving birth or only here for a couple days
No matter how it happened
No matter how long it was
It’s that haunting feeling that will never disappear
(Your heart is crushed)
It may not be something you personally want to share
But for me writing is helping me heal
So many out there have suffered from this tremendous pain
One thing we all can agree on together
Our losses, are now our angels that we have gained....
For all those who have had miscarriages, still births or have lost their babies. I am here for you. I know the struggle. It’s hard. It *****. It’s haunting.
Oct 2020 · 68
Loss is a Loss
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Darkness grows each day
Knowing that you’ve gone away
A loss is a loss no matter what people say
Whether in the early stages, close to giving birth or only here for a couple days
No matter how it happened
No matter how long it was
It’s that haunting feeling that will never disappear
(Your heart is crushed)
It may not be something you personally want to share
But for me writing is helping me heal
So many out there have suffered from this tremendous pain
One thing we all can agree on together
Our losses, are now our angels that we have gained....
For all those who have had miscarriages, still births or have lost their babies. I am here for you. I know the struggle. It’s hard. It *****. It’s haunting.
Oct 2020 · 119
New Story
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
There’s a time to turn the page and start a new chapter and there’s a time to close the book and start a new story..
Oct 2020 · 60
Ink Blot Angel
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
A ink blot test I wasn’t expecting  to see
But to my surprise, what I saw was a little angel staring back at me...
Oct 2020 · 33
Unlocked Heart
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
You unlocked your heart
For it to feel love
Yet all you got was
Shunned
Don’t close off your heart
Open your mind
Let your soul
Rise high
There will be the “one”
Who’s key will fit your heart
Never forget those in the past
Just move forward
Making every moment last...
Oct 2020 · 66
Once a Month
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Once a month
I battle with these emotions
That I thought I closed off for good
Until I had encountered the unexpected
My heart hurts once a month, once again
Trying to contain these emotions
Just like a boiling *** of water
Ready to spill over the edge
Give me a moment
To take it all in
I’ll be alright
In the end
Oct 2020 · 76
Balloon of Negativity
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Have you ever tried holding onto a balloon while the wind was whipping constantly past?

Let go of the negativity like that balloon swaying in the wind.... it will eventually pop when you release it and your no longer within ( reach)...
Oct 2020 · 35
Greatest Loss
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
My greatest loss
Is my biggest achievement
How ironic?
Losing my baby but finding out I am able to get pregnant is the biggest achievement yet loss and oxymoron of them all.
Oct 2020 · 52
United
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
“ We stand united”

More like...

“We stand divided “

Parted like the Red Sea
There’s no in between...
Oct 2020 · 39
PTSD on Replay
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
You were growing inside of me
I didn’t even know
I had no symptoms, nothing to show
What did I do to cause this pain
The never ending cycle I’m in everyday
Not physically, but emotionally exhausting
These mental pictures are just daunting
It’s like having PTSD on constant replay
I’ll never forget that feeling when you slipped away
October is National Baby Awareness month for all those babies who have been lost. Miscarriage, stillbirth or lost too soon. The pain will never go away but having faith that our babies are all ok.
My heart aches for all those who have had to endure this pain, I am 1 in 4 that now has to heal from this loss everyday.
Oct 2020 · 33
Let Me Sing
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Let me sing
Let my voice be heard
Listening to the words
Within this next verse

I am powerful
I am blessed
I am everything
Even when I think it’s a mess
I am me
I am where I’m meant to be
It’s never to late to raise the stakes

Let me sing
Let my voice be heard
Listening to the words
Within this next verse

Close your eyes
Go back in time
To a memory when you felt safe
To someone you lost along the way
Hold them in your warm embrace
As the whisper to you “ Your path will lead the way”


Let me sing
Let my voice be heard
Listening to the words
Within this next verse

Close the door of negativity
Open another for a bigger opportunity
Don’t let life pull you down
Stay Humble, Stay Strong, and always Stay You
Remembering your the rose intertwined between the thorns on your own crown...

Let me sing
Let my voice be heard
Listening to these words....
Oct 2020 · 46
Dreaming in Reality
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
Suddenly I’m transported into a garden full of beautiful, vibrant colors surrounding me. The aromas of the flowers, plants and wildlife encase my nose, tickling my senses. I’m walking, which feels like slow motion, scanning the garden and taking in the beauty of nature. I stumble upon a water fountain off the beaten path, there’s a bench, so of course I take a minute to sit and relax. Trying to figure out where I am and why I’m here, with no one around but I’m calm not scared. I feel the energy of someone appear like it’s rising from the fountain waters causing me to break out in tears.
I suddenly realize why I’m here, and who is with me.... They wrap their little arms around me, comforting me ( when it should be the other way around) they whisper in my ear “ Don’t fear, I’m ok, I’m always with you everyday. I’m sorry I had to leave you, something wasn’t right, but I am always by your side. I love you always and always will, I am your child and my mom you’ll always be. “
In that moment, I felt a sense of relief knowing my baby led me to this garden, to talk to me. As real as it felt, I know it’s just a dream but dreams come true even if not in reality.
Oct 2020 · 34
Dream and Pray
Ashly Kocher Oct 2020
To dream and pray are one in the same
Follow your path that will guide the way...
Sep 2020 · 69
Voting
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
I vote for one
You vote for the other
Can we still be friends
With one another?

Difference of opinions
A constant tug of war
Respectfully disagree
Discussing our views

Friendships ending
Unfollowing or blocking
Why can’t we all just
LOVE ONE ANOTHER
The election is coming up, and we all have our own views and opinions yet it’s tearing friendships apart. What happened to respecting one another and understanding the views we both have together. The world is already in shambles why make it worse?
Sep 2020 · 65
Heartbeat Song
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
The beating of your heart is music to my ears
Playing a melody, a song, beautifully created, solely by your heartbeat, just for me to hear...
Sep 2020 · 62
Soaking my Feet
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
Getting a pedicure
Soaking my feet
Getting rid of the toxic energy
It may sound dumb
But it’s relaxing to me
Shedding the dead weight
It’s a disgusting( and ticklish)  yet a beautiful thing....
Sep 2020 · 24
I Love You Always
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
A Ferris Wheel
Is all it took
For you to take
A leap of faith

You saw the sadness
In my eyes
You leaned in for it
I was surprised

In that moment
Time stood still
Like we were on a
Fairytale

A Ferris Wheel
Is all it took
For you to take
A leap of faith

The love we have
Grows stronger everyday
I’m one lucky lady
To call you my husband
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
I was living my life as normal as possible, during a pandemic, as I could be. Still working everyday and others stayed away. As for me and my husband nothing really has changed as we continued to live day to day.
On Sunday May 10,2020 is Mother’s Day. We sent flowers to Brents Mom in Florida and we delivered flowers to my mom. I messaged all my sisters, sister-in-law’s, and friends. I had some even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day which I always think is odd because I am not a Mom. ( little did I know).
The morning of May 11, 2020 I felt fine but started spotting at which I thought I was just getting my period. We went into work so he could do inventory for the restaurant and I cleaned the pizza oven during that time. We left and had to do some running around and pick up some groceries for dinner that night. We stopped at home for a bit to take a break and I started to have some cramps. Again, thinking it was just my period starting.  
Along we went to the store and it was packed, of course, remember pandemic. Brent made a joke as we drove past one of the spots that had a sign and he said
“ Are you expecting?” Since the sign said for expecting mother’s only. I just laughed and said “yeah don’t think so.” We get home and Brent started to make dinner and I took a shower. As I waited for dinner to get finished I started really have pain and now I am bleeding a little heavier than before. We ate dinner, which was absolutely delicious, I then cleaned up and did the dishes. We sat down to watch Wheel of Fortune and I knew something wasn’t right because now the pain was getting severe. I went to the bathroom to remove my ****** thinking that’s why I was in pain. I was bleeding but nothing terrible. I laid on the couch in hopes that the pain would subside.... boy I was wrong. About a minute later I feel a gush......I immediately sprung off the couch and ran to the bathroom......and here’s where the story gets raw, real and graphic....
As I sat on the toilet and blood is coming out of me.... I still just thought it was my period ( not unusual for me). The pain was increasing immensely from my front all the around to my back. After about 10 minutes of trying to clean myself up I had the thought cross my mind that maybe I was having a miscarriage. I still was in disbelief because it’s been over 10 years we had been trying and being told I most likely can’t get pregnant. So, again, I believe it’s my period. But then, blood, mucus, and blood clots just kept coming out. I yelled for Brent and look in his eyes as my eyes are tearing up and said “ I think I’m having a miscarriage “.  As he stared at me blankly, I think it really hit me, what was happening even though I was completely blacked out emotionally. I knew at that moment what was happening. The pain was so high as my legs were numb from sitting on the toilet for so long. Even though I can’t recall exactly everything that was happening or maybe I just don’t want to remember, there is one thing that we both will never forget. The moment I passed the baby....
Brent has told me the story and even though I don’t fully remember, I subconsciously do. When I passed the baby... I looked at him and said “ And there it is...” it’s heartbreaking, gut wrenching, emotionally draining and exhausting.  Especially since I didn’t know I was pregnant!
“I never got to meet you
Since I was saying goodbye as soon as we met....”
Over the time span of 2 hours I continued bleeding and still having pain. I finally made my way off the toilet and onto the couch to try and relax. I finally felt a little bit of emotions as I started to cry fully
knowing what just happened. Brent asked me if I wanted to sleep in bed or stay on the couch. I said on the couch at first but then said no in bed because I don’t want to be alone. We laid towels down on the bed, had a giant pad on because the bleeding wasn’t going away anytime soon and I tried to calm myself down to fall asleep. After awhile I finally did. Not long but did. I woke up early in the morning and ended up falling asleep on the couch shortly after. Brent called my doctor to make an appointment for me to be seen. I ended up going early afternoon but had to go alone... remember pandemic. Brent ended up going to work since he couldn’t be with me anyway.
As I drive there alone I have so many emotions going through my head. Guilt, anger, sadness, happiness ( yes happiness...I’ll explain later). As I enter the office everything Is just odd... my doctor wanted me to take a pregnancy test just to make sure I really was pregnant. Normally this is an exciting time, anxiously awaiting to see if it’s positive. For me, alone in the doctors office, knowing what had happened hours before, this was anything but excitement. She comes back in confirming I was pregnant and she knew that it is positive that I miscarried.
I was sent for bloodwork for the next two weeks to make sure that my levels were going down and that they would go back to normal. Thankfully they did and I didn’t need surgery. My body did what it had to do successfully.
I finally told my family after I got the first two rounds of bloodwork back confirming my miscarriage and that I was physically ok. That part just ******. It really ******. Everyone thinking I may have good news and I crashed the party with sad news. It was and still is an uphill battle. I felt and still feel like Elsa from frozen singing “ Into the Unknown.”  My emotions are running wild, the blame game was on point, and I didn’t know whether to cry or just smile through everything. My head was fogged. My eyes were silently crying. My heart was hurting. I threw myself back into work a day later. I buried my head in my poetry to escape and get my emotions out. Which has helped me tremendously.
Even though I don’t want to relive what happened, it’s a part of me, of us. I don’t even want to write this but I forced myself to do so because it’s a healing process for me.
Brent has been my backbone and I can’t thank him enough for being an amazing husband and best friend to me. I really don’t know where I’d be without him in my life honestly. It’s been something we’ve both wanted since we had been married and over the past 10 years the chance grew slimmer for us. We had closed the door and sewed up the wounds that it caused for me not being able to become pregnant and start a family together. We had  “accepted ” that it was just going to be us and that’s ok. I had found a poem I wrote back in 2018 and the one line broke me. That one line read...” what If I was pregnant and never knew it...” as if I was telling myself two years later what was going to happen. Freaky to say the least.
It’s now been almost three months and it’s still affecting me everyday. Television, friends, family all announcing their pregnancy, or miscarriage... it’s like a bad dream on repeat. Smiling and saying congratulations but yet deep down inside my anger is unbearable. Is that wrong? Am I selfish? Am I a bad person for having these feelings? What did I do wrong? Why can’t we be happy? It’s ok. It’ll be ok. We’ll be ok. I’ll be ok. The physical pain that I endured is nothing compared to the pain left in my heart. The emptiness. The hole. Our missing piece. It just wasn’t meant to be. That doesn’t mean we will never forget    It just means that it’ll all be ok. If we are blessed to have a baby, it’ll be amazing but if we aren’t... we have one waiting for us up in Heaven with both of our dads taking amazing care of him or her.
Through all this rambling, this has helped me in my hearing process. Reliving my nightmare, yet seeing the positive through the horror.  For one : I am able to get pregnant. It may have not been the right time but it is possible. Two: this has opened my eyes to write poetry more then I was before. Through all my raw emotions that I have come to find out, many others have been through as well.
In conclusion... although this has been a rough point in our lives, we have become so much stronger as a couple ( if that’s even possible). There is hope for us to have a family together and if we are blessed to have one, I will be grateful. Everything happens for a reason and you just have to have faith and strength. To our baby in Heaven.... we will meet you one day and our fathers will hand you over to us when we will finally become a family....
I’m
Sharing my story again because it helps me heal and I hope with my story it can also help
Someone else heal and maybe speak about their journey. It’s not an easy task to talk about nor understand fully but the support from others helps.
Much love always
Sep 2020 · 97
2020
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
20/20 vision is perfect
Yet 2020 is far from
Perfection
Sep 2020 · 56
Drinking away my Days
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
One sip turns into multiple drinks
Time has past, I don’t know when this happened last
Drowning in the bottle
Down to the last drop
I don’t even know if I can stop
It takes away the stress but yet causes a mess
One bottle
Two bottles
T H R E E   BO    TT    LE S
ITS A  B  L  U  R
I can’t even talk
All I do is slur
Is this me or a monster inside
Like the worm in the tequila bottle
Dying inside
Drowning inside
This bottle(s) of my tears
Numbing the pain of my fears
I can’t control or so I say
Drinking
A
W
A
Y
My days...
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
Sometimes I get in my own head
He said
She said
They said
I wanna crawl back into bed
Get this nightmare off replay
Erase the tragedies from my brain
Waking up to a brand new day
Delete the past of my mistakes
How long will this take to stop...........

You need to be comfortable in your own skin
Love yourself from within
You can’t just erase what has happened in the past
But YOU can make each moment and day last
People talk
Opinions speak volumes
BUT
If you be true to yourself
Live for YOU
Be happy with YOUR life and choices
The nightmare will end and your love will shine through
Over shadowing the
He said
She said
They said
That’s when you can rest your head
Knowing your staying true to
YOU!
Sep 2020 · 49
Crying in Reverse
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
Crying tears in reverse
So no one knows how sad I really am
Holding them in like a shaken up soda bottle
Ready to explode...
Sep 2020 · 41
Undying Love
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
As you penetrate your closed fight through the flesh of my chest, you clench my beating heart, dripping blood, like a puddle of my undying love...
Sep 2020 · 28
Past, Present, Future
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
Is the past tied to my future or should I focus on the present, in hopes of learning from the past to become a better person for the future at last...
Sep 2020 · 54
Dreams take Flight
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
It’s not about where you are in life at the present time
It’s about where you’ll be when your dreams take flight...
Sep 2020 · 34
Lost and Love
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
Why do I worry so much?

Because I worry about the things I lost or love...
Sep 2020 · 30
Never be Easy
Ashly Kocher Sep 2020
It won’t be easy
It’ll never get easier
You’ll cry a little less...
Catch your tears
Bottle them up
Use those tears
When you need
Strength To
Heal
For all those who suffering with loss of any kind.
Yesterday was hard for me. I met my great niece who is a newborn. After having my miscarriage a couple months ago, it was very hard to see and hold her for the first time.
Sending strength to all those who have dealt with loss....
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